That-- [ he wants to protest this, because it isn't right but then, neither is them dealing with a child. They're clearly not well-equipped for that. ] is probably a good idea.
And call child services.
[ And then Rhodey will, with the stoic face of a soldier who has been through much worse, thank you very much, attempt to change the baby's diaper. ]
[He lifts it by a seemingly clean area, holding it as far away from himself as possible before tossing it to a robot that immediately...incinerates it.]
[Tony is holding the baby awkwardly, hands holding it up under its tiny arms, the rest of its body hanging in the air.]
Jesus Christ it's drooling.
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[Tony...who thinks he can buy everyone's favor.]
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I need to throw money at the nearest nanny instead.
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And call child services.
[ And then Rhodey will, with the stoic face of a soldier who has been through much worse, thank you very much, attempt to change the baby's diaper. ]
Congratulation, Tony. It's a son.
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It was abandoned, Rhodey.
[Deep daddy issues showing.]
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Oh. Oh.
Clearly the most appropriate answer to this is to push a stinky baby diaper in your best friends vicinity. ]
Get rid of that. Incinerate it.
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[GROSS RHODEY. THAT'S GROSS.]
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[ That's his commanding-officer-voice, do you recognise it. ]
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There. Wow- you're sick and twisted.
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That's why you keep me around.
[ Okay, mission completed. He picks the baby up again and settles him against his shoulder. At least he's stopped crying. ]
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[He looks at the thing again before whipping out his phone, on call with an agent]
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He's going to regret saying this, but: ] You don't have to.
[ They can probably figure something out. Something that might not make Tony think about abandonment. ]
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We can't take care of an infant, Rhodey.
[As much as he hates to just...abandon it again.]
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[ No, they can't. Not really. But Rhodey hates the idea of abandoning the baby, for more than one reason. ]
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