I think I am probably the only one that would write a post like this.

[mcconaughey]

"Matt," she begins. I hate it when people call me Matt. My name is Matthew. I hate her. Her fingernails are talons, long and pink and I think I see the glint of rhinestones. Her eyebrows are crayoned on too dark to be natural, fat and crooked like caterpillars. I think her hair is fake-- at least part of it. It looks too full in the back, and the

Comments

[gwynethpaltrow]

God, I never want to have sex ever again, I'm too scared of getting knocked up. Hahaha your mood. And Coldplay does not make me want to have sex.

[mcconaughey]

If you do happen to get knocked up again, whether by a broken no sex vow or immaculate conception, I would like to claim paternity. If I want to have thirteen kids, I need to go on and start collecting immediately. That should probably be my mood all the time. I'm far too fixated in the phallic psychosexual stage. I don't think Coldplay makes anybody want to have sex, no offense.

[gwynethpaltrow]

Well you've already got one down, don't you, Ryder, right? You're more than welcome to claim paternity of all my children, I don't care much, as long as they are not Chris Martin's babies. I went through my playlist by the way, and Three Dog Night really does it for me. Especially, "Never been to Spain", but I'm sure you have that one already so I won't even bother uploading it for you.

[mcconaughey]

Hey, that is true. I forget about him sometimes because his mother never really shows her face and that's a shame. I know Luke's got Apple, doesn't he. I want to be Moses' daddy if I can. First of all, because it's biblical and therefore viable because me and my brothers are all biblicals, too, and second because he probably has my jaw. You know, I can't remember if I have or haven't heard that song.

[wilsonluke]

So I will probably come back to this later and leave a better comment, but I had to pop in and say that Vanna White sort of always got me going. From the Wheel of Fortune. Mom would watch that whenever it was on, and, well, it was sort of hard not to think about her when I was a kid you know? Anyways. This song makes me think of sex, even though it doesn't sound exactly like a normal sex type song. But it's from a movie which is basically just soft core porn, and I think that if you look past the lyrics and just listen to the music, it's really... I dunno. It works. PS, you really are insane, this shouldn't be news.

[mcconaughey]

You are always my best comment after Zach anyway, no matter what you do or don't say. I figured this would be your favorite post out of any that I've ever written because it pertains information about my netherparts. Vanna White, though? Really? I just remember she wore really ugly dresses and stuck around even after the board became tv screens and there wasn't any use for her anymore. What movie? You should watch Lie With Me with Eric Balfour and Lauren Lee Smith, that's the most amazing soft core I have ever seen. I really like this song, though. Hahaha, it's just funny because Tom said it and consider the source! I hope he doesn't read that and get mad, I love Tom Welling.

[wilsonluke]

Hahaha what, my comments are always awful. This one is my second favorite, only after the gay cowboys one, but that's because that one was dedicated to me. Yes, really. Sometimes she wore those awful dresses, yeah, but sometimes she had these sparkly gowns on which showed her cleavage, and my mom never approved, but sometimes she would turn just a certain way to reveal a letter and I sort of just thought she was perfect, you know? This was of course when big hair was cool and stuff, but whatever. The movie that song is from is 9 Songs, and it's basically just lots of sex scenes broken up by live music. Someone told me about Lie With Me before, I'll have to look into it. I am going to send you another here in a second, but I keep listening to what I have and I keep thinking, what the hell, Luke, normal people would not think of sex because of this. So. Haha this has nothing to do with this comment, but I just like almost fainted in the middle of this comment, I think I need to lay down.

[mcconaughey]

No, they are gorgeous and the best ones that I ever get. Haha, I barely remembered that post until you mentioned it. I don't think I've done a real post in, oh, ages, but when you come back, I am going to write something glorious in your honor. PS, it's tomorrow, isn't it? :/ I've never heard of that movie, but after I comment you I am going to see if I can netflix it. I am all about sex in films. I want to do a movie where I do nothing but stand around naked and stick my dick in things. Lara from the L Word is in it, which was why I got it. It's NR and it's a good thing because it probably would have been banned in this country. What other song! You realize we are now practically related considering we have children with the same woman, I am thrilled beyond belief.

[anniehath]

I need a cigarette.

[mcconaughey]

Was it really all that satisfying?

[anniehath]

Like you wouldn't believe! Haha

Tammy, Miller Lyte, and your appendage are all very fascinating, but masturbation month really piques my interest. I'll have to celebrate. It would be wrong if I didn't. Unpatriotic!

[mcconaughey]

You are too sweet to me.

It's funny, sometimes I feel like I'm a combination of about ten comic heroes because most of the details about me are surreal. I made a personal vow to celebrate once a day for the entirety of the month. I don't know if you did for the first week, but there's still time to finish it out properly.

[juliegonzalo]

screech powers.

i'd send you a song but ysi hates me right now. but if i were to send you one, it'd be last night by az yet.

[mcconaughey]

I would like to ditto that. I always sort of loved him. He was a dork, yeah, but he was a seriously nice one. Lisa Turtle had no idea what she had. Anyway, it is funny you mention that, I bought the whole season one off iTunes and I've been rewatching for days.

You can send me one later if you want and I LOVE THAT SONG. You are amazing. You have good taste in men and music, please stick around forever.

[juliegonzalo]

Lisa Turtle never truly appreciated him, and then she went ahead and broke his heart by hooking up with his best pal Zack in the fifth season. I love Saved by the Bell and poor Screech never got the loving he deserved. Yes there was Violet but she was entirely too short lived. I have all the seasons on DVD. My love surpasses classification as obsession.

I'll see if YSI decides to stop being a bitch, and if it doesn't I'll give a shot at showing it who's boss. I plan on it!

PS, Can I just say that A Time To Kill is one of my favorite movies ever?

[mcconaughey]

She was sort of awful. I remember when she was all allergic to him and I couldn't figure out why. In the end, I thought she was suffering from anhedonia, which is this psychological disorder in which you hate the things that could possibly make you happy. I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT EPISODE. And Violet was also Tori Spelling, she hardly counts. Did you ever watch California Dreams?

Is it really? I like that you said that, most people say it's Dazed and Confused. Personally, I think A Time To Kill was the only good thing that I've ever done.

[sienna_g]

I would have commented sooner but my fingers went a walkin'.

[mcconaughey]

HAHA, are you serious! This was not even all that good, I was just prattling on about things I should not have. Or, wait, maybe it wasn't this at all, maybe you are just celebrating the month.

;-*

[sienna_g]

I'll never tell, but I will promise you that I didn't moan out "Matt" because...no.

[mcconaughey]

Hahaha, it's disgusting, isn't it? I get really offended when people call me that and they don't get why. I just remember being yelled at so many times when I was a kid because someone would go, "Hey, Matt," and I would respond and promptly get popped on the hand. My mom goes, "I named you Matthew and you answer to nothing else."