I think I am probably the only one that would write a post like this.

[mcconaughey]

"Matt," she begins. I hate it when people call me Matt. My name is Matthew. I hate her. Her fingernails are talons, long and pink and I think I see the glint of rhinestones. Her eyebrows are crayoned on too dark to be natural, fat and crooked like caterpillars. I think her hair is fake-- at least part of it. It looks too full in the back, and the

Comments

[zachary_hanson]

A hairdresser who paints her eyebrows on and looks like her bangs are crunchy. Hmm, that sounds like someone I would sit down in a chair for. Uh, not at all. Nor would I pay attention to a word anyone who names their child Miller Lyte says. Rooster is better than that, damn.

If you were sexualized too early there is no hope for me after you taught me the ways of things when I was still a small boy. Ahah, okay nevermind, I won't get into that again.

Happy Masturbation Month to you too, I'll rub one out in your honor.

[mcconaughey]

Well, as a resident of Texas, she probably holds mass appeal for the ladies in the area. It's the style, you know. We're all stuck in the eighties. And it's really not her fault her hands shake. I was thinking about getting her some permanent cosmetics for Mother's Day. Hahaha, Rooster's got a real name, though-- Patrick. He just got the nickname Rooster. Unfortunately, Miller Lyte is that child's real name. I feel bad for him already.

HAHA, poor you. I bet you are going to suffer long term effects of anything you read in this post today. I apologize. At least I didn't turn out all that bad.

That is the most wonderful honor anyone has ever bestowed on me. I'll make sure to return the favor as soon as possible.

how do you not have a Jake Ryan icon?

[zachary_hanson]

I forgot that I live in a country all my own and so I avoid all of the crazy southerners. I'm on the north end of Oklahoma though so I'm not sure what that says about us. I'm very glad to hear that Rooster has a real name. Though I think I would go for Rooster over Patrick too. Every time I hear that name it's like pat rick. Like pat Rick on the head. God, my brain alksjfd.

I've been suffering long term effects off of you for months. I'm starting to like the way it tingles.

Tell me all about it when you're done.

I HATE THAT MOVIE.

[mcconaughey]

I think that the Oklahoma natives are still pretty bad; it seems like anything in the middle of the country is awful because it's the boonies of America and we're all about two decades behind the rest of the world. That's not to say that they're anywhere near as bad as Texas, though. Texas actually prides itself on perpetuating stereotypes whereas some of you Oklahomans might be marginally embarrassing on behalf of your crazies. Every time I hear Patrick, I think about Fall Out Boy and get a little grossed out, which is why I am happy to call him poultry.

Hahahaha, you are so full of it, I love it. I will absolutely take credit for your deviation. I'm very proud of this accomplishment.

Who knows, maybe I will write another entry about masturbation and your wish will be fullfilled.

[sabullock]

Hahaha I'm sort of speechless. The things you thought you knew about a person. You are the only one who could write about this, and the only one to properly get away with it. Here's your theme song you sex addict you.

[mcconaughey]

I really cannot believe that you are shocked by any of this. And about ninety percent of this is completely fabricated anyway, I just needed something to go alone with Masturbation Month. One of these days, I am going to write nothing but porn and everyone will be like, hahaha, only you, Matthew. I like this song! I think I have heard it once before, but for some reason, I never saved it. Thank you.

[sabullock]

You've always managed to shock me, even when I shouldn't be anymore. The fabrication part might be why it's so shocking though. Here's hoping for a massive porn entry from Matthew. I came across it by chance and thought it was the greatest thing I'd ever heard, and of course fits this entry perfectly. You're welcome!

[mcconaughey]

I really don't understand why, though. I thought you expected all this sort of thing. I only say things for shock value anyway-- not a lot of what I says actually holds merit. I like to lie for fun. It's enjoyable when you scare people. You should try it sometime. One of these days, I am going to write that porn entry and then I will be cloned for being awful.

[joss_s]

you better be coming to the housewarming, i miss you >:O

[mcconaughey]

I miss you, too, cupcake. When is the housewarming! I have been busy and not around a lot but I am currently on a month-long vacation.

[joss_s]

when i first read the post i thought of this song for you :')

it is this weekend, the thirteenth/fourteenth in new york if i didn't mention that already.

[mcconaughey]

Is this Pink, the one that just got married Pink? I have only ever heard one of her songs way back in the day and I can't remember if I liked it. Listens.

Okay, well. I am somewhere. But I will LJ plane it to you. I have really got to talk to you soon, I actually have some interesting news.

[amelia__warner]

I really wanted to have an insightful, intelligent response to this but I think I am absolutely hard up for one, no pun intended. Still no sign?

[mcconaughey]

Hahaha, you totally did that on purpose, I don't care what you say. Anyway, my posts are not insightful or intelligent enough to warrant that sort of response, I am not offended! Anyway, I got a text from him this morning and I feel much better knowing that he is alive.

[amelia__warner]

I would send you a song, but I'm not at my computer. I'd tell you who I want to shag, but that should be obvious; ask Eva about my love for Denzel Washington and also my boyfriend. And! Er, I cannot discuss self-loving as everything English in me would be horribly embarrassed, much as Cleese in a Fish Called Wanda. See! Why does no one listen to me when I say the world isn't ending?

[mcconaughey]

You can send me one later, please. Denzel Washington? Really? I haven't really thought he was that attractive save for Much Ado About Nothing. And that's probably because he was sort of flirting with Emma Thompson and it seemed like one of those couples that's just too attractive. Self-loving is natural and everyone should talk about it. I have been caught too many times in the midst of it to be shy about that sort of thing. Hahaha, shh, if Jonathan disappeared on you without a word for four days, you'd be upset, too!

[k_moennig]

i'd take a sex addiction over miller lyte, myself.

[mcconaughey]

Personally, I'd take a sex addiction over almost anything, even the things that I enjoy. I really don't understand why some people regard it as such a terrible affliction. I mean, it can be if it harms others, but other than that, you'd think people would be pleased that they are healthy human beings with healthy human desires.