Much Madness, the Divinest Sense 4; X-Men: First Class (2011)
Title: Much Madness, the Divinest Sense
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011) (c) Marvel and others.
Characters/Pairings: Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr; Hank McCoy/Raven Darkholme; Alex Summers; Cain Marko; others.
Genres: AU//Drama/Preslash
Rating: R
Summary: Charles Xavier, newly released from a mental hospital, vows never to use his powers again. He accompanies his cousin Hank McCoy to the remote island of Pala to work on his thesis. There, he meets Erik Lehnsherr, a marine biologist who has a few secrets of his own. (Partially inspired by the Madeleine L’Engle novel A Ring of Endless Light.)
Warnings: mental illness; medically-prescribed pill-popping; implied anorexia; mentions of attempted suicide; gratuitous pseudo-science.
Notes: Title is from a Dickinson poem, and this AU is a shameless excuse for me to use the line -- “Why, yes, I used to study sharks.” Also, Pala is a completely fictional island borrowed from Aldous Huxley’s aptly named Island
--
Four
“I’m walking you back to your room,” said Erik, once he’d tied up Havok properly again in its rightful place.
“No, you’re not.” Charles was swaying dangerously on his feet. “I’ll just be going.”
“Charles, don’t be ridiculous. You’re not even walking straight.” Before he could get very far, Erik’s fingers had clamped down in his wrist like an unforgiving iron cast.
Of course he wasn’t. The fact that Charles could walk at all surprised him. The pounding in his head was blinding, but he knew he couldn’t be near Erik. Erik, who knew nothing about what it was like. What if Erik wasn’t real? What if Charles dreamed him up because he desperately wanted to be sane? That had happened once at the Institute, and they’d put him in a medical coma for a whole two days. Or, that was what he was told.
“Of course I’m ridiculous, I’m insane.” Charles stumbled away from him. “You may have missed that. I’m telling you. I don’t even know if you’re real. You’re telling me that I’m a telepath. Am I supposed to just believe you?”
“No, I never expected you to believe me,” said Erik. There were lines on his face that Charles hadn’t noticed before. “But I’m real. If I were an illusion,” he took both of Charles’ hands and held them tight. “If I were your illusion, make me go away.”
“ -- I can’t.” Erik was standing close enough so that Charles could smell him. Him, and the bitter tang of sea salt.
“Charles, listen to me. You’re not crazy. Neither of us are crazy.”
“I talked to Emma. She’s a dolphin.” It certainly sounded crazy. “Let go of me.”
“You were sick on the boat,” Erik reminded him quietly. “Charles, don’t argue. Let me take you back to your room.”
I didn’t want my life to be like this.
I know.
It was hard to glare at someone when his vision was blurring at the edges, but Charles gave it best shot anyway. Erik’s mouth might have twitched.
“Stop saying that. Because you don’t. You’ve never had voices inside your head.” All you have to do is not move metal.
Erik came to an abrupt stop, and Charles almost tripped, but the other man grabbed him before he could fall.
“...Erik?”
Suddenly, Charles saw it. He saw a young teenaged-boy in half-charred clothing screaming at a crushed car, and there were bits of metal flying everywhere. The boy screamed in a language that Charles knew, but did not understand save for one word --
Mother.
Oh.
Somewhere, far away, Charles heard someone calling his name, but he didn’t hear. He was more fixated on the boy’s face, twisted in pained sorrow too heavy for one so young.
Charles, Charles. Stay with me --
--
When he came to, Charles saw white walls, but they weren’t the same kind of walls. Maybe his skull was cracked, that was why, that was why it hurt. He was not one for complaining, but the first word out of his mouth was, “It hurts.”
“You’re on new medication,” It was Hank who was sitting in the chair next to the bed. “I called McTaggert. We somehow managed to come up with a new regimen for you.”
Charles had had a rough night. From the looks of it, so had Hank. Judging by the light spilling in the window, it had to sometime in the morning, or the afternoon.
He distinctly remembered telling (if that was the word for it) his cousin not to call Moira, and yet Hank had. But then, he remembered that Hank had threatened to have him recommitted, it seemed that Hank hadn’t really done such a thing. He was still here in Pala.
“Oh. What...what happened to me?” He remembered standing in a street, as a boy screamed for his mother in Polish. That was it, Polish.
“You fainted,” said Hank, rubbing at his eyes. “Erik brought you here, and then he called me. Charles, what happened last night?”
“Dolphins,” said Charles groggily. He closed his eyes and saw Emma. Emma in the ocean, leaping majestically towards the sky. Maybe she was laughing at him.
“...Dolphins,” Hank repeated blankly. “What about them? Charles, Charles open your eyes.”
Charles did, with some effort. Hank was asking him about the dolphins, but he couldn’t tell him. It didn’t make any sense, and it would take too long. “What’d I just say?”
Hank opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut again, “Nothing. Look, just rest for now. I’ll come check on you later. I don’t want Dr. Hendrey to looking for me.” He might find you.
Charles watched him go. Then he tried to move, and found that his legs were completely numb, “Hank!”
