BSG Christmas Special Picspam Part III
Hey guys! Part III of my Christmas picspam is here! Thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoy!
Same spoiler warnings apply. You can find part I here and part II here.
Previously on BSG: Bill finally came up with a rescue plan but his crew was really slow on the uptake. Baltar tried to get Laura to cancel Christmas - it did not go well for him. Bill sent Laura a Christmas card. Chief tried to get Sam and Saul on board with his platonic shippers club. And the Cylons sang some Christmas carols. And now, for Part III.
Over at New Caprica Elementary, Laura was helping her students prepare for Christmas
Laura: Ok kids, be sure to make these cards nice and garish. I want a lot of glitter on these! Centurions need to short circuit when they look at them. Girls, does this look sparkly enough?
Kid: Hm.. I think it needs more glitter. And I’ll add more cotton balls to the santa hat!
Laura: Good call. Keep up the festivity kids! And remember, Christmas is all about...
Kids: Sticking it to the Cylons!
Laura: Exactly. And presents and food and friends and all that other stuff. But mainly sticking it to the Cylons.
Over on Galactica, the pilots were having a Rescue Mission/Christmas party
Helo: haha, look how short you are! Great party, huh? I’m glad everyone is trying to be festive before going off to their untimely deaths
Dee: What the frak, no one is going to die. The Admiral’s plan is totally going to work. And shouldn’t you be more optimistic given that you’re going to be on Galactica during all this?
Helo: Wait, what? I am going to be on Pegasus, bravely going off into uncharted space in order to protect the remnants of humanity
Dee: Uh, no you’re not. Didn’t you check the assignment board?
Helo: Aw, frak. Well this sucks, Pegasus should have to stay and fight! Frakking cowardly ship.
Dee: You just said it was bravely saving humanity!
Helo: Well that was when I was still on it! This sucks
Dee: I’d rather stay and kick some cylon ass, but the Admiral told Lee he could run for it. I think he called Lee a pansy fatass actually.
Dee: Lee is just having some...issues. Involving food. He claims he’s just in the holiday spirit
Helo: Well if that’s the case he’s been in the holiday spirit for 6 months. He’s Fatty McFatterson, admit it
Dee: Shut up Helo
Helo: If he wants to look like Santa he can go right ahead. I’m now the hottest person in the fleet thanks to Lee gaining approximately 400 pounds. I’m gonna go give him some Christmas cookies now.
Dee: Asshole
After Lee had eaten most of the food, the party drew to a close. Lee prepared to run away with a bunch of civilians and the cool people prepared to go back to rescue Laura Roslin and some other people or something.
Lee: Ok Dad, I hope you don't get killed rescuing my step-mom. Sniff. I'm very emotional right now!
Bill: Whatever, just go already. I'm not going to die, so don't completely frak things up while I'm gone.
Guy in Orange Jumpsuit: Should I be saluting too? I always got confused about that
Back on New Caprica, D’Anna was on the prowl for anything Christmas related. She had made about 10 children cry earlier by knocking down their little Charlie Brown tree.
D’Anna: Hey, Doc, heard any patients singing Christmas songs? I’ve come to euthanize them.
Cottle: What the frak lady, I don’t have time for your crazy Cylon antics. Why do you care about Christmas anyway?
D’Anna: It’s a stupid human holiday and the humans should be embracing glorious Cylon rule
Cottle: Cylon dictatorship
D’Anna: It’s a Cylon democracy
Cottle: Cylon police state
D’Anna: Cylons are benevolent overlords improving humanity
Cottle: Crazy despots trying to kill us all
D’Anna: Ok cram it, Mr. Negative. We’ve had a bumpy start but things are totally improving
Cottle: Lady, I’m still freezing my ass off, living in a tent, and treating more whiney-ass patients than I know what to do with. And to top if all off, I have Laura Frakking Roslin in here all the damn time trying to “decorate” the hospital for Christmas and bossing me around. Bill needs to come back and calm her the frak down.
