doc :(

[missingx_xyou]

i hate doctors. i hate the hospital. and i hate the ER. i had to go to the ER today. :( my mom picked me up from Aaron's to take me there. becuz this morning i woke up with this quarter size bump on my face by my right ear. and so we went to luthern. and then they took blood for some tests and took xrays on my chest. and erg. thats scary. and then

Comments

i love you my darling.

[simply_amazingx]

Jessica Sue ! I will ALWAYS want to talk to you !! ALWAYS !!! I know we don't talk a lot, but I always long to hear your voice. fkdaj. I can't do this without you. Don't give up on me now darling. Not when I need you most. And I am scared to death about all this shit going on with you. Scared more than I've ever been scared before. I can't lose you Jessica. Ever. I have had you too long to let go now. I don't know what is going on with you, or what is happening. Why you are going through all this bullshit, but I do know that everything is gunna turn out alright. I know that everything happens for a reason. And God has a plan for you. And I refuse to let him take you from me. Not now. Not ever. If I have to I will call Him up myself. I can't lose you Jessica. You don't have Lukemia. And you never will. Cause...no. You just don't. There is no way

Re: i love you my darling.

[missingx_xyou]

i just cant handle all this shit nemore. i cant take it. i hate feeling like im dying inside more everyday. i hate feel like im alone. alwayz. i hate that i dont have a life. and that i never will. i hate that i hafta go to all these docs. and i hate the fact all this is happening to me. like im gods target for everything bad. if there is even a god. becuz if there was he wouldnt let all this happen to one lil girl a kid a teen all at once when she was already down. i hate being kicked when im down and thats my life. straight up. and i dont have lukemia. not now. not yet. but im just scared ill get it. with wat they said to me. and all these tests ive had to have taken and now i hafta take more. i dont need this. i cant take it. i dont wanna give up for the soul reason of you and mike. but i dont know how not too. im turning into who i once was. before. before i was better. before now. bak a few years. i know you know. but erg.

idont know how to feel or wat to do. i love you. im sorry. :'(

Re: i love you my darling.

[simply_amazingx]

i know hunny. i feel like im alone every moment of my day. cause really, i am. i dont have any friends..any REAL friends here. not like you. i always feel alone without you. cause you're the best friend i've got. and i can't stand not being with you. makes me feel like something is missing. fdajk. and i hate seeing you down, especially being kicked when you're down. it sucks. i know. i'm feeling the same way as we speak. i cry myself to sleep at night cause i feel so alone, so empty. and i can only imagine you doing the same thing. i miss you so much darling. so much. and i dont want you to turn into who you were. please. please dont. i cant deal with that hunny. i cant lose you you're my world. I NEED YOU !

and dont be sorry. you cant control how you feel. just know that i love you. always will. and im here for you. for ever.

best friends for always and after.

iloveyou.

Re: i love you my darling.

[missingx_xyou]

i know you feel the same. but not like this. i know that for sure. becuz atleast you know you have a boyfriend who loves you and wont hurt you. thats more than what ive got. i have nothing. i have two friends. and yes i know they love me and will never hurt me. but to me thats not enough. becuz i dont have anyone holding me at night. i dont have anyone telling me they love me and taking the time to atleast talk to me. i dont have anyone who cna make me smile when im down. who i can call and run to when i need them the most. i dont have that nemore. not like before. not ever again. and i hate crying myself to sleep and wanting//wishing to just leave this world. i hate that. so bad. i hate searching for sumone to call when i need sumone so much as i did last night. and then they're either busy or just not answering. and erg. it makes me think. all over again. i have NOTHING at all. i have you and mike. thats it. and you cant be here. and he wasnt here. and when he is. he's busy as well. it makes me feel. alone. i wont kill myself. i

:'(

[hubobub89]

jessica thigns will get all better ... :( i love u , and so do kari and mike, please get better :)

Re: :'(

[missingx_xyou]

i hope things do get better. i hope so bad. and i wanna get better. i want too. but things havent looked up for me. in a long time. and when they did. things got 10x worse. i hate this. im sooo sorry.

iloveyou!

