Love Still Goes On (Part 2)
Title: Love Still Goes On
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Length: A painfully long oneshot, ripped in two parts.
Warning: English is not my mother’s tongue, yet I can’t write in another language.
Summary: A story about Key and his grandma. I tried to use some real events, yet the rest are fictional.
( part 1)
-
His breath sounded so loud in the silent room. His hands felt so cold when he touched his own cheeks. His heart beat so hard that he was afraid it would break out of his ribcage.
You can do this, Kibum. You can do this.
And he’s not Kibum anymore, he’s Key. The awkward, shy teenager from Daegu now had transformed into an idol, to be exact a member of a South Korean boy group SHINee. Along with his group, he now would have to compete with numerous other artists to be the best in Korean music industry.
A pat on his shoulder snapped him back to reality. He looked around to find Jinki (Onew, he corrected himself), already in his baggy blue sweater and hat.
“Are you okay?” Onew asked, his expression concerned.
“Y-Yes, I guess,” Key breathed, but his hand unconsciously gripped his shirt tighter.
Onew studied Key’s face for a while before sitting on his side. “You’re scared and nervous. I know that. We all feel that, Kibum. You don’t have to hide it.”
Key stared back at the leader, nervousness clear inside his eyes. “Are you sure we can do this, hyung? I mean, we’re nothing. The other artists out there, they’re all professionals. While we’re just mere rookies people won’t take second glance at.”
Onew smiled, that bright smile of him that put the lights into shame. “All artists out there have felt like this too, Kibum. To stand on their places right now, they have to pass the nightmare of their debuts too. And now it’s our time. It’s just four minutes of our life, Kibum. We’ll can do it. I’m sure.”
His tone was reassuring but Key’s worried expression didn’t change a little bit. Onew noticed this and sighed. Truthfully, he wasn’t that confident like what he showed outside. He felt nervous too, doubting that they would be able to do well, doubting that they would gain place in Korea’s music industry, doubting his own ability. But those worries were Lee Jinki’s, and now he was Leader Onew. Onew didn’t feel worried, he had to be there to calm his members’ nerves and lead them to a (hopefully) successful debut.
“Kibum...I mean, Key,” Onew slowly spoke again, thinking that the use of the stage name would remind Key of his position right now. “Don’t think about whether we will succeed or not. Don’t think about what people think about us. Just think about your love in dancing and singing, and how happy you are to finally show it to all people in South Korea. Think about your family and how happy they’ll be when you finish your performance.”
“Family?” Key echoed.
“Yes,” Onew said urgingly. “They’ll be happy to see us performing, no matter what the result will be. Give them your best, Key. You can do it.”
Slowly, Key’s hand reached out inside his skinny jeans and pulled out a small folded pink paper, which he opened slowly. There, written in slightly discolored ink, were three words: Halmeoni loves Kibummie.
Yes, Key still kept that small card from his grandma. The paper had been creased with age, but every time Key felt like giving up, he always looked at it to motivate himself. It was a simple but effective way to bring himself up. And apparently, the card worked its magic today too, as Key’s face eventually calmed down as he read the words and clutched it on his chest.
“Thank you, Onew hyung.” There was a hint of smile in Key’s voice now.
Onew patted Key’s shoulder and walked to Taemin. Key watched them for a while before staring back at the note. He was still worried, but now he remembered that whatever happened, he had someone to lean on. Slipping the note back to his pocket, Key waited for the staffs to call them.
A few minutes later that seemed like an eternity for Key, a staff finally popped on their waiting room door.
“SHINee?” They all nodded. “Come with me, your turn will be in fifteen minutes.”
Onew looked at each of his members and nodded. They all followed their leader outside their waiting room to the backstage. Many artists were there, some just passed by but mostly looked at them, whispering to each other, maybe asking who were those kids and what they were doing there.
Jonghyun looked downside, his lips moving, maybe making sure he didn’t forget his parts. Taemin, his face unusually serious and his lips looked thicker than usual, jumping on one foot to another. Minho only stood quietly without any sign of emotion on his face. Onew kept smiling to assure his members, though when you looked at him closely you’d notice that his smile couldn’t quite reach his eyes. Key leaned on the wall, his eyes closed, hands inside his pockets.
The staff that called them earlier checked her watch. “SHINee, ten minutes.”
God, if you’re there, please let me do well. For myself, for SHINee, for my family especially my Halmeoni. She has done so much to make sure I get here. I can’t disappoint her...
“Five minutes!”
Let my bandmates do well too. We have practiced so hard until this day. We can’t ruin it. Please please please....
“Two minutes!”
Onew tapped Key’s shoulder. “You okay?” He whispered.
Key nodded, his body already too numb to reply.
“One minute!”
Onew stared again at each of his members. “Let’s do a group chant,” he suggested, and the others nodded while placing their hands on top of each other’s.
“We are going, Ultra SHINee Transformation!”
As the words escaped his lips, again Key felt a bit calmed. He’s not alone, he realized. He’s part of a five-membered band. They had done many things together, and they would stick for better or worse.
“SHINee! Your turn!”
Still, Key felt his legs turn into jelly as they stepped on the stage. It had been decorated with stars on the back, lightings, and smoke machines. They stood on their starting positions, Taemin on the center while the others squared around him.
The familiar music started to play, and Key immediately popped his body along with the music. He remembered what their dance teacher said once, don’t remember the dance, own it. Now he understood what his teacher meant, as he performed the choreo as if it was a part of him.
Soon, the singing part came and Jonghyun stepped to the front.
Noonan neomu yeppeoseo
Namjadeuri gaman an dwo
Heundeullineun geunyeoui mam sasir algo isseo
His voice came out as nice as always, the notes were hit perfectly. This raised Key’s confidence slightly. He smiled for himself as he heard Onew singing his part, then their together part and finally his own part.
Key stepped forward, placing the mic in front of his mouth with shaky hand, and sang.
Nal baraboneun nunbichi malhaejujanha...
His voice didn’t tremble, didn’t waver. Even Key himself was surprised. He stepped aside as Jonghyun took his place and began his next part.
Until the end of the song, they managed to do it flawlessly, without any mistakes. And Key could feel how he and his members got relaxed and more relaxed as they got closer to the end of the song.
Nunan neomu yeppeo
(I keep thinkin ‘bout you)
Nunan yeppeo
(I keep dreaming ‘bout you)
Jinsildoen sarangui maseur bon jeogi
Nunan neomu yeppeo
(I keep thinkin ‘bout you)
Nunan yeppeo
(I keep dreaming ‘bout you)
Jinsildoen sarangui maeumeul
The music ended and loud applause filled the room. Key blinked in surprise. Well, he did expect a few claps here and there, but great applause from most of the audience, and even a few standing ovations....?
