Fic: Three immortals go into a pub... part 2
Title: Three immortals go into a pub... part 2
Fandoms: Merlin, Torchwood, Misfits
Characters: Merlin, Jack Harkness, Nathan Young
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Disclaimer: I still don’t own Merlin or Torchwood or Misfits… aww
Summary: “He’s back,” Merlin whispered. “He’s finally back.”
Spoilers: None
Rating: R for bad language
A/N: This is a sequel to Three immortals go into a pub..., which was written for a kinkme_merlin prompt.
“Put me down you big gay bastard!”
Jack had a hold of Nathan’s ankles when Merlin felt a jolt pass through him and he fell to the ground.
“Not until I’ve shaken some sense into that thick head of yours!” Jack shouted playfully back and gave Nathan another shake. Neither noticed Merlin dropping the box of white wine as his eyes glowed and tears began coursing down his face.
“He’s back,” Merlin whispered. “He’s finally back.”
“Who’s ba-oof!” Nathan fell, head first, to the ground as Jack released him and ran over to Merlin, pulling him into his arms.
“That’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you,” Jack whispered into Merlin’s ear.
“What the fuck are you two queens on about?”
“My...Arthur! He’s back...in the world... right now! Living and breathing and everything!” Merlin held his arms out at his sides and laughed. Nathan twirled his right index finger in the air, the universal sign of a sarcastic ‘whoopty doo’.
“We’ve got to... I’ve got to find him!” Merlin grabbed Jack’s arms, “’Cos he’s out there, come on!”
“Oh sure, come on, he says,” Nathan spoke up, rubbing at his head as he sat up on the ground. “And what’ll you be to him right now? Pervy old Uncle Merlin waitin’ for baby Arthur’s balls to drop, or whatever the fuck they’re callin’ him this time round. I am assuming he was just born or something, yeah?”
Merlin visibly deflated, “er... yeah, I guess.” The wizard started paying very close attention to the buttons on Jack’s coat.
“Right, so, I say, we maybe hang out for about... I dunno... at least sixteen years, yeah? Unless you are a fan of jail bait... and I don’t know, you could very well be. You do seem the type, you know... scruffy lookin’ and what not.”
Jack scowled at Nathan as he held a now extremely subdued sorcerer. “I really really, believe me really, hate to say this, but... maybe Nathan has a point.” Merlin’s head shot up to glare at Jack. “Not about the pervert jail bait stuff! But the rest...” Jack shrugged.
Merlin nodded against Jack’s chest as Nathan picked up the half empty box of white wine. He’d gotten very adept at tipping his head to the right angle as he activated the wine release, ensuring not one drop was wasted. Taking a large mouthful, he removed his finger from the button.
”Holy hell, this stuff tastes like piss. And not decent piss either. Really nasty scummy piss. Piss that could-“
“Stop saying piss, Nathan,” Merlin mumbled. Knowing that Arthur was out there was supposed to make the waiting easier, at least he knew there was an end in sight now. But if anything, it made it so much harder. Arthur felt so close, like he could reach out and touch him, but what Nathan had said was true. If Merlin was only just feeling Arthur’s presence in the living world that could only mean that he had been born into it. Waiting now would become unbearable and he saw many more drunken nights ahead of him. He grabbed the box of wine from off Nathan’s head and tilted his head back, he’d probably get very good as this as well.
***
Five years of hanging out later
“I know exactly how he feels.”
Nathan turned an incredulous look on the much older immortal beside him. “I’m sorry Butch, but how could you possibly know how he feels? Unless you’re talkin’ in the biblical sense, ‘cos in that case I’d be inclined to believe that you’d been and givin’ him one”
Jack carried on as if he hadn’t heard most of what Nathan had said. “I spent whole lifetimes waiting for the Doctor, it was hell for me.”
“Wait,” Nathan held a hand up in front of Jack’s face that was immediately knocked aside. “The Doctor? Mad hair, glasses, talks like he’s on something, like an overeager children’s TV presenter you want to...” Nathan made a strange punching hand action, “...staple to the wall just to get him to stop moving about?” He finished, now focussing his full attention on Jack.
“Yeah, how the hell do you know him?” Jack asked, stunned. Had the entire world and his wife met the Doctor now?
“There may have been an incident, some time ago now, that I was not involved in whatsoever...” Jack smirked at Nathan. “I’m serious! I was a mere...observer to... said incident, which was quickly and cleanly resolved... well, maybe not cleanly, but certainly quickly, by a mad man calling himself the Doctor and looking like... well, like I just described him.” Jack chuckled under his breath, not really sure he wanted to know anymore details. “I haven’t seen bubbles for a while, you think we should maybe go drag him out now?”