Hank turned, “You should be able to feel your legs in a couple of hours. It was either that, or we tie you up.” He sounded sorry, but his eyes were hard, “Look, I have to go. I’ll be back in to talk to you about your new medication.” The first part of that was a lie, Hank knew that Charles controlled minds. Hank also knew that Charles probably couldn’t tell muscles to not numb themselves.
Charles wanted to tell him to stay, but he knew he couldn’t.
He spent the morning skimming through some literature that had been placed on the table. Hank was not very subtle, but at least he planned for everything.
A soft cough made him look up. There was a young woman standing there in the doorway. She was lovely, with flaming red hair, and bright yellow green eyes. She had very, very pale skin.
“...Do I know you?”
Right before his eyes, he saw her skin darken, and her hair lighten. The sundress she was wearing became a baggy t-shirt and denim shorts. Charles would have shown her more of a reaction, really, but he was on (top-dollar) drugs, and he was exhausted from last night.
“Raven? Did you just --”
He really doesn’t know. She looked at him, with something close to akin to pity in her eyes, and Charles looked away. He hated it when people looked at him like that.
“I’m not going to stay,” she said very softly. “Erik just asked me to check on you. He said he upset you last night, and said that you probably didn’t want to see him.”
Something caught in his throat and stayed there. “I don’t want to see him.”
Raven approached the bed, and she put her hand on his wrist.
You are one of us. Erik has been looking for someone like you, perhaps his entire life.
Charles looked at her, “I never asked for any of this.”
She looked like she wanted to hit him. No, Raven did want to hit him, but she remembered Erik. “I don’t think anyone asked for anything like this.” I certainly didn’t. How dare you say I did.
Almost instinctively, Charles noticed her fingers, and how bone-thin they looked. He was afraid to shut his eyes. He was afraid he might see a girl staring into a mirror with hollow eyes. Perhaps he would even hear retching sounds in a bathroom.
“Don’t,” she said. “Anyway, I should be leaving. I promised to help Erik out with stuff back at the Center.”
“Raven.”
She looked so young and lost, “What?”
“Close the door a moment,” Charles said.
She wasn’t her like her brother, and the fact that this strange Charles Xavier read minds -- controlled them, even -- that bothered her. It should bother him too, except it didn’t. Erik too, had been alone a long time.
“Why?” Raven pursed her lips tightly together. “What are you going to make me do?”
“Nothing, if you don’t want to,” Charles said.
“You’re a telepath,” she said. And again, reminded him that he hated the word because it simply didn’t sound real. “I’m not just going to believe you.” But she walked over to the door without him telling her, and shut it with a quiet click.
“But still, here you are.”
She glared at him, one of her eyes flared into a brilliant shade of gold.
“What do you want?”
“Please let me see what you really look like.”
Raven was quiet for a very long time, but then she opened her mouth, “I --”
The door swung open, revealing a haggard-looking Hank. “Charles, I don’t have long, I just have to --” When he noted Raven, he stopped, and flushed a fairly obvious shade of pink. Charles didn’t have to read minds to figure out what was going on.
“Oh, Raven. I didn’t know you were here.”
“I was, you know.” Raven gestured with her hands awkwardly. “For my brother. He’s tied up at the Center this morning and asked me to look in on Charles. But I’ve really got to go.”
Hank’s face fell a little.
“Actually, how long until this damn thing wears off?” Some of the feeling was returning to his legs, but Charles had a feeling that if he tried to stand, he’d fall on his knees again.
Hank still didn’t look sorry. He glanced quickly at his watch, “Should wear off in the next half hour. If you haven’t been moving around.”
“I haven’t,” Charles waved his hand over at the books and journals piled beside him on the bed, a testament to his good behavior. “Would you all like to go to lunch? My treat, for inconveniencing everyone.” He spared Raven a look, “Erik too. If he can manage to be borrowed.”
Both of their faces instantly brightened up. Raven said, “If you’re the one borrowing him, I’m sure he won’t mind. I’ll go bring him right now. Um, see you in a bit, Hank.”
Somewhere, a watch was going off. Charles looked down at his own wrist and heaved a sigh.
“Great,” Hank said. He seemed to have gotten his energy back in the short span of minutes, “We can talk about your new pills.”
--
He didn’t exactly know why they’d switched his regimen from before, but he was now supposed to take ten pills every eight hours. The side-effects were also allegedly less, and maybe Charles would stop fainting so much. Hank made him swallow all of it, before he’d let Charles get on his feet. One of the pills was barely FDA-approved. At least it was approved. He had no idea that his cousin and Moira were so chummy. He needed to give her a call.
When Erik poked his head in the room, he witnessed Charles stumbling around in the room with still rubbery legs that weren’t really his. The man’s expression flitted between amusement and concern, “What -- happened to you?”
“A neuromuscular blocker happened to me,” Charles said, making it a point not to glare at Hank. “It’s been more than thirty minutes.”
“I said about thirty minutes, not that fault if you don’t react within the average statistics,” Hank said, avoiding his eyes anyway.
Raven came in the room behind her brother, “ -- Are we going?”
