Not really a Hockey Primer (part 2)
Back to part 1
PLAYERS TO KNOW
Miz you say, you named a ton of players in part 1! Why do we need to know even more players? Look, those are all current players. But you gotta know the history! They refer to Crosby as "The Next One" … well the next WHO might you ask? Why does everyone and their brother seem to worship Lemieux? SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
Wayne Gretzky AKA 99 AKA The Great One: He won 4 Stanley Cups with Oilers on a crazy team with a ridiculous amount of future Hall of Famers (MESSIER!) and then asked to get traded to LA because his wife was an actress. LA already had a team, but basically he brought the sport to California. The team pretty much SUCKED but Gretzky still managed to have a ridiculous amount of records - hence he is basically universally acknowledged as the greatest player ever. He was a crazy forward that could read the ice about five plays ahead of anyone else -- think of him like a frickin' chess player. They call the area behind the goal ‘Gretzky’s Office’ now because he was notorious for going back there to set up plays.
He holds 60 individual records including Most Career Goals, Most Goals in a Season, Most Career Assists, Most Assists in a Season, Most Career Points, Most Points in a Season, ETC. THE MAN IS RIDICULOUS. It sucks that he played on NOT SO AWESOME teams, because he would've had an insane amount of Stanley Cups, instead of just (ha, JUST) his four. He's also apparently a very "gentlemanly" player, who doesn't support fighting (... yeah IDK either). He kept throwing money at the Phoenix Coyotes to try and save them as a team for awhile but failed. Horribly. (and finally gave up). Didn’t he have multiple 200 pt seasons too? THAT IS INSANE FYI. Especially since now it's like, a huge deal for a guy to break 100
Eric Lindros: Not actually mentioned a lot in fandom, but whatever, I can talk about him if I want to. What Sidney Crosby could have been if he had a bit more of an abrasive personality, was a Flyer, and had stage-parents that could put the Lohans to shame. He could've been The Next One, except the man had a ridiculous amount of concussions and a tendency to get into fights. He was kind of an asshole -- he refused to play for the team that drafted him (the Nordiques!) because he doesn't speak French, to the point that the president of the NHL stepped in and made the Nordiques trade him a year later. (So then they traded him to both the Rangers and to the Flyers on the same day, WHOOPS.) Later he got stripped of his captaincy in Philly for being an asshole to the medical staff, and sat out a year because he refused to accept a trade to Toronto -- ahaha YEAH. Plus his parents were just as bad, and were known for being involved in his contract negotiations. I just got to say, Lindros is lucky Twitter didn't exist in his heyday.
The kid was destined for awesomeness (54 on the top 100 greatest hockey players of all time at just 25!) but he couldn't. fucking. take. a. hit. Which is an issue when you're a power forward that relies on hitting people to get the puck. He had 8 concussions in his career and only played 1 season (1 season!) injury free. So he had to retire in 2007. SAD YOU GUYS.
Mario Lemieux: Number 66! Mario could have been AMAZING. Let me explain. He is already pretty much acknowledged as an amazing player; he finished second to Gretzky a lot in the points race a few seasons, beat Gretzky a few times, shares quite a few individual records with other players, and is the only player in NHL history to score during all five play situations in a game (empty net, power play, short hand, penalty shot and full strength). And he did this all while suffering from a ridiculous amount of health issues. Some of the issues he had: herniated discs and muscles in his back, broken hand, and, oh yeah, CANCER.
In 1993 Lemieux announced he had Hodgkin's Disease and was receiving radiation treatments. He missed 2 months, then came back, helped lead the Pens to the division title, the franchise record in points for a season and won the individual points race. I was a FLYERS fan at the time, and (amazingly) at the game that he flew in for after his last radiation treatment and the man received a STANDING OVATION. That's right guys, Philadelphia, who regularly boos their own players, gave a Penguin a standing ovation.
Anyways, Mario retired, because duh, and actually saved the Penguins from bankruptcy by becoming part owner. And then he decided to come out of retirement and play, because sure, why not? So he played after already being inducted into the Hall of Fame! And being an owner! … Because why not play for the guy who's cheques you sign? Anyways, he played for a bit but ended up retiring (for reals this time) in 2006 and then got to win the Stanley Cup as an owner in 2009, making him one of the only guys to win the cup as player AND an owner.
In short (too late, who knew I had so much to say about Lemieux?) Mario probably could've broken a bunch of Gretzky's records, but damn. He shows up all the time in fic as the owner of the Pens and like, adopted father figure of Crosby.
Jaromir Jagr: OLDEST DUDE PLAYING HOCKEY. Okay that might not be true, but seriously he's been around for EVER. [Almost: actual oldest is Teemu Selanne] Most productive European-born player in the NHL, he's won the Stanley Cup a few times, the Art Ross and a few other season trophies. He played for the Penguins during the 90s, along side Lemieux. Did you see the picture Yakupov tweeted of him meeting Jagr when he was like 9? It was amazing. He was captain of the Penguins when Mario made his return, and sadly the two clashed -- after all that time playing together in the 90s too! And well, Mario was owner and if one of them was going to go, it wasn't going to be him. So Jagr got traded off to the Capitals. Then the Rangers. Then the KHL. Then he came back to the NHL! He missed us! He played for the Flyers for a bit (seriously, did he have a goal of playing for all the Atlantic division teams?) Then he played for Dallas and just got traded to the Bruins. He collects NHL teams like they're Pokemon! I'm pretty sure he is planning on dying on ice. See, Proof: Jagr is almost always smiling. He has fun with hockey and doesn’t want to quit any time soon. Last week on his birthday, he was asked about retirement. He said he would play as long as he could in the NHL and then probably keep going in his native Czech Republic. Most recognizable for his AWESOME HOCKEY HAIR, and for being the flag-bearer for Czech Republic at Vancouver. Here’s a group of fans dressed as Jagr throughout the years. Best hockey cosplay.
And the video, because now they have a Bruins!Jagr:
Valeri Kharlamov - Played for the Soviet national team and CSKA Moscow, and was apparently a speedy, skillsy little dude who sounds kind of Kaner-esque; if Kaner had been Soviet-trained. ANYWAY. Kharlamov tore it up in the early-mid seventies, with medals and all that all over. Shocked the hell out of the Canadians in the 1972 Summit Series, in which Bobby Clarke--a Flyer, wouldn’t you be SHOCKED to know--broke his ankle in what sounds like a very Karate Kid “sweep the leg” kind of moment. He’s got all kinds of medals and trophies and whatnot named after him in the knitting circle’s homeland. He wore 17, and Geno’s 71 is 17 reversed in his honor. Kovy wears 17 too. Idk who else. Inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. So’s Tretiak, but idgaf about Tretiak. lol. Oh, and he played in the 1980 Olympics--y’know, when those upstart Americans actually BEAT THE SOVIETS wat (and then won the gold medal, but whatever) ah, Cold War--but by then various injuries and age (he was like 31ish by then) had made him less amazeballs. Died w/his wife in a car crash in 1981. You need to know this so you will understand that insane Sid-gets-a-concussion fic pretty much, yes.
Brendan Shanahan: The head of the division of player safety, which reviews all penalties called in a game and decides if a player needs to get suspended or fined. He also makes absolutely hilarious deadpan videos about why he decided a player should get a suspension or fine. But he's not being hilarious on purpose - seriously the man has no sense of humor. Watch one of the suspension videos, and then watch the NHL 2012 Awards make fun of him to understand even better. NHL awards:
Gary Bettman: Evil. *coff* not disagreeing I'm sorry, I mean the Commissioner of the NHL. He's kind of an asshole. Let me explain - the dude's been commissioner since the 90s and there have been 4 lock outs since the 90s. Coincidence? Probably not. He's definitely an "owner's" commissioner; he cares more about making money for the owners than he does about what the players want.
