Einstein said in a completely different context, I'm sure, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." I quit drinking. Its helping me solve this one. I'm getting to the root of how to make my life for the next 70 years, or less I hope, enjoyable. Today in the park, I came to the beginning of the ( Read more... )

a question and answer from my subconscious...

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I'm beginning to think that I never had a problem in school.  I never had a problem with drugs.  I never had a problem getting a job.  I never had a problem going to class.  I never had a problem with alcohol.  I never had a problem.  I never had a problem in my control.  I had a problem with people having expectations.  I had a problem with ( Read more... )

Regardless of my belief or lack of belief in God, the sun is setting and it is quickly becoming Yom Kippur.  And I feel like a piece of shit.  My parents have grounded me for sleeping too much, or reasons I don't really understand, and I don't care.  I appreciate the punishment right now.  I no longer hit myself for my sins and transgressions of ( Read more... )

I think I need to start writing again.  I have too much on my mind and nothing to say.  Maybe I just need to sort through some things because there's nothing small left to think about...  It's time I used some pen and paper to remember what thoughts ran through my head on the same topics the day before... to remember what topics were even running ( Read more... )

Tomorrow I go in for a clinical research trial prescreening to ride bicycles and drink chocolate milk.  Obviously not vegan, but it pays $300 for a 7 week study, gets me a discount at this one bike shop, it'll make me fit and give me a purpose each morning. At least its chocolate milk ( Read more... )

if I could get $600 to pay off the rest of my credit card debt...  and then a little bit for moving costs ( Read more... )

Homelessness, four days away, I stare at it in the void, zoning out with tears brimming on my eyelids, blinked out once, eyelids long held shut, colored lines that dance in confusion telling me not to cry yet. Mother and Father will take me in for two months. Brother warned me to not even try this. I’ve gone weak. That 17 year old fearless, ( Read more... )

Not writing has somehow proved good for me. It's shown me to not sweat the little things, because those things aren't disected or recorded ( Read more... )

I am so tired. I am going to sleep soon. I don't want to think about this bullshit while trying to fall asleep ( Read more... )