[farretgal]

I'm gonna tell you two something and you will probably get mad at me, but I'm gonna say it anyways. We can't control everything that god hands us, but we can control how we handle it. Sometimes you just have to make the most out of the situation. Sometimes you have to quit complaining and play the hand that you were dealt with

[missingx_xyou]

alright. well im not mad at you for saying that. becuz i know its true. im not complaining. its just hard to deal with all these health problems lately. when you have to go to the doc several times and several diff doctors at one time and they give you all these bad news. its hard to deal with. and its hard to think positive. expecially when you are a negative thinker. i try to stay positive but how can i when all i get is bad news about my life. i know i have friends and family who love and care about me. i know i do. but there are only a few. all my family loves me. whether they say it or not. and whether they wanna see me or talk to me or not. and honostly i dont think you know how i feel. or what i think. just becuz u were a teen once doesnt mean you know everything. you have no idea. things have changed. and its not people who bother me its what im going thru. what ive been thru. and its rough. it sucks major. im sorry. but its the truth. i havent lied about nething or took it to the extreme of wat it really is. all i say is the

[farretgal]

No need to be sorry... you can't help the way you feel.... I wasn't trying to sound mean or anything and you are right, times have changed. I do know what you are going through with the dr. thing.. I went through it... for several years, drs. trying to figure out what was wrong with me and trying to figure out why I had all that pain.... I finally got part of it taken care of once I got to florida. I still have pain that they do not know what is wrong.. I have had so many MRI's, cat scans, ultra sounds (internal and external), blood tests.. all that wonderful stuff

[missingx_xyou]

and i wasnt tryin to sound rude or cruel either. its just hard. i try to hang in there. and so does kari. but it doesnt help that we're 18 hours apart and when we need eachother the most....we cant just run to eachother. her being in florida is one of the hardest things for us. we cant handle it. and a year for us to be able to have the friendship we once did is way to long. we hoped so much she could stay here. she was sooo happy. like u dont even believe. i havent seen kari that happy in a long time. and to see her go back to florida and then get all depressed and lose all sense of happiness. that hurts. im sorry but if you care for her and love her as much as you say....you would see what pain she is in and how unhappy she is. you cant make her happy. only she can. and there she doesnt ever see her being happy. nowadays i dont see it either. all i know is all she does is cry and she feels so lonely and scared. and i cant help her. becuz shes all the way there and im up here. i know we can talk to you whenever we need to its not

[farretgal]

Well, I have my reasons for having her live with me.. I won't go into it but I do have my reasons.

Yes I do listen to my daughter.. you are not here and am only hearing Kari's side of it.

I'm not going to get into an argument about where Kari belongs because this will only upset Kari and I won't do that to her. she belongs with her FAMILY!!

Don't tell me that I don't love Kari by not letting her live in Indiana...and don't try to make me feel guilty about it either. I do have my reasons and I love Kari so much and never want to see her hurt and that is one of the reasons I know her place is with her family in Florida.

I won't discuss this anymore, not on a public forum.

I know how you talk about hating where you live too, just like I know Kari talks about not liking it in Florida.

[missingx_xyou]

i wasnt saying you didnt love her. i know you love her with everything you have. and i know you have ur reasons. im not saying nething is bad about you. and yes she does belong with her family but shes not happy at all. im sorry but she isnt. and her family isnt making her any happier just becuz shes with them. and yes i do talk about hating where i live. and thats becuz i do. and yes kari hates it there as well. but thats becuz she feels like she belongs here and not there. she feels i dno happy here. i just go by what she tells me and how she feels. end of story. im sorry. i never meant to make you mad by saying all that. you just misunderstood. all i care bout is kari and i hate the way she is feeling and talking. i know becuz im in her shoes. ive been there. still am. and it sucks and i just dont want her to go thru what i do. its not right. i dont want nething to happen to kari. and things will. as she says. she cant handle this pain anymore. im sorry. but its the truth. its not just becuz she hates it there its becuz she feels