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My old nightmares are back, in a different form but the same. I’ve always dreamt of tigers being in the woods around here, that’s been ongoing. I’ve felt very threatened in my dreams previously, but that’s how it stayed. Last night’s dream was more intense ( Read more... ) -
"I thought it was about time that I came more often. You've been coming all this time"
"I thought it was about time that I came more often. You've been coming all this time". Ralf said that to me about a year before he died. At that point he had come to visit two years in a row. It made me so happy to be able to see him here.
One month before he died, hubby and I decided to take a road trip to Portland, OR. I told Ralf, and ( Read more... ) -
Will we ever get back to "normal"?
Over the past 2 years or more, I have found myself less and less involved in life, and the life of the world. Of course I understand that this may well be because of Ralf’s death. I understand that I am keeping myself safe by not feeling.
The pandemic has not helped at all and neither has the political climate in this country. As a matter of fact, ( Read more... ) -
2021 Winter Solstice
The world has turned upside down or has it? With COVID we now have to evaluate whom we can trust to be safe. Who will truly take all precautions, follow all protocols? Who will make just the slightest mistake, become infected, and then endanger our lives? Parents worry that their children will endanger them or themselves. COVID had become not only ( Read more... ) -
Missing you/Grieving alone
Ralf died 2.5 years ago. There are days when I think that I almost forget. I think of him and think of calling him. I need to get a new computer. Surely he'll be able to help me with the choices. Then I pick up the phone and start to dial his number, and realize that he won't be answering. And I get destroyed all over again. There is nobody to ( Read more... ) -
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On Friday, I was talking to a patient about being a foreigner in this country and his experience in visiting and living in another land. He is all American White, his wife is American born Indian.
One of the things I had been saying over the years is that it is a disadvantage for this country to be as big as it is. Most citizens have no idea of ( Read more... ) -
Musings
"Education does to you: nice, clean, eloquent, and truthful speech! Reality comes from people with clear minds there is the power! "
Since Ralf has died my ability to speak eloquent has diminished. My ability to be truthful, with my truth, has increased.
I can't find a way to clear my mind.
I've been noticing that there are people discussing the ( Read more... ) -
Friendships
Friendships and their meaning have been on my mind lately since my son died. I have noticed that a lot of people have disappeared from my life. Not in an official way,for the most part. I just don't get any calls any longer. Should I call we would chat and be nice to each other.
Truth be known, I don't want to play these social rule games any ( Read more... ) -
LOST & FOUND & LOST AGAIN
Oh my gosh! How times have changed. I changed computers and completely lost this site.
We are in a pandemic and I am working from home. That gives me time to clean my house. One of the benefits of cleaning is finding. And I found a booklet of password and web addresses. I found memories and impressions of myself from times past. I found a ( Read more... ) -
Lesson started
What a 2 moths this has been. Over New Year I decided to move forward with the remodel of the kitchen, Our refrigerator had broken. It was an older refrigerator and we decided to buy a new one. Off we went to Sears and found just a right one. Hubby has a difficult time making any changes in life, and so I didn't tell him of my hidden plans. I ( Read more... )