Russian Knitting Circle
TO BEGIN: Russia has mandatory 2 years’ military service for all boy-shaped-citizen-types. Apparently playing hockey counts for this military service. I would bet all those platinum rubles they made ages ago that this is part of why the Russians in the league tend to run back to Russia all the time, and Ovie says shit like he’s gonna play for them in the Olympics whether the NHL agrees or not. NO I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT’S BECAUSE OVIE HAS PRIORITIES AND THEY ARE FOR REPRESENTING HIS COUNTRY I TOTALLY BELIEVE THIS. just, maybe there’s more to it than for not!russians. even though sometimes it sucks. Cause they kind of don’t have to let them leave Russia at ALL until their military whatever is over. totally need actual research for this, with, like, citations so i don’t get killed. lol. Not to say they don’t heart Russia or some shit. Just...probably there’s more at play than North Americans would usually notice. Cultural and otherwise. OFF WEIRD SOAPBOX NOW SRY. Geno swears he's going to go back and play for Russia too, no matter what. IIRC though, didn't Ovie not complete his mandatory two years but because of who his parents are, he got away with it? Idek, idg that whole... thing. And Idek about poor Geno and his whole... Epic NHL Love Story. IT IS SO SAD. and epic. Anyway, the Russians seem rather more nationalistic than some of the NHL would like for them to be. Like... NHL: OBVS YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY IS US. Players: UM, NOT REALLY, NO.
Semin - played on the Capitals with Ovie! Was his BFF! Once caused ~tension by telling the media he thought Crosby was overhyped and that Kane was a better player! (LOL) Currently playing on the Hurricanes. Had some ~drama during the 05 lockout (iirc) because he...didn’t leave Russia? idr exactly. Various (caps) players have said he’s inconsistent or not serious, or whatever, but the canes seem to like him so far. Also, he seemingly avoids english interviews like they are the black death, ebola, and smallpox combined. He seems to understand English fine now, so he’ll do press. idk. i think he doesnt trust interpreters or something. not that i blame him.... IDK if he’s done any canes press or is still dragging an interpreter around, but he seems pretty cool in Russian. (Oh, man, he totally did an adorable interview that was broadcast between periods when the Canes came to town to play the Caps the other week - he did just fine in English, but also the interviewer learned how to say a couple of sentences in Russian, so that he could tell Sasha just how glad the Canes were to have him on their team IN SASHA'S OWN LANGUAGE. SO MANY HEARTEYES. lol idek but my first reaction to someone who doesn;t speak english is to wish i spoke their language, not the other way around.) I rather tend to think maybe the Caps just didn’t like that him and Ovie probably chattered away in Russian ALWAYS and he wouldn’t make friends boohoo LEARN RUSSIAN, LAZIES. but SO MUCH OF MY SPECULATION HERE. Also he apparently LOVES his bitty Siberian hometown. [why do i know all this shit about sasha semin?] I am asking myself this about the Lemieux section. WHY DO I KNOW SO MUCH RANDOM STUFF ABOUT LEMIEUX?
Malkin aka Geno or Zhenya - RAN AWAY FROM THE KHL (on a roadtrip to Norway?) Finland, IIRC? IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO BE A PENGUIN. (What does it say about Russia that people still kind of have to defect occasionally?) His life is a spy-novel. Plays on the Penguins, learned English with Sergei's 2 year old daughter because he was living with them when he first came to the US. Occasionally friends with Ovie and occasionally they hate each other. He has an extremely large, awesome dog named Jeffrey. Also he tweets in Russian. The best article to read about Geno
Ovie - AKA "The Great 8". Russian!aka Sanja, because Sasha is the usual nickname for Alexander, but I guess Semin got to it first. Although he's not so great right now. The NHL Devil to Sid's Angel. (ahaha I just made myself laugh and now I need an AU where Ovie is a demon and Sid is an angel. Good Omens NHL style would be epic. ) Has absolutely the most adorable relationship with his fiance I have ever seen, I can't even explain how cute they are Said fiancee is a pro tennis player. Also doing insanely awesome right now, making a huge comeback and single-handly dragging the Caps into the playoffs. So, good for him.
Sergei - Gonchar (?) Gonch is the only relevant-to-fandom Sergei? Russian!aka Seryozha, probably. Plays for the not-actually-bad Senators. Played with Malkin during the lockout. Malkin claims Gonch as his best friend in idk some awards ceremony video, possibly for the Hart? I think it was the Hart acceptance speech last summer.
Ilyusha - this could be either Ilya Kovalchuk--Kovy, the ex-Thrasher Devil to be lauded laterrrr--or the Flyers’ Ilya Bryzgalov (Bryz). I’ve seen both show up occasionally, but sometimes it’s just the mysterious ambiguous russian nickname
Should this just be every russian active in the league? Well they don't ALL make it into fic... more important just to understand the term "Russian Knitting Circle"! The russians being all gossipy and up in everybody else's business.
RANDOM RULES
Yeah this primer is going in no logical order. Okay! Random things you should probably know about in hockey...
There are three actions that result in a whistle - stoppage of play, minor penalties and major penalties. Oh well, okay and scoring but that's self explanatory. You really don't need to know all of the dumb ass rules that the NHL comes up with but a few of the common ones:
Icing - Basically, when the team on offensive passes towards the attack zone (aka the goal they are trying to shoot at) from the defense zone and the puck crosses three lines without another player touching it. Results in a face-off in the zone of the offending team and they can’t change so it’s actually a really bad move to ice the puck when you’re exhausted and really need to get off the ice. Sometimes coaches will use their timeout in that situation, to give the players on ice some breathing time. NHL uses touch icing iirc. If the puck is shot from behind the center line to beyond the goal line, icing is called once a defending skater touches the puck. Icing is waved off if the goaltender moves like they’re gonna play the puck or if an onside attacking player touches the puck first. A shorthanded team with their 5th man in the box cannot ice a puck. Or something like that. No-touch icing means that icing is called as soon as the puck crosses the goal line. Either way, the races for the puck can be fun.
Hooking - When you use the blade of your stick to pull on another player! Not to be confused with Tripping, which is just what it sounds like. Minor penalty - 2 minutes in the glass box of shame (aka the penalty box aka the sin bin) ...I think the new CBA changed this a little so they don’t have to necessarily PULL the player.
Holding - Grabbing on to another player (or their stick). This is only allowed when you are celebrating a goal, or trying not to fall on your ass while fighting. Minor penalty.
Offsides - When an attacking player passes the blue line into the attack zone before the puck. Whoops! Don't do it. Results in a new face-off. Note: this only applies to attacking players who are NOT in control of the puck. If you’ve got the puck but are like, IDK, skating backwards or something, you are not offsides. It’s more an offside PLAY than an offside SKATER, yeah? Also happens when the attacking team loses possession of the puck, it goes out, and then goes back in too quickly for everyone to leave the zone. And the defending team can try to trap players in the zone to make them offsides. I remember a game earlier this season where play was whistled down offsides because they were doing a line change and the door to their bench was partially past the blue line. iirc.
