I swear every time I'm in the car I make myself listen to "Sense of Humor"   I don't know if it makes me feel better or if I am just trying to convince myself the lines can come true, like those self enforced beliefs, where if you say them enough to yourself, they can become true or something.  I don't know anymore.    I have finally learned not to ( Read more... )

".. i was driving the other day and i had a random spurt of missing you wicked bad"
"ok?"
" :-( "
"idk what to tell ya"
"yeah"
" i guess there was a reason it didnt work"
" yep"
"yeah and that reason was you're an ass"

If I wasn't so tired and stressed and pissed off at every single thing in life right now I would have laughed at this.  One of the few ( Read more... )

Your stupid little remark was meant to hurt me, and yes it did that.  After all the other hurt you've caused, it was really not much more damage added to the pile.  However, it DID show me that you really do have some growing up to do and I want  no part of your emotional baggage any longer.  I still have no regrets and miss the joy you brought to ( Read more... )

Finally get to come home from work at 10:30 at night and get my mail.  I can't even explain how I felt when I saw the package sitting at my place... I immediately knew what was inside the Merry Christmas paper... but my hands were shaking as I opened that envelope, I had no idea what to expect inside it.   And of course, (surprise surprise)  the ( Read more... )

Good sign indeed... the very next day I'm at work, about 15 mins before closing and my phone goes off in my pocket, which totally scared me.  I pull it out and find the first text from a specific someone since the whole mess.  Woah. Today would be day two of actual text convos... which is starting to make things too easy to believe its falling back ( Read more... )

I have never been so anxious for a piece of mail before.. makes me feel like I'm 6 or something.    And of course my mom somehow figured out enough to get me to spill... which she didn't seem too surprised about.  I was most surprised that she didn't say anything against it, and then asked me the dumbest question ever... can I see things being long ( Read more... )

Thank you Andrew... For not reacting like everyone else has/will, and for reinforcing my belief that this risk isnt futile.

Now to see what ends up happening...

 Ah, beloved livejournal, when did you become the only ear I will turn to?  I realized that I could never to go a therapist or anything because that would mean forgetting things, which I absolutely refuse to do.  It's so cliche but I write best when I feel and besides the writing factor, even when this feeling is utterly horrible, I don't want to ( Read more... )

I couldnt help but wonder if it were true that i really do enjoy torturing myself so.  Then i get something like this:

"i miss driving down to visit you.. i miss our little picnic things.. i miss holding you in my arms when we sleep"

And I remember why I havent given up, moved on, etc.  No matter how small a chance, knowing it is there is more than ( Read more... )

Firstly I must thank Jon a million times over for providing me with transportation today and just making the whole adventure amusing.

Darren Hayes is one of the sweetest guys I have EVER met.  I can honestly say that he made today one of the best days I have ever had.  And it could have been quite awful today for me.  I couldnt believe he ended up ( Read more... )