“...We are leaving as soon as I can walk.” Charles gave up stumbling and returned to the bed.
Erik stepped into the room and walked over to him. Are you all right? About last night, I am sorry.
Charles gave a preemptive wince, because he expected a pang right then. The medication never made other people’s thoughts go away, it just hurt to hear them. Strangely enough, he felt nothing. Must be the new drugs not working. Not that he wasn’t used to that.
Why are you sorry?
It is my fault that you’re here, in case Hank didn’t tell you. Hank...Hank sort of did, but Charles was making an effort not to dwell too much after the fact.
Now Charles had a headache, he pressed two fingers heavily against his temple. He hated it when Erik made him think about these things. He’d much rather be crazy. That made things so much easier.
“I think I’m okay now, let’s go.”
--
They went to the restaurant, where Charles had first saw Erik. Janos showed them to a corner table and brought them drinks. A beer for Erik, a half-glass of rose fruit wine for Charles, water for Hank, and cola for Raven since she was only nineteen. Charles guessed that Hank was having water to make sure she wasn’t left out.
“Please tell me you’re going to eat more than half a salad.” Erik chided his sister.
Raven set her jaw tight, “I’m not very hungry.” It felt like they’d had this conversation before.
Charles’ head was still spinning, but he liked how sweet the rose wine was. And it was either the wine, or his new pills, that was making him feel pleasantly foggy.
Hank said, “I’m actually not all that hungry either, maybe we can split a sandwich?” It seemed to Charles that Hank never fully understood anything, but he was always eager to make peace. It was one of his favorite things about his cousin.
None of them get it! -- Especially -- But Raven fixed up a smile and turned to Hank again, “Yeah, sure. If you want to.”
After that had passed, Charles noticed that Erik’s shoulders had lost some of their tension, but then Erik looked at him, and didn’t think anything.
“I think I’ll, um. Go wash my hands,” said Charles, getting to his feet. He was still a little shaky, but it was lot better than before.
“I’ll come with you,” Hank pushed back his chair.
“It’s all right, take a break from babysitting me too,” Charles’ smile was a dry one. “I think I can take a trip to the men’s room alone without fainting.”
He wondered who would follow him. Charles’ guess was Erik, and he wasn’t wrong. Until “Erik” grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at. Whatever you’re doing, stop it.”
Charles took in a sharp breath, “Let go of me, Raven.”
“Erik” melted back to being Raven again, and she stepped away from him. “Have you told Hank about me?”
“He doesn’t know anything,” Charles said, smoothing out a wrinkle in his shirt. “But even if he does...look, he’s put up with me for years. He thinks I’m insane, and he’s still here.” Of course, Hank was still shoving pills down his throat, but that came with all the other things he didn’t know about.
“You don’t look anything like --” she bit into her lower lip. “Erik doesn’t get it.”
And you do. You know how cruel people can be.
Charles looked at her, and he knew. She didn’t know who she was, but what Raven wanted was so simple. She felt that Erik understood that, but there were so many other things.
Her skin was turning blue. Her eyes were gold, like before.
“Raven, that’s enough. Let Charles alone.” Erik’s voice, the real Erik.
Charles had never seen anything like it. He could do little else but stare.
“Oh.” Then he let out a breath he wasn’t aware of holding. “That’s...that’s sort of glorious.” It was strange, but beautiful in an equally strange sort of way.
Raven stalked out of the restroom. Erik sighed, “She looks fine. I’ve told her that countless times.” Then he added, “You look pale.”
“Erik, you might think that she looks fine,” Charles turned his face towards a mirror mounted on the wall. It was easy for him to blink away the dust, and touches his own reflection in the glass. But the reality is that not a lot of people will look blue. You know that. It was only the truth.
“I’m not stupid,” said Erik. “But if she goes on like this, it’s not healthy for her. And I’m not just talking about her, either.”
Erik’s eyes bore so deeply into his that Charles winced.
What’s going to happen to you if you keep taking your medication, Charles? Your migraines will get worse. You might even lose your telepathy.
That’s sort of the point. I’ve done horrible things with -- Charles had to look away. There was a familiar lump in his throat, -- my affliction, I never, I never wanted to hurt anyone.
“It’s not your fault.” Erik spread out his hands, as if by his words alone, Charles Xavier would be magnanimously absolved of all his sins.
“You don’t even know what you’re forgiving me for,” Charles looked at him. Erik looked so damn earnest, it almost hurt, just like his headaches. “It may not be my fault, but it is on my conscience. And it’s going to stay there.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
Charles touched the side of the man’s face, and it struck him how cold his own hand was. And everything that was fucking Erik Lehnsherr thrummed through the tips of his fingers like small electric shocks. Erik was so alive. He dropped his hand, but the warmth remained.
Then he walked away, he had to. If he stayed, Erik might even start to make sense. This wasn’t something that was supposed to make sense.
“Charles, listen to me.”
“I don’t understand what you want from me, tell me what is it that you want.”
Erik said nothing.
Charles said, “I thought so.”
This time, it was easier to walk away.