Too Many Men - When people fuck up a line change and there's more than 6 players on the ice for a team. Minor penalty. the dumbest penalty. srsly. it’s called PAY ATTENTION, dudes. Only called if they actually play the puck, though. Except for the really stupid ones where two players go on in the place of one and then they’re no longer within X feet of the bench or whatever. One of the best penalties to see coaches’ reactions to. It can be hilarious to see what players do to avoid having too many men on the ice though, you gotta admit. All the falling into the box and players on the bench hauling a player in gifs on tumblr are because of this rule, it is true.
Slashing aka Hitting People With Stick(s)- When you slash/hack at another player with your stick. Kind of dangerous! Related to cross-checking, which is when you hit another player with your stick while holding it with two hands (usually accompanied by a shove). Minor penalty.
Fighting - JUST LIKE IT SOUNDS. Hilariously, the NHL has a very weird relationship with fighting, technically you're not supposed to do it, but lots do, and the refs won't break it up until one of the players hits the ice. Used to result in lots of pads coming off and jerseys being pulled over the head and shirtlessness on the ice, but now jerseys have a tie in the back to stop this from happening (this was a sad sad day for hockey fans) and players are actually penalised (fined? idk) if they don’t tie down their jersey. Fined. I think warned the first time and then fined the second. It's an illegal uniform charge or something i've seen game misconducts handed out for not having your jersey properly secured. So who knows Results in a major penalty (Five minutes -- hence Five for Fighting, aka the best band name that only some people get) and SOMETIMES results in 10 minutes if you were really annoying . Five minutes, but everyone still gets 5 skaters on the ice. unless someone got an extra penalty (or two), right? If there's an extra penalty for instigating, then there's a 2 minute power play. This rule is just very inconsistently applied, lets put it that way There’s also an additional penalty for fighting while wearing a visor which is DUMB esp when you want to convince players to WEAR VISORS.
Delay of Game - When you send the puck off the ice and over the protective glass into the stands. Team benches and penalty boxes do not count for this. Results in a minor penalty. I think the penalty is only if it’s the defending team in their own defensive zone. You can also get delay of game for basically doing anything that freezes the puck so no one else can play it. Like, if the centre sits down on the puck in the faceoff. And putting your hand over the puck in a face off. Does the rule against grabbing the puck and throwing it down the ice or ‘closing your hand’ around the puck fall under Delay of Game? You can't advance the puck? Like, you can grab it and drop it right in front of you, but not like, toss it in front of you. Also, the refs call that damn "touching the puck on the face off rule" for barely brushing the stupid thing. DUMBEST RULES.
RANDOM TERMS TO KNOW
Stuff that comes up in games or press articles, or fandom, that you should probably know about, but aren't game terms.
Lock Out: not strictly a hockey term, but it does seem to happen the most with them. Basically the result of a labor dispute when the NHL (owners, commissioner, gms) and the NHLPA (player's association, their union) can't reach a consensus and the commissioner cancels some or all of the season (not to be confused with a strike, where the players refuse to play though they're kind of similar). Most of the NHL players go off to play in other leagues for a bit
NHL: Maybe should have started with this? National Hockey League, AKA "The Show". It's where all the hockey players - and I mean all of them - wish they could play one day
AHL: American Hockey League. The farm league of the NHL, it's where lots of players end up once they get drafted but just aren't quite good enough yet. Sometimes players will bounce between their AHL team and whatever NHL team is associated with them during a season. AKA the minors.
OHL / WHL / QMJHL: Ontario, Western and Quebec Major Junior (aka "The Q") hockey leagues. All part of the Canadian Hockey League, for players between 16-20. Where lots of North American kids play until they possibly get drafted. If someone’s player/stats card says “undrafted”, this is probably where they came from.
Frozen Four: The NCAA (college); ie, the National Championships. Usually won by a team from Minnesota or Boston. Just go watch Miracle. If you play for any of the Major Junior leagues (or the AHL) you are no longer an amatuer and give up your NCAA eligibility. So guys will do one or the other (generally depending on where they live, who they played for during PeeWee and what their parents demand). Can't play for Major Juniors after college, but can get NHL drafted.
IIHF: International Ice Hockey Federation that basically controls hockey everywhere but North America. Runs a lot of youth world championships and Worlds in May every year
KHL: Kontinental Hockey League, the major Russian hockey league
Triple Gold Club: When a player has won an Olympic gold, a Worlds gold, and the Stanley Cup. Only 25 players and 1 coach are currently members (including Jaromir Jagr, Jonathan Toews, Eric Staal, and Brendan Shanahan. This club does NOT include Gretzky or Lemieux. Sad right?) Or Crosby because he has some weird not playing in Worlds thing. Seriously, you'd think he'd get that in order to join the Triple Gold Club he has to at least TRY TO GO TO WORLDS. The thing that gets me is he went to World Juniors, he just won’t go to Mens. He’s got the EASIEST MEDAL TO WIN LEFT.
Chirping: When players make fun of each other, whether in fun or because they truly hate each other. About anything -- their haircut, their playing skills, something that happened in Juniors that they will never let the other forget... No, I have no idea why it's called chirping.
You Can Play Project: Started by Patrick Burke in March 2012 to fight homophobia in sports, but partners (as of April 11) officially with the NHL and NHLPA. Players have made videos, and You Can Play runs seminars for rookies to educate young prospects on gay issues and make resources, personnel and confidential counseling available to each individual team as desired. If you can play, you can play!
GLOSSARY OF HOCKEY TERMS
4 pointer: Since each game is worth 2 points, if you're playing a team in your division, and you win, then you gain 2 points and they get 0, which somehow works out to you getting '4 points' up on them. This is especially helpful right before the playoffs and everyone's pulling for those last points and a 4 pointer means your team could pass the other team in the standings
Power play: also known as 5 on 4, when one team has a man advantage because the other team has a penalty
5 on 3: when one team has a two-man advantage because the other team has 2 players serving penalties (its the same in Russian, RIGHT SID?) only Sidney Crosby thinks this is funny, which is part of why we love him. I kinda think its funny too. But its more "laughing at Sid" than laughing with him... The video of this because seriously those two:
Penalty kill: When the team that is at a disadvantage during a power play manages to make it through the whole power play without the other team scoring.
Delayed penalty: When the team on defensive commits a penalty, the refs won't call it immediately so they don't interfere with the offensive play. If the team on offensive scores, the penalty doesn't end up getting called. If it interferes directly with a shot on goal, it can result in a penalty shot. Delayed penalties get called when control of the puck switches teams / offensive play ends.
Puck bunny: Someone who only likes hockey players (and sleeping with them), not actually hockey (generally refers to females but fuck that shit)
Hat trick: When a player scores three goals in a game. A natural hat trick is when this happens without anyone else scoring in between the goals and all in one period.
Gordie Howe hat trick: Get a goal, an assist and get in a fight, all in the same game!
Lose an edge: When the player's skates lose, um, the edge and need to be sharpened, otherwise the player is gonna fall. A lot. Or when the commentators say “and player X lost an edge” it just means they overskated in one direction and fell. probably rolled their ankle the wrong way in their skates idk about that, I’m trying to imagine that but I can’t. What I’m thinking of is if you’re skating in anything other than a straight line, you have your body leaning in the way you’re going, and you’re only gliding with one edge on the ice (if you’re going straight, you’re gliding on two per skate). So if you lean too far, even if your skate is sharp it won’t be able to hold against the extreme angle and you’ll wipe out. It's my understanding - and I don't play hockey, I can barely skate, mind you - that you rarely skate on the flat (middle) of your blade, and that you're always got your ankles rolled one way or the other (maybe thats a bad way of describing it) so that you're on edge. It reminds me a lot of snowboarding (which I do, do) where you NEVER - basically - want to be flat on the board, you always are on either your front edge or back edge yes, we are talking about the same thing! I just don’t think about it in terms of ankles because your ankles shouldn’t be moving independently of your knees - it’s the way your knees/hips are tilted that determine which edge you are on. So... basically when they wind up leaning too far to one side and wipe out, then? Aka “blown tire”. AKA what Kane did the other night and ended up slamming his knee into the goal post.
