Smitten (3/3)
{ PART I } { PART 2 } { PART 3 }
"You know what," Youngjae starts to say, waving his Big Mac around, "I feel like there's a particular reason as to why you brought me here and offered to pay for the food."
Himchan purses his lips.
"Because, for one thing you're a cheapskate ass son of a bitch," Youngjae continues, "And for another thing, you've been fidgety for minutes. The obnoxious Kim Himchan is fidgety, that enough shows that something is on." Youngjae takes a sudden bite off his burger. "Now what is it?"
Himchan stops swirling his fries around the mayonnaise holder in uneasiness as Youngjae eyes him expectantly.
Himchan has been dancing around the idea of telling Youngjae that he kissed him during Yongguk's party (that he found him looking flushed and feeble in one of the hallways like he just ran a mile and he was worried as shit for him) and that yes, he has feelings for him, and yes, he's asking him out. But despite having known Youngjae for years, Himchan can't even picture the other's reaction if he tells him this. Especially not when he's going to tell it along Daehyun's little scheme.
While McDonalds isn't really the best of places for talking about these kinds of things considering how much they scream at each other (the possibilities are endless), Himchan, as mentioned by Youngjae, is a cheapskate son of a bitch. Plus the chances of Youngjae believing him are a little bit higher if he tells him about it here compared to just breaking it down to him by the lockers during free period. (Yeah, maybe Daehyun doubt has threatened Himchan a bit.)
Youngjae groans. "Stop beating around the bush, man, it's creepy, it's so not you."
Himchan licks his lower lip and wipes his palms against his jean-clad thighs. "Okay," he finally says. "But promise me you'll be unprejudiced about this."
Youngjae gives him a look of suspicion. "Did you knock some girl up?"
Himchan sputters. "What? No!"
"I mean, I've totally been expecting you anytime soon to realize that you can take the other gender to consideration for your love life too, but this is-"
"Youngjae," Himchan prompts. "I did not get anyone pregnant."
Youngjae laughs. "Just playing with you, dude," he says. "But if you do, will you let me name the baby?"
Himchan exudes a long moan of frustration. Man this is harder than he thought. "Youngjae," he starts again,"It's Daehyun, okay?"
Youngjae stares at him. "Let me guess, you're going to tell me some life-changing Nicholas Sparks quote about how I can do better things than reunite with my ex-boyfriend."
"No-"
"Let me tell you this, Himchan," Youngjae says earnestly, "Love is sweeter the second time around."
"Youngjae, listen to me, Daehyun's not going to come to your date," Himchan affirms. "His plan was to just leave you hanging."
Youngjae raises both his eyebrows in astonishment. "What?"
"He agreed to a two hundred dollar bet that he can ask you out again and then he won't show up in your meeting place," Himchan explains as deliberately as he can. "He's just fucking around with you, so don't fall for it."
Youngjae continues to stare at him. "Wow." He says a full minute later, looking down at their table and exerting a dry laugh. "I can't believe this."
"Yeah," Himchan says. "I know, me too."
"I can't believe that you'll go as far as making up a story to stop me from seeing him," Youngjae gives Himchan a glare of disapproval. He stands up from his seat and shoulders his bag on, shaking his head. "I have to go, I'm not taking this right now."
"Youngjae. Youngjae, no-wait-" Himchan gets up to his feet as well and stalks after Youngjae who's now hurriedly sauntering his way out of the restaurant in distress. Himchan pushes out of the two way door, following Youngjae into the sidewalk. "Youngjae!" He calls after him. "How can you even say that? How can you even think that I'm lying about something I am clearly not when I'm your best friend in the world?"
"Just stop it, Himchan, I don't wanna hear it!" Youngjae yells back as he continues to walk faster.
"Look, I heard Daehyun say it straight from his own mouth. This is just some sick game, you're worth nothing to him anymore! Why won't you listen to me?"
"Because, I don't want to," Youngjae says. "Don't you get it, Himchan? Why won't you just leave me alone and let me do what I want to do and, I don't know, maybe be happy for me?"
"Are you kidding me? How can I be happy for you, you're with a bastard!"
Youngjae sighs heavily. He stops to walk and turns around to face Himchan. "I have my own decisions, Himchan, and this is one of them. You can't tell me what to do."
Himchan scoffs. "Okay then," He raises both his hands. "Fine, I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry that I care about you, Youngjae. I'm sorry that I've seen every side of you, happy, tired, ecstatic, shattered and miserable and I'm sorry that I'd rather not see you with the latter two. I'm sorry that I'm exhausted to see you disappointed in every single relationship you have and I'm sorry that I've finally gotten up and decided to do something about it. I'm sorry that I'm not your best friend for nothing, Youngjae, I'm sorry that it's my job to tell you what to do when you're being completely stupid."