Nathan’s sudden change of topic brought Jack’s attention back to the stretch of water they had been observing for some time.
“Oh great, he’s probably drowned again. Let’s just hope the water didn’t drag his body too far.”
Jack and Nathan heaved themselves up, making sure not to forget their box of cheap French beer stubbies. It wasn’t much but they felt sure it would last them to the next off-licence at least.
They’d only once used Merlin to try and create their own alcohol, but they would never do it again. Merlin hadn’t concentrated on any particular drink, just the thought of more alcohol. One large bottle had appeared between them containing 200 proof, 100% pure alcohol. At least that’s what they assumed it had been as it promptly exploded, showering them with greenish glass. Merlin and Jack saw it as a lesson in laziness, Nathan had seen it as a bloody great pain in the arse, and what was the point of having a wizard around if they couldn’t even magic up some decent booze, I ask you.
The same wizard who had, tonight, bet Nathan his share of the last of the beer that he could summon a sea monster if he stayed under the water for long enough. Glancing at the water now, Nathan was sure that all Merlin had managed was to drown his pathetic self. Time seriously needed to move faster.
***
Ten years of hanging out later
“Ahh!” Nathan fell out of the bed, banging his arse on the carpet floor.
“Wha..?” Jack moved his his head from out of the thick duvet and blinked at Nathan. “What are you doing on the floor Nathan?”
“What am I doing here at all Butch! And what are you doing here? And why the fuck am I not wearing any pants!? This should not be a pants-less conversation! I demand pants at once!” Merlin’s hand appeared from the folds of blanket and Nathan squawked. “Oh ha fuckin’ ha, I’m pretty sure the mankini joke has had its day Fairy Boy!”
The room and everything in it, including the mankini, began to dissolve, leaving Merlin and Jack fully clothed and laughing their arses off at a distinctly unimpressed looking naked Nathan. Merlin wiggled his nose and Nathan was fully clothed once again.
“Not funny in the slightest,” Nathan grumped.
“I disagree,” Jack said. “It goes a long way towards making up for that time you drew on Merlin with permanent marker when he was asleep.”
“It wasn’t lies though, he does suck cock.” Nathan pointed at the wizard who was clearly paying no attention to their conversation.
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure the world didn’t need to see it written on his forehead, or the doodle of a cock on his cheek. And since when do you wiggle your nose when you do magic, Merlin?” Jack turned towards Merlin who was still trying to wiggle his nose so that it looked just as good as Bewitched.
“Huh?” Merlin asked, eloquently.
“Your nose, you fag, why are you wiggling it when you do shit. You know, it would probably be a better idea for you to flap your ears, at least that would make more sense for you with your...” Nathan pulled his own ears out, "...condition."
“I thought it would look good, different, but I’m not sure. Maybe I could get a wand...?”
Nathan screwed his face up in disgust. “What, a vibrating wand? You’re going to smite your enemies with a large plastic dildo? I’m sorry to tell you but I’m pretty sure you’d be the laughing stock of the magical community. You’d have even the gayest of nymph fairies laughing their fucking arses off at you.”
“Are you done Nathan?” Jack asked exasperatedly.
“For now, it’s still early. How much money do we have for booze? And for the love of all that is holy, stop wiggling your fucking nose or I’m going to have to start calling you Samantha.”
“Heheh, sorry.” Merlin smiled and began raiding his pockets for cash.
It used to be that their nights of getting together, bemoaning their losses and getting absolutely shit-faced would only happen very occasionally, when the sadness of being so alone in a world that was constantly changing, would get to them. However, since Merlin had felt the presence of Arthur in the world again, these nights had increased in both frequency and length. This particular little get to together had been going on for a couple of days now. Neither of the other two would comment, but Merlin seemed to be always moving them further and further down the country and every morning, they would wake up to find themselves a little further south. Towards what, they were sure they both knew.
***
Sixteen years of hanging out later
“Huh, so that’s what a sixteen year old Merlin looks like. I had wondered if he would be a total dork or not, and there’s the proof.”
The two immortals observed from a distance as Merlin tripped on some steps, liberated his pile of text books into the air, and was caught in the arms of a brawny blonde wearing a rugby jersey.
