Okay, the cards are finally delt. I know my hand and I have a pretty good idea about my opponents. She's nervous, scared, confused, and I am wondering if she's just bluffing. I'm curious. But I'm not ready to put my cards down. I know what I have. It's a pretty good one, maybe I can win. But what if I don't. The bids are high and I'm basically ( Read more... )

*sigh ( Read more... )

I hate that the world and mostly everyone around me is so unfair. Every fiber left in me is screaming for some compassion, for some alternitive for a well state of mind. GOD WHEN IS IT GOING TO END! Every other step forward is two steps back and I just had about enough of it. I'm tired of bitching about it, I'm tired of running from it, and I'm ( Read more... )

Everything seems to be going pretty well. It's been a rollercoaster ride all summer but I'm finally going to settle down with a cig, a cup of coffee and the last Harry Potter book that will ever be writen. The anticipation is killing me. The book comes out tomorrow and I have the day off. God, I'm so curious to see what is going to happen. And with ( Read more... )

There is another form of weakness I have finally got my hands on. That is my own feelings. I can't believe they mix together that way. I can't believe I can function without falling or collapsing. I wonder how far I can go without causing so much damage to the people around me. Or do I do it on purpose. Certainly not. I found the brink between ( Read more... )

My Mom's in the hospital once again. She is having her overies removed.

I still haven't processed any of this. I should but I can't.

There are many contradictions to my thoughts nowadays ( Read more... )

I still have a knot in my throat.
It burns
Trying to release
I can't suppress.

Pretty Purple
Shattered sleep
I wake to find
My eyes in ruin.

Imagining my life
Sweetness all around me
Deaf to death
Yet I cry again to find it not true.

I've been having strange dreams. (When don't I right?) Well last night I clearly remember it. It was so simple. It was just like any other morning, any other day. I woke up, I didn't notice my surroundings yet, but I grabbed a towel to take a shower so clothes and I walked lazily to the shower. I turned on the bathroom light and squinted to the ( Read more... )

I feel terible. I can't seem to shake this craziness going on with me. I feel so caged, so vulnerable, so sad. I don't understand myself sometimes. I can't find any energy to even get up at times. I feel so usless. I feel like crying all the time and I'm not even on my rag anymore. What is wrong with me? What in god's green earth can be wrong with ( Read more... )