Bag skate: Basically suicides on ice. Goal line, Blue line, Goal line, Red line, Goal line, Blue line, Goal line, Far Goal line. Often used as punishment in practice, which is just sad.
Billet family or house: Families who house out-of-town youth hockey players. since these kids sometimes leave home at like, 12, to go play hockey. This is also why so many hockey players are charmingly inept at being normal human beings That is such a nice way to put it.
Special Teams: Theoretically-better combinations of players for on the power play and the penalty kill. THEORETICALLY. Can we emphasis THEORETICALLY some more?
Dumping the puck: When a player sends the puck deep into the offensive zone for various tactical reasons. Often because they want to buy time for a line change - usually one forward will chase it, and the other two change.
Shot(s) on Goal: When a player shoots the puck at the goal such that the goaltender must stop it/it would be a goal without a goalie stop. Going off the metal on the goal doesn’t count, but there is something weird in shots stats regarding this... idr.
Blocked Shots: When someone NOT the goalie (and thus lacking the epic!padding) gets themselves between the net and a shot. Defence fall down on purpose to try to block shots. Depending on the team, it could be anyone. Blocking shots falls under the job description of the D-men, but they certainly aren’t the only ones who do it.
Game-Winning Goal (GWG): The goal scored by the winning team that puts them ahead of their opponents and keeps them there until the end of the game. Not necessarily the last goal scored. If the final score is, for instance, 6-2, the game-winning goal will be the 3rd goal scored and not the 6th.
Shifts: a player is usually on ice for about 1 minute at a time and then needs to go to the bench and change, because he’ll be exhausted. Average ice time for a player per game is about 18 minutes. Defencemen (if they’re good and not just there for roughing other people up) are often out for longer than that. But playing 30 minutes (half!) the game is A LOOOOT.
Line changes: this took me forever to understand because they hardly ever show this/reference it on tv! Basically players mostly change in their offensive zone - if they’re tired and need to go off, they’ll dump the puck deep to make the other team’s defence go and chase it, buying them time to skate to the bench and be replaced. If the centre goes off, the wings should also follow him, but that’s not always possible, which sometimes leads to a mismatched line for a bit. Ummm. Some teams/players have different strategies for changing. Like for the Penguins, the new centre will always replace the first forward coming off, even if it’s a winger. And Ovechkin likes sitting at the end of the bench instead of in the middle where the players who are going to go on usually sit, so he can... sneak in behind the other team’s defence? okay, now that I think about that I’m not sure that makes sense. lol ovie, what. that kind of doesn’t make sense. Okay, no - I think he sits closest to the offensive zone so he can try to sneak ahead of the other team’s defence. That makes more sense!
Double-shifting: When a player doesn’t change with the rest of their line (on purpose instead of getting stuck). Used mostly when a player goes out on injury and they need to fill a hole in a line. Great example is Kane double shifting when Hossa got injured earlier this year.
Waivers: Something to do with clubs sending players on their NHL roster down to the minors where the player can be stolen away by another team if they want them to play for THEM instead of going to the AHL. Or something like that. Does the trade deadline have anything to do with this? Pretty sure this is when a team can send a player that is still in negotiations down to the AHL for a few days while they figure out if they're going to resign them or not. If not, then they "clear waivers" and another team can claim them. But you know what, even the NHL GM's don't understand the damn Waivers rules. I did a LOT of research on waivers earlier this year for ~reasons~. Basically once a player has been in the NHL for a certain length of time (this is negotiated into their contracts so it varies by player but it usually involves playing a certain number of games at the NHL level or a certain number of seasons) they HAVE to be put on waivers if they’re being sent down to an AHL team from the NHL team they’re contracted with. Waivers are a 24 hr period (unless a player is put on waivers Sat or Sun which takes 48 hrs) in which an NHL team puts the rights to a player’s contract up for any of the other NHL teams to claim. This allows players a chance to be picked up by another team and continue to play at the NHL level instead of in the AHL. Waivers are used most often when a team decides a player isn’t fitting in or they want to clear up some cap space. If the player is picked up on waivers they free up cap space and if they aren’t the team will have more room on the active roster to either bring a player up from the AHL or to trade for a player using a draft pick/prospect/some combination thereof. “Clearing waivers” is when a player makes it through the wait period and isn’t claimed by another team. There’s also re-entry waivers, which are only applicable to players who have played less than 320 NHL games (180 for goalies) where in order to be put BACK on the NHL team they have to go through another round of waivers. If a team claims a player on re-entry waivers that team is only responsible for half the player’s salary and cap hit, the original signing team is responsible for the other half for the remainder of their contract length UNLESS THE PLAYER IS SENT BACK DOWN IN WHICH CASE NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CAP HIT ANYMORE IDEK. RE-ENTRY WAIVERS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. I haven’t read the new CBA but I’ve seen it floating around that re-entry waivers might be done away with I’m just not sure. ALSO, in order to avoid putting a player on waivers, a team can send them down to their AHL affiliate for ‘conditioning’. This generally means they want to keep the player but aren’t sure they’re ready to play at the NHL level after an extended absence due to injury. PHEW. I still don't understand how the Avalanche and Flames almost fucked this up this season Because they don’t understand how waivers work? I’m just guessing. Basically the GMs don't understand the Waivers rules, so screw it :)
IR or injured reserve. What injured hockey players go on so to make room for a call up since a team can only have so many players on their active roster at a time (23). Generally this is done for players with serious injuries. Their contract is still valid, they’re still a member of the NHL team (instead of being sent down), they are just no long on the active roster.
Scratched aka Healthy Scratch is when a player who is not injured doesn’t suit up for a game. Teams are required to have 20 players suit up on the bench during a game, but a team’s active roster is 23 players. This is so they have enough players to cover injuries, but when a team doesn’t have any injured players (or they’ve been place on IR and so aren’t considered active roster) they have a few guys who don’t dress for the game and are thus ‘scratched’. Sometimes used by coaches as a punishment for on or off-ice antics!
SOME AWESOME WEBSITES
Deadspin: The tabloid of Sports "journalism". A similar website is "Puck Daddy", though that's hockey specific I wouldn’t say Puck Daddy is similar to Deadspin really? Deadspin is the sports version of a gossip site, Puck Daddy actually breaks down games, stats, has information on what’s going on in hockey, etc. While they occasionally report on rumors and certainly have less serious content (hockey hugs) they are still reporting on the actual game of hockey and the people involved not just things like Patrick Kane’s general life fail. I'm leaving this in because I generally fail at understanding the difference between the two sites, and so does a lot of fic (or so it seems)
Unofficial NHL Uniform Database: It's always good to laugh at all the horrible design choices teams have made over the years.
Hockey Fights: A database dedicated to keeping track of all the fights players have been involved in. Often complete with videos and voting on who won!
Blackhawks TV It is basically the best PR team ever Joey the Junior Reporter! Best PR idea.
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I'm not sure about everyone else involved in this, but no resources were used (except where obvious for like, pictures and stuff) in the creation of this primer. Its all off the top of my (our?) heads. This is what we do with our life guys. Yup. Welcome to hockey.