D’Anna: Wait, Laura hangs out here? What was she wearing yesterday? Did she mention me at all? What was she doing?
Cottle: How should I know what she was wearing? Quit being a weirdo. And I already told you, she was driving me insane and spreading Christmas cheer
D’Anna: So Laura likes Christmas?
Cottle: She invented Christmas!
D’Anna: I thought Baltar was lying about that! The holiday sounded so stupid that I assumed he made it all up!
Cottle: Nope, the whole thing was a Laura Roslin morale booster. Laura Roslin pretty much IS Christmas. Now go away, you’re bothering me.
D’Anna: Hm....
So D’Anna called a Cylon Meeting in order to Re-asses the Christmas situation
D’Anna: All right guys, I’ve been rethinking this whole Christmas thing. I mean, Laura Roslin invented it! That has to count for something
Caprica: I am intrigued by Christmas as I am a human-phile but I am concerned about allowing them to continue with their pagan traditions. Aren’t we supposed to be converting them to the One True Cylon God?
Doral: Uh, no, we’re supposed to be terrorizing and killing them all. Duh.
Caprica: Shut up Doral, no one cares what you think. Boomer, D’Anna and I are the only ones who matter since we had successful Super Seekrit Spy missions. You got left on Ragnar like 2 hours into your mission
Doral: Frak you.
Cavil: Christmas involves humans having fun which is something we can’t allow! End of story
Boomer: Quit being lame Cavil, there’s nothing wrong with having fun. I say we leave the humans alone. If they are having fun then they aren’t blowing us up. Basic math peeps
D’Anna: Well here’s what we’re going to do bitches - we are commandeering Christmas and turning it into a Cylon holiday! Laura will totally love me after I improve her holiday! Go make some santa hats for the Centurions, and Six, start rewriting those Christmas songs to say nice things about Cylons. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
Caprica: I already started re-writing some of the songs! Cylons are Coming to Town is my Favorite: "We see you when you're sleeping, we know when you're awake! We know when you've been bad and we've come to convert you to the one true God or else kill you!" Er, it needs some more work.
D'Anna: I'll say
Meanwhile, in the Underground Bunker of Resistance Meetings, Laura was having a chat with Sam
Sam: So...how’ve ya been?
Laura: Uh, fine Sam. Just waiting for Bill to get his ass back here. Er, I mean waiting for the Admiral to come rescue everyone. Whatever.
Sam: I’ve been spreading the Christmas cheer like you asked!
Laura: You’ve been spreading the alcohol, you mean.
Sam: Hey, inebriated people are happy people
Laura: I don’t want these imbeciles happy, I want them pissed off and fighting cylons! What do you think my Militant Christmas Spirit meeting was all about?
Sam: Were you saying something? Your hair looks nice
Laura: *sigh* This happens all the time. Ok, Sam, focus up here, this is important. Stop looking at my admittedly fabulous hair. Now look, I’m going to put you in charge of Hera, a human baby of no importance whatsoever. I just happened to assign armed guards to her.
Sam: That sounds perfectly reasonable.
Laura: Super. We’re saving her because she’s cute if anyone asks. Ok, so you’re in charge of her. Can you handle it?
Sam: Uh, will I have to hold her or anything? I don’t really do babies
Laura: Her mom will be with her.
Sam: Shouldn’t we assign a girl to do this mission? In case baby stuff comes up
Laura: Samuel T. Anders, are you implying that only women are capable of caring for babies and that all women are innately able to handle babies?
Sam: Uh...is there a good answer to that?
Laura: The good answer is “No, of course not as I am progressive on issues of gender and would never imply such a ludicrous thing”
Sam: Uh, what you said. Have I mentioned how nice your hair looks today?
Laura: grrr
Sam: You seem stressed, want some Christmas alcohol? It’ll loosen you up! And by loosen you up, I mean it will make you pass out on the floor after singing about Reindeer and killing toasters.
Laura: I’ll pass.
