Next!

[mindlgrrl]

Seriously. Am i gonna wind up one of those ppl who lets life happen all around me then suddenly realize that i'm what, 50, 60, and all alone? With nothing and nobody to show, no real record that i existed, no proof that i lived

Comments

[la_luna]

You're asking hard questions, ones only you can really answer. Have you considered finding a counselor or therapist somewhere? Is there a public clinic where you can get services on a sliding scale? I'm not talking psychiatrist but someone who can help you find those answers. Maybe you've already been there, done that, but it seems you could benefit from an objective, third party professional who could help you really see things for what they are and help you work through them. Whatever you do, I hope you find the peace you need. I don't think that peace is going to come from finding a girlfriend, necessarily. You're probably going struggle in that regard until you make peace with these demons you want to cast out.

[mindlgrrl]

You're right. I know it. And no, of course i haven't looked into that because that would mean that i have lost and Daddy won. That is one of his favorite asshole things to throw at me-- i need to go see a psychiatrist, there's something wrong with me, etc.

Now, i also know deep down that is not what it means. I'm afraid if i did find somebody to talk to about all this shit that is my life i would make his/her head explode.

Any type of relshp for me would not be about peace really but escape. I can realize and admit this, even to the other person. I just want a chance to feel "normal" on a part-time basis right now. I'm not going to be able to cast out the demons (one in particular) until i'm able to live on my own and support myself financially. Period. That's it. So, i will continue to be plagued by all this for quite some time i'm sure.