Venting, and a few serious questions

[akasuzu]

I'm not sure why I'm still a part of this community. I mean, my boyfriend, now ex, is joining the army. He got his MOS... it is MOS, right?... and then decided to dump me. There's a bunch of drama leading up to this, of course. Of course!

Sorry for the confusion in advance; good luck following this.

Comments

[jcgavememusic]

Well... lets just start by saying that I know what it is like to love someone who treats you like shit. But take it from me that if it hasnt worked out by now it will just keep coming up. He keeps trying to do it only when he wants, and that will never change until he grows up and can handle a relationship. It doesnt sound like he can.

It might suck, but you need to think about yourself, and that things probably wont ever work out. I would say off of this that you should move on. It doesnt matter how much time you give him (he is a guy, they are great at 'oh I missed you lets get together. then a few months later break up again) he will always leave again. ALWAYS and it will go the same way. If he cant sit down and talk about all of that then I dont think it will ever work out.

[akasuzu]

they are great at 'oh I missed you lets get together

They are damn good at that, aren't they?

[riseabove]

I would say that him repeatedly breaking up with you is a version of male "too emotional"-ness. As does the feeling of the certainty that he'd get a "Dear John" letter while in Basic. It sounds like, from what you've described here, that he is still feeling the effects of the burn he felt with his ex, and adding the impending frustrations about being away from you with very little contact while going through probably the toughest (mentally as well as physically) time in his life so far (BCT) is creating this kind of reaction in him. But that's just my opinion that you can take or leave if you want

[akasuzu]

It's okay. You didn't come off like a jackass. And it is a selfish thing to think, but it doesn't make me think it any less.

My only concern is I'm confused as to where I should go from here. I've told him over and over I'd be there for him, no matter what, but if I decide to move on with my life that means I know I could not even talk to him, because every time I'd be dying for him to ask for me back. And if I do decide to do that then I shouldn't be a part of this community, either, because it'll just remind me.

But on the other hand, I don't want to give up on him yet. I know he's going to go through some of the most difficult things in his life soon, and I want to be there for him. For better or worse, he'll be different when he gets back....and I want to be there for him..

[riseabove]

Well.. I like to think there is a fine line between being there for someone and being a doormat/allowing yourself to become a fool/walked all over. Where you draw that line, or when you see that line is all up to you.

[photo_mama]

Even though I've already been accused of being a bitch tonight, I'll have to take my chances and agree with her.

Especially about the military making people grow up and about Iraq making people see what's really important and who they really love. Those things DO happen, but you can't control whether it happens to him or not.

[schonesleben]

I would think that if he had broken up with you three times that would be a good indication that you need to let him go and move on with your life.

[akasuzu]

Touché. I'm pretty stubborn when I want something, though. It's difficult for me to give him up. :/

[storyofagrrgirl]

Coming from somebody who went through the "drama drama drama" phase with multiple exes, and am now happily married to a Marine...

It just isn't worth it, hunny. Relationships are work, but there is a place and time to draw the line and call it good because it will never go anywhere. Is it easy? No. But apparently, he doesn't seem to have his head on straight enough to not break up with you a gazillion times and you haven't put your foot down to stop it.

Excuse my being blunt.

[akasuzu]

It's okay. Thanks for the help.

[euphoric_beauty]

I agree with everything everyone's said. I can also relate to the stubborness and selfishness you're feeling, because I'm the same way when it comes to some things.

This situation sounds like my sister and her boyfriend. He breaks up with her, they get back together. She breaks up with him, they get back together. They fight, they say things they later regret, they fight more, they break up, and now they're back together. It's a vicious cycle, and one that people shouldn't be put through, or put themselves through. Loving someone and knowing they're getting further and further out of your reach is a hard pill to swallow, but you gotta. Hanging on for dear life is only going to drain YOU. I believe he cares, and misses you, and everything else, but he needs to learn respect, and treat you with it. He needs to understand that you're not always going to be there when he wants to be a dick, and you hafta step up and show him that. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it in the long run, whatever the outcome.