Key glanced at his members. Minho still looked serious, but now there’s a hint of smile on his face. Taemin smiled brightly. Onew bowed and said thanks to the audience. Jonghyun....he seemed to be on the verge of tears.
They quickly got off the stage and returned to the waiting room. Jonghyun was supposed to talk to the camera about SHINee’s debut, but he couldn’t say anything as he had burst into tears. The others quickly came to him to calm him down. Everyone except Key.
Key stood on the corner, staring at Jonghyun for a while. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to be with Jonghyun or something, but he had something in mind right now. As their manager entered the room, Key quickly approached him. “Hyung, can I use my phone?”
Manager Gyeongshik glared at Key. “Kibum-ah, how many times I have to tell you, you’re not allowed to use your phone unless...”
“Unless in an emergency. Blah blah blah. Yes, I know, hyung. But I really need to call my family. I want to know their reaction of my debut just now. Please....”
Gyeongshik thought for a while before fishing out a phone with pink case from his pocket. “Be fast.”
Key grinned happily and quickly pressed his grandma’s number. He placed the phone on his ear, heart beating fast as he waited for his grandma to answer.
Two dial tones passed before someone finally picked the phone. “Yoboseyo?”
“Halmeoni?” Key whispered, grabbing his phone tightly.
“Omo!” The tone changed quickly into a cheerful one. “Is this my Kibummie?!”
Key smiled at the mention of “my Kibummie”. “Yes, Halmeoni, it’s me.”
“Omo, didn’t you just perform on the stage? I watched you on TV!”
“Yes, but it has finished, Halmeoni. I’m in the waiting room now.”
“Ah, I see.”
“Halmeoni?”
“Mmm?”
Key bit his lower lip. “What do you think about my performance?”
Across the line, he could hear his grandma laughing quietly. “Well, I have to say, I don’t understand why you have to sing a love song to a noona, but I think you did it well.”
“Jinjja?”
“Yes. Your voice came out nicely and you danced as if you had been doing that all your life.”
Key smiled again. He knew it’s his own grandma and she might be biased, but those words still warmed his heart “Thank you, Halmeoni.”
“You’re welcome, Kibummie. And remember to come home as soon as you have free time, ahrasseo?”
“Ahrasseo. Oh, Halmeoni...” Key noticed how Gyeongshik had glared at him menacingly, “I’ll call you again later, kay? Or...maybe someday when my manager finally let me...”
“You’re so busy now, huh?” His grandma chuckled. “Good luck with your career, Kibummie.”
“Bye, Halmeoni.” Key disconnected the call and quickly shoved his phone back to his manager with an apologetic look.
Gyeongshik pocketed back the phone with a little scowl on his face. “If the company knows, I’ll be dead.”
“You’re the best, hyung,” Key laughed and went to join his members.
-
“I’m sorry, umma,” Key sighed to the phone.
Key could hear the scowl on his mother’s face as she spoke again. “You always say that! It’s been years already since the last time you came home, Kibummie. We really miss you here.”
“I know, I know, umma, I miss you too. But you know, I didn’t get many chances to leave nowadays. We’re very busy and...”
“Ah, of course, idol stuffs,” his mother sighed as well. “But I really hope you can take some time out of your busy schedule to visit us, one or two days will be enough.”
Key raised his eyebrows. It’s kinda unusual for his mother to speak like this. Of course, he knew his parents missed him too, but they never begged him to come home like this. It’s usually his grandma who did that.
“Where’s Halmeoni? Can I speak with her?” Key asked.
There was a few seconds of silence before his mother finally spoke again, voice a bit trembling. “Your grandma’s....not here right now. I’ll tell her you called, okay?”
“Okay then. Bye Umma, I love you.”
“I love you too, Bummie.”
Key disconnected the call and closed his eyes. It wasn’t like he was mean or he didn’t miss his family, in fact, he was dying to meet them. But Daegu was way too far from Seoul, and his schedules now were so packed that he couldn’t even sneak away.
It had been almost two years since SHINee debuted, and things had been going pretty well for them. After their pretty much successful debut with Replay, they released their first album The SHINee World a few months after with their lead single Love Like Oxygen. The repackaged version. A.Mi.Go was released shortly thereafter. They managed to won Best New Male Group in Golden Disk Award at the end of 2008. In 2009, they released a new mini-album Romeo with Juliette as their lead single. 2009, Year Of Us became the title of their next mini-album, and the lead single, Ring Ding Dong temporarily ended SHINee’s colorful concept (though it did come back in Jojo).
Not only in singing and dancing, SHINee also quite excelled in variety shows. They had their own first variety on 2008 named SHINee’s Yunhanam. Now they got their second one, SHINee’s Hello Baby, in which they had to take care of a little boy named Yoogeun.
After a few doubts, it turned out Key was good in handling little kids. He and Minho (who now had reached a truce and became good friends) played with Yoogeun and made the kid like them. As a result, Yoogeun picked Key as the best appa at the end of the filming.
Key picked Yoogeun and bounced the little boy on his arms, while Minho put on an annoyed look. Friends, maybe, but the rivaling aura around these two 91-liners never gone completely. And as they were both good with kids, Key presumed they would be rivals until their Hello Baby was over. But he wouldn’t think of that for now, he was delighted to be the best appa in their first episode. He was so happy that he almost forgot about his mother’s call.
-
“Key appa!”
“Yoogeunnie!” Key smiled and welcomed the little boy inside his arms.
It had been quite a hard day for them, they just finished recording and now they had to film Hello Baby. But the sight of Yoogeun, smiling cutely at them, was enough to wipe all of their exhaustions away.
Today, they were going to cook for Yoogeun. Onew prepared a well-being menu, consisted of rice, scrambled eggs, and seaweed soup. Taemin brought some fruits and tried (not so successfully) to peel and cut them in funny shapes. Minho made sandwiches. Jonghyun told them he made soondae gook, but actually he bought it. Key baked some crackers and stole some of Minho’s ingredients to make a sandwich.
The filming went well. Yoogeun chose Key’s food, and the diva was so happy that he spent the rest of the filming feeding and playing around with Yoogeun, while the other members sulking behind him.
“My sandwich is good, right?” Minho pressed as he fed his members each one bite of his sandwich.
“Yoogeun is too young to know the true taste of soondae gook,” Jonghyun muttered while stirring on his soup.
Minho glared at Key. “Hey, are you that happy after making it?!”