“Do you suppose he did that on purpose then?” Nathan questioned. “Poncy swooning maiden, caught in the strong arms of the knight in shining tracksuit bottoms?”
“Hard to say really,” Jack answered. “On one hand, it’s a sure way to get his attention.”
“And on the other?”
“On the other... if you’d been fantasising about someone for as long as he has, would you really want your first impression to go like that?” Jack pointed at what was now a full blown argument between two, seemingly, very angry teenagers. Jack may have been worried if he hadn’t seen how Merlin’s eyes were lighting up like they never had before, or how the blonde would sweep his gaze over Merlin continuously, focusing on specific areas. He seemed to favour forearms and lips.
“What if this lad isn’t as good as Merlin’s built up in his head? What if he’s a dick?”
“Feeling protective all of a sudden?” Jack smirked.
“As if. I just don’t want to be the one to pick up the pieces when this Arthur bloke turns out to be a total arse. I’m sure you’ll be standing by ready for the pity fuck though, all lubed up and ready to go.”
Jack punched Nathan in the arm, hard. “I don’t think of him that way, never will. He’s not for me, or anybody, but that guy.” Jack pointed toward the couple again, drawing Nathan's attention to the fact that they had now stopped arguing. The blonde was trying to lean against a wall as casually as possible, effectively showing off as much muscle as he could. Merlin, who could apparently not stop grinning, was just trying not to drop his books. Nathan didn’t understand why Arthur wasn’t getting a little freaked out by the grinning.
“I think they’re going to be okay. And I set up a house for Merlin, with a background story and everything. He’s got nothing to worry about”
“Cool. But right now, I think we should be leaving. Two blokes drinking from bottles of whiskey and staring at kids in shorts doing P.E. doesn’t look all that great. In fact we’re gettin’ a couple of looks from baldy over there,” Nathan gestured with his bottle, “so I think it’s about time to piss off.”
“I think you’re right,” Jack clinked his bottle against Nathan’s. “To Merlin.”
“God bless ‘im and all who sail in ‘im.” Nathan added, clinking Jack’s bottle back and then taking a large swig. “Oooh, that’s the stuff!”
Jack stood, helping Nathan to his feet, and together they walked unsteadily off the football field and away from the school. Neither looked back, but Nathan may have given the finger to a bald P.E. coach and shouted “Suck it bitch”.
The End
Fandoms: Merlin, Torchwood, Misfits
Characters: Merlin, Jack Harkness, Nathan Young
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Disclaimer: I still don’t own Merlin or Torchwood or Misfits… aww
Summary: “He’s back,” Merlin whispered. “He’s finally back.”
Spoilers: None
Rating: R for bad language
A/N: This is a sequel to Three immortals go into a pub..., which was written for a kinkme_merlin prompt.
“Put me down you big gay bastard!”
Jack had a hold of Nathan’s ankles when Merlin felt a jolt pass through him and he fell to the ground.
“Not until I’ve shaken some sense into that thick head of yours!” Jack shouted playfully back and gave Nathan another shake. Neither noticed Merlin dropping the box of white wine as his eyes glowed and tears began coursing down his face.
“He’s back,” Merlin whispered. “He’s finally back.”
“Who’s ba-oof!” Nathan fell, head first, to the ground as Jack released him and ran over to Merlin, pulling him into his arms.
“That’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you,” Jack whispered into Merlin’s ear.
“What the fuck are you two queens on about?”
“My...Arthur! He’s back...in the world... right now! Living and breathing and everything!” Merlin held his arms out at his sides and laughed. Nathan twirled his right index finger in the air, the universal sign of a sarcastic ‘whoopty doo’.
“We’ve got to... I’ve got to find him!” Merlin grabbed Jack’s arms, “’Cos he’s out there, come on!”
“Oh sure, come on, he says,” Nathan spoke up, rubbing at his head as he sat up on the ground. “And what’ll you be to him right now? Pervy old Uncle Merlin waitin’ for baby Arthur’s balls to drop, or whatever the fuck they’re callin’ him this time round. I am assuming he was just born or something, yeah?”
Merlin visibly deflated, “er... yeah, I guess.” The wizard started paying very close attention to the buttons on Jack’s coat.
“Right, so, I say, we maybe hang out for about... I dunno... at least sixteen years, yeah? Unless you are a fan of jail bait... and I don’t know, you could very well be. You do seem the type, you know... scruffy lookin’ and what not.”
