i feel like everyone updates in comms only these days. i'm drunk... i've had... eight glasses of wine... do i feel guilty? YES.

do i want to stop?

no.

i am ......... outside. of everyone. no one knows about my ed... i feel like a lier. i drink, even tho i know it makes me fat.... i love the feeling of not feeling.

i love not feeling.

1. Can you cook ( Read more... )

so today is going to be a good day, purging-wise. i haven't purged yet this morning and usually that's the sign that lets me know if i'll be bping all day or not. if i don't purge before 9.30 then i know i'll only purge about three times today. hopefully only two, when i eat lunch and when i eat my dinner around 4.30. i just ate a bologna sandwich ( Read more... )

wow so i haven't updated this journal in a while, almost a year. it's like i go thru cycles, i try to get better, ultimately get even worse, and then come back ( Read more... )

so i'm maintaining at a steady 112-113, but i'm going to florida on sunday- for a week (yay me!)and i need to drop to 110 by then ( Read more... )

i think i have a serious issue w/depression ( Read more... )

so i'm writing to say that i weigh 112. after a huge horrible up-down-up slide i finally have kept it (relatively safely) at this weight for a while ( Read more... )

i hate my job ( Read more... )

it's so depressing to look at myself and think back to a year ago ( Read more... )

your entire life is about control ( Read more... )