Key smiled his “I-don’t-care-as-long-as-I-won” smile, and Minho had to restrain himself not to throw a plate at the diva’s face.
“I should have stolen Minho-hyung’s ingredients too,” Taemin said innocently, and Minho glared at him too.
Onew simply ate his and Jonghyun’s food, paying just a little attention to Yoogeun.
The filming soon finished and the staffs started to clean their props. But the SHINee members didn’t come home directly. They played with Yoogeun while waiting for that kid’s dad to pick him up.
Key picked a book from the shelf. “Yoogeun-ah, should I read it for you?”
“Mm-hmm,” the kid nodded and lied beside Key.
“Okay, so listen well. Once upon a time....”
Halfway through the story, SHINee’s manager came in with gloomy look, a phone gripped tight on his hand. “Kibum,” he called, startling Key who was reading.
“What, hyung?” Key said, a bit annoyed because he hated it if someone interrupted his “father-and-son” moments.
Gyeongshik bit his lower lip. “Your mother just called. She said there’s a bad news.”
-
The weather was bad and snow kept smashing against the train window, but it was nothing compared to the storm inside Key’s heart.
His phone was laid on his lap, its screen blinking to show there were four new messages, but he made no move to open them. It must be his members, each offering consolations but Key didn’t feel like wanting to be cheered up.
The diva threw his glance outside. The view was beautiful but he couldn’t see any of it. Instead he saw his grandma’s face, and he felt tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
Unconsciously, his mind recalled the short conversation with his mother, only a few hours ago.
Kibummie? You have to go home, right now.
Why? Umma, I’m so busy and....
Your Halmeoni. Your Halmeoni passed away.
Since then everything was a blur to him. How he threw his book to Minho. How he and Gyeongshik quickly dashed to SM building. How he faced Lee Sooman and stuttered that he needed a few days off. How he now finally sat in a train to Daegu, even without saying goodbye to his members.
What hurt Key the most wasn’t his grandma’s death itself. It was the fact that he didn’t stay with her during her illness, dammit, he didn’t even know his grandma was sick! Now Key understood why his mother called him and asked him to come home earlier. And how he regretted for not compelling it....
Tears were coming again, and now Key couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He cried, silently but heavily, earning weird looks from other people but he made no move to wipe his tears.
-
It was worse after funeral.
His parents were there, as well as his relatives. No one said anything about his absence during his grandma’s illness but Key could feel some tension in the air, and the weight inside his heart went heavier.
It didn’t help at all when his mother told him that his grandma requested her not to tell Key about her illness. The old woman said that she didn’t want to disturb Key, she wanted Key to focus on his career. But Key’s mother, seeing that the old woman missed her grandson so much, decided to call Key. Only she didn’t dare to say anything about the old woman’s illness as she had promised.
And Key, being a useless grandson he was, refused to come home.
He knew his grandma’s death wasn’t his fault, but deep inside his heart, he couldn’t help wondering, what if he did come home? Maybe his grandma would be happy to see him, and she might be still alive now....
When the funeral finally ended, Key didn’t join his family for lunch. Instead, he quietly crept away and went to his grandma’s house.
The little house was still the same than the one Key remembered. His family hadn’t had time to pack his grandma’s things, so everything was still in place. Key walked inside, letting his hands wandering around as memories flooded his brain.
He remembered walking on this path every time he came home from school, sometimes he would trip because of the stones but he always ran anyway because he wanted to show his grandma what he’d done in school.
He remembered playing in this garden, and how he once played ball and accidentally broke his grandma’s favorite flower pot, but his grandma only concerned whether he was hurt or not.
He remembered sleeping here, in this bedroom when he was still little, and how his grandma would come to read him bedtime stories and kiss him goodnight.
He walked to the kitchen and remembered how his grandma used to bake him his favorite cookies, and she even let Key licked the spoon a few times. Key loved all kinds of desserts and his grandma’s cakes were the best he ever had. He unconsciously smiled at the memory.
Suddenly Key was snapped out of his happy thoughts as a memory, an unpleasant one, hit his brain. He stared at the back door, as his mind recalled an event happening when he was still in junior high school.
“Bummie! Don’t talk to me like that, I’m still your grandmother! I take care of you, and....”
“Who asked you to take care of me then?! You’re not my mother!”
Key shut his eyes tight but it failed to keep a drop of tear from escaping. How dare he say that to his grandma, who had raised and took care of him since he was still in pampers? And as long as he could remember, he never apologized to her. Now he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore...
“Halmeoni....” He whispered brokenly as the second tear, followed by the third, fourth, and so forth rolling down his cheeks.
I’m sorry, Halmeoni.
I’m so, so, sorry...
-
The whole hall was filled by pearlescent aqua ocean. Sometimes he would see their names flashing in colorful letters. And from every corner, he could hear the fans chanting, “SHINee! SHINee!”
Key stood on the far left side of the stage, dressed in pink T-shirt and pink skinny jeans. Taking a slight glance to his right, he could see his bandmates, all sporting the same relieved expression.
They were in Yoyogi National Gymnasium, doing their very first concert, SHINee World Concert I in Tokyo. You said being a singer wasn’t tiring? Well, try to sing non-stop for four hours straight... But all their hard work was paid off, though, with the intensified level of screaming from the fans as time passed.
Now, the concert had almost come to an end, and they finally stood for the encore stage. Key glanced at the audience. He knew, somewhere out there, his parents were watching him proudly. Though they were hesitant at first to let him become an idol, he had proved that he could succeed, and even convinced them to come to SHINee’s first concert.
If only Halmeoni could be there, it would be perfect, Key thought sadly.
He remembered how his grandma had supported his dream, how she convinced him to audition, how she even provided him with money on his first journey to Seoul. He knew, he wouldn’t be like this, wouldn’t stand on this stage with his bandmates if not because of his grandma. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts about her filled his mind as a familiar melody floated out from the speaker - their song One from Hello repackaged album.
Key couldn’t see Onew who stood on the far right side of the stage, but he could hear the leader’s voice, humming along with the music. Right next to him, Minho whispered, “I’ll show you my love, girl” as the intro, but it seemed like the rapper said it too fast out of nervousness. Thankfully, a few seconds later, Onew’s angelic voice was heard again, singing the beginning of the song.
Achim haetsari geudaewa gatayo
Jogeum yuchihagetjyo
Geuraedo nan ireon ge joheun geol
(The morning sunlight is like you
It might be a little childish, but I like it)
Taemin continued after Onew, singing with his soft, slightly shaky voice.
