I NEVER FEEL WORTHY OF LIFE

I JUST NEED THAT SOMEHTING THAT MAKES ME WANT TO GET UP

I WANT THERE TO BE SWINGS AT SAINT JOHNS CHURCH

I WANT MY DAD BACK

I WANT A LIFE THAT I LEFT BEHIND

I WANT TO MANY THINGS

I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL

I WANT  DRUGS

I WANT TO GET OFF DRUGS

I WANT WHAT I DON’T NEED

I WANT A PSYCIATRIST

I WANT A PLACE TO FIT IN

( Read more... )

 so my life has pretty much been hell the last few weeks ( Read more... )

never can i find a moment to stop
i always need that somthing that gets me fucked
i have to nourish myself with negative things people say and do
i need to be myself always
which is shitty

well pine and laura decided thats it just not there and i havent really talked to pine in like 3 days :(
me and laura are cool though and that makes me happy.
last night we went to Kevins and saw Landon and Alex and i then realize that i FUCKING HATE LANDON so much
i remeber back at western and how rude he really was... oh well
also we went to matts ( Read more... )

in a sum of three or four days things have changed.

i dont exactly know where to start. so i just will and see where this leads.
many times pretty much all of the time i state the fact the no one care and that i feel all alone to only realize that its the opposite with my close friends laura and i had a GREAT convo about life and our friendship ( Read more... )

so no that much has been going on
i have been sick
i realized that its almost my birthday
i realiezed the day after is 2 years with out my dad
i broke down and cryied
i read Laura and PIne my explination for my picture then regreted it

pretty much a shitty week

but i think i have a crush on someone ;)

so its been a couple days and things have been shitty.

i just wish that things could calm down and clear out

last night i took some oxy and then drank i guess alot but it didnt even seem like alot but it was nice to forget life.
i think that things were heading up but today fell back down.

i just want to think more about getting help.

i really cant believe that all of this this is starting to happen again. i dont want to live like this anymore.
i just want people to understand and if they cant i wish they could just leave it alone.
i wish that i could just fly to Florida and be there for my friends
i cant believe that someone did this suicidal act again when i am not there
i want ( Read more... )

shit fucking blows.
when will it get better?

so how is it that things become so stupid that you fail to fit into the typical mode of  conduct?
how so you escape the one thing that you so desperatly want?
why the fuck cant i be happy for one god damn second.

i want to become content and happy and not think the things i think

also i need to learn how to keep my mother fucking mouth shut