I was strolling through a park when I saw a bright speck in the sky. The speck was slowly growing to a glowing fireball, and then a full-sized alien spaceship, which proceeded to crash about a kilometer away from where I was ( Read more... )

You know that feeling? You have an important appointment in the morning, and you must wake up earlier than usual. You set your alarm, but because you're worrying about everything going well, you wake up even earlier, look at the clock, and try to fall back asleep for the remaining 30 minutes? It doesn't work: you close your eyes; wake up ( Read more... )

When They first appeared seven years ago, the world panicked. Nobody was prepared; nobody could have been prepared, not even the SETI guys who were supposed to believe in ETI more than anyone else did ( Read more... )

They gave him time ( Read more... )

"You're a robot!" I accused it. "And not a very good one. You're a sorry excuse for a robot."

"Excuse me," it replied, "but I'm not a robot."

"Oh, you're not? I'm... I'm sorry."

"Ah-ha!" it exclaimed. "Now that was a 'sorry' excuse for a robot."

What an awful robot!

I was going home the other day, and these two teenagers come up to me and ask, "Wanna buy some contact lenses ( Read more... )

Today for breakfast, I decided to have an ear of corn. You know: post-Thanksgiving leftovers, and all. It was 8:20 and I didn't have to leave 'til 8:40, so I had plenty of time to eat the yellow goodness ( Read more... )

The Campanile (also known as the Sather Tower) in Berkeley has a clock on each of its four vertical faces. The clocks usually do not match, and they didn't today, when I was almost late for an appointment. I'd forgotten my watch at home, and, after glancing at the tower, asked a random passerby, "Is it two or two-fifteen right now ( Read more... )

"Recipes... aren't meant to be followed," he began. "They are more of guidelines--you read a few, select the ingredients you like the most, and then prepare them your own way ( Read more... )

As I was getting a bagel from the bag yesterday, I noticed that the expiration date would be today. The bagels looked fine, so I decided that if I eat one per day, I'll be able to finish them before they go bad ( Read more... )