Nareul kkaeweojun geudae yeope ramyeon
Deo baralke eopgetjyo
Ireohke geudael bogo shipen geol
(If I’m by your side when you wake me up
I have nothing more to wish for
I want to see you)
There came his part. Key swallowed and sang, voice pitched slightly higher than he intended.
Sarangi eoridago mothal geora
Saenggakhaji marayo
(Don’t think that we can’t love because we’re young)
Jonghyun’s part came after Key’s, his powerful vocal filled the hall until the very corner.
Nareul deo neutki jeone
Na deo kkeugi jeone jabajul su itjyo?
(Before it’s too late
Before I grow older, can you hold onto me?)
Then it was the chorus, when the five of them sang together. Key could hear the fans singing along with them, waving their lightsticks.
Saranghaeyo geudaemaneul jeo haneulmankkeum
Jeongmal geudaeneun naega saneun iyuin geolyo
Geudaereul aju manhi geudael michidorok anajugo shipeo
(I love you only, as much as the sky
You truly are the reason I live
I really really want to hug you like crazy)
I really want to hug you like crazy, Halmeoni, Key whispered mentally, and a drop of tear made its way down his left cheek as he sang the last line of the chorus.
Ajin manhi ppareungeojyo geureongeojyo (Hey)
(We’re still going too fast, right?)
But knowing he still had a whole song to go, he tried his best to hold his tears and braced himself for his next lines. Licking his lips, he glanced slightly to his right, where Minho was rapping his part.
Geunyeoae nooni majuchil ddaemada
Nae eolgoolae bunjineun misoga
Hokshina geudae maeumae hankyeonae daeulkka
Aseurahan neoae maeum geu sokae areumdaoon
Gwitgaye soksakyeo neol saranghaneun naye maeum
(Whenever our eyes meet
I wonder if the smile that grows on my face
Might reach a corner of your heart
Inside of your uncertain heart, into the beautiful ear
I whisper my feelings of love for you)
The singing part began again with Jonghyun’s voice.
I’ll be taking you
Girl, I know without you
Key continued with his and Minho’s rapping part after Jonghyun’s, voice still shaking despite his best attempt to redeem his feelings.
Without you, I miss you
Eonjekkajina geudaereul wonhajyo
(Without you, I miss you
I'll long for you forever)
Do you hear me from up there, Halmeoni? Do you know how much I miss you?
[Minho] Wonhago baraneun mam
Ddo gipeojineun sarang
[Key] Deo eesang soomgil su eopseo
Geudaeneun nain geol
(My feelings of desire and hope
My love that grows deep again
I can no longer hide them
You are me)
Taemin sang after him, and though there were Minho and Jonghyun separating them, Key could hear the smile in his voice (damn, does this kid never feel sad or something?). And after that it’s Key again (why suddenly it feels so much?).
[Taemin] Nae maeumi geudael japgo nochil anjyo
Geudaedo neukkyeojinayo
[Key] Nareul, oh, deo neutgi jeonae
Na deo keugi jeonae japajul su itjyo
(My heart will catch you and not let you go
Can you feel it as well?
Before, oh, it's too late
Before I grow older, can you hold onto me?)
But it’s too late already, Key realized, as thousands of memories flooding his mind. He tried to block them, but a certain memory popped out, almost had him choking.
“Then, if I succeed later, I’ll dedicate my first song, and my first concert to you, Halmeoni! I’ll think of you as I sing on stage, always.”
Suddenly the presence of thousands of fans here felt nothing for him. He could only think about his grandma, how she’d done everything for him, and how he paid her back? By being an ungrateful brat that didn’t even there when she was sick, that was. Feeling more water rushing up to his eyes, Key didn’t even realize that his bandmates were still singing, in his vain attempt to hold back his sobs.
[Onew] Ajik geudae maeumi nae gyeotae
Ol su eopneun geol arayo geunde
[Jonghyun] Geudae hanaman naye hanarago boolleodo dwaenayo
(I know that your heart
Cannot come by my side yet
Can I just call you my one?)
And Key could handle it no more.
Pressing his palm against his eyes, he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks - tears of regret, sadness, anger, relief, all mixed up. He forgot that he was Key of SHINee, he forgot that he was supposed to sing on stage, he forgot that the fans could see him, he didn’t care about anything but to let all the feelings go.
[All] Oori gatchi one, two, three, oh ja shijakhaeyo
Geudae naye hanajyo naye jeonbuingeolyo
Let's all together one, two, three, let's begin
You are my one, my everything)
Suddenly Key felt a strong arm wrapped around his waist. He looked to his side slightly and found a guy with dino-like face, smiling assuringly at Key as he brought the younger boy to the center of the stage. Letting himself be dragged, Key felt another arm on his shoulder - Minho?
Geudaereul aju mani geudael michidorok saranghago shipeo
Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo
(I really, really, I want to love you like crazy
I can do that now, right?)
A towel was dabbed on his eyes, and Key looked up to see Taemin’s smiling face as the maknae wiped his tears. Maybe the smile was a bit too bright, but certainly it meant don’t cry hyung, we’re here for you.
Geudaereul aju mani geudael michidorok saranghago shipeo
Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo
(I really, really, I want to love you like crazy
I can do that now, right?)
“Baby, you can do right....” Onew sang in the background, and Key felt that the leader didn’t sing it simply to fulfill his part in the song, or for their fans. He partly addressed it to Key, asking the younger to stay strong no matter what, to wrap up this concert, and that they would stay with him through thick and thin.
“Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo....” Jonghyun sang his last line, and Key stared at his best friend, a hint of smile on his face.
No, he didn’t smile because he was happy. The sadness was still too much to bear, the memories about his grandma was still tugging at the corners of his brain. But as he glanced around, feeling the side of Minho’s body and the rapper’s arm pressed against his, blinking as Taemin’s towel wiped his eyes again, hearing Jonghyun’s powerful voice, seeing Onew’s sweet smile....
I’m not alone.
I’m a part of SHINee.
I have my members to lean on, to share all my happiness and sadness.
And we’ll go through everything together.
Jonghyun slipped his hand upon Key’s, followed by Minho. As Onew shouted, “Arigato gozaimasu!” they gave ninety-degrees bow to the audience, to the fans who were still screaming loudly at them though the concert had finished already.
This is for you too, Halmeoni.
Without you, I will never be a part if SHINee.
Without you, I will never be standing here.
Thank you for letting me take the audition.
Thank you for supporting me no matter what.
And thank you....for everything.
Jonghyun nudged Key slightly, reminding the younger to move to other parts of the stage. Putting a smile onto his tear-stained face, Key whispered his thank you and followed his members.
/end.
A/N: 30 pages, 11.552 words long. I’ve never felt more relieved.
