I feel like cursing everyone. I am taunted by my own parents. I don't know how he is How the fuck am I to know how my boyfriend is when I myself haven't heard from him in 4 fucking days. Nagging me is not helping. Worrying about my dad's propensity to light himself on fire like a roman candle doesn't help. Part of me inside is screaming through my ( Read more... )

I kept waking up all night to check the computer for email or my phone for voicemail. Wondering if he was ok did he call off sick. I feel like a sap. I'm worried trying to knock out a resume in a day or twos time seeing as if I didn't call work today I'd never been aware of the posting like they are trying to hide it from me the deck is stacked ( Read more... )

I'm having an uncertain wtf kind of moment. In being over analytical I am wondering if a simple email means more. I am also warring with potentially good news/ bad news. And I hate that I missed my call tonight. In my guilt in missing the walk today I walked when I came home from work tonight. The rain makes for good company. I wonder sometimes if ( Read more... )

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||| 50% Stability |||||||||| 40% Orderliness |||||||||||| 50% Altruism |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||||||||||||||| 76% ( Read more... )

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Today has been a very bad day. I kept crying repeatedly throught walmart I saw a couple holding hands I started balling. No matter where I went I'd tear up. I feel worse than any depressesion I ever had. And just when I thought it couldn't be worse I saw Lee. I froze I felt ill while a thousand memories flooded back. I remembered the pain torture ( Read more... )

Argued all day with my parents. Took on more verbal abuse than I cared to. Russ called 7 times today checking on me. I think I scared him today with how I acted this morning. He offered if I have my own vehicle to let me live there temporarily till I move away from mom and dad. It's a nice offer but if I break away from this shithole I'm doing a ( Read more... )

I spent my night crying not a normal cry of the past but the wailing sobbing I can barely breathe cry. I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on a million times and knifed repeatedly. I feel worse than that time he started a convo in the car before work that was upsetting me and we ended up on the phone talking it out. At least ( Read more... )

Hours later the tears won't subside. I tried riding away on my bike but you can't ride away from fear or life or who I am.For the most part I'm a failure. I hate living here and I hate being at the mercy of other ppl's wrath. I so needed to run away today. It won't end. I can't stop spitting up blood and puss and I think the pills are hurting me my ( Read more... )

Ever have one of those days you feel like you did something wrong to everyone around you? So you curl up into a ball and start crying. I dunno I guess I'm being over emotional. Antibiotics precipitated much needed sleep but sleep precipitates thoughts I can't deal with. I wonder lately if its not the birthcontrol making me moody. I spent most of ( Read more... )