i got my octopus tattoo yesterday. it's really gorgeous, as in it is not campy but is instead amazingly detailed. i fucking love it.

am mostly posting because i want to thank em and ri for coming down and spending the day with me. it seriously made so many things better. love.

i started running yesterday, again. i failed the last time i tried. i managed a week of running in march, just once or twice around the block, but my ankles were so weak from wearing my boots nonstop that it hurt. i was also self-conscious and bored and angry. it was early spring. people stared. i wasn't prepared for it. i forget i live in the city ( Read more... )

i have no pants. i'm doomed to wear skirts forever. or at least, until i get my shit together. it's okay. i'm planning on losing ten pounds before i go shopping anyway. save money and time and face and all that ( Read more... )

so i had everything backwards. i simply had all my energy misplaced. i pushed at the wrong things and let what i should have pushed slide ( Read more... )

i called everyone i knew to bitch at them. i sent messages of peace and love to those i struggle with. i played the piano and blasted old distillers. i'm wearing striped tights and clothes with stars. i look flushed and pretty in the mirror, meaning that the beer is doing its work ( Read more... )

i used to be a good girl, as in i felt and i had a moral compass and i worked so hard to be a good person and i cared and i felt and i was great and then all that fell apart and i started using runon sentences and people i care about won't talk to me anymore because i'm too much and this breaks my heart and it can't be saved and it can't be ( Read more... )

i have been teaching myself piano. suddenly, all that theory seems to have an applicable goal. sometimes i find if i hum a melody, my hands just find accompanyment. of course, no rules are followed, but it still sounds new and beautiful to me. the notes i don't hit are always implied in my head. i have been playing scales and making etudes. i'm ( Read more... )

so. i did it. i sent my recording engineer cousin in LA an e-mail asking him if i can come to LA and hire him to record my demo that i should have had for the past six years. it's a good excuse to see my mom's family, and a sure thing when it comes to quality recording without being expected to put out. i'd rather call upon the family connections ( Read more... )

because i model for art school, i get art school spring break. thus, i am at my parents' house for a few days. i am probably going to get really irritated really fast, but so far i'm trying. it's my dad's birthday and he's just gone to bed. i'd like to write a book...several people have suggested it to me. so we'll see how that actually works out ( Read more... )

i love and fear change. i love the metal kind, and i fear the kind that turns me into a total brat in anticipation of it. the metal kind is useful for when my cat pees on everything i own and i have to go to the laundromat. the other kind makes me think i need some professional help. it's really irritating, because there are several yoga and ( Read more... )