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Length: A painfully long oneshot, ripped in two parts.
Warning: English is not my mother’s tongue, yet I can’t write in another language.
Summary: A story about Key and his grandma. I tried to use some real events, yet the rest are fictional.
( part 1)
-
His breath sounded so loud in the silent room. His hands felt so cold when he touched his own cheeks. His heart beat so hard that he was afraid it would break out of his ribcage.
You can do this, Kibum. You can do this.
And he’s not Kibum anymore, he’s Key. The awkward, shy teenager from Daegu now had transformed into an idol, to be exact a member of a South Korean boy group SHINee. Along with his group, he now would have to compete with numerous other artists to be the best in Korean music industry.
A pat on his shoulder snapped him back to reality. He looked around to find Jinki (Onew, he corrected himself), already in his baggy blue sweater and hat.
“Are you okay?” Onew asked, his expression concerned.
“Y-Yes, I guess,” Key breathed, but his hand unconsciously gripped his shirt tighter.
Onew studied Key’s face for a while before sitting on his side. “You’re scared and nervous. I know that. We all feel that, Kibum. You don’t have to hide it.”
Key stared back at the leader, nervousness clear inside his eyes. “Are you sure we can do this, hyung? I mean, we’re nothing. The other artists out there, they’re all professionals. While we’re just mere rookies people won’t take second glance at.”
Onew smiled, that bright smile of him that put the lights into shame. “All artists out there have felt like this too, Kibum. To stand on their places right now, they have to pass the nightmare of their debuts too. And now it’s our time. It’s just four minutes of our life, Kibum. We’ll can do it. I’m sure.”
His tone was reassuring but Key’s worried expression didn’t change a little bit. Onew noticed this and sighed. Truthfully, he wasn’t that confident like what he showed outside. He felt nervous too, doubting that they would be able to do well, doubting that they would gain place in Korea’s music industry, doubting his own ability. But those worries were Lee Jinki’s, and now he was Leader Onew. Onew didn’t feel worried, he had to be there to calm his members’ nerves and lead them to a (hopefully) successful debut.
“Kibum...I mean, Key,” Onew slowly spoke again, thinking that the use of the stage name would remind Key of his position right now. “Don’t think about whether we will succeed or not. Don’t think about what people think about us. Just think about your love in dancing and singing, and how happy you are to finally show it to all people in South Korea. Think about your family and how happy they’ll be when you finish your performance.”
“Family?” Key echoed.
“Yes,” Onew said urgingly. “They’ll be happy to see us performing, no matter what the result will be. Give them your best, Key. You can do it.”
Slowly, Key’s hand reached out inside his skinny jeans and pulled out a small folded pink paper, which he opened slowly. There, written in slightly discolored ink, were three words: Halmeoni loves Kibummie.
Yes, Key still kept that small card from his grandma. The paper had been creased with age, but every time Key felt like giving up, he always looked at it to motivate himself. It was a simple but effective way to bring himself up. And apparently, the card worked its magic today too, as Key’s face eventually calmed down as he read the words and clutched it on his chest.
“Thank you, Onew hyung.” There was a hint of smile in Key’s voice now.
Onew patted Key’s shoulder and walked to Taemin. Key watched them for a while before staring back at the note. He was still worried, but now he remembered that whatever happened, he had someone to lean on. Slipping the note back to his pocket, Key waited for the staffs to call them.
A few minutes later that seemed like an eternity for Key, a staff finally popped on their waiting room door.
“SHINee?” They all nodded. “Come with me, your turn will be in fifteen minutes.”
Onew looked at each of his members and nodded. They all followed their leader outside their waiting room to the backstage. Many artists were there, some just passed by but mostly looked at them, whispering to each other, maybe asking who were those kids and what they were doing there.
Jonghyun looked downside, his lips moving, maybe making sure he didn’t forget his parts. Taemin, his face unusually serious and his lips looked thicker than usual, jumping on one foot to another. Minho only stood quietly without any sign of emotion on his face. Onew kept smiling to assure his members, though when you looked at him closely you’d notice that his smile couldn’t quite reach his eyes. Key leaned on the wall, his eyes closed, hands inside his pockets.
The staff that called them earlier checked her watch. “SHINee, ten minutes.”
God, if you’re there, please let me do well. For myself, for SHINee, for my family especially my Halmeoni. She has done so much to make sure I get here. I can’t disappoint her...
“Five minutes!”
Let my bandmates do well too. We have practiced so hard until this day. We can’t ruin it. Please please please....
“Two minutes!”
Onew tapped Key’s shoulder. “You okay?” He whispered.
Key nodded, his body already too numb to reply.
“One minute!”
Onew stared again at each of his members. “Let’s do a group chant,” he suggested, and the others nodded while placing their hands on top of each other’s.
“We are going, Ultra SHINee Transformation!”
As the words escaped his lips, again Key felt a bit calmed. He’s not alone, he realized. He’s part of a five-membered band. They had done many things together, and they would stick for better or worse.
“SHINee! Your turn!”
Still, Key felt his legs turn into jelly as they stepped on the stage. It had been decorated with stars on the back, lightings, and smoke machines. They stood on their starting positions, Taemin on the center while the others squared around him.
The familiar music started to play, and Key immediately popped his body along with the music. He remembered what their dance teacher said once, don’t remember the dance, own it. Now he understood what his teacher meant, as he performed the choreo as if it was a part of him.
Soon, the singing part came and Jonghyun stepped to the front.
Noonan neomu yeppeoseo
Namjadeuri gaman an dwo
Heundeullineun geunyeoui mam sasir algo isseo
His voice came out as nice as always, the notes were hit perfectly. This raised Key’s confidence slightly. He smiled for himself as he heard Onew singing his part, then their together part and finally his own part.
Key stepped forward, placing the mic in front of his mouth with shaky hand, and sang.
Nal baraboneun nunbichi malhaejujanha...
His voice didn’t tremble, didn’t waver. Even Key himself was surprised. He stepped aside as Jonghyun took his place and began his next part.
Until the end of the song, they managed to do it flawlessly, without any mistakes. And Key could feel how he and his members got relaxed and more relaxed as they got closer to the end of the song.
Nunan neomu yeppeo
(I keep thinkin ‘bout you)
Nunan yeppeo
(I keep dreaming ‘bout you)
Jinsildoen sarangui maseur bon jeogi
Nunan neomu yeppeo
(I keep thinkin ‘bout you)
Nunan yeppeo
(I keep dreaming ‘bout you)
Jinsildoen sarangui maeumeul
The music ended and loud applause filled the room. Key blinked in surprise. Well, he did expect a few claps here and there, but great applause from most of the audience, and even a few standing ovations....?
