To be a cultured person who is interesting and worthy of entertaining

To be safe in a country that does not act like ridiculous prehistoric humans

To be a part of something more

Under pressure.

Pressing down on me, I know that's all.

I also don't even know if that's how that song goes.

Let's try another good journal entry that helps me to sit with this feeling.

- - - - -

For starters, I'm at least at my computer this time instead of on my phone so it's 100% more centering and feels 100% more appropriate to try and get my ( Read more... )

So it’s super strange to write things out from my phone.

I already have difficulty with the translation from my head to paper, then from my head to typing on the computer in a journal entry is also exhausting.

In my head there are fully formed thoughts, concepts, attempts at regaining and attaining some sense of sanity and coherence.

(I need to look ( Read more... )

We are the same
Holding our passions up to flames
We are the same
We show off our best features for the fame
We will turn tricks and be the best
So that you will like us as we rest
Inside your arms

We are the same
Holding our passions up to flames
We are the same
Pushing people to their edge
We are the same
Two such awful people to be so charming

I'm trying to ( Read more... )

Years, and something that means nothing to anyone but me.

It’s a familiar song, a familiar dance. Here celebrating solo for something that I personally wanted.

I yelled at my husband, I feel rejected by my best friend. I feel that no one cares and I do not feel supported in the choices I make in life.

It’s when I need to feel confident and comfortable ( Read more... )

Alright- so pausing and trying to put into words the feelings in my chest right now.

I know I am trying to keep distracted, but then I wonder from what.

So I pause. I stop.

I allow what is to be and I at first felt anxiety.

My body knows that the emotions will come, the awareness will come, and my body still has a large amount of attempts to ( Read more... )

My brain is trying to get away
From all the things I can't escape
Sometimes drifting into work, into the next things, into the world

I feel my feet twitch when I sit
When I stop and try to feel it
They shift and shake beneath me so
I really, really want to go

Held up in limbo with 1,000 plans
Maybe none of them will happen, again
Then I will sit with ( Read more... )

"Existence in a place that is no longer dangerous
Staying here in a place without surprises"
It's hard

- - - - -

Someday when I am old I'll celebrate
All the life I led I can't escape

Someday far from now I'll stop and thank
All the times I sat to contemplate
My life

Someday I'll figure out how
Someday I'll figure out how
Someday I'll figure out how
To ( Read more... )

Someday, when I'm old, I will be able to sit with where I am and be grateful.

Someday, when I am old, I'll be able to just be

Today is not that day, this season of life is not that season.

- - - - -

Angle 1: Working on being in my present, accepting my spot, and existing in life the way most people do.

(I really hate the term most people)

I have ( Read more... )

What if I can't,
What if I collapse,
What if I stop, sit down, and look around

What if I can't,
What if I can't,

I don't know, I don't know
What I'm doing here

I don't know, I don't know,
Where to go from here

What if I can't,
What if I collapse,
What if I don't know, I don't know,
What I'm doing here

What if I stop
What if I collapse
What if I stay here and ( Read more... )