I thought that when I sat at the computer I would be able to write. I find that I can not do so. I find that I am in a place in my life that I thought I would never see again, not since the teacher. Words do nothing but cloud the issue, they can not express the truth.

It comes with the storm, the essence of it grows as the skies blacken. It watches me from the pictures and laughs from croners in the darkness. I fear it no longer and only sit in wait for it to come to me. The will pass in time, with luck I will remain after it passes. May the Godds watch over me...

Fear, its a funny thing. Clouding darkness, ragged breath, a closets nightmares waiting. Night time crickets and the cool breeze all the while panting. Last nights memories and todays dreams just the same again.

Its arms wrapped around me. The darkness inveloped my body as concern swept my emotions. Frozen she lay there, waiting in the dark, eyes watching for reaction. The words wandered through her mind, echoing the truth they held. "you're too late, you are mine now" The struggle was great, twisting the body, shaking it violatly. But I wonder if it ( Read more... )

There wasn't a house to stand in and there was no furniture to sit upon, there was only the one room, just plain white. I sat on the floor of the little white room and listioned to the sound of nothing. At times the room held shadows that would creep across the floor, clawing at my skin, laughing at the blood trickling from a thousand scratches ( Read more... )

No matter what happens, I always seem to fuck things up. I lost a very dear friend today. I got an e-mail with his good-bye. A fucking e-mail! No call or written letter, guess that I'm not worth more. To top it off, in my poor, emotional reaction to this, I hurt my husband. Who as it is now won't say exactly what is wrong only that he didn't ( Read more... )

I don't feel any better today than I have since the er screwed me. I had a long talk with my love the other night. I had no desire to be as honest as I was but I owed him the truth. I wish that I could take away his pain, to say something to make it better, but there is nothing. All I can do is try to be a better person than I am. Not an easy ( Read more... )

Well it has been almost two weeks since the orginal spinal tap and just about one week since the blood patch to fix it... I was informed yesterday that the painful back spasms are normal can last up to two weeks after the blood patch... I am tired of being in constant pain, but life could always be worse. Any way, there is much more for me to be ( Read more... )

So today marked the third trip to the er for me this week. As it turns out a small percentage of people who get a spinal tap don't heal quite right from it and the cerbal spinal fluids leaks out, causing sever migrains that can last up to two weeks. I now have a appointment to go to the pain clinc tomorrow so that they can put more spinal fulid ( Read more... )

Maybe its because all I've been doing is trying to sleep, perhaps not. In any case I feel wide awake, and I'm enjoying being up as well. I don't want to end things with sleep. But hubby goes to work tomorrow, early and I have to give him a ride in. I should for all intent and purpose be asleep yet I'm not. Smegal and his sister stopped by and ( Read more... )