Key glanced at his members. Minho still looked serious, but now there’s a hint of smile on his face. Taemin smiled brightly. Onew bowed and said thanks to the audience. Jonghyun....he seemed to be on the verge of tears.
They quickly got off the stage and returned to the waiting room. Jonghyun was supposed to talk to the camera about SHINee’s debut, but he couldn’t say anything as he had burst into tears. The others quickly came to him to calm him down. Everyone except Key.
Key stood on the corner, staring at Jonghyun for a while. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to be with Jonghyun or something, but he had something in mind right now. As their manager entered the room, Key quickly approached him. “Hyung, can I use my phone?”
Manager Gyeongshik glared at Key. “Kibum-ah, how many times I have to tell you, you’re not allowed to use your phone unless...”
“Unless in an emergency. Blah blah blah. Yes, I know, hyung. But I really need to call my family. I want to know their reaction of my debut just now. Please....”
Gyeongshik thought for a while before fishing out a phone with pink case from his pocket. “Be fast.”
Key grinned happily and quickly pressed his grandma’s number. He placed the phone on his ear, heart beating fast as he waited for his grandma to answer.
Two dial tones passed before someone finally picked the phone. “Yoboseyo?”
“Halmeoni?” Key whispered, grabbing his phone tightly.
“Omo!” The tone changed quickly into a cheerful one. “Is this my Kibummie?!”
Key smiled at the mention of “my Kibummie”. “Yes, Halmeoni, it’s me.”
“Omo, didn’t you just perform on the stage? I watched you on TV!”
“Yes, but it has finished, Halmeoni. I’m in the waiting room now.”
“Ah, I see.”
“Halmeoni?”
“Mmm?”
Key bit his lower lip. “What do you think about my performance?”
Across the line, he could hear his grandma laughing quietly. “Well, I have to say, I don’t understand why you have to sing a love song to a noona, but I think you did it well.”
“Jinjja?”
“Yes. Your voice came out nicely and you danced as if you had been doing that all your life.”
Key smiled again. He knew it’s his own grandma and she might be biased, but those words still warmed his heart “Thank you, Halmeoni.”
“You’re welcome, Kibummie. And remember to come home as soon as you have free time, ahrasseo?”
“Ahrasseo. Oh, Halmeoni...” Key noticed how Gyeongshik had glared at him menacingly, “I’ll call you again later, kay? Or...maybe someday when my manager finally let me...”
“You’re so busy now, huh?” His grandma chuckled. “Good luck with your career, Kibummie.”
“Bye, Halmeoni.” Key disconnected the call and quickly shoved his phone back to his manager with an apologetic look.
Gyeongshik pocketed back the phone with a little scowl on his face. “If the company knows, I’ll be dead.”
“You’re the best, hyung,” Key laughed and went to join his members.
-
“I’m sorry, umma,” Key sighed to the phone.
Key could hear the scowl on his mother’s face as she spoke again. “You always say that! It’s been years already since the last time you came home, Kibummie. We really miss you here.”
“I know, I know, umma, I miss you too. But you know, I didn’t get many chances to leave nowadays. We’re very busy and...”
“Ah, of course, idol stuffs,” his mother sighed as well. “But I really hope you can take some time out of your busy schedule to visit us, one or two days will be enough.”
Key raised his eyebrows. It’s kinda unusual for his mother to speak like this. Of course, he knew his parents missed him too, but they never begged him to come home like this. It’s usually his grandma who did that.
“Where’s Halmeoni? Can I speak with her?” Key asked.
There was a few seconds of silence before his mother finally spoke again, voice a bit trembling. “Your grandma’s....not here right now. I’ll tell her you called, okay?”
“Okay then. Bye Umma, I love you.”
“I love you too, Bummie.”
Key disconnected the call and closed his eyes. It wasn’t like he was mean or he didn’t miss his family, in fact, he was dying to meet them. But Daegu was way too far from Seoul, and his schedules now were so packed that he couldn’t even sneak away.
It had been almost two years since SHINee debuted, and things had been going pretty well for them. After their pretty much successful debut with Replay, they released their first album The SHINee World a few months after with their lead single Love Like Oxygen. The repackaged version. A.Mi.Go was released shortly thereafter. They managed to won Best New Male Group in Golden Disk Award at the end of 2008. In 2009, they released a new mini-album Romeo with Juliette as their lead single. 2009, Year Of Us became the title of their next mini-album, and the lead single, Ring Ding Dong temporarily ended SHINee’s colorful concept (though it did come back in Jojo).
Not only in singing and dancing, SHINee also quite excelled in variety shows. They had their own first variety on 2008 named SHINee’s Yunhanam. Now they got their second one, SHINee’s Hello Baby, in which they had to take care of a little boy named Yoogeun.
After a few doubts, it turned out Key was good in handling little kids. He and Minho (who now had reached a truce and became good friends) played with Yoogeun and made the kid like them. As a result, Yoogeun picked Key as the best appa at the end of the filming.
Key picked Yoogeun and bounced the little boy on his arms, while Minho put on an annoyed look. Friends, maybe, but the rivaling aura around these two 91-liners never gone completely. And as they were both good with kids, Key presumed they would be rivals until their Hello Baby was over. But he wouldn’t think of that for now, he was delighted to be the best appa in their first episode. He was so happy that he almost forgot about his mother’s call.
-
“Key appa!”
“Yoogeunnie!” Key smiled and welcomed the little boy inside his arms.
It had been quite a hard day for them, they just finished recording and now they had to film Hello Baby. But the sight of Yoogeun, smiling cutely at them, was enough to wipe all of their exhaustions away.
Today, they were going to cook for Yoogeun. Onew prepared a well-being menu, consisted of rice, scrambled eggs, and seaweed soup. Taemin brought some fruits and tried (not so successfully) to peel and cut them in funny shapes. Minho made sandwiches. Jonghyun told them he made soondae gook, but actually he bought it. Key baked some crackers and stole some of Minho’s ingredients to make a sandwich.
The filming went well. Yoogeun chose Key’s food, and the diva was so happy that he spent the rest of the filming feeding and playing around with Yoogeun, while the other members sulking behind him.
“My sandwich is good, right?” Minho pressed as he fed his members each one bite of his sandwich.
“Yoogeun is too young to know the true taste of soondae gook,” Jonghyun muttered while stirring on his soup.
Minho glared at Key. “Hey, are you that happy after making it?!”
Key smiled his “I-don’t-care-as-long-as-I-won” smile, and Minho had to restrain himself not to throw a plate at the diva’s face.