Jack scowled at Nathan as he held a now extremely subdued sorcerer. “I really really, believe me really, hate to say this, but... maybe Nathan has a point.” Merlin’s head shot up to glare at Jack. “Not about the pervert jail bait stuff! But the rest...” Jack shrugged.
Merlin nodded against Jack’s chest as Nathan picked up the half empty box of white wine. He’d gotten very adept at tipping his head to the right angle as he activated the wine release, ensuring not one drop was wasted. Taking a large mouthful, he removed his finger from the button.
”Holy hell, this stuff tastes like piss. And not decent piss either. Really nasty scummy piss. Piss that could-“
“Stop saying piss, Nathan,” Merlin mumbled. Knowing that Arthur was out there was supposed to make the waiting easier, at least he knew there was an end in sight now. But if anything, it made it so much harder. Arthur felt so close, like he could reach out and touch him, but what Nathan had said was true. If Merlin was only just feeling Arthur’s presence in the living world that could only mean that he had been born into it. Waiting now would become unbearable and he saw many more drunken nights ahead of him. He grabbed the box of wine from off Nathan’s head and tilted his head back, he’d probably get very good as this as well.
***
Five years of hanging out later
“I know exactly how he feels.”
Nathan turned an incredulous look on the much older immortal beside him. “I’m sorry Butch, but how could you possibly know how he feels? Unless you’re talkin’ in the biblical sense, ‘cos in that case I’d be inclined to believe that you’d been and givin’ him one”
Jack carried on as if he hadn’t heard most of what Nathan had said. “I spent whole lifetimes waiting for the Doctor, it was hell for me.”
“Wait,” Nathan held a hand up in front of Jack’s face that was immediately knocked aside. “The Doctor? Mad hair, glasses, talks like he’s on something, like an overeager children’s TV presenter you want to...” Nathan made a strange punching hand action, “...staple to the wall just to get him to stop moving about?” He finished, now focussing his full attention on Jack.
“Yeah, how the hell do you know him?” Jack asked, stunned. Had the entire world and his wife met the Doctor now?
“There may have been an incident, some time ago now, that I was not involved in whatsoever...” Jack smirked at Nathan. “I’m serious! I was a mere...observer to... said incident, which was quickly and cleanly resolved... well, maybe not cleanly, but certainly quickly, by a mad man calling himself the Doctor and looking like... well, like I just described him.” Jack chuckled under his breath, not really sure he wanted to know anymore details. “I haven’t seen bubbles for a while, you think we should maybe go drag him out now?”
Nathan’s sudden change of topic brought Jack’s attention back to the stretch of water they had been observing for some time.
“Oh great, he’s probably drowned again. Let’s just hope the water didn’t drag his body too far.”
Jack and Nathan heaved themselves up, making sure not to forget their box of cheap French beer stubbies. It wasn’t much but they felt sure it would last them to the next off-licence at least.
They’d only once used Merlin to try and create their own alcohol, but they would never do it again. Merlin hadn’t concentrated on any particular drink, just the thought of more alcohol. One large bottle had appeared between them containing 200 proof, 100% pure alcohol. At least that’s what they assumed it had been as it promptly exploded, showering them with greenish glass. Merlin and Jack saw it as a lesson in laziness, Nathan had seen it as a bloody great pain in the arse, and what was the point of having a wizard around if they couldn’t even magic up some decent booze, I ask you.
The same wizard who had, tonight, bet Nathan his share of the last of the beer that he could summon a sea monster if he stayed under the water for long enough. Glancing at the water now, Nathan was sure that all Merlin had managed was to drown his pathetic self. Time seriously needed to move faster.
***
Ten years of hanging out later
“Ahh!” Nathan fell out of the bed, banging his arse on the carpet floor.
“Wha..?” Jack moved his his head from out of the thick duvet and blinked at Nathan. “What are you doing on the floor Nathan?”
“What am I doing here at all Butch! And what are you doing here? And why the fuck am I not wearing any pants!? This should not be a pants-less conversation! I demand pants at once!” Merlin’s hand appeared from the folds of blanket and Nathan squawked. “Oh ha fuckin’ ha, I’m pretty sure the mankini joke has had its day Fairy Boy!”
The room and everything in it, including the mankini, began to dissolve, leaving Merlin and Jack fully clothed and laughing their arses off at a distinctly unimpressed looking naked Nathan. Merlin wiggled his nose and Nathan was fully clothed once again.
“Not funny in the slightest,” Nathan grumped.
“I disagree,” Jack said. “It goes a long way towards making up for that time you drew on Merlin with permanent marker when he was asleep.”
