Here
Title: Here
Author: Tia at the ministryofbees
Pairing: Ohno/Sho
Length: One-shot, 1570 words! *gasps*
Genre: Woeful angst and anguish :D
Author's note: It's a special collaboration between the wonderful shilriarizz and me~!! Two views on one prompt. Same title, same concept, different tone, different storyline. Doubly awesome if you read both fics. :D Check out hers right here.
*
He swirled the remnants of what used to be a full can of beer in his hand, absentmindedly staring at the twisted shadow it produced on the surface of the table. He sat at his usual spot, on the living room floor at the warmed kotatsu, facing the television. The spot to the right of him was desolately empty. Yet, his mind was flying, soaring, so far away. His eyes were dark, unreflecting pools. Sho wasn’t drunk. He’d never do that today, of all days. It was unnerving and arduous, waiting like this. So Sho buried the emotions trapped inside him in memories. Sho tried hard not to let tears run down his cheek. He had had enough of sobbing and crying for the last year. It just made his eyes swell and his heart crack. He tried to concentrate on the good memories, but his mind wandered too much, as it always does.
It probably didn’t even register in his mind that it was past midnight.
*
“Sho-chan? I heard from your manager that you won’t be in Japan in two weeks’ time. Is it something for News Zero?” Ohno asked idly, scooping some rice into his spoon. Sho’s fork stopped midway between the plate and his open mouth. Sho sighed inwardly. He didn’t want for Ohno to learn it from his manager. “Um, well, yes. I was going to tell you after dinner, Satoshi. I’m so sorry. I have to cover the F1 night race in Singapore. I’m going to miss your birthday,” Sho explained whilst looking at Ohno’s figure, his tone guilt-ridden. Ohno looked up from his curry rice and grinned at Sho. “It’s okay, Sho-chan. I don’t mind. Just send me a present and I’ll be fine. I’ll just go birthday fishing for tuna. Maybe in my birthday suit.” “Don’t do that, Satoshi!” Sho said exasperatedly. Ohno giggled teasingly at his reaction.
Sho reached forward and held Ohno’s curled hand tightly, gently caressing it with his thumb. “I really am sorry, Satoshi. But I promise I’ll be with you for your next birthday, and your next and your next! With a cake each time! No matter what, ‘kay?” Sho said, looking into Ohno’s eyes. Ohno thought it over in his mind for a second, and then he smiled happily and did a little wriggle of appreciation. Sho chuckled and got up, leaning forward to plant a kiss on Ohno’s nose.
*
It was Nino who reached him first.
Sho was at the airport, waiting for the gate to his flight back to Tokyo to open. He had sent the present he bought the day before by express post, so it would arrive that day on Ohno’s birthday. It was a large canvas, white and empty. It would probably take up one whole wall in their house. Ohno had mentioned before that he would like to paint again, something large and unlimited. It was the largest that Sho could find.
A pretty airline staff with a bright flashing smile approached Sho and told him that he could board the plane. Sho smiled at her and said thanks. He was about turn his phone off when it rang shrilly, panicked with urgency. He could see Nino’s name flashing blatantly on the screen. Sho picked it up and answered, “Hello? Nino?”
“Oh, thank God! Sho, w-where are you right now?” Nino’s voice was trembling hard as he tried to sound as coherent and clear as possible over the line and to calm his racking sobs from escaping. Sho’s brow knitted in anxiety as he heard the commotion in the background. “I’m just about to board the flight. Nino, what’s wrong? Tell me!” Sho started yelling into the phone. Nino broke down and cried high, boyish sobs at Sho’s sentence.
Sho’s mind went blank and empty when he heard Nino’s stammered reply. His grip faltered and the phone dropped. His fingers were icy-cold. He couldn’t feel the firm, solid ground that he used to stand on. He didn’t hear the airline staff asking him concerned questions. He could only hear his own heartbeat, pounding deafeningly in his ears as blood rushed to his head.
“It’s Oh- It’s Oh-chan, S-sho. T-there was an a-accident.”
*
Such an excruciatingly painful task to bear, waiting here, tonight. Sho frowned deeply, violently wiping away stray obstinate tears that escaped his eyes, cursing himself for being such a wimp. He took deep, shaky breathes and opened another can of beer, determined to drown his sorrows while he waited. He took large gulps and placed the can back on the table shamefully, his head hanging. The flames of candles on the cake quivered subtly, disturbed by a sudden gentle breeze. Sho looked up.