“I should have stolen Minho-hyung’s ingredients too,” Taemin said innocently, and Minho glared at him too.
Onew simply ate his and Jonghyun’s food, paying just a little attention to Yoogeun.
The filming soon finished and the staffs started to clean their props. But the SHINee members didn’t come home directly. They played with Yoogeun while waiting for that kid’s dad to pick him up.
Key picked a book from the shelf. “Yoogeun-ah, should I read it for you?”
“Mm-hmm,” the kid nodded and lied beside Key.
“Okay, so listen well. Once upon a time....”
Halfway through the story, SHINee’s manager came in with gloomy look, a phone gripped tight on his hand. “Kibum,” he called, startling Key who was reading.
“What, hyung?” Key said, a bit annoyed because he hated it if someone interrupted his “father-and-son” moments.
Gyeongshik bit his lower lip. “Your mother just called. She said there’s a bad news.”
-
The weather was bad and snow kept smashing against the train window, but it was nothing compared to the storm inside Key’s heart.
His phone was laid on his lap, its screen blinking to show there were four new messages, but he made no move to open them. It must be his members, each offering consolations but Key didn’t feel like wanting to be cheered up.
The diva threw his glance outside. The view was beautiful but he couldn’t see any of it. Instead he saw his grandma’s face, and he felt tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
Unconsciously, his mind recalled the short conversation with his mother, only a few hours ago.
Kibummie? You have to go home, right now.
Why? Umma, I’m so busy and....
Your Halmeoni. Your Halmeoni passed away.
Since then everything was a blur to him. How he threw his book to Minho. How he and Gyeongshik quickly dashed to SM building. How he faced Lee Sooman and stuttered that he needed a few days off. How he now finally sat in a train to Daegu, even without saying goodbye to his members.
What hurt Key the most wasn’t his grandma’s death itself. It was the fact that he didn’t stay with her during her illness, dammit, he didn’t even know his grandma was sick! Now Key understood why his mother called him and asked him to come home earlier. And how he regretted for not compelling it....
Tears were coming again, and now Key couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He cried, silently but heavily, earning weird looks from other people but he made no move to wipe his tears.
-
It was worse after funeral.
His parents were there, as well as his relatives. No one said anything about his absence during his grandma’s illness but Key could feel some tension in the air, and the weight inside his heart went heavier.
It didn’t help at all when his mother told him that his grandma requested her not to tell Key about her illness. The old woman said that she didn’t want to disturb Key, she wanted Key to focus on his career. But Key’s mother, seeing that the old woman missed her grandson so much, decided to call Key. Only she didn’t dare to say anything about the old woman’s illness as she had promised.
And Key, being a useless grandson he was, refused to come home.
He knew his grandma’s death wasn’t his fault, but deep inside his heart, he couldn’t help wondering, what if he did come home? Maybe his grandma would be happy to see him, and she might be still alive now....
When the funeral finally ended, Key didn’t join his family for lunch. Instead, he quietly crept away and went to his grandma’s house.
The little house was still the same than the one Key remembered. His family hadn’t had time to pack his grandma’s things, so everything was still in place. Key walked inside, letting his hands wandering around as memories flooded his brain.
He remembered walking on this path every time he came home from school, sometimes he would trip because of the stones but he always ran anyway because he wanted to show his grandma what he’d done in school.
He remembered playing in this garden, and how he once played ball and accidentally broke his grandma’s favorite flower pot, but his grandma only concerned whether he was hurt or not.
He remembered sleeping here, in this bedroom when he was still little, and how his grandma would come to read him bedtime stories and kiss him goodnight.
He walked to the kitchen and remembered how his grandma used to bake him his favorite cookies, and she even let Key licked the spoon a few times. Key loved all kinds of desserts and his grandma’s cakes were the best he ever had. He unconsciously smiled at the memory.
Suddenly Key was snapped out of his happy thoughts as a memory, an unpleasant one, hit his brain. He stared at the back door, as his mind recalled an event happening when he was still in junior high school.
“Bummie! Don’t talk to me like that, I’m still your grandmother! I take care of you, and....”
“Who asked you to take care of me then?! You’re not my mother!”
Key shut his eyes tight but it failed to keep a drop of tear from escaping. How dare he say that to his grandma, who had raised and took care of him since he was still in pampers? And as long as he could remember, he never apologized to her. Now he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore...
“Halmeoni....” He whispered brokenly as the second tear, followed by the third, fourth, and so forth rolling down his cheeks.
I’m sorry, Halmeoni.
I’m so, so, sorry...
-
The whole hall was filled by pearlescent aqua ocean. Sometimes he would see their names flashing in colorful letters. And from every corner, he could hear the fans chanting, “SHINee! SHINee!”
Key stood on the far left side of the stage, dressed in pink T-shirt and pink skinny jeans. Taking a slight glance to his right, he could see his bandmates, all sporting the same relieved expression.
They were in Yoyogi National Gymnasium, doing their very first concert, SHINee World Concert I in Tokyo. You said being a singer wasn’t tiring? Well, try to sing non-stop for four hours straight... But all their hard work was paid off, though, with the intensified level of screaming from the fans as time passed.
Now, the concert had almost come to an end, and they finally stood for the encore stage. Key glanced at the audience. He knew, somewhere out there, his parents were watching him proudly. Though they were hesitant at first to let him become an idol, he had proved that he could succeed, and even convinced them to come to SHINee’s first concert.
If only Halmeoni could be there, it would be perfect, Key thought sadly.
He remembered how his grandma had supported his dream, how she convinced him to audition, how she even provided him with money on his first journey to Seoul. He knew, he wouldn’t be like this, wouldn’t stand on this stage with his bandmates if not because of his grandma. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts about her filled his mind as a familiar melody floated out from the speaker - their song One from Hello repackaged album.
Key couldn’t see Onew who stood on the far right side of the stage, but he could hear the leader’s voice, humming along with the music. Right next to him, Minho whispered, “I’ll show you my love, girl” as the intro, but it seemed like the rapper said it too fast out of nervousness. Thankfully, a few seconds later, Onew’s angelic voice was heard again, singing the beginning of the song.
Achim haetsari geudaewa gatayo
Jogeum yuchihagetjyo
Geuraedo nan ireon ge joheun geol
(The morning sunlight is like you
It might be a little childish, but I like it)
Taemin continued after Onew, singing with his soft, slightly shaky voice.
Nareul kkaeweojun geudae yeope ramyeon
Deo baralke eopgetjyo
Ireohke geudael bogo shipen geol
(If I’m by your side when you wake me up
I have nothing more to wish for
I want to see you)
There came his part. Key swallowed and sang, voice pitched slightly higher than he intended.