--
Scott Summers was eight-years-old. He was an aspiring comic-book artist, and Alex said that he hoped he was going to save up enough money for Scott to go to art camp next summer. Scott shared Alex’s cheekbones, but he had light brown hair.
‘Mutant guy’ was apparently nothing like Scott had imagined him, and he was completely fascinated.
“I thought you’d look cooler,” were his first words when Alex steered Havok away from Pala. “Do you always wear a tie?”
“Glad to see you’ve taught your little brother manners,” Charles tugged idly at his tie. “I’m sorry I don’t look cooler, Scott.”
Alex was about to reach for a cigarette, but before Charles could remind him, he changed his mind. “Well, someone has to.”
“Sarcasm goes over your head, too?”
“I have selective hearing,” Alex said cheerfully. He turned, and took a seat next to Scott and put an arm around him. “So...I still don’t get this. What exactly is this?”
“I’m just paying you back for the other day.” Charles turned his eyes away from them towards the ocean. The ocean was a remorseful gray green today, but calm.
Alex tilted his head curiously, “Yeah, about that. What’d I do?”
Charles tapped a thoughtful finger against his forehead, “You really don’t remember.” He distinctively remembered that he hadn’t used any mind tricks, so unless it was a trick that Erik hadn’t told him about. Or maybe it was because that was two weeks earlier, and Alex didn’t have that good of a short-term memory.
“I don’t remember,” Alex shrugged. “But if you’re so set on doing us a favor, I’m not going to say no. The last time I went to see dolphins, guy at the aquarium told me that they came down with something.”
Scott said, “I’ve never seen any dolphins.” Poking his brother severely in the shoulder, “He never takes me anywhere.”
“...Does dolphins make me kind of cool, then?” Charles hoped he didn’t sound too hopeful because he wasn’t.
Scott thought this over, “May-be.” He said finally, “I’ll have to go home and draw your picture over again, though. This time I think I’ll put dolphins in it.”
Charles laughed, but then he stopped laughing when his watch beeped. He frowned, but reached for the bottle of water he’d brought with him.
Both brothers looked on with undisguised interest as Charles lined up all his pills on a scrap of napkin. Alex said, “All that?”
“Upside is that I only have to take them three times a day.” Charles took a gulp of water and took his first handful of pills.
“...Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” There was maybe a little bit of awe in Alex’s voice. As if the pills immediately made someone dysfunctional, and yet Charles never gave any sign that he was unstable. Yet. It was easier being in the company of people with no secrets.
Charles said, “They don’t really know. Most of this is still preventive.”
Alex said, “So...they don’t know what’s wrong with you, so they make you take a fuck --” Before that word completely slipped out, Alex hastily exchanged it for, “a boatload of drugs hoping one will work?”
Scott only blinked once.
“Pretty much,” Charles stared down at the remaining pills in his palm. Before he could change his mind, he swallowed them. “I can’t take any chances.”
I’m never getting a PhD. These people are insane. Alex’s expression said as much.
“You shouldn’t,” Charles agreed mildly. If ‘insanity’ or any of its variants were used in conjunction with the word ‘PhD,’ then he had to agree with it.
“ -- Huh?”
“Nothing,” Charles said. “You can stop the boat now. I think we’ve gone out far enough.”
Scott peered out into the sea, “I don’t see any dolphins.”
Charles tucked his pill bottles away and stood up. Erik had made it sound so easy. In a way, maybe it was. After all, dolphins were completely different from human beings. They were never going to lock him up because he could talk to them.
“You will. Just wait a minute.”
Perhaps it was because Charles had already done it before, it was easier this time. And there was no stabbing pang in his head. In fact, he almost felt at peace, when the vision of Emma swam hazily into his mind’s eye. She was with her school this time. And Charles did not know if dolphins could smile, but it seemed that she was smiling at him.
Can’t hide, after all. No, not smiling, smirking, maybe.
I’m not hiding.
“Look, Alex, look!” Scott bounded to the side of the boat, and leaned over. He pointed excitedly, “There’s dolphins! Over there!”
“Scott, careful, you’ll fall over.”
Emma poked her head out of the water, Hi-ding she chirped, almost gleefully. Charles couldn’t talk to the rest of her friends -- at least he thought they were friends, they might be minions. Azazel was among them. Maybe she was telling them to laugh at him, too.
No.
Erik knows. Emma told him that with her eyes, as she dove into the water again.
Charles said, “You don’t talk to Erik!”
Alex glanced at him, “I’m sorry?”
“Erik the shark guy?” Scott’s attention was torn at once from the dolphins.
Charles quickly, “Nothing. Yes, Erik the shark guy. But...never mind.”
Emma rose out of the water and splashed the side of their boat almost petulantly before swimming off into the distance. The others soon followed. Azazel lingered a little, as if to convey how disappointed he was. Azazel didn’t say so in so many words, but Charles just knew. Apparently even dolphins were disappointed in him.
Alex put a hand on his shoulder, “Do I...want to know how you did that?”
Charles only thought for a moment before coming to a decision; it was the only feasible decision he could have made, “I don’t think you really do.”
“Okay then,” Alex shrugged.