He felt soft hands, almost imaginary, circling his waist from behind. Quiet warmth radiated slowly onto his back. Sho felt someone’s head lean against his shoulder, hair tickling his neck. He started sobbing, hard.
*
Arashi broke up a few months later. Nobody argued, nobody screamed, nobody went on a rampage. Silently, they just decided that they don’t want a future where Arashi wasn’t a five member group. They couldn’t stand the agony of going forward with their normal activities without his presence there. The management didn’t say anything, either. The whole company simply accepted the unfortunate turn of events and went on with their business, with the exception of the remaining Arashi members. It was even wrong to call them Arashi. They just aren’t that group anymore.
They still continued to work in the entertainment industry, that being the only thing they knew how to do. Jun turned to emceeing and modelling. Aiba had a few variety shows. Nino became a music producer, hiding from the bright lights. After calming down enough to work again, Sho was offered a management job at the company, just organizing the Juniors and looking after debuted groups. They were still close to each other. Probably closer than before. They shared that pain and restraint that nobody else felt. They knew when to hold it all in, when to cry, and when to comfort one another. They knew they couldn’t move on without each other. Deep inside, they knew they could never move on.
*
Sho cried into his hands for a full five minutes, not daring to turn around and look. He could hear Ohno humming soothingly into his ear, a beautiful, heart-breaking song. He could hear the quiet rustling of Ohno’s wings as it moved slowly, in sync with Sho’s breathing. He could feel Ohno’s fingers holding on to the fabric of his shirt, stroking it fondly. It pained him to remember the times when Ohno used to do the exact same thing when he was… still alive.
Ohno’s grip on his waist tightened considerably as he stopped humming. Sho started to cry again when he thought that maybe Ohno would disappear now. Ohno hushed him, hugging him tighter. “Sho-chan?” Ohno’s ethereal voice was a balm to Sho’s lost, broken soul. He had decided long ago that he would not hear it ever again, although he never stopped replaying it in the dusty corners of his heart, every single day. Everything felt illusory, a wafting reverie. Yet, it was so real. It sounded as though Ohno was talking from somewhere very far away, yet almost merging with Sho’s own voice, his own existence.
Sho stopped sobbing and answered with a wobbly sigh.
“You fulfilled your promise, didn’t you? Thank you, Sho-chan. I’m sorry I wasn’t there during my birthday last year. He called for me, y’know.” Sho’s heart crumbled as he clenched his fist. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after you. I’ve been doing that since last year. So, don’t be so sad, okay?” Sho could feel Ohno smiling tenderly against his shoulder. Ohno’s hand guided Sho to turn around, to face him. Sho kept his eyes close. The light blinded him from behind his eyelids.
Ohno caressed Sho’s wet cheeks, wiping away the tears and sadness that he had kept bottled inside for the longest time. Sho opened his eyes tentatively. As his eyes got used to the light, Sho could see his Satoshi, gazing sleepily back at him, lovingly holding his hands. His hair was still messy, he was wearing his old t-shirt, and he still smelled the same. That soothing, powdery smell that Sho used to inhale instead of oxygen. Sho smiled, it was the first honest smile he had since he last saw him.
Ohno smiled back happily. He then leaned in slowly and kissed Sho. Tears starting streaming down Sho’s face again as he kissed back the lips that he had said goodbye to a year ago. Gradually, the room started to darken as the lights disappeared. Ohno’s hands left Sho’s as he heard the gentle beating of Ohno’s wings. He still felt Ohno’s lips against his, but as he opened his eyes, the room was empty again. Traces of heaven lingered on Sho’s lips.
The candle on the cake had been blown out. There was a straight line of missing chocolate icing that someone had fingered off. Sho didn’t realise this, because he was staring elsewhere, his lungs struggling hard to breathe as his face crumpled. On the large canvas that he had hung on the wall, a message had been written using blue paint in the middle of the vast whiteness. It said, “Until next year. I love you.”
fin.
Hope you liked reading it as much as I had writing it!!