Sarangi eoridago mothal geora
Saenggakhaji marayo
(Don’t think that we can’t love because we’re young)
Jonghyun’s part came after Key’s, his powerful vocal filled the hall until the very corner.
Nareul deo neutki jeone
Na deo kkeugi jeone jabajul su itjyo?
(Before it’s too late
Before I grow older, can you hold onto me?)
Then it was the chorus, when the five of them sang together. Key could hear the fans singing along with them, waving their lightsticks.
Saranghaeyo geudaemaneul jeo haneulmankkeum
Jeongmal geudaeneun naega saneun iyuin geolyo
Geudaereul aju manhi geudael michidorok anajugo shipeo
(I love you only, as much as the sky
You truly are the reason I live
I really really want to hug you like crazy)
I really want to hug you like crazy, Halmeoni, Key whispered mentally, and a drop of tear made its way down his left cheek as he sang the last line of the chorus.
Ajin manhi ppareungeojyo geureongeojyo (Hey)
(We’re still going too fast, right?)
But knowing he still had a whole song to go, he tried his best to hold his tears and braced himself for his next lines. Licking his lips, he glanced slightly to his right, where Minho was rapping his part.
Geunyeoae nooni majuchil ddaemada
Nae eolgoolae bunjineun misoga
Hokshina geudae maeumae hankyeonae daeulkka
Aseurahan neoae maeum geu sokae areumdaoon
Gwitgaye soksakyeo neol saranghaneun naye maeum
(Whenever our eyes meet
I wonder if the smile that grows on my face
Might reach a corner of your heart
Inside of your uncertain heart, into the beautiful ear
I whisper my feelings of love for you)
The singing part began again with Jonghyun’s voice.
I’ll be taking you
Girl, I know without you
Key continued with his and Minho’s rapping part after Jonghyun’s, voice still shaking despite his best attempt to redeem his feelings.
Without you, I miss you
Eonjekkajina geudaereul wonhajyo
(Without you, I miss you
I'll long for you forever)
Do you hear me from up there, Halmeoni? Do you know how much I miss you?
[Minho] Wonhago baraneun mam
Ddo gipeojineun sarang
[Key] Deo eesang soomgil su eopseo
Geudaeneun nain geol
(My feelings of desire and hope
My love that grows deep again
I can no longer hide them
You are me)
Taemin sang after him, and though there were Minho and Jonghyun separating them, Key could hear the smile in his voice (damn, does this kid never feel sad or something?). And after that it’s Key again (why suddenly it feels so much?).
[Taemin] Nae maeumi geudael japgo nochil anjyo
Geudaedo neukkyeojinayo
[Key] Nareul, oh, deo neutgi jeonae
Na deo keugi jeonae japajul su itjyo
(My heart will catch you and not let you go
Can you feel it as well?
Before, oh, it's too late
Before I grow older, can you hold onto me?)
But it’s too late already, Key realized, as thousands of memories flooding his mind. He tried to block them, but a certain memory popped out, almost had him choking.
“Then, if I succeed later, I’ll dedicate my first song, and my first concert to you, Halmeoni! I’ll think of you as I sing on stage, always.”
Suddenly the presence of thousands of fans here felt nothing for him. He could only think about his grandma, how she’d done everything for him, and how he paid her back? By being an ungrateful brat that didn’t even there when she was sick, that was. Feeling more water rushing up to his eyes, Key didn’t even realize that his bandmates were still singing, in his vain attempt to hold back his sobs.
[Onew] Ajik geudae maeumi nae gyeotae
Ol su eopneun geol arayo geunde
[Jonghyun] Geudae hanaman naye hanarago boolleodo dwaenayo
(I know that your heart
Cannot come by my side yet
Can I just call you my one?)
And Key could handle it no more.
Pressing his palm against his eyes, he could feel tears streaming down his cheeks - tears of regret, sadness, anger, relief, all mixed up. He forgot that he was Key of SHINee, he forgot that he was supposed to sing on stage, he forgot that the fans could see him, he didn’t care about anything but to let all the feelings go.
[All] Oori gatchi one, two, three, oh ja shijakhaeyo
Geudae naye hanajyo naye jeonbuingeolyo
Let's all together one, two, three, let's begin
You are my one, my everything)
Suddenly Key felt a strong arm wrapped around his waist. He looked to his side slightly and found a guy with dino-like face, smiling assuringly at Key as he brought the younger boy to the center of the stage. Letting himself be dragged, Key felt another arm on his shoulder - Minho?
Geudaereul aju mani geudael michidorok saranghago shipeo
Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo
(I really, really, I want to love you like crazy
I can do that now, right?)
A towel was dabbed on his eyes, and Key looked up to see Taemin’s smiling face as the maknae wiped his tears. Maybe the smile was a bit too bright, but certainly it meant don’t cry hyung, we’re here for you.
Geudaereul aju mani geudael michidorok saranghago shipeo
Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo
(I really, really, I want to love you like crazy
I can do that now, right?)
“Baby, you can do right....” Onew sang in the background, and Key felt that the leader didn’t sing it simply to fulfill his part in the song, or for their fans. He partly addressed it to Key, asking the younger to stay strong no matter what, to wrap up this concert, and that they would stay with him through thick and thin.
“Eejeneun geuraedo dwaejyo geurungeojyo....” Jonghyun sang his last line, and Key stared at his best friend, a hint of smile on his face.
No, he didn’t smile because he was happy. The sadness was still too much to bear, the memories about his grandma was still tugging at the corners of his brain. But as he glanced around, feeling the side of Minho’s body and the rapper’s arm pressed against his, blinking as Taemin’s towel wiped his eyes again, hearing Jonghyun’s powerful voice, seeing Onew’s sweet smile....
I’m not alone.
I’m a part of SHINee.
I have my members to lean on, to share all my happiness and sadness.
And we’ll go through everything together.
Jonghyun slipped his hand upon Key’s, followed by Minho. As Onew shouted, “Arigato gozaimasu!” they gave ninety-degrees bow to the audience, to the fans who were still screaming loudly at them though the concert had finished already.
This is for you too, Halmeoni.
Without you, I will never be a part if SHINee.
Without you, I will never be standing here.
Thank you for letting me take the audition.
Thank you for supporting me no matter what.
And thank you....for everything.
Jonghyun nudged Key slightly, reminding the younger to move to other parts of the stage. Putting a smile onto his tear-stained face, Key whispered his thank you and followed his members.
/end.
A/N: 30 pages, 11.552 words long. I’ve never felt more relieved.