So Laura called the resistance meeting to order. And by calling to order, I mean that she sat down in the middle of the room and everyone instantly shut up and paid attention
Laura: All right people. We’ve been doing a good job spreading Militant Christmas cheer and blowing up toasters. But we’re gonna have to step it up a notch in order to get ready for Galactica to return. I’m talking mayhem and chaos people. If these cylons think they can switch tactics and try to co-opt our holiday, they’ve got another thing coming. I want toasters running around in circles, I want stuff blowing up ever 30 minutes, I want centurions in scrap heaps with their little santa hats on fired! I want people singing obnoxious Christmas songs at the top of their lungs! And I want to see every Leoben model crying before the day is done! Got it?
Resistance: So Say We All! *start slow clapping*
Laura: Ok, hold off on slow clapping me, I’m not done yet. *clapping stops* We need to go over the evacuation plan.
Most of the people who had been on New Caprica for the long-haul were already aware of this plan, so they began whispering amongst themselves. Laura decided to hold off on glaring at them till later.
Tom: Gee, I hope Laura likes the Christmas sweater I knitted her! I’m sure she will, I mean it’s from me and we’re totally bffs now. Watch your back Admiral!
Chief: Why should he watch his back? Madam Prez can have more than one bff, right?
Tom: Uh... what? They aren’t bffs, they are fra..
Chief: No, no, they are platonic bffs.
I mean, that time on Kobol was totally them being bffs, not like flirting or anything
And they never look like they are about to spontaneously start making out, ever.
Tom: Seriously? Where are you getting this from?
Chief: My club manual - I am president of the Adama/Roslin Platonic Shippers Club.
Saul: Oh for fraks sake, shut up about that! I'm trying to listen to Roslin
Tom: I like the sound of this. Can I join?
Chief: Sure, we are looking for a treasurer!
Tom: What happened to your old one?
Chief: We never had one. We only have two members so far, me and Lee. He's the VP. Our cause is gaining strength though!
Tory: Hey, can I join too? I mean, I know it’s a load of bs, but Laura is a bit like my space!mom at times and I’d rather not think about her frakking the Old Man.
Chief: I didn’t catch that last part
Laura:... in conclusion, remain cool, keep up the Christmas spirit, and be inspired by my hardcoreness and you’ll be good to go. Ok, you can clap now. *slow clapping ensues*
Laura: Time to make the rounds. Merry frakking Christmas boys, what’s up?
Tall Dude: Merry frakking Christmas ma’am! I was just thinking that we should have one last blow out Christmas Frak party before we leave
Laura: Good idea tall guy. We can have it tonight
Tall Dude II: And you can dress up like an elf at it!
Laura: Excuse me?
Sam: haha, he’s just kidding! Dude, walk away now. Seriously
Far Away in Space, Pegasus was running away like a pansy
Dee: Lee, this is stupid. Your Dad is going to get himself blown up. We should go back to help
Lee: nom nom nom
Dee: Are you listening to me?
Lee: nom nom nom. Do we have anymore cookies?
Dee: You ate them all! Gods. Look, Lee, let’s go back to help
Lee: No way, it’s a stupid plan anyway. I don’t want to get blown up
Dee: Ok, Lee, I didn’t want to have to do this. But what would Santa do?
Lee: What do you mean?
Dee: *sigh* Look your are pathologically turning yourself in to Santa with your out of control eating. Just admit you miss Roslin and other people on New Caprica and you are trying to compensate with the Christmas spirit or something. It’s weird. But still, what would Santa do? Would he run away like a scared little girl? Or would he go kick some Cylon ass?
Lee: Santa would ... go kill some cylons!
Dee: Yeah! So what are we gonna do?
Lee: Eat some cookies!
Dee: Oh my gods, NO. We are going back to New Caprica!
Lee: Yeah sure. While eating cookies. It’s what Santa would do! And I AM SANTA CLAUS! nom nom nom
Dee: *facepalm*
Next Time on BSG: Operation Santa gets underway and the Fleet has the best Christmas ever.
