Fic: Don't You Know, It's Gonna Be Alright (Part 2)

[miss_lizzy777]

Title: Don’t You Know, It’s Gonna Be Alright (Part 2)
Pairing: John/Paul
Rating: PG-13, I guess, but only because of a little swearing. And a lot of sad.
Warnings: Angst, boy-on-boy cuddling, snotty teenagers, boys-in-pain.
Summary: “He tiptoed over to the bed and sat down next to John. He hated to wake him, but he knew letting him sleep longer wouldn’

Comments

[dashall]

Helloooo! Late again, my friend.

The way you write Paulie is superb. His thoughts and his words and his reactions are very very good. Hereee is an example!

“John’s okay, by the way. In case you were wonderin’. I mean, I thought you might be worried about him or somethin’ since his mother just got hit by a car and died, you know, yesterday. But I guess if your main concern is my bad language, then, sorry I said ‘fuck’.”

As for the constructive part of my review that you know of by now (lol)... hmm. I guess... the flow seems a little choppy? I think it's the sentence structure I was talking about last chapter, which you said you'd fix, so it's okay. Paul seemed a little TOO gay too early, but I guess this is slash, so that's excusable, haha. On to next chapter now to catch up!

[miss_lizzy777]

Thanks, I was super happy with how that part turned out! Glad you liked it.

As for the choppy flow and the too-gay-too-early thing, part of that was me trying to convey teenage awkwardness - Paul's feelings are intense, but how well he acknowledges them depends on the situation, so for example, in this chapter, he's in a really intense, emotionally vulnerable situation, so he can actually "feel" his feelings about John without stomping them down. However, the fact that that didn't come through as intentional is an issue I'll have to work on, so thanks for mentioning it anyway.

I really appreciate your comments! Much as I love glowing adulation, it's nice to have someone who can give solid constructive criticism too. Thanks!

[dashall]

Ahhhh, it sure does feel good to discuss literature in the morning! *rubs hands together in excitement

[miss_lizzy777]

I sort of get what you're saying. Part of that is probably sloppiness on my part because I wrote the first chapter over a year ago and only decided to make it a multi-part fic fairly recently. When I wrote the first part, I think I was going for the bro-love angle, but it grew past that. I don't think I really smoothed over the gap between the "best friend" stage and "omg I think I have a little gay crush on you" stage as well as I could have =/ Still, I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out for the most part. And don't worry, if you say something that's bullshit, I will feel free to completely ignore you ;-)

I live in California. I get my Slash fix before I go to bed - somewhere between 11 pm to 1 am over here. I'm curious now, where are you?