It really scares and shocks me how much people hide from each other. I don't understand why we're all so guarded, why we keep people at arm's length, live so distantly. I pity those who have never known love or kindness. Why do we keep so many things locked up from even ourselves?
Actually, I know why. We're all too scared of this pain. We need to let go--we need to start loving, or else our hearts will be too wooden to ever breathe. I hate detachment more than anything else, although it might also be considered one of my signature traits.
I have recently learned a valuable lesson: People never need a reason to be assholes.
I'm scared for the world lately and how are things are going. If it has to be done, I'll put the world on my shoulders to carry it with me. Everything is spiraling down too fast, and we're all in desperate need for a change.
I think I still love him but am running from it. Why can't I want it? I just let myself get hurt with the excuse that I'm trying new things but I'm ruining my life. I'm afraid that I'm going to find myself old and alone with all kinds of addictions and unable to remember what a smile feels like. But part of me deserves that maybe.
I often wish I could get rid of my emotions. I feel like there's no gray area with them- it's either love or hate, good or bad, and cycling between these is damn frustrating.
I killed my dog. I don't know why I did it. He just, he wouldn't stop, you know? He just.. i din't know. I feel really bad. But he's a dog. I didn't mean it. I mean, i guess maybe i did mena it.. but i didn't really mean it.
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
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Actually, I know why. We're all too scared of this pain. We need to let go--we need to start loving, or else our hearts will be too wooden to ever breathe. I hate detachment more than anything else, although it might also be considered one of my signature traits.
I have recently learned a valuable lesson: People never need a reason to be assholes.
I'm scared for the world lately and how are things are going. If it has to be done, I'll put the world on my shoulders to carry it with me. Everything is spiraling down too fast, and we're all in desperate need for a change.
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