Youngjae looks away, pressing his lips together.
"I'm sorry," Himchan says, "It won't happen again." He turns around and walks away, heart heavy, regret starting to build up in his insides.
Youngjae doesn't really intent to crash in what appears to be Jongup and Junhong's movie date night in the latter's dorm but Youngjae just really needs a friend to whine to and since Himchan's the one he fought with himself and he has no other Himchans to run to, he goes to seek comfort from the younger youth who probably would rather not share Youngjae's problems at this supposedly beautiful moment of young love, but nice enough to. Nice enough that Youngjae's now sitting on the couch between the couple as Friends With Benefits plays on the TV and there's a box of tissue (and maybe a used mountain of it beside it) and a tall glass of water sitting on the table in front of him.
"I just don't know what to do," Youngjae says after blowing his nose. "I didn't mean to upset him, you know? I don't like upsetting him. I just want to prove to him that Daehyun's probably changed and we can be happy and he can be happy for us once we go out again. Like, it isn't even a big deal, we fought over something that isn't even a big deal." He's just ranting, he knows he's just ranting, but he just wants to keep talking until nothing he says would make sense anymore and then he'd be tired and he'd sleep and wake up the next morning and he'd know how to make things right again because this doesn't seem like anything that can be fixed using the barbecue popcorn strategy.
Junhong and Jongup has just been nodding to everything their hyung has been saying for the past fifteen minutes, patting his back from time to time and adding in things like 'Yeah, that's true' or 'I agree' or 'I'd do that to' and Youngjae's actually internally grateful that they welcomed him anyway and he promises to treat them no matter how many boxes of pizza they would want and sponsor their next three dates for this.
"Himchan hyung has a point, too, you know?" Jongup says.
"Yeah." Youngjae sniffs. "That's exactly why I'm sad because he cares for me so much and all I ever did was complain to him about stupid shit. And I suck."
"Daehyun hyung went as far as breaking up with you for a very insensible reason," Jongup points out. "Are you that blinded by your feelings for him enough for you not to weigh the possibilities?"
Youngjae shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe. Probably? I'm just hopeless and hopeful at the same time. Remember what the fortune teller said?"
Junhong sighs. "Damn, I don't know how come you have not, but at this point I'd definitely realize it already if I were you."
Youngjae sniffs again. "What do you mean?"
"While I'm still definitely doubting what the phony fortune teller said, If we ever just agree it's something totally astrological," Junhong says, "I think she's referring to Himchan."
"But we already figured out that the first half described what Daehyun wore."
"Not the second half," Junhong asserts, "Plus it's not like you've directly seen Daehyun wearing it. And you've only seen blue and white, not gray, remember?"
Youngjae laughs in disbelief. "Why would you think it's Himchan?"
"'Cause he's in love with you."
Youngjae eyes widens.
"Junhong!" Jongup hisses.
"He's taken way too much time!" Junhong says. "Until when are we going to wait for him to realize it too?"
The lights are off, the curtains are wide open, it's eleven in the evening and Youngjae's lying on his bed with his phone in his hands as he apparently doesn't have anything better to do at the moment other than to navigate through his phone's photo library, which, by the way, mostly contains Himchan's never ending selcas.
Youngjae sighs to himself, poking Himchan's nose on the screen.
He doesn't really know what to think of the fact that Himchan likes him in some other way than for their friendship. Their relationship is so effortless, everything just goes naturally, everything just falls into place. Youngjae doesn't have to think about what to say or do when he's around Himchan because he knows that the reason Himchan sticks around him is because he's himself. If ever they push the limits of their current bond, Youngjae thinks that it's most likely going to be a whoopee.
But there's something challenging about stuff like falling in love with your best friend that sounds like you'd be standing somewhere between a new found realization and a huge problem, while to everyone else, it's just really cliche, because it can happen to anyone, all the time. You just happen to be one of the people.
Well, whatever it is, Youngjae's misfortune with romance doesn't make it sound so thrilling.
But then again, you wouldn't know what's right without going through all the wrongs.
Youngjae's phone blinks up and starts ringing.
It's Daehyun.
"Hey," Youngjae says, voice a bit groggy from its lack of usage through the past few hours.
"Hi," replies Daehyun, "Did I wake you up?"
"Wasn't sleeping." Youngjae turns around on his sides, facing his bedside table and taking notice of one of the photo frames facing his way: a picture of him and Himchan during their high school graduation. Black togas, caps, diplomas... Himchan's arm across his shoulder as they smile really wide for the camera.