Mela-chan and I hope you enjoyed our special collaboration, too! :D *high-fives Mela-chan*
Comments are bright stars that light up our night sky <3
Something wrong? Boring? Too long? Too short? Not angsty enough? Then constructive critism is the way to go! :D
Author: Tia at the ministryofbees
Pairing: Ohno/Sho
Length: One-shot, 1570 words! *gasps*
Genre: Woeful angst and anguish :D
Author's note: It's a special collaboration between the wonderful shilriarizz and me~!! Two views on one prompt. Same title, same concept, different tone, different storyline. Doubly awesome if you read both fics. :D Check out hers right here.
*
He swirled the remnants of what used to be a full can of beer in his hand, absentmindedly staring at the twisted shadow it produced on the surface of the table. He sat at his usual spot, on the living room floor at the warmed kotatsu, facing the television. The spot to the right of him was desolately empty. Yet, his mind was flying, soaring, so far away. His eyes were dark, unreflecting pools. Sho wasn’t drunk. He’d never do that today, of all days. It was unnerving and arduous, waiting like this. So Sho buried the emotions trapped inside him in memories. Sho tried hard not to let tears run down his cheek. He had had enough of sobbing and crying for the last year. It just made his eyes swell and his heart crack. He tried to concentrate on the good memories, but his mind wandered too much, as it always does.
It probably didn’t even register in his mind that it was past midnight.
*
“Sho-chan? I heard from your manager that you won’t be in Japan in two weeks’ time. Is it something for News Zero?” Ohno asked idly, scooping some rice into his spoon. Sho’s fork stopped midway between the plate and his open mouth. Sho sighed inwardly. He didn’t want for Ohno to learn it from his manager. “Um, well, yes. I was going to tell you after dinner, Satoshi. I’m so sorry. I have to cover the F1 night race in Singapore. I’m going to miss your birthday,” Sho explained whilst looking at Ohno’s figure, his tone guilt-ridden. Ohno looked up from his curry rice and grinned at Sho. “It’s okay, Sho-chan. I don’t mind. Just send me a present and I’ll be fine. I’ll just go birthday fishing for tuna. Maybe in my birthday suit.” “Don’t do that, Satoshi!” Sho said exasperatedly. Ohno giggled teasingly at his reaction.
Sho reached forward and held Ohno’s curled hand tightly, gently caressing it with his thumb. “I really am sorry, Satoshi. But I promise I’ll be with you for your next birthday, and your next and your next! With a cake each time! No matter what, ‘kay?” Sho said, looking into Ohno’s eyes. Ohno thought it over in his mind for a second, and then he smiled happily and did a little wriggle of appreciation. Sho chuckled and got up, leaning forward to plant a kiss on Ohno’s nose.
*
It was Nino who reached him first.
Sho was at the airport, waiting for the gate to his flight back to Tokyo to open. He had sent the present he bought the day before by express post, so it would arrive that day on Ohno’s birthday. It was a large canvas, white and empty. It would probably take up one whole wall in their house. Ohno had mentioned before that he would like to paint again, something large and unlimited. It was the largest that Sho could find.
A pretty airline staff with a bright flashing smile approached Sho and told him that he could board the plane. Sho smiled at her and said thanks. He was about turn his phone off when it rang shrilly, panicked with urgency. He could see Nino’s name flashing blatantly on the screen. Sho picked it up and answered, “Hello? Nino?”
“Oh, thank God! Sho, w-where are you right now?” Nino’s voice was trembling hard as he tried to sound as coherent and clear as possible over the line and to calm his racking sobs from escaping. Sho’s brow knitted in anxiety as he heard the commotion in the background. “I’m just about to board the flight. Nino, what’s wrong? Tell me!” Sho started yelling into the phone. Nino broke down and cried high, boyish sobs at Sho’s sentence.
Sho’s mind went blank and empty when he heard Nino’s stammered reply. His grip faltered and the phone dropped. His fingers were icy-cold. He couldn’t feel the firm, solid ground that he used to stand on. He didn’t hear the airline staff asking him concerned questions. He could only hear his own heartbeat, pounding deafeningly in his ears as blood rushed to his head.
“It’s Oh- It’s Oh-chan, S-sho. T-there was an a-accident.”
*
Such an excruciatingly painful task to bear, waiting here, tonight. Sho frowned deeply, violently wiping away stray obstinate tears that escaped his eyes, cursing himself for being such a wimp. He took deep, shaky breathes and opened another can of beer, determined to drown his sorrows while he waited. He took large gulps and placed the can back on the table shamefully, his head hanging. The flames of candles on the cake quivered subtly, disturbed by a sudden gentle breeze. Sho looked up.