PLAYERS TO KNOW
Miz you say, you named a ton of players in part 1! Why do we need to know even more players? Look, those are all current players. But you gotta know the history! They refer to Crosby as "The Next One" … well the next WHO might you ask? Why does everyone and their brother seem to worship Lemieux? SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
Wayne Gretzky AKA 99 AKA The Great One: He won 4 Stanley Cups with Oilers on a crazy team with a ridiculous amount of future Hall of Famers (MESSIER!) and then asked to get traded to LA because his wife was an actress. LA already had a team, but basically he brought the sport to California. The team pretty much SUCKED but Gretzky still managed to have a ridiculous amount of records - hence he is basically universally acknowledged as the greatest player ever. He was a crazy forward that could read the ice about five plays ahead of anyone else -- think of him like a frickin' chess player. They call the area behind the goal ‘Gretzky’s Office’ now because he was notorious for going back there to set up plays.
He holds 60 individual records including Most Career Goals, Most Goals in a Season, Most Career Assists, Most Assists in a Season, Most Career Points, Most Points in a Season, ETC. THE MAN IS RIDICULOUS. It sucks that he played on NOT SO AWESOME teams, because he would've had an insane amount of Stanley Cups, instead of just (ha, JUST) his four. He's also apparently a very "gentlemanly" player, who doesn't support fighting (... yeah IDK either). He kept throwing money at the Phoenix Coyotes to try and save them as a team for awhile but failed. Horribly. (and finally gave up). Didn’t he have multiple 200 pt seasons too? THAT IS INSANE FYI. Especially since now it's like, a huge deal for a guy to break 100
Eric Lindros: Not actually mentioned a lot in fandom, but whatever, I can talk about him if I want to. What Sidney Crosby could have been if he had a bit more of an abrasive personality, was a Flyer, and had stage-parents that could put the Lohans to shame. He could've been The Next One, except the man had a ridiculous amount of concussions and a tendency to get into fights. He was kind of an asshole -- he refused to play for the team that drafted him (the Nordiques!) because he doesn't speak French, to the point that the president of the NHL stepped in and made the Nordiques trade him a year later. (So then they traded him to both the Rangers and to the Flyers on the same day, WHOOPS.) Later he got stripped of his captaincy in Philly for being an asshole to the medical staff, and sat out a year because he refused to accept a trade to Toronto -- ahaha YEAH. Plus his parents were just as bad, and were known for being involved in his contract negotiations. I just got to say, Lindros is lucky Twitter didn't exist in his heyday.
The kid was destined for awesomeness (54 on the top 100 greatest hockey players of all time at just 25!) but he couldn't. fucking. take. a. hit. Which is an issue when you're a power forward that relies on hitting people to get the puck. He had 8 concussions in his career and only played 1 season (1 season!) injury free. So he had to retire in 2007. SAD YOU GUYS.
Mario Lemieux: Number 66! Mario could have been AMAZING. Let me explain. He is already pretty much acknowledged as an amazing player; he finished second to Gretzky a lot in the points race a few seasons, beat Gretzky a few times, shares quite a few individual records with other players, and is the only player in NHL history to score during all five play situations in a game (empty net, power play, short hand, penalty shot and full strength). And he did this all while suffering from a ridiculous amount of health issues. Some of the issues he had: herniated discs and muscles in his back, broken hand, and, oh yeah, CANCER.
In 1993 Lemieux announced he had Hodgkin's Disease and was receiving radiation treatments. He missed 2 months, then came back, helped lead the Pens to the division title, the franchise record in points for a season and won the individual points race. I was a FLYERS fan at the time, and (amazingly) at the game that he flew in for after his last radiation treatment and the man received a STANDING OVATION. That's right guys, Philadelphia, who regularly boos their own players, gave a Penguin a standing ovation.
Anyways, Mario retired, because duh, and actually saved the Penguins from bankruptcy by becoming part owner. And then he decided to come out of retirement and play, because sure, why not? So he played after already being inducted into the Hall of Fame! And being an owner! … Because why not play for the guy who's cheques you sign? Anyways, he played for a bit but ended up retiring (for reals this time) in 2006 and then got to win the Stanley Cup as an owner in 2009, making him one of the only guys to win the cup as player AND an owner.
In short (too late, who knew I had so much to say about Lemieux?) Mario probably could've broken a bunch of Gretzky's records, but damn. He shows up all the time in fic as the owner of the Pens and like, adopted father figure of Crosby.
Jaromir Jagr: OLDEST DUDE PLAYING HOCKEY. Okay that might not be true, but seriously he's been around for EVER. [Almost: actual oldest is Teemu Selanne] Most productive European-born player in the NHL, he's won the Stanley Cup a few times, the Art Ross and a few other season trophies. He played for the Penguins during the 90s, along side Lemieux. Did you see the picture Yakupov tweeted of him meeting Jagr when he was like 9? It was amazing. He was captain of the Penguins when Mario made his return, and sadly the two clashed -- after all that time playing together in the 90s too! And well, Mario was owner and if one of them was going to go, it wasn't going to be him. So Jagr got traded off to the Capitals. Then the Rangers. Then the KHL. Then he came back to the NHL! He missed us! He played for the Flyers for a bit (seriously, did he have a goal of playing for all the Atlantic division teams?) Then he played for Dallas and just got traded to the Bruins. He collects NHL teams like they're Pokemon! I'm pretty sure he is planning on dying on ice. See, Proof: Jagr is almost always smiling. He has fun with hockey and doesn’t want to quit any time soon. Last week on his birthday, he was asked about retirement. He said he would play as long as he could in the NHL and then probably keep going in his native Czech Republic. Most recognizable for his AWESOME HOCKEY HAIR, and for being the flag-bearer for Czech Republic at Vancouver. Here’s a group of fans dressed as Jagr throughout the years. Best hockey cosplay.
And the video, because now they have a Bruins!Jagr:
Valeri Kharlamov - Played for the Soviet national team and CSKA Moscow, and was apparently a speedy, skillsy little dude who sounds kind of Kaner-esque; if Kaner had been Soviet-trained. ANYWAY. Kharlamov tore it up in the early-mid seventies, with medals and all that all over. Shocked the hell out of the Canadians in the 1972 Summit Series, in which Bobby Clarke--a Flyer, wouldn’t you be SHOCKED to know--broke his ankle in what sounds like a very Karate Kid “sweep the leg” kind of moment. He’s got all kinds of medals and trophies and whatnot named after him in the knitting circle’s homeland. He wore 17, and Geno’s 71 is 17 reversed in his honor. Kovy wears 17 too. Idk who else. Inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame. So’s Tretiak, but idgaf about Tretiak. lol. Oh, and he played in the 1980 Olympics--y’know, when those upstart Americans actually BEAT THE SOVIETS wat (and then won the gold medal, but whatever) ah, Cold War--but by then various injuries and age (he was like 31ish by then) had made him less amazeballs. Died w/his wife in a car crash in 1981. You need to know this so you will understand that insane Sid-gets-a-concussion fic pretty much, yes.
Brendan Shanahan: The head of the division of player safety, which reviews all penalties called in a game and decides if a player needs to get suspended or fined. He also makes absolutely hilarious deadpan videos about why he decided a player should get a suspension or fine. But he's not being hilarious on purpose - seriously the man has no sense of humor. Watch one of the suspension videos, and then watch the NHL 2012 Awards make fun of him to understand even better. NHL awards:
Click to viewGary Bettman: Evil. *coff* not disagreeing I'm sorry, I mean the Commissioner of the NHL. He's kind of an asshole. Let me explain - the dude's been commissioner since the 90s and there have been 4 lock outs since the 90s. Coincidence? Probably not. He's definitely an "owner's" commissioner; he cares more about making money for the owners than he does about what the players want.