“It wasn’t lies though, he does suck cock.” Nathan pointed at the wizard who was clearly paying no attention to their conversation.
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure the world didn’t need to see it written on his forehead, or the doodle of a cock on his cheek. And since when do you wiggle your nose when you do magic, Merlin?” Jack turned towards Merlin who was still trying to wiggle his nose so that it looked just as good as Bewitched.
“Huh?” Merlin asked, eloquently.
“Your nose, you fag, why are you wiggling it when you do shit. You know, it would probably be a better idea for you to flap your ears, at least that would make more sense for you with your...” Nathan pulled his own ears out, "...condition."
“I thought it would look good, different, but I’m not sure. Maybe I could get a wand...?”
Nathan screwed his face up in disgust. “What, a vibrating wand? You’re going to smite your enemies with a large plastic dildo? I’m sorry to tell you but I’m pretty sure you’d be the laughing stock of the magical community. You’d have even the gayest of nymph fairies laughing their fucking arses off at you.”
“Are you done Nathan?” Jack asked exasperatedly.
“For now, it’s still early. How much money do we have for booze? And for the love of all that is holy, stop wiggling your fucking nose or I’m going to have to start calling you Samantha.”
“Heheh, sorry.” Merlin smiled and began raiding his pockets for cash.
It used to be that their nights of getting together, bemoaning their losses and getting absolutely shit-faced would only happen very occasionally, when the sadness of being so alone in a world that was constantly changing, would get to them. However, since Merlin had felt the presence of Arthur in the world again, these nights had increased in both frequency and length. This particular little get to together had been going on for a couple of days now. Neither of the other two would comment, but Merlin seemed to be always moving them further and further down the country and every morning, they would wake up to find themselves a little further south. Towards what, they were sure they both knew.
***
Sixteen years of hanging out later
“Huh, so that’s what a sixteen year old Merlin looks like. I had wondered if he would be a total dork or not, and there’s the proof.”
The two immortals observed from a distance as Merlin tripped on some steps, liberated his pile of text books into the air, and was caught in the arms of a brawny blonde wearing a rugby jersey.
“Do you suppose he did that on purpose then?” Nathan questioned. “Poncy swooning maiden, caught in the strong arms of the knight in shining tracksuit bottoms?”
“Hard to say really,” Jack answered. “On one hand, it’s a sure way to get his attention.”
“And on the other?”
“On the other... if you’d been fantasising about someone for as long as he has, would you really want your first impression to go like that?” Jack pointed at what was now a full blown argument between two, seemingly, very angry teenagers. Jack may have been worried if he hadn’t seen how Merlin’s eyes were lighting up like they never had before, or how the blonde would sweep his gaze over Merlin continuously, focusing on specific areas. He seemed to favour forearms and lips.
“What if this lad isn’t as good as Merlin’s built up in his head? What if he’s a dick?”
“Feeling protective all of a sudden?” Jack smirked.
“As if. I just don’t want to be the one to pick up the pieces when this Arthur bloke turns out to be a total arse. I’m sure you’ll be standing by ready for the pity fuck though, all lubed up and ready to go.”
Jack punched Nathan in the arm, hard. “I don’t think of him that way, never will. He’s not for me, or anybody, but that guy.” Jack pointed toward the couple again, drawing Nathan's attention to the fact that they had now stopped arguing. The blonde was trying to lean against a wall as casually as possible, effectively showing off as much muscle as he could. Merlin, who could apparently not stop grinning, was just trying not to drop his books. Nathan didn’t understand why Arthur wasn’t getting a little freaked out by the grinning.
“I think they’re going to be okay. And I set up a house for Merlin, with a background story and everything. He’s got nothing to worry about”
“Cool. But right now, I think we should be leaving. Two blokes drinking from bottles of whiskey and staring at kids in shorts doing P.E. doesn’t look all that great. In fact we’re gettin’ a couple of looks from baldy over there,” Nathan gestured with his bottle, “so I think it’s about time to piss off.”
“I think you’re right,” Jack clinked his bottle against Nathan’s. “To Merlin.”
“God bless ‘im and all who sail in ‘im.” Nathan added, clinking Jack’s bottle back and then taking a large swig. “Oooh, that’s the stuff!”
Jack stood, helping Nathan to his feet, and together they walked unsteadily off the football field and away from the school. Neither looked back, but Nathan may have given the finger to a bald P.E. coach and shouted “Suck it bitch”.
The End