[Guriel squeezes his eyes shut. The doctor who would deign to talk to an angel directly instead of insisting on doing everything with Elle in the room warned him about this, that Ben's going to lose track of things even after being reminded of them, that he's going to be slow to recall old memories and may or may not have any real success at making new ones.
And Guriel? Just nodded and looked as patient and devoted as he could and did his best not to show the human just how very small and scared and abandoned that thought made him feel. He couldn't afford to let any sign of hesitation, any weakness or fear, show through. He was too afraid they'd see it as a sign he's not equipped to do this.]
You're home. This is our house. We live here, you and me and Zev.
Home. [Ben rolls the word around in his mouth like it's unfamiliar.] And. We're... safe. Here. Right? [Something is trying to percolate to the surface, if he can just catch hold of it.] We take care of each other. Pack?
Yeah. [Guriel swallows down the lump in his throat and wrestles with a brief, overwhelming surge of gratitude, because oh, God, at least that much made it through, at least at the moment Ben remembers that.] Yeah, that's right. We're Pack. We take care of each other here, and keep each other safe. Always and always and always.
[Guriel shudders and squeezes his eyes shut, because hello there, mental image that has the potential to bulldoze him right into a panic attack if he isn't careful.] There was a fight. You'n me. Guy from the auctions, he came after us. And he. He.
Shot you. Twice. Back of the head. Almost. He almost. [And he has to stop, because going any further with that is going to give him an Epic Meltdown, and that is the last thing his Packmate needs to deal with now or ever, ever again.]
[Ben's hand goes involuntarily to his head, and he frowns.] But I'll be okay. Eventually. They weren't silver. I'd be dead.
Right? Right, Gu-- [And he stops in dawning horror as he realizes that he can't remember the angel's name. He should be able to, he knows that, bone-deep, and it's right there at the tip of his brain...
[And oh, God, there is not enough oxygen in his lungs, in this room, on the planet, and he makes a strangled noise before he curses and catches himself. He can't let on how much this is hurting him. He can't.
His voice comes out as a thin, reedy near-whisper.] Guriel.
They think. Your brain's intact. Physically. But the memories. They're not sure yet.
[Ben's got his eyes squeezed shut, and he reaches out, flailing blindly for the angel's -- Guriel's hand.]
But I can build new ones. Right? Because it's physically intact. [But oh, God, he wants the old ones back. Bits, pieces, fragments. Blood and pain and love and Pack, but it's all jumbled and he can't make any sense of it. He does know--]
[Guriel catches Ben's hand in a death grip. God, this isn't getting any easier, is it ever going to get easier, what if he can't do this . . .
He has to do this. He promised.] I love you so much, Ben. I always will, always.
[He takes a shaky breath.] Doctor said he wasn't sure about new memories. They don't know much. Never had a patient's brain repair itself like yours. Everything's guesswork, he said.
Oh, God, I'm sorry. [He feels very fucking lost right now.]
...are you okay? Auctions... [He frowns.] I don't-- [He makes a noise in his throat and hunches inward. He doesn't remember why the auctions are bad. He just knows they are.]
[Guriel shivers, because it was very, very close, especially after the shots . . .
Can't think about that. Can't think about that moment ever again because neither one of them is equipped for Guriel to break down anymore. He has to keep it together from now on.]
Yeah. It's okay. [Can't say "I'm okay" because that is an outright lie and might be forever.] They didn't take me. Tried. But they didn't. You killed one, and I got the other one. Still have my ring. They can't sell me again as long as I've got it and the papers.
[Although there's been more than one human who's clearly been looking for ways to get around that, with his human guardian incapacitated. But that doesn't need to be Ben's problem.]
[Ben nods jerkily and reaches a hand toward Guriel's wing before pulling it back. All kinds of instincts are warring within him right now, but he doesn't know which ones to follow or remember where his boundaries are.
The stress of it makes him sprout claws, and he stares at his hand in horror.] What the fuck is that?
Shh, easyeasyeasy, it's okay, it's just your claws. Your claws. [Guriel tightens his fingers around Ben's hand, and he did not miss that almost-but-not-touch, no he didn't, and it hurts, even if it isn't Ben's fault it hurts.] You're a werewolf, Ben. That's why the bullets couldn't kill you, because they weren't silver. That's why we call ourselves Pack, you and me and Zev.
[And oh, God, please, if You're there if You're listening if You care at all any more for me please don't let him forget all about Zev, God, please . . .]
[Ben's brow creases as he delves inward, feeling a stirring that's other and hearing a whining moan that does and does not belong to him.] Zev. Wolf. [More stirrings, and he huffs out a sound that's almost a laugh.]
The smart one. He... brought us all together. Right?
[And Guriel can't even try and disguise the rush of relief he feels at that, that at least, at least Ben hasn't lost the memory of Zev.
Whether Guriel will see him ever again is a horribly nagging question for another day.] Yes. Zev. The wolf. The one I loved first. One who showed me it was safe to love you.
He stares around, frowning.] Where am I?
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And Guriel? Just nodded and looked as patient and devoted as he could and did his best not to show the human just how very small and scared and abandoned that thought made him feel. He couldn't afford to let any sign of hesitation, any weakness or fear, show through. He was too afraid they'd see it as a sign he's not equipped to do this.]
You're home. This is our house. We live here, you and me and Zev.
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Shot you. Twice. Back of the head. Almost. He almost. [And he has to stop, because going any further with that is going to give him an Epic Meltdown, and that is the last thing his Packmate needs to deal with now or ever, ever again.]
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Right? Right, Gu-- [And he stops in dawning horror as he realizes that he can't remember the angel's name. He should be able to, he knows that, bone-deep, and it's right there at the tip of his brain...
But he can't find it.] Oh, God. Oh, my God...
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His voice comes out as a thin, reedy near-whisper.] Guriel.
They think. Your brain's intact. Physically. But the memories. They're not sure yet.
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But I can build new ones. Right? Because it's physically intact. [But oh, God, he wants the old ones back. Bits, pieces, fragments. Blood and pain and love and Pack, but it's all jumbled and he can't make any sense of it. He does know--]
Love you, Guriel.
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He has to do this. He promised.] I love you so much, Ben. I always will, always.
[He takes a shaky breath.] Doctor said he wasn't sure about new memories. They don't know much. Never had a patient's brain repair itself like yours. Everything's guesswork, he said.
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...are you okay? Auctions... [He frowns.] I don't-- [He makes a noise in his throat and hunches inward. He doesn't remember why the auctions are bad. He just knows they are.]
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Can't think about that. Can't think about that moment ever again because neither one of them is equipped for Guriel to break down anymore. He has to keep it together from now on.]
Yeah. It's okay. [Can't say "I'm okay" because that is an outright lie and might be forever.] They didn't take me. Tried. But they didn't. You killed one, and I got the other one. Still have my ring. They can't sell me again as long as I've got it and the papers.
[Although there's been more than one human who's clearly been looking for ways to get around that, with his human guardian incapacitated. But that doesn't need to be Ben's problem.]
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The stress of it makes him sprout claws, and he stares at his hand in horror.] What the fuck is that?
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[And oh, God, please, if You're there if You're listening if You care at all any more for me please don't let him forget all about Zev, God, please . . .]
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The smart one. He... brought us all together. Right?
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Whether Guriel will see him ever again is a horribly nagging question for another day.] Yes. Zev. The wolf. The one I loved first. One who showed me it was safe to love you.
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