Russian Knitting Circle
TO BEGIN: Russia has mandatory 2 years’ military service for all boy-shaped-citizen-types. Apparently playing hockey counts for this military service. I would bet all those platinum rubles they made ages ago that this is part of why the Russians in the league tend to run back to Russia all the time, and Ovie says shit like he’s gonna play for them in the Olympics whether the NHL agrees or not. NO I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT’S BECAUSE OVIE HAS PRIORITIES AND THEY ARE FOR REPRESENTING HIS COUNTRY I TOTALLY BELIEVE THIS. just, maybe there’s more to it than for not!russians. even though sometimes it sucks. Cause they kind of don’t have to let them leave Russia at ALL until their military whatever is over. totally need actual research for this, with, like, citations so i don’t get killed. lol. Not to say they don’t heart Russia or some shit. Just...probably there’s more at play than North Americans would usually notice. Cultural and otherwise. OFF WEIRD SOAPBOX NOW SRY. Geno swears he's going to go back and play for Russia too, no matter what. IIRC though, didn't Ovie not complete his mandatory two years but because of who his parents are, he got away with it? Idek, idg that whole... thing. And Idek about poor Geno and his whole... Epic NHL Love Story. IT IS SO SAD. and epic. Anyway, the Russians seem rather more nationalistic than some of the NHL would like for them to be. Like... NHL: OBVS YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY IS US. Players: UM, NOT REALLY, NO.
Semin - played on the Capitals with Ovie! Was his BFF! Once caused ~tension by telling the media he thought Crosby was overhyped and that Kane was a better player! (LOL) Currently playing on the Hurricanes. Had some ~drama during the 05 lockout (iirc) because he...didn’t leave Russia? idr exactly. Various (caps) players have said he’s inconsistent or not serious, or whatever, but the canes seem to like him so far. Also, he seemingly avoids english interviews like they are the black death, ebola, and smallpox combined. He seems to understand English fine now, so he’ll do press. idk. i think he doesnt trust interpreters or something. not that i blame him.... IDK if he’s done any canes press or is still dragging an interpreter around, but he seems pretty cool in Russian. (Oh, man, he totally did an adorable interview that was broadcast between periods when the Canes came to town to play the Caps the other week - he did just fine in English, but also the interviewer learned how to say a couple of sentences in Russian, so that he could tell Sasha just how glad the Canes were to have him on their team IN SASHA'S OWN LANGUAGE. SO MANY HEARTEYES. lol idek but my first reaction to someone who doesn;t speak english is to wish i spoke their language, not the other way around.) I rather tend to think maybe the Caps just didn’t like that him and Ovie probably chattered away in Russian ALWAYS and he wouldn’t make friends boohoo LEARN RUSSIAN, LAZIES. but SO MUCH OF MY SPECULATION HERE. Also he apparently LOVES his bitty Siberian hometown. [why do i know all this shit about sasha semin?] I am asking myself this about the Lemieux section. WHY DO I KNOW SO MUCH RANDOM STUFF ABOUT LEMIEUX?
Malkin aka Geno or Zhenya - RAN AWAY FROM THE KHL (on a roadtrip to Norway?) Finland, IIRC? IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT TO BE A PENGUIN. (What does it say about Russia that people still kind of have to defect occasionally?) His life is a spy-novel. Plays on the Penguins, learned English with Sergei's 2 year old daughter because he was living with them when he first came to the US. Occasionally friends with Ovie and occasionally they hate each other. He has an extremely large, awesome dog named Jeffrey. Also he tweets in Russian. The best article to read about Geno
Ovie - AKA "The Great 8". Russian!aka Sanja, because Sasha is the usual nickname for Alexander, but I guess Semin got to it first. Although he's not so great right now. The NHL Devil to Sid's Angel. (ahaha I just made myself laugh and now I need an AU where Ovie is a demon and Sid is an angel. Good Omens NHL style would be epic. ) Has absolutely the most adorable relationship with his fiance I have ever seen, I can't even explain how cute they are Said fiancee is a pro tennis player. Also doing insanely awesome right now, making a huge comeback and single-handly dragging the Caps into the playoffs. So, good for him.
Sergei - Gonchar (?) Gonch is the only relevant-to-fandom Sergei? Russian!aka Seryozha, probably. Plays for the not-actually-bad Senators. Played with Malkin during the lockout. Malkin claims Gonch as his best friend in idk some awards ceremony video, possibly for the Hart? I think it was the Hart acceptance speech last summer.
Ilyusha - this could be either Ilya Kovalchuk--Kovy, the ex-Thrasher Devil to be lauded laterrrr--or the Flyers’ Ilya Bryzgalov (Bryz). I’ve seen both show up occasionally, but sometimes it’s just the mysterious ambiguous russian nickname
Should this just be every russian active in the league? Well they don't ALL make it into fic... more important just to understand the term "Russian Knitting Circle"! The russians being all gossipy and up in everybody else's business.
RANDOM RULES
Yeah this primer is going in no logical order. Okay! Random things you should probably know about in hockey...
There are three actions that result in a whistle - stoppage of play, minor penalties and major penalties. Oh well, okay and scoring but that's self explanatory. You really don't need to know all of the dumb ass rules that the NHL comes up with but a few of the common ones:
Icing - Basically, when the team on offensive passes towards the attack zone (aka the goal they are trying to shoot at) from the defense zone and the puck crosses three lines without another player touching it. Results in a face-off in the zone of the offending team and they can’t change so it’s actually a really bad move to ice the puck when you’re exhausted and really need to get off the ice. Sometimes coaches will use their timeout in that situation, to give the players on ice some breathing time. NHL uses touch icing iirc. If the puck is shot from behind the center line to beyond the goal line, icing is called once a defending skater touches the puck. Icing is waved off if the goaltender moves like they’re gonna play the puck or if an onside attacking player touches the puck first. A shorthanded team with their 5th man in the box cannot ice a puck. Or something like that. No-touch icing means that icing is called as soon as the puck crosses the goal line. Either way, the races for the puck can be fun.
Hooking - When you use the blade of your stick to pull on another player! Not to be confused with Tripping, which is just what it sounds like. Minor penalty - 2 minutes in the glass box of shame (aka the penalty box aka the sin bin) ...I think the new CBA changed this a little so they don’t have to necessarily PULL the player.
Holding - Grabbing on to another player (or their stick). This is only allowed when you are celebrating a goal, or trying not to fall on your ass while fighting. Minor penalty.
Offsides - When an attacking player passes the blue line into the attack zone before the puck. Whoops! Don't do it. Results in a new face-off. Note: this only applies to attacking players who are NOT in control of the puck. If you’ve got the puck but are like, IDK, skating backwards or something, you are not offsides. It’s more an offside PLAY than an offside SKATER, yeah? Also happens when the attacking team loses possession of the puck, it goes out, and then goes back in too quickly for everyone to leave the zone. And the defending team can try to trap players in the zone to make them offsides. I remember a game earlier this season where play was whistled down offsides because they were doing a line change and the door to their bench was partially past the blue line. iirc.
