I had a chance to read through Corey's dogma of shit tonight. He said things I never said on his lj. Especially about Jeremy. Some very low superficial things. But fuck that it's not why I am making this entry. After a good many hours of sleep I realised alot about the past few days. I am the product of an environment that I let control and corrode ( Read more... )

Sadness Part 1 ( Read more... )

Watching Jeremy nerd out and work on Kathy's comp isturning me on.

I feel stressed with all the crap online today. And to top it off work wanted me in tonight I refused but it sucks to know ppl are sick at work. I don't want to get sick again I can't handle it. Grrrr

Alot is on my mind and I feel the words slowly ebb to the surface. I never felt so happy like I do now. I rehashed my feelings on my other journal. I'm tired of being bossed around online fuck that. On the upswing of things. I can't help but to smile. Jeremy makes me feel great. Even when I do go to meery mode. I can't really say I ever had a guy ( Read more... )

Sometimes there are not words to express what I feel or how I feel but it's like someone put a heatlamp under my cold heart and melted away alot of jagged ice. Valentine's day had to be the best day ever in my life. And even now as I sit here I still am smiling days later thinking about it. I never had someone care about me like that before. I feel ( Read more... )

He escalated to self mutilation and I feel like screaming. My aunt is dead. I'm seriously having a wtf moment right now. Rage mixed with anger mixed with hurt mixed with sadness ( Read more... )

Went shopping today got the Valentine's gifts I wanted to get and a mini bonus for myself while I was at it. I missed my workout for today so I'll do it at work tonight and add some extra reps. I feel blissfully happy right now. I can't explain it. My dad told my mom it's the happiest he's seen me in years. Go figure. I like those moments that we ( Read more... )

Saturday was good a whirlwind storm and two ppl locked together. It was one of many firsts one of which being having a guy lay on my bed another being just falling asleep in a guys arms. No we didn't have sex like the perverts of the world are quick to think but I needed that. The simple comforting. It was the safest comfortable deep sleep I think ( Read more... )

It's weird I'm awake I know I'll see him tomorrow but I miss him right now. Sitting at my desk listening to fiona and hugging the lil bear just letting out a content lil sigh. I finally got my dresser cleaned off and organized and some cleaning done downstairs.