He felt soft hands, almost imaginary, circling his waist from behind. Quiet warmth radiated slowly onto his back. Sho felt someone’s head lean against his shoulder, hair tickling his neck. He started sobbing, hard.
*
Arashi broke up a few months later. Nobody argued, nobody screamed, nobody went on a rampage. Silently, they just decided that they don’t want a future where Arashi wasn’t a five member group. They couldn’t stand the agony of going forward with their normal activities without his presence there. The management didn’t say anything, either. The whole company simply accepted the unfortunate turn of events and went on with their business, with the exception of the remaining Arashi members. It was even wrong to call them Arashi. They just aren’t that group anymore.
They still continued to work in the entertainment industry, that being the only thing they knew how to do. Jun turned to emceeing and modelling. Aiba had a few variety shows. Nino became a music producer, hiding from the bright lights. After calming down enough to work again, Sho was offered a management job at the company, just organizing the Juniors and looking after debuted groups. They were still close to each other. Probably closer than before. They shared that pain and restraint that nobody else felt. They knew when to hold it all in, when to cry, and when to comfort one another. They knew they couldn’t move on without each other. Deep inside, they knew they could never move on.
*
Sho cried into his hands for a full five minutes, not daring to turn around and look. He could hear Ohno humming soothingly into his ear, a beautiful, heart-breaking song. He could hear the quiet rustling of Ohno’s wings as it moved slowly, in sync with Sho’s breathing. He could feel Ohno’s fingers holding on to the fabric of his shirt, stroking it fondly. It pained him to remember the times when Ohno used to do the exact same thing when he was… still alive.
Ohno’s grip on his waist tightened considerably as he stopped humming. Sho started to cry again when he thought that maybe Ohno would disappear now. Ohno hushed him, hugging him tighter. “Sho-chan?” Ohno’s ethereal voice was a balm to Sho’s lost, broken soul. He had decided long ago that he would not hear it ever again, although he never stopped replaying it in the dusty corners of his heart, every single day. Everything felt illusory, a wafting reverie. Yet, it was so real. It sounded as though Ohno was talking from somewhere very far away, yet almost merging with Sho’s own voice, his own existence.
Sho stopped sobbing and answered with a wobbly sigh.
“You fulfilled your promise, didn’t you? Thank you, Sho-chan. I’m sorry I wasn’t there during my birthday last year. He called for me, y’know.” Sho’s heart crumbled as he clenched his fist. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after you. I’ve been doing that since last year. So, don’t be so sad, okay?” Sho could feel Ohno smiling tenderly against his shoulder. Ohno’s hand guided Sho to turn around, to face him. Sho kept his eyes close. The light blinded him from behind his eyelids.
Ohno caressed Sho’s wet cheeks, wiping away the tears and sadness that he had kept bottled inside for the longest time. Sho opened his eyes tentatively. As his eyes got used to the light, Sho could see his Satoshi, gazing sleepily back at him, lovingly holding his hands. His hair was still messy, he was wearing his old t-shirt, and he still smelled the same. That soothing, powdery smell that Sho used to inhale instead of oxygen. Sho smiled, it was the first honest smile he had since he last saw him.
Ohno smiled back happily. He then leaned in slowly and kissed Sho. Tears starting streaming down Sho’s face again as he kissed back the lips that he had said goodbye to a year ago. Gradually, the room started to darken as the lights disappeared. Ohno’s hands left Sho’s as he heard the gentle beating of Ohno’s wings. He still felt Ohno’s lips against his, but as he opened his eyes, the room was empty again. Traces of heaven lingered on Sho’s lips.
The candle on the cake had been blown out. There was a straight line of missing chocolate icing that someone had fingered off. Sho didn’t realise this, because he was staring elsewhere, his lungs struggling hard to breathe as his face crumpled. On the large canvas that he had hung on the wall, a message had been written using blue paint in the middle of the vast whiteness. It said, “Until next year. I love you.”
fin.
Hope you liked reading it as much as I had writing it!!
Mela-chan and I hope you enjoyed our special collaboration, too! :D *high-fives Mela-chan*
Comments are bright stars that light up our night sky <3
Something wrong? Boring? Too long? Too short? Not angsty enough? Then constructive critism is the way to go! :D