Same spoiler warnings apply. You can find part I here and part II here.
Previously on BSG: Bill finally came up with a rescue plan but his crew was really slow on the uptake. Baltar tried to get Laura to cancel Christmas - it did not go well for him. Bill sent Laura a Christmas card. Chief tried to get Sam and Saul on board with his platonic shippers club. And the Cylons sang some Christmas carols. And now, for Part III.
Over at New Caprica Elementary, Laura was helping her students prepare for Christmas
Laura: Ok kids, be sure to make these cards nice and garish. I want a lot of glitter on these! Centurions need to short circuit when they look at them. Girls, does this look sparkly enough?
Kid: Hm.. I think it needs more glitter. And I’ll add more cotton balls to the santa hat!
Laura: Good call. Keep up the festivity kids! And remember, Christmas is all about...
Kids: Sticking it to the Cylons!
Laura: Exactly. And presents and food and friends and all that other stuff. But mainly sticking it to the Cylons.
Over on Galactica, the pilots were having a Rescue Mission/Christmas party
Helo: haha, look how short you are! Great party, huh? I’m glad everyone is trying to be festive before going off to their untimely deaths
Dee: What the frak, no one is going to die. The Admiral’s plan is totally going to work. And shouldn’t you be more optimistic given that you’re going to be on Galactica during all this?
Helo: Wait, what? I am going to be on Pegasus, bravely going off into uncharted space in order to protect the remnants of humanity
Dee: Uh, no you’re not. Didn’t you check the assignment board?
Helo: Aw, frak. Well this sucks, Pegasus should have to stay and fight! Frakking cowardly ship.
Dee: You just said it was bravely saving humanity!
Helo: Well that was when I was still on it! This sucks
Dee: I’d rather stay and kick some cylon ass, but the Admiral told Lee he could run for it. I think he called Lee a pansy fatass actually.
Dee: Lee is just having some...issues. Involving food. He claims he’s just in the holiday spirit
Helo: Well if that’s the case he’s been in the holiday spirit for 6 months. He’s Fatty McFatterson, admit it
Dee: Shut up Helo
Helo: If he wants to look like Santa he can go right ahead. I’m now the hottest person in the fleet thanks to Lee gaining approximately 400 pounds. I’m gonna go give him some Christmas cookies now.
Dee: Asshole
After Lee had eaten most of the food, the party drew to a close. Lee prepared to run away with a bunch of civilians and the cool people prepared to go back to rescue Laura Roslin and some other people or something.
Lee: Ok Dad, I hope you don't get killed rescuing my step-mom. Sniff. I'm very emotional right now!
Bill: Whatever, just go already. I'm not going to die, so don't completely frak things up while I'm gone.
Guy in Orange Jumpsuit: Should I be saluting too? I always got confused about that
Back on New Caprica, D’Anna was on the prowl for anything Christmas related. She had made about 10 children cry earlier by knocking down their little Charlie Brown tree.
D’Anna: Hey, Doc, heard any patients singing Christmas songs? I’ve come to euthanize them.
Cottle: What the frak lady, I don’t have time for your crazy Cylon antics. Why do you care about Christmas anyway?
D’Anna: It’s a stupid human holiday and the humans should be embracing glorious Cylon rule
Cottle: Cylon dictatorship
D’Anna: It’s a Cylon democracy
Cottle: Cylon police state
D’Anna: Cylons are benevolent overlords improving humanity
Cottle: Crazy despots trying to kill us all
D’Anna: Ok cram it, Mr. Negative. We’ve had a bumpy start but things are totally improving
Cottle: Lady, I’m still freezing my ass off, living in a tent, and treating more whiney-ass patients than I know what to do with. And to top if all off, I have Laura Frakking Roslin in here all the damn time trying to “decorate” the hospital for Christmas and bossing me around. Bill needs to come back and calm her the frak down.