"I used to call you this late, remember? To say goodnight," Daehyun says.
"Yeah," Youngjae answers, half distracted.
"So about our date on Saturday, you're coming with me, right?"
"Yup," Youngjae replies. "Can't wait."
Himchan has been clearly avoiding him. He hasn't attended two going three days worth of classes he's sharing with Youngjae, neither has he appeared in the cafeteria during their supposed lunch hang-outs. The couple of times Youngjae has seen him, he's either walking to another direction or too far away. Not that Youngjae has any plans to actually call him for a chat, he knows that Himchan far too upset for just another sudden conversation, but if there's anything Youngjae hates more than broccoli, it's when people are avoiding him. (Especially people who go by the name Kim Himchan.)
It sucks. It sucks because the day's pretty much lifeless without someone texting him during class whining about their professors' incoherent accents, without someone eating half of his lunch, without someone to walk with home kicking stray cans and laughing wildly in the middle of the street about stupid things that don't even make sense.
It sucks mostly because Youngjae has no idea how to talk to Himchan without sounding like a dick. So, just for the heck of it, hoping he'd suddenly come up with some sort of an apology, he finds himself walking into Himchan's apartment complex one early evening after his Friday classes.
Staring up at the building, Youngjae shoves his hands into his pockets and heaves a deep sigh. He realizes how unprepared he is, and how easily he can miss Himchan when they don't talk.
Himchan could be studying right now, or watching TV, or maybe staring at his phone's photo library because Youngjae's sure he has a fair share of selcas in the other's phone too. Okay, maybe the last one's a bit too delusional.
His assumptions are rendered wrong all too soon when he hears a rustle of plastic bags and footsteps from behind him.
Himchan stops walking in surprise when Youngjae turns around to look at him. Apparently, it had been grocery time. Shit, Youngjae thinks.
They share an uncertain glance for a moment.
"Channie," Youngjae speaks out, voice barely above a whisper, not really aware of what to say next.
Himchan looks like he wants to get out of there as soon as possible. "Just call me," Himchan says rigidly. "If he really ditches you, call me, I'll come there and pick you up."
Youngjae freezes on where he's standing as a jolting twinge hits him from the inside, even when Himchan walks past him into the building, even when Himchan's long gone.
The sky is a bit too dark for an early morning when Youngjae arrives at his supposed meeting place with Daehyun, which they compromised to be in the fountain area of one of the nearest town parks. The place is somehow deserted, everyone apart from Youngjae must have seen today's weather forecast.
Youngjae sits on the bench next to the operating fountain, listening to light rush of the water as he wonders why he's even there. It's already been over thirty minutes since he turned up and Daehyun's still a no-show.
But then again, Youngjae has long lowered his expectations, he just needs a confirmation.
Junhong has texted him the whole so-called citation of the fortune teller from Yongguk's party a few weeks ago, and Youngjae's been staring at it within every few minutes for the past few hours, seeming to find something so familiar about it. Like he can totally resemble it to someone without having to connect the dots.
"Grey, blue, white. Under a cloudy night. In this adornment you will find the one to which your fate is bind. Don't look too far or you'll find grime, for he's just been right in front of you all this time."
Youngjae presses on his last dialed numbers and places his phone against his ear.
"Hello?" Daehyun says from across the line.
Youngjae clenches his jaw.
"Youngjae, hey, have you arrived in the park already?" Daehyun says, voice edging with indifference. "I-I'm sorry, something came up and I couldn't go but next time-"
"Oh, shut up, Daehyun," Youngjae groans. "Hope you enjoy your fucking two hundred bucks you motherfucking asshole."
Youngjae ends the call and drops his head in his hands, concluding that wow, this is way more pathetic than I pictured it to be. He feels little droplets of rain starting to cascade all over him, he's got no umbrella and he has no idea what to do with himself at all, so by the time he raises his phone up next to his ear again and starts calling Himchan, his voice is already shaking.
"Himchan," he whimpers out. "Please come and get me."
"I told you," Himchan says, but the voice sounds near and close and real as well, "But you never listen."
Youngjae looks up from his hands and sees Himchan standing right in front of him with a hand holding an umbrella and the other holding his phone to his ear.
Youngjae breaks into a really ugly sob and stands up to throw his arms around Himchan's neck. It's Himchan anyway, it's okay to act stupid.
"I'm sorry," Youngjae mumbles. "I should have listened to you."