--
Navigation: One || Two || Three || Four || Five
Fandom: X-Men: First Class (2011) (c) Marvel and others.
Characters/Pairings: Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr; Hank McCoy/Raven Darkholme; Alex Summers; Cain Marko; others.
Genres: AU//Drama/Preslash
Rating: R
Summary: Charles Xavier, newly released from a mental hospital, vows never to use his powers again. He accompanies his cousin Hank McCoy to the remote island of Pala to work on his thesis. There, he meets Erik Lehnsherr, a marine biologist who has a few secrets of his own. (Partially inspired by the Madeleine L’Engle novel A Ring of Endless Light.)
Warnings: mental illness; medically-prescribed pill-popping; implied anorexia; mentions of attempted suicide; gratuitous pseudo-science.
Notes: Title is from a Dickinson poem, and this AU is a shameless excuse for me to use the line -- “Why, yes, I used to study sharks.” Also, Pala is a completely fictional island borrowed from Aldous Huxley’s aptly named Island
--
Four
“I’m walking you back to your room,” said Erik, once he’d tied up Havok properly again in its rightful place.
“No, you’re not.” Charles was swaying dangerously on his feet. “I’ll just be going.”
“Charles, don’t be ridiculous. You’re not even walking straight.” Before he could get very far, Erik’s fingers had clamped down in his wrist like an unforgiving iron cast.
Of course he wasn’t. The fact that Charles could walk at all surprised him. The pounding in his head was blinding, but he knew he couldn’t be near Erik. Erik, who knew nothing about what it was like. What if Erik wasn’t real? What if Charles dreamed him up because he desperately wanted to be sane? That had happened once at the Institute, and they’d put him in a medical coma for a whole two days. Or, that was what he was told.
“Of course I’m ridiculous, I’m insane.” Charles stumbled away from him. “You may have missed that. I’m telling you. I don’t even know if you’re real. You’re telling me that I’m a telepath. Am I supposed to just believe you?”
“No, I never expected you to believe me,” said Erik. There were lines on his face that Charles hadn’t noticed before. “But I’m real. If I were an illusion,” he took both of Charles’ hands and held them tight. “If I were your illusion, make me go away.”
“ -- I can’t.” Erik was standing close enough so that Charles could smell him. Him, and the bitter tang of sea salt.
“Charles, listen to me. You’re not crazy. Neither of us are crazy.”
“I talked to Emma. She’s a dolphin.” It certainly sounded crazy. “Let go of me.”
“You were sick on the boat,” Erik reminded him quietly. “Charles, don’t argue. Let me take you back to your room.”
I didn’t want my life to be like this.
I know.
It was hard to glare at someone when his vision was blurring at the edges, but Charles gave it best shot anyway. Erik’s mouth might have twitched.
“Stop saying that. Because you don’t. You’ve never had voices inside your head.” All you have to do is not move metal.
Erik came to an abrupt stop, and Charles almost tripped, but the other man grabbed him before he could fall.
“...Erik?”
Suddenly, Charles saw it. He saw a young teenaged-boy in half-charred clothing screaming at a crushed car, and there were bits of metal flying everywhere. The boy screamed in a language that Charles knew, but did not understand save for one word --
Mother.
Oh.
Somewhere, far away, Charles heard someone calling his name, but he didn’t hear. He was more fixated on the boy’s face, twisted in pained sorrow too heavy for one so young.
Charles, Charles. Stay with me --
--
When he came to, Charles saw white walls, but they weren’t the same kind of walls. Maybe his skull was cracked, that was why, that was why it hurt. He was not one for complaining, but the first word out of his mouth was, “It hurts.”
“You’re on new medication,” It was Hank who was sitting in the chair next to the bed. “I called McTaggert. We somehow managed to come up with a new regimen for you.”
Charles had had a rough night. From the looks of it, so had Hank. Judging by the light spilling in the window, it had to sometime in the morning, or the afternoon.
He distinctly remembered telling (if that was the word for it) his cousin not to call Moira, and yet Hank had. But then, he remembered that Hank had threatened to have him recommitted, it seemed that Hank hadn’t really done such a thing. He was still here in Pala.
“Oh. What...what happened to me?” He remembered standing in a street, as a boy screamed for his mother in Polish. That was it, Polish.
“You fainted,” said Hank, rubbing at his eyes. “Erik brought you here, and then he called me. Charles, what happened last night?”
“Dolphins,” said Charles groggily. He closed his eyes and saw Emma. Emma in the ocean, leaping majestically towards the sky. Maybe she was laughing at him.
“...Dolphins,” Hank repeated blankly. “What about them? Charles, Charles open your eyes.”
Charles did, with some effort. Hank was asking him about the dolphins, but he couldn’t tell him. It didn’t make any sense, and it would take too long. “What’d I just say?”
Hank opened his mouth, and then snapped it shut again, “Nothing. Look, just rest for now. I’ll come check on you later. I don’t want Dr. Hendrey to looking for me.” He might find you.
Charles watched him go. Then he tried to move, and found that his legs were completely numb, “Hank!”