D’Anna: Wait, Laura hangs out here? What was she wearing yesterday? Did she mention me at all? What was she doing?
Cottle: How should I know what she was wearing? Quit being a weirdo. And I already told you, she was driving me insane and spreading Christmas cheer
D’Anna: So Laura likes Christmas?
Cottle: She invented Christmas!
D’Anna: I thought Baltar was lying about that! The holiday sounded so stupid that I assumed he made it all up!
Cottle: Nope, the whole thing was a Laura Roslin morale booster. Laura Roslin pretty much IS Christmas. Now go away, you’re bothering me.
D’Anna: Hm....
So D’Anna called a Cylon Meeting in order to Re-asses the Christmas situation
D’Anna: All right guys, I’ve been rethinking this whole Christmas thing. I mean, Laura Roslin invented it! That has to count for something
Caprica: I am intrigued by Christmas as I am a human-phile but I am concerned about allowing them to continue with their pagan traditions. Aren’t we supposed to be converting them to the One True Cylon God?
Doral: Uh, no, we’re supposed to be terrorizing and killing them all. Duh.
Caprica: Shut up Doral, no one cares what you think. Boomer, D’Anna and I are the only ones who matter since we had successful Super Seekrit Spy missions. You got left on Ragnar like 2 hours into your mission
Doral: Frak you.
Cavil: Christmas involves humans having fun which is something we can’t allow! End of story
Boomer: Quit being lame Cavil, there’s nothing wrong with having fun. I say we leave the humans alone. If they are having fun then they aren’t blowing us up. Basic math peeps
D’Anna: Well here’s what we’re going to do bitches - we are commandeering Christmas and turning it into a Cylon holiday! Laura will totally love me after I improve her holiday! Go make some santa hats for the Centurions, and Six, start rewriting those Christmas songs to say nice things about Cylons. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
Caprica: I already started re-writing some of the songs! Cylons are Coming to Town is my Favorite: "We see you when you're sleeping, we know when you're awake! We know when you've been bad and we've come to convert you to the one true God or else kill you!" Er, it needs some more work.
D'Anna: I'll say
Meanwhile, in the Underground Bunker of Resistance Meetings, Laura was having a chat with Sam
Sam: So...how’ve ya been?
Laura: Uh, fine Sam. Just waiting for Bill to get his ass back here. Er, I mean waiting for the Admiral to come rescue everyone. Whatever.
Sam: I’ve been spreading the Christmas cheer like you asked!
Laura: You’ve been spreading the alcohol, you mean.
Sam: Hey, inebriated people are happy people
Laura: I don’t want these imbeciles happy, I want them pissed off and fighting cylons! What do you think my Militant Christmas Spirit meeting was all about?
Sam: Were you saying something? Your hair looks nice
Laura: *sigh* This happens all the time. Ok, Sam, focus up here, this is important. Stop looking at my admittedly fabulous hair. Now look, I’m going to put you in charge of Hera, a human baby of no importance whatsoever. I just happened to assign armed guards to her.
Sam: That sounds perfectly reasonable.
Laura: Super. We’re saving her because she’s cute if anyone asks. Ok, so you’re in charge of her. Can you handle it?
Sam: Uh, will I have to hold her or anything? I don’t really do babies
Laura: Her mom will be with her.
Sam: Shouldn’t we assign a girl to do this mission? In case baby stuff comes up
Laura: Samuel T. Anders, are you implying that only women are capable of caring for babies and that all women are innately able to handle babies?
Sam: Uh...is there a good answer to that?
Laura: The good answer is “No, of course not as I am progressive on issues of gender and would never imply such a ludicrous thing”
Sam: Uh, what you said. Have I mentioned how nice your hair looks today?
Laura: grrr
Sam: You seem stressed, want some Christmas alcohol? It’ll loosen you up! And by loosen you up, I mean it will make you pass out on the floor after singing about Reindeer and killing toasters.
Laura: I’ll pass.