Himchan sighs in relief pulls back from their embrace to cup Youngjae's face. "Are you crying?" He says with a small mocking smile. "Don't cry, you dummy, you look horrible."
"I made you angry." Youngjae sniffs. "And upset. That's all I ever do. I'm sorry."
"Oh, come on. You called Daehyun a motherfucker, I've been waiting for this forever."
Youngjae laughs. "I know, it felt good."
"So, you learned your lesson now?"
"Stop dating douchebags?"
"Sums it all up." Himchan pats his head. "Let's go home and snuggle up, okay? Our shirts are getting wet."
Youngjae subconsciously looks down at Himchan's shirt only to end up staring at it for a whole minute. He's wearing a gray sweatshirt.
"What's wrong?" Himchan asks as Youngjae pulls away to have a better look at Himchan's pants. It's white.
But his shoes are too.
"Youngjae," Himchan says again, "What are you looking at?"
Youngjae looks up to Himchan's face again, minutely disappointed until he takes notice of the blue handle of the umbrella the other has been holding.
"Okay, you're acting all weird. Listen, I have something to tell you." Himchan grabs Youngjae's shoulder and locks eyes with him. "If you remember something like being kissed by someone during Yongguk's party... that was me," he says. "And you called me Daehyun."
Youngjae gives him his signature critical stare.
"And I know you might be wondering why I did that but I'm telling you-"
Youngjae grabs him by the front of his shirt and kisses him.
It wasn't too short or too long, but Youngjae's lips were just as soft as Himchan remembers, and maybe somewhere along the way he completely forgets who he is for a moment because he feels completely dazed when they pull away.
"Yeah," Youngjae drawls. "I remember."
"Y-y-you just-" Himchan struggles only to be cut short when thunder and lightning rolls in, causing a heavier rainfall.
Youngjae laughs (Himchan never stutters) and interlocks his fingers with Himchan's free ones. "Come on," he starts dragging the other into the park gates, "Let's go to the beach!"
"But it's raining!" Himchan protests.
"Exactly!"
(The fortune teller's right. He's been right in front of him all this time.)
Himchan sneezes for the hundredth time during his supposed make out session on the couch with Youngjae, who's once again cringing away from him.
Himchan groans and grabs Youngjae by the waist, sliding the other in his lap to pull him closer again. "This is your fault," he says. "I told you playing in the rain is never a good idea. What, you thought you were in The Notebook or something?"
Youngjae grins, grabbing Himchan's face for another long kiss. "S'not my fault I have a stronger immune system than you do," he manages between smooches. "You're cute when you sneeze, though."
"I've had a clogged nose for a week!" Himchan protests, pulling away from Youngjae's grip. "It isn't very cute!"
Youngjae kisses him.
And kisses him.
And kisses him.
(And kisses him.) "You do realize that you're making out with a sick person and it's somehow really gross, don't you?" Himchan points out.
Youngjae grins some more. "You can avoid taking a shower for a whole month and I'd still find you attractive."
"THAT'S JUST GROSS WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT."
Youngjae's phone starts ringing from the table behind him but he's kind of too busy kissing the living shit out of Himchan and- "You're not going to answer that?"
"Mmh, it's probably just a telemarketer."
The call switches into voicemail. "Hey, honey, it's us!-"
Youngjae sits up straight, looking at Himchan with terror. "It's mom!"
"It's mom!" Himchan shrieks out as well.
"-We decided to come and visit you today because you haven't even made an effort to come see us at all-"
"Shit." Youngjae scurries off Himchan's lap and starts to run around in circles around the living room, hurrying to pick up the cluttered clothes and objects around his apartment.
"-And I hope you can invite Himchan to come see us because I miss that boy and we brought some food you guys like! So... see you... in... a few minutes! Your dad and I are almost there. Bye, sweetie!"
"Shitshitshitshit." Youngjae continues to chant with an armful of dirty clothes.
"Youngjae," Himchan stands up from the couch and makes a savage grab for Youngjae, squeezing the other's face between his hands. "Calm down."
Youngjae frowns at him. "My parent's are coming over and my apartment looks like it just got hit by a tornado, how will I calm down?"
"Just take it easy."
"You know what, why don't you help me?"
Himchan sneezes at him again (Youngjae shuts his eyes close.) "Oh, sorry" Himchan says. "I'm sick remember?"
Youngjae makes a face at him and pushes the armful of clothes toward the other's chest. "Start the laundry. Now." He affirms solidly before marching toward the bedroom.
Himchan sniffs and groans.
Sorry Daehyun! And I love you Michela♥
Inspired by Settle For Less - Before You Exit and
Key To My Heart - Jessica Jarell