BMI 18.6  today.. miss being 16. booo.

61kg really not happy about this number. I've been away for abit with family and boyfriend so i haven't been able to be so vigilant with my c.counting...

I can really feel the extra pounds and it makes me want to rip my skin off, i am soo irritable restless and discontent. The self hatred is really depressing me.

I WANT TO RECOVER.. I WANT TO BE RID ( Read more... )

loosing, but not feeling that much happier in myself.
i'll be in a bikini in 12 days... gym everyday until then, high protein low carb, lots of vegetables....
no eating at night. no purging. NO BINGING.
YOU CAN DO IT.
awful eye hemorrhage from boshing too much...... can't look at myself and don't want to see anybody.
been hibernating for the last week ( Read more... )

Dying to Dance- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOwLLXKmE5w
The Best Little Girl in the World- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1_Mi6UTlsQ
For the Love of Nancy- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4OFxW3AN2M
A Secret Between Friends- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7VmB6phCtc&feature=related
Sharing the Secret- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5JuwfuLbRg
( Read more... )

in bed hiding out.. with my doggies and NO FOOD! just green tea for me and an apple....
buying victorias secret bikinis and pants.. looking at skinny celebs... i'm so fucking sad!
want to loose.
no dinner tonight gonna pretend i'm going for dinner with friends and go to the gym instead.

miss london miss friends miss parties. haven't had a drink or drug ( Read more... )

8.9st = 125lbs = 56kg      5'9in = 175cm

ok only salad no dressing for lunch and veg soup no fat for dinner.

Been going to the gym every day, 30 mins elliptical 15 bike 20mins weights. Already lost 5lbs probably water weight. Been eating no more than 500 cals... Please please want to see 110lbs 1st GW on the scale. Then i can just about be ok for the holiday without worrying and wanting to kill myself.

Ok.. 4 weeks and 4 days until i have to be in a bikini in front of family, friends and boyf... who is a personal trainer and i havent seen him in 3 months [rehab] so i want to look amazing [dream on]... I need to loose 9lbs by feb 4th??????? so that's 3.5 lbs a week...... that's doable right?

I'm back, and i'm sooo happy to be... since dropping the drugs and leaving rehab my e.d has gone through the roof. awful binge purge cycle at Xmas and now restricting heavily.... euphoria is wonderful! i'm 5'9 eurghhhhhhhh. 1st gw 115. hhhmmmmmmm please i know i have the strength again.