Comments | mirage_knight: Suicide Note (Intro and part of Chapter 01)

mirage_knight

Suicide Note (Intro and part of Chapter 01)

Mar 06, 2006 21:13

Suicide Note (LJ format)
Introduction
This is an expanded version of a work that I submitted to Playboy a while back.

Intro and a piece of the first chapter.

More to come.Sharon stood on the precipice, staring down at the ocean smashing against the black rocks. In her hands she held a crumpled sheet of paper. The winds were blowing in from the ( Read more... )

suicide note

Comments 6

tropical_hermit March 7 2006, 04:35:56 UTC

i can't believe you stop there. that's all i have to say right now. :)

mylia_ April 2 2006, 04:37:53 UTC

Well, you've caught my interest. :)

However, the story seemed chocked on descriptions. For instance, a few paragraphs after you first described Laura, I found myself thinking, "Ok... so she's insanely hot/enchanting. I got the point."

Also, "Any time is better?”

It just looks wrong to me... Like it should be "Any time in particular?" but that could be explained by Sharon's distraction.

... Actually, not really. It still looks wrong.

mirage_knight April 2 2006, 04:56:02 UTC

I haven't re-read it very carefully.

Or at all.

One of these days when I get bad writers' block I'm going to have to re-read the first fifty pages and edit the hell out of them:P

But Laura...

It's infatuation.

The way you see through everyone's flaws.

Whether it works as a literary device is another story. I might need to look into that.

This is really good! Finish it and get it published stat! the_jester1 April 2 2006, 07:29:57 UTC

This is too good for Playboy! (You do retain the rights to this, don't you? 'Cos while I don't know the deal with some men's "lifestyle magazines" I know in Australia that your cheap porno mags not only pay you for your submission but they buy the rights to the piece printed also).

I love the descriptions in this, so vivid, and in the physical descriptions you capture the nature and personality of the individual described. Also, you have totally nailed what it's like in the early stages of falling in love, be it hetero or homo.

Keep up the good work *thumbs up*

Re: This is really good! Finish it and get it published stat! mirage_knight April 2 2006, 15:55:45 UTC

What my agent told me is that the original short story I submitted for publication, but was never published they still retain the rights to.

The book that I'm developing from it, I have rights to.

In a twist, tho, if the book does well they may still publish the short story as PR.

Not that I'd get my hopes up that high.

Playboy is not a cheap porno mag in its literary sense. Getting published in it is actually a pretty cool honor for a budding author.

Re: This is really good! Finish it and get it published stat! krackitty April 12 2006, 07:44:35 UTC

Hey, reading this distracted me sufficiently enough to stop my pity-party sobbing.
That IS a good thing. A VERY good thing. I know this is old, but I'm just now catching up. Forgive me.