Hank turned, “You should be able to feel your legs in a couple of hours. It was either that, or we tie you up.” He sounded sorry, but his eyes were hard, “Look, I have to go. I’ll be back in to talk to you about your new medication.” The first part of that was a lie, Hank knew that Charles controlled minds. Hank also knew that Charles probably couldn’t tell muscles to not numb themselves.
Charles wanted to tell him to stay, but he knew he couldn’t.
He spent the morning skimming through some literature that had been placed on the table. Hank was not very subtle, but at least he planned for everything.
A soft cough made him look up. There was a young woman standing there in the doorway. She was lovely, with flaming red hair, and bright yellow green eyes. She had very, very pale skin.
“...Do I know you?”
Right before his eyes, he saw her skin darken, and her hair lighten. The sundress she was wearing became a baggy t-shirt and denim shorts. Charles would have shown her more of a reaction, really, but he was on (top-dollar) drugs, and he was exhausted from last night.
“Raven? Did you just --”
He really doesn’t know. She looked at him, with something close to akin to pity in her eyes, and Charles looked away. He hated it when people looked at him like that.
“I’m not going to stay,” she said very softly. “Erik just asked me to check on you. He said he upset you last night, and said that you probably didn’t want to see him.”
Something caught in his throat and stayed there. “I don’t want to see him.”
Raven approached the bed, and she put her hand on his wrist.
You are one of us. Erik has been looking for someone like you, perhaps his entire life.
Charles looked at her, “I never asked for any of this.”
She looked like she wanted to hit him. No, Raven did want to hit him, but she remembered Erik. “I don’t think anyone asked for anything like this.” I certainly didn’t. How dare you say I did.
Almost instinctively, Charles noticed her fingers, and how bone-thin they looked. He was afraid to shut his eyes. He was afraid he might see a girl staring into a mirror with hollow eyes. Perhaps he would even hear retching sounds in a bathroom.
“Don’t,” she said. “Anyway, I should be leaving. I promised to help Erik out with stuff back at the Center.”
“Raven.”
She looked so young and lost, “What?”
“Close the door a moment,” Charles said.
She wasn’t her like her brother, and the fact that this strange Charles Xavier read minds -- controlled them, even -- that bothered her. It should bother him too, except it didn’t. Erik too, had been alone a long time.
“Why?” Raven pursed her lips tightly together. “What are you going to make me do?”
“Nothing, if you don’t want to,” Charles said.
“You’re a telepath,” she said. And again, reminded him that he hated the word because it simply didn’t sound real. “I’m not just going to believe you.” But she walked over to the door without him telling her, and shut it with a quiet click.
“But still, here you are.”
She glared at him, one of her eyes flared into a brilliant shade of gold.
“What do you want?”
“Please let me see what you really look like.”
Raven was quiet for a very long time, but then she opened her mouth, “I --”
The door swung open, revealing a haggard-looking Hank. “Charles, I don’t have long, I just have to --” When he noted Raven, he stopped, and flushed a fairly obvious shade of pink. Charles didn’t have to read minds to figure out what was going on.
“Oh, Raven. I didn’t know you were here.”
“I was, you know.” Raven gestured with her hands awkwardly. “For my brother. He’s tied up at the Center this morning and asked me to look in on Charles. But I’ve really got to go.”
Hank’s face fell a little.
“Actually, how long until this damn thing wears off?” Some of the feeling was returning to his legs, but Charles had a feeling that if he tried to stand, he’d fall on his knees again.
Hank still didn’t look sorry. He glanced quickly at his watch, “Should wear off in the next half hour. If you haven’t been moving around.”
“I haven’t,” Charles waved his hand over at the books and journals piled beside him on the bed, a testament to his good behavior. “Would you all like to go to lunch? My treat, for inconveniencing everyone.” He spared Raven a look, “Erik too. If he can manage to be borrowed.”
Both of their faces instantly brightened up. Raven said, “If you’re the one borrowing him, I’m sure he won’t mind. I’ll go bring him right now. Um, see you in a bit, Hank.”
Somewhere, a watch was going off. Charles looked down at his own wrist and heaved a sigh.
“Great,” Hank said. He seemed to have gotten his energy back in the short span of minutes, “We can talk about your new pills.”
--
He didn’t exactly know why they’d switched his regimen from before, but he was now supposed to take ten pills every eight hours. The side-effects were also allegedly less, and maybe Charles would stop fainting so much. Hank made him swallow all of it, before he’d let Charles get on his feet. One of the pills was barely FDA-approved. At least it was approved. He had no idea that his cousin and Moira were so chummy. He needed to give her a call.
When Erik poked his head in the room, he witnessed Charles stumbling around in the room with still rubbery legs that weren’t really his. The man’s expression flitted between amusement and concern, “What -- happened to you?”
“A neuromuscular blocker happened to me,” Charles said, making it a point not to glare at Hank. “It’s been more than thirty minutes.”
“I said about thirty minutes, not that fault if you don’t react within the average statistics,” Hank said, avoiding his eyes anyway.
Raven came in the room behind her brother, “ -- Are we going?”
“...We are leaving as soon as I can walk.” Charles gave up stumbling and returned to the bed.