Too Many Men - When people fuck up a line change and there's more than 6 players on the ice for a team. Minor penalty. the dumbest penalty. srsly. it’s called PAY ATTENTION, dudes. Only called if they actually play the puck, though. Except for the really stupid ones where two players go on in the place of one and then they’re no longer within X feet of the bench or whatever. One of the best penalties to see coaches’ reactions to. It can be hilarious to see what players do to avoid having too many men on the ice though, you gotta admit. All the falling into the box and players on the bench hauling a player in gifs on tumblr are because of this rule, it is true.
Slashing aka Hitting People With Stick(s)- When you slash/hack at another player with your stick. Kind of dangerous! Related to cross-checking, which is when you hit another player with your stick while holding it with two hands (usually accompanied by a shove). Minor penalty.
Fighting - JUST LIKE IT SOUNDS. Hilariously, the NHL has a very weird relationship with fighting, technically you're not supposed to do it, but lots do, and the refs won't break it up until one of the players hits the ice. Used to result in lots of pads coming off and jerseys being pulled over the head and shirtlessness on the ice, but now jerseys have a tie in the back to stop this from happening (this was a sad sad day for hockey fans) and players are actually penalised (fined? idk) if they don’t tie down their jersey. Fined. I think warned the first time and then fined the second. It's an illegal uniform charge or something i've seen game misconducts handed out for not having your jersey properly secured. So who knows Results in a major penalty (Five minutes -- hence Five for Fighting, aka the best band name that only some people get) and SOMETIMES results in 10 minutes if you were really annoying . Five minutes, but everyone still gets 5 skaters on the ice. unless someone got an extra penalty (or two), right? If there's an extra penalty for instigating, then there's a 2 minute power play. This rule is just very inconsistently applied, lets put it that way There’s also an additional penalty for fighting while wearing a visor which is DUMB esp when you want to convince players to WEAR VISORS.
Delay of Game - When you send the puck off the ice and over the protective glass into the stands. Team benches and penalty boxes do not count for this. Results in a minor penalty. I think the penalty is only if it’s the defending team in their own defensive zone. You can also get delay of game for basically doing anything that freezes the puck so no one else can play it. Like, if the centre sits down on the puck in the faceoff. And putting your hand over the puck in a face off. Does the rule against grabbing the puck and throwing it down the ice or ‘closing your hand’ around the puck fall under Delay of Game? You can't advance the puck? Like, you can grab it and drop it right in front of you, but not like, toss it in front of you. Also, the refs call that damn "touching the puck on the face off rule" for barely brushing the stupid thing. DUMBEST RULES.
RANDOM TERMS TO KNOW
Stuff that comes up in games or press articles, or fandom, that you should probably know about, but aren't game terms.
Lock Out: not strictly a hockey term, but it does seem to happen the most with them. Basically the result of a labor dispute when the NHL (owners, commissioner, gms) and the NHLPA (player's association, their union) can't reach a consensus and the commissioner cancels some or all of the season (not to be confused with a strike, where the players refuse to play though they're kind of similar). Most of the NHL players go off to play in other leagues for a bit
NHL: Maybe should have started with this? National Hockey League, AKA "The Show". It's where all the hockey players - and I mean all of them - wish they could play one day
AHL: American Hockey League. The farm league of the NHL, it's where lots of players end up once they get drafted but just aren't quite good enough yet. Sometimes players will bounce between their AHL team and whatever NHL team is associated with them during a season. AKA the minors.
OHL / WHL / QMJHL: Ontario, Western and Quebec Major Junior (aka "The Q") hockey leagues. All part of the Canadian Hockey League, for players between 16-20. Where lots of North American kids play until they possibly get drafted. If someone’s player/stats card says “undrafted”, this is probably where they came from.
Frozen Four: The NCAA (college); ie, the National Championships. Usually won by a team from Minnesota or Boston. Just go watch Miracle. If you play for any of the Major Junior leagues (or the AHL) you are no longer an amatuer and give up your NCAA eligibility. So guys will do one or the other (generally depending on where they live, who they played for during PeeWee and what their parents demand). Can't play for Major Juniors after college, but can get NHL drafted.
IIHF: International Ice Hockey Federation that basically controls hockey everywhere but North America. Runs a lot of youth world championships and Worlds in May every year
KHL: Kontinental Hockey League, the major Russian hockey league
Triple Gold Club: When a player has won an Olympic gold, a Worlds gold, and the Stanley Cup. Only 25 players and 1 coach are currently members (including Jaromir Jagr, Jonathan Toews, Eric Staal, and Brendan Shanahan. This club does NOT include Gretzky or Lemieux. Sad right?) Or Crosby because he has some weird not playing in Worlds thing. Seriously, you'd think he'd get that in order to join the Triple Gold Club he has to at least TRY TO GO TO WORLDS. The thing that gets me is he went to World Juniors, he just won’t go to Mens. He’s got the EASIEST MEDAL TO WIN LEFT.
Chirping: When players make fun of each other, whether in fun or because they truly hate each other. About anything -- their haircut, their playing skills, something that happened in Juniors that they will never let the other forget... No, I have no idea why it's called chirping.
You Can Play Project: Started by Patrick Burke in March 2012 to fight homophobia in sports, but partners (as of April 11) officially with the NHL and NHLPA. Players have made videos, and You Can Play runs seminars for rookies to educate young prospects on gay issues and make resources, personnel and confidential counseling available to each individual team as desired. If you can play, you can play!
GLOSSARY OF HOCKEY TERMS
4 pointer: Since each game is worth 2 points, if you're playing a team in your division, and you win, then you gain 2 points and they get 0, which somehow works out to you getting '4 points' up on them. This is especially helpful right before the playoffs and everyone's pulling for those last points and a 4 pointer means your team could pass the other team in the standings
Power play: also known as 5 on 4, when one team has a man advantage because the other team has a penalty
5 on 3: when one team has a two-man advantage because the other team has 2 players serving penalties (its the same in Russian, RIGHT SID?) only Sidney Crosby thinks this is funny, which is part of why we love him. I kinda think its funny too. But its more "laughing at Sid" than laughing with him... The video of this because seriously those two:
Penalty kill: When the team that is at a disadvantage during a power play manages to make it through the whole power play without the other team scoring.
Delayed penalty: When the team on defensive commits a penalty, the refs won't call it immediately so they don't interfere with the offensive play. If the team on offensive scores, the penalty doesn't end up getting called. If it interferes directly with a shot on goal, it can result in a penalty shot. Delayed penalties get called when control of the puck switches teams / offensive play ends.
Puck bunny: Someone who only likes hockey players (and sleeping with them), not actually hockey (generally refers to females but fuck that shit)
Hat trick: When a player scores three goals in a game. A natural hat trick is when this happens without anyone else scoring in between the goals and all in one period.
Gordie Howe hat trick: Get a goal, an assist and get in a fight, all in the same game!
Lose an edge: When the player's skates lose, um, the edge and need to be sharpened, otherwise the player is gonna fall. A lot. Or when the commentators say “and player X lost an edge” it just means they overskated in one direction and fell. probably rolled their ankle the wrong way in their skates idk about that, I’m trying to imagine that but I can’t. What I’m thinking of is if you’re skating in anything other than a straight line, you have your body leaning in the way you’re going, and you’re only gliding with one edge on the ice (if you’re going straight, you’re gliding on two per skate). So if you lean too far, even if your skate is sharp it won’t be able to hold against the extreme angle and you’ll wipe out. It's my understanding - and I don't play hockey, I can barely skate, mind you - that you rarely skate on the flat (middle) of your blade, and that you're always got your ankles rolled one way or the other (maybe thats a bad way of describing it) so that you're on edge. It reminds me a lot of snowboarding (which I do, do) where you NEVER - basically - want to be flat on the board, you always are on either your front edge or back edge yes, we are talking about the same thing! I just don’t think about it in terms of ankles because your ankles shouldn’t be moving independently of your knees - it’s the way your knees/hips are tilted that determine which edge you are on. So... basically when they wind up leaning too far to one side and wipe out, then? Aka “blown tire”. AKA what Kane did the other night and ended up slamming his knee into the goal post.
