Did you ever wonder where we would be without pockets? In a fanny pack fantasy-land, that's where. I for one am thankful for the invention, however, I do envy kangaroos. Pockets make me think though that our God is a cruel God, I mean what kind of jerk would give a marsupial an advantage ( Read more... )

R Kelly blew my mind recently.

I've been thinking of ways to sniff out supervillians lately. So far, the most consistent way I've thought of to discover if someone is or is not a supervillian is to pay attention to their sense of humor. Supervillians take mildly amusing ironies and find them to be 'ha-ha' funny ( Read more... )

Glad to see that many also hate Raymond. One day patriots everywhere will realize that that fucker's family mishaps are a waste of the working man's hard-earned leisure time ( Read more... )

I've never felt the need to be some kind of nonconformists rabble-rousing-type person, however, today I was thinking about the fact that everybody loves Raymond. In this case I choose not to be like everbody. I mean what kind of society would support that bumbling fuck-up ( Read more... )

Fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing. That boggles my mind. Apparently in order to have any chance at all, one must be of a medium build ( Read more... )

is hilarious until you have it. When you have it, all it does is piss you off. Incurable dry mouth... not fun. Otherwise, I like to imagine a couple of old guys standing around talking to each other:

"You got the cottonmouth today?"
"Yep" (makes smacking noises with tongue to indicate the amount of moisture in mouth)

-Las

Lego men can pick up their heads with their feet but not with their hands. This becomes more amusing the more you think about it -- trust me.

Valleyfair has a family bathroom, because everybody knows that the average American family shits together... then they shave together, apparently.

-Las

The fact that relaxation is indicated by gently placing one's hands a top one's head is ridiculous considering the fact that hostages do the same thing ( Read more... )

If something works-like-a-charm it probably doesn't do shit. I've never experienced good luck just because I had the severed foot of a rabbit on my keychain.

-Las