So Laura called the resistance meeting to order. And by calling to order, I mean that she sat down in the middle of the room and everyone instantly shut up and paid attention
Laura: All right people. We’ve been doing a good job spreading Militant Christmas cheer and blowing up toasters. But we’re gonna have to step it up a notch in order to get ready for Galactica to return. I’m talking mayhem and chaos people. If these cylons think they can switch tactics and try to co-opt our holiday, they’ve got another thing coming. I want toasters running around in circles, I want stuff blowing up ever 30 minutes, I want centurions in scrap heaps with their little santa hats on fired! I want people singing obnoxious Christmas songs at the top of their lungs! And I want to see every Leoben model crying before the day is done! Got it?
Resistance: So Say We All! *start slow clapping*
Laura: Ok, hold off on slow clapping me, I’m not done yet. *clapping stops* We need to go over the evacuation plan.
Most of the people who had been on New Caprica for the long-haul were already aware of this plan, so they began whispering amongst themselves. Laura decided to hold off on glaring at them till later.
Tom: Gee, I hope Laura likes the Christmas sweater I knitted her! I’m sure she will, I mean it’s from me and we’re totally bffs now. Watch your back Admiral!
Chief: Why should he watch his back? Madam Prez can have more than one bff, right?
Tom: Uh... what? They aren’t bffs, they are fra..
Chief: No, no, they are platonic bffs.
I mean, that time on Kobol was totally them being bffs, not like flirting or anything
And they never look like they are about to spontaneously start making out, ever.
Tom: Seriously? Where are you getting this from?
Chief: My club manual - I am president of the Adama/Roslin Platonic Shippers Club.
Saul: Oh for fraks sake, shut up about that! I'm trying to listen to Roslin
Tom: I like the sound of this. Can I join?
Chief: Sure, we are looking for a treasurer!
Tom: What happened to your old one?
Chief: We never had one. We only have two members so far, me and Lee. He's the VP. Our cause is gaining strength though!
Tory: Hey, can I join too? I mean, I know it’s a load of bs, but Laura is a bit like my space!mom at times and I’d rather not think about her frakking the Old Man.
Chief: I didn’t catch that last part
Laura:... in conclusion, remain cool, keep up the Christmas spirit, and be inspired by my hardcoreness and you’ll be good to go. Ok, you can clap now. *slow clapping ensues*
Laura: Time to make the rounds. Merry frakking Christmas boys, what’s up?
Tall Dude: Merry frakking Christmas ma’am! I was just thinking that we should have one last blow out Christmas Frak party before we leave
Laura: Good idea tall guy. We can have it tonight
Tall Dude II: And you can dress up like an elf at it!
Laura: Excuse me?
Sam: haha, he’s just kidding! Dude, walk away now. Seriously
Far Away in Space, Pegasus was running away like a pansy
Dee: Lee, this is stupid. Your Dad is going to get himself blown up. We should go back to help
Lee: nom nom nom
Dee: Are you listening to me?
Lee: nom nom nom. Do we have anymore cookies?
Dee: You ate them all! Gods. Look, Lee, let’s go back to help
Lee: No way, it’s a stupid plan anyway. I don’t want to get blown up
Dee: Ok, Lee, I didn’t want to have to do this. But what would Santa do?
Lee: What do you mean?
Dee: *sigh* Look your are pathologically turning yourself in to Santa with your out of control eating. Just admit you miss Roslin and other people on New Caprica and you are trying to compensate with the Christmas spirit or something. It’s weird. But still, what would Santa do? Would he run away like a scared little girl? Or would he go kick some Cylon ass?
Lee: Santa would ... go kill some cylons!
Dee: Yeah! So what are we gonna do?
Lee: Eat some cookies!
Dee: Oh my gods, NO. We are going back to New Caprica!
Lee: Yeah sure. While eating cookies. It’s what Santa would do! And I AM SANTA CLAUS! nom nom nom
Dee: *facepalm*
Next Time on BSG: Operation Santa gets underway and the Fleet has the best Christmas ever.