Erik stepped into the room and walked over to him. Are you all right? About last night, I am sorry.
Charles gave a preemptive wince, because he expected a pang right then. The medication never made other people’s thoughts go away, it just hurt to hear them. Strangely enough, he felt nothing. Must be the new drugs not working. Not that he wasn’t used to that.
Why are you sorry?
It is my fault that you’re here, in case Hank didn’t tell you. Hank...Hank sort of did, but Charles was making an effort not to dwell too much after the fact.
Now Charles had a headache, he pressed two fingers heavily against his temple. He hated it when Erik made him think about these things. He’d much rather be crazy. That made things so much easier.
“I think I’m okay now, let’s go.”
--
They went to the restaurant, where Charles had first saw Erik. Janos showed them to a corner table and brought them drinks. A beer for Erik, a half-glass of rose fruit wine for Charles, water for Hank, and cola for Raven since she was only nineteen. Charles guessed that Hank was having water to make sure she wasn’t left out.
“Please tell me you’re going to eat more than half a salad.” Erik chided his sister.
Raven set her jaw tight, “I’m not very hungry.” It felt like they’d had this conversation before.
Charles’ head was still spinning, but he liked how sweet the rose wine was. And it was either the wine, or his new pills, that was making him feel pleasantly foggy.
Hank said, “I’m actually not all that hungry either, maybe we can split a sandwich?” It seemed to Charles that Hank never fully understood anything, but he was always eager to make peace. It was one of his favorite things about his cousin.
None of them get it! -- Especially -- But Raven fixed up a smile and turned to Hank again, “Yeah, sure. If you want to.”
After that had passed, Charles noticed that Erik’s shoulders had lost some of their tension, but then Erik looked at him, and didn’t think anything.
“I think I’ll, um. Go wash my hands,” said Charles, getting to his feet. He was still a little shaky, but it was lot better than before.
“I’ll come with you,” Hank pushed back his chair.
“It’s all right, take a break from babysitting me too,” Charles’ smile was a dry one. “I think I can take a trip to the men’s room alone without fainting.”
He wondered who would follow him. Charles’ guess was Erik, and he wasn’t wrong. Until “Erik” grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at. Whatever you’re doing, stop it.”
Charles took in a sharp breath, “Let go of me, Raven.”
“Erik” melted back to being Raven again, and she stepped away from him. “Have you told Hank about me?”
“He doesn’t know anything,” Charles said, smoothing out a wrinkle in his shirt. “But even if he does...look, he’s put up with me for years. He thinks I’m insane, and he’s still here.” Of course, Hank was still shoving pills down his throat, but that came with all the other things he didn’t know about.
“You don’t look anything like --” she bit into her lower lip. “Erik doesn’t get it.”
And you do. You know how cruel people can be.
Charles looked at her, and he knew. She didn’t know who she was, but what Raven wanted was so simple. She felt that Erik understood that, but there were so many other things.
Her skin was turning blue. Her eyes were gold, like before.
“Raven, that’s enough. Let Charles alone.” Erik’s voice, the real Erik.
Charles had never seen anything like it. He could do little else but stare.
“Oh.” Then he let out a breath he wasn’t aware of holding. “That’s...that’s sort of glorious.” It was strange, but beautiful in an equally strange sort of way.
Raven stalked out of the restroom. Erik sighed, “She looks fine. I’ve told her that countless times.” Then he added, “You look pale.”
“Erik, you might think that she looks fine,” Charles turned his face towards a mirror mounted on the wall. It was easy for him to blink away the dust, and touches his own reflection in the glass. But the reality is that not a lot of people will look blue. You know that. It was only the truth.
“I’m not stupid,” said Erik. “But if she goes on like this, it’s not healthy for her. And I’m not just talking about her, either.”
Erik’s eyes bore so deeply into his that Charles winced.
What’s going to happen to you if you keep taking your medication, Charles? Your migraines will get worse. You might even lose your telepathy.
That’s sort of the point. I’ve done horrible things with -- Charles had to look away. There was a familiar lump in his throat, -- my affliction, I never, I never wanted to hurt anyone.
“It’s not your fault.” Erik spread out his hands, as if by his words alone, Charles Xavier would be magnanimously absolved of all his sins.
“You don’t even know what you’re forgiving me for,” Charles looked at him. Erik looked so damn earnest, it almost hurt, just like his headaches. “It may not be my fault, but it is on my conscience. And it’s going to stay there.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
Charles touched the side of the man’s face, and it struck him how cold his own hand was. And everything that was fucking Erik Lehnsherr thrummed through the tips of his fingers like small electric shocks. Erik was so alive. He dropped his hand, but the warmth remained.
Then he walked away, he had to. If he stayed, Erik might even start to make sense. This wasn’t something that was supposed to make sense.
“Charles, listen to me.”
“I don’t understand what you want from me, tell me what is it that you want.”
Erik said nothing.
Charles said, “I thought so.”
This time, it was easier to walk away.