Bag skate: Basically suicides on ice. Goal line, Blue line, Goal line, Red line, Goal line, Blue line, Goal line, Far Goal line. Often used as punishment in practice, which is just sad.
Billet family or house: Families who house out-of-town youth hockey players. since these kids sometimes leave home at like, 12, to go play hockey. This is also why so many hockey players are charmingly inept at being normal human beings That is such a nice way to put it.
Special Teams: Theoretically-better combinations of players for on the power play and the penalty kill. THEORETICALLY. Can we emphasis THEORETICALLY some more?
Dumping the puck: When a player sends the puck deep into the offensive zone for various tactical reasons. Often because they want to buy time for a line change - usually one forward will chase it, and the other two change.
Shot(s) on Goal: When a player shoots the puck at the goal such that the goaltender must stop it/it would be a goal without a goalie stop. Going off the metal on the goal doesn’t count, but there is something weird in shots stats regarding this... idr.
Blocked Shots: When someone NOT the goalie (and thus lacking the epic!padding) gets themselves between the net and a shot. Defence fall down on purpose to try to block shots. Depending on the team, it could be anyone. Blocking shots falls under the job description of the D-men, but they certainly aren’t the only ones who do it.
Game-Winning Goal (GWG): The goal scored by the winning team that puts them ahead of their opponents and keeps them there until the end of the game. Not necessarily the last goal scored. If the final score is, for instance, 6-2, the game-winning goal will be the 3rd goal scored and not the 6th.
Shifts: a player is usually on ice for about 1 minute at a time and then needs to go to the bench and change, because he’ll be exhausted. Average ice time for a player per game is about 18 minutes. Defencemen (if they’re good and not just there for roughing other people up) are often out for longer than that. But playing 30 minutes (half!) the game is A LOOOOT.
Line changes: this took me forever to understand because they hardly ever show this/reference it on tv! Basically players mostly change in their offensive zone - if they’re tired and need to go off, they’ll dump the puck deep to make the other team’s defence go and chase it, buying them time to skate to the bench and be replaced. If the centre goes off, the wings should also follow him, but that’s not always possible, which sometimes leads to a mismatched line for a bit. Ummm. Some teams/players have different strategies for changing. Like for the Penguins, the new centre will always replace the first forward coming off, even if it’s a winger. And Ovechkin likes sitting at the end of the bench instead of in the middle where the players who are going to go on usually sit, so he can... sneak in behind the other team’s defence? okay, now that I think about that I’m not sure that makes sense. lol ovie, what. that kind of doesn’t make sense. Okay, no - I think he sits closest to the offensive zone so he can try to sneak ahead of the other team’s defence. That makes more sense!
Double-shifting: When a player doesn’t change with the rest of their line (on purpose instead of getting stuck). Used mostly when a player goes out on injury and they need to fill a hole in a line. Great example is Kane double shifting when Hossa got injured earlier this year.
Waivers: Something to do with clubs sending players on their NHL roster down to the minors where the player can be stolen away by another team if they want them to play for THEM instead of going to the AHL. Or something like that. Does the trade deadline have anything to do with this? Pretty sure this is when a team can send a player that is still in negotiations down to the AHL for a few days while they figure out if they're going to resign them or not. If not, then they "clear waivers" and another team can claim them. But you know what, even the NHL GM's don't understand the damn Waivers rules. I did a LOT of research on waivers earlier this year for ~reasons~. Basically once a player has been in the NHL for a certain length of time (this is negotiated into their contracts so it varies by player but it usually involves playing a certain number of games at the NHL level or a certain number of seasons) they HAVE to be put on waivers if they’re being sent down to an AHL team from the NHL team they’re contracted with. Waivers are a 24 hr period (unless a player is put on waivers Sat or Sun which takes 48 hrs) in which an NHL team puts the rights to a player’s contract up for any of the other NHL teams to claim. This allows players a chance to be picked up by another team and continue to play at the NHL level instead of in the AHL. Waivers are used most often when a team decides a player isn’t fitting in or they want to clear up some cap space. If the player is picked up on waivers they free up cap space and if they aren’t the team will have more room on the active roster to either bring a player up from the AHL or to trade for a player using a draft pick/prospect/some combination thereof. “Clearing waivers” is when a player makes it through the wait period and isn’t claimed by another team. There’s also re-entry waivers, which are only applicable to players who have played less than 320 NHL games (180 for goalies) where in order to be put BACK on the NHL team they have to go through another round of waivers. If a team claims a player on re-entry waivers that team is only responsible for half the player’s salary and cap hit, the original signing team is responsible for the other half for the remainder of their contract length UNLESS THE PLAYER IS SENT BACK DOWN IN WHICH CASE NO ONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CAP HIT ANYMORE IDEK. RE-ENTRY WAIVERS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. I haven’t read the new CBA but I’ve seen it floating around that re-entry waivers might be done away with I’m just not sure. ALSO, in order to avoid putting a player on waivers, a team can send them down to their AHL affiliate for ‘conditioning’. This generally means they want to keep the player but aren’t sure they’re ready to play at the NHL level after an extended absence due to injury. PHEW. I still don't understand how the Avalanche and Flames almost fucked this up this season Because they don’t understand how waivers work? I’m just guessing. Basically the GMs don't understand the Waivers rules, so screw it :)
IR or injured reserve. What injured hockey players go on so to make room for a call up since a team can only have so many players on their active roster at a time (23). Generally this is done for players with serious injuries. Their contract is still valid, they’re still a member of the NHL team (instead of being sent down), they are just no long on the active roster.
Scratched aka Healthy Scratch is when a player who is not injured doesn’t suit up for a game. Teams are required to have 20 players suit up on the bench during a game, but a team’s active roster is 23 players. This is so they have enough players to cover injuries, but when a team doesn’t have any injured players (or they’ve been place on IR and so aren’t considered active roster) they have a few guys who don’t dress for the game and are thus ‘scratched’. Sometimes used by coaches as a punishment for on or off-ice antics!
SOME AWESOME WEBSITES
Deadspin: The tabloid of Sports "journalism". A similar website is "Puck Daddy", though that's hockey specific I wouldn’t say Puck Daddy is similar to Deadspin really? Deadspin is the sports version of a gossip site, Puck Daddy actually breaks down games, stats, has information on what’s going on in hockey, etc. While they occasionally report on rumors and certainly have less serious content (hockey hugs) they are still reporting on the actual game of hockey and the people involved not just things like Patrick Kane’s general life fail. I'm leaving this in because I generally fail at understanding the difference between the two sites, and so does a lot of fic (or so it seems)
Unofficial NHL Uniform Database: It's always good to laugh at all the horrible design choices teams have made over the years.
Hockey Fights: A database dedicated to keeping track of all the fights players have been involved in. Often complete with videos and voting on who won!
Blackhawks TV It is basically the best PR team ever Joey the Junior Reporter! Best PR idea.
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I'm not sure about everyone else involved in this, but no resources were used (except where obvious for like, pictures and stuff) in the creation of this primer. Its all off the top of my (our?) heads. This is what we do with our life guys. Yup. Welcome to hockey.