I love you more than words can say, so I'm just going to get in the car and start honking.

[mmmrorschach]

One thing I never really liked about myself is that I can be over-sensitive about being embarrassed. It's not that I take myself all that seriously (How could I? I'm a goofball.), it has more to do with being kind of a late bloomer as a kid (heck, as an adult), and a bit odd to boot, and feeling like growing up was one long string of discoveries

Comments

[mmmrorschach]

We could trade places someday.

[thedizzyvixen]

I'm the master of list writing. I keep a notebook just to make lists. It's silly, and the lists are never important, sometimes I'll make the same kind of list over, and over again.

[mmmrorschach]

I like that they keep stuff organized and that eventually the list is 'done' and you can't add anything more to it.

[mmmrorschach]

I am totally in the Unfair Things Can Happen For No Good Reason camp, and when they do, it doesn't bother me one bit. But if I am the instigator of my own bad luck, I will try to trace my poor decisions all the way back to their insidious little root, but I think you're right, that my decisions can't be reliably traced back, and I'm fooling myself if I think that I can. At the same time, though, I try to be a very deliberate person, so when I make a bad choice, I know who's fault it is and can't blame it