--
Scott Summers was eight-years-old. He was an aspiring comic-book artist, and Alex said that he hoped he was going to save up enough money for Scott to go to art camp next summer. Scott shared Alex’s cheekbones, but he had light brown hair.
‘Mutant guy’ was apparently nothing like Scott had imagined him, and he was completely fascinated.
“I thought you’d look cooler,” were his first words when Alex steered Havok away from Pala. “Do you always wear a tie?”
“Glad to see you’ve taught your little brother manners,” Charles tugged idly at his tie. “I’m sorry I don’t look cooler, Scott.”
Alex was about to reach for a cigarette, but before Charles could remind him, he changed his mind. “Well, someone has to.”
“Sarcasm goes over your head, too?”
“I have selective hearing,” Alex said cheerfully. He turned, and took a seat next to Scott and put an arm around him. “So...I still don’t get this. What exactly is this?”
“I’m just paying you back for the other day.” Charles turned his eyes away from them towards the ocean. The ocean was a remorseful gray green today, but calm.
Alex tilted his head curiously, “Yeah, about that. What’d I do?”
Charles tapped a thoughtful finger against his forehead, “You really don’t remember.” He distinctively remembered that he hadn’t used any mind tricks, so unless it was a trick that Erik hadn’t told him about. Or maybe it was because that was two weeks earlier, and Alex didn’t have that good of a short-term memory.
“I don’t remember,” Alex shrugged. “But if you’re so set on doing us a favor, I’m not going to say no. The last time I went to see dolphins, guy at the aquarium told me that they came down with something.”
Scott said, “I’ve never seen any dolphins.” Poking his brother severely in the shoulder, “He never takes me anywhere.”
“...Does dolphins make me kind of cool, then?” Charles hoped he didn’t sound too hopeful because he wasn’t.
Scott thought this over, “May-be.” He said finally, “I’ll have to go home and draw your picture over again, though. This time I think I’ll put dolphins in it.”
Charles laughed, but then he stopped laughing when his watch beeped. He frowned, but reached for the bottle of water he’d brought with him.
Both brothers looked on with undisguised interest as Charles lined up all his pills on a scrap of napkin. Alex said, “All that?”
“Upside is that I only have to take them three times a day.” Charles took a gulp of water and took his first handful of pills.
“...Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” There was maybe a little bit of awe in Alex’s voice. As if the pills immediately made someone dysfunctional, and yet Charles never gave any sign that he was unstable. Yet. It was easier being in the company of people with no secrets.
Charles said, “They don’t really know. Most of this is still preventive.”
Alex said, “So...they don’t know what’s wrong with you, so they make you take a fuck --” Before that word completely slipped out, Alex hastily exchanged it for, “a boatload of drugs hoping one will work?”
Scott only blinked once.
“Pretty much,” Charles stared down at the remaining pills in his palm. Before he could change his mind, he swallowed them. “I can’t take any chances.”
I’m never getting a PhD. These people are insane. Alex’s expression said as much.
“You shouldn’t,” Charles agreed mildly. If ‘insanity’ or any of its variants were used in conjunction with the word ‘PhD,’ then he had to agree with it.
“ -- Huh?”
“Nothing,” Charles said. “You can stop the boat now. I think we’ve gone out far enough.”
Scott peered out into the sea, “I don’t see any dolphins.”
Charles tucked his pill bottles away and stood up. Erik had made it sound so easy. In a way, maybe it was. After all, dolphins were completely different from human beings. They were never going to lock him up because he could talk to them.
“You will. Just wait a minute.”
Perhaps it was because Charles had already done it before, it was easier this time. And there was no stabbing pang in his head. In fact, he almost felt at peace, when the vision of Emma swam hazily into his mind’s eye. She was with her school this time. And Charles did not know if dolphins could smile, but it seemed that she was smiling at him.
Can’t hide, after all. No, not smiling, smirking, maybe.
I’m not hiding.
“Look, Alex, look!” Scott bounded to the side of the boat, and leaned over. He pointed excitedly, “There’s dolphins! Over there!”
“Scott, careful, you’ll fall over.”
Emma poked her head out of the water, Hi-ding she chirped, almost gleefully. Charles couldn’t talk to the rest of her friends -- at least he thought they were friends, they might be minions. Azazel was among them. Maybe she was telling them to laugh at him, too.
No.
Erik knows. Emma told him that with her eyes, as she dove into the water again.
Charles said, “You don’t talk to Erik!”
Alex glanced at him, “I’m sorry?”
“Erik the shark guy?” Scott’s attention was torn at once from the dolphins.
Charles quickly, “Nothing. Yes, Erik the shark guy. But...never mind.”
Emma rose out of the water and splashed the side of their boat almost petulantly before swimming off into the distance. The others soon followed. Azazel lingered a little, as if to convey how disappointed he was. Azazel didn’t say so in so many words, but Charles just knew. Apparently even dolphins were disappointed in him.
Alex put a hand on his shoulder, “Do I...want to know how you did that?”
Charles only thought for a moment before coming to a decision; it was the only feasible decision he could have made, “I don’t think you really do.”
“Okay then,” Alex shrugged.
--
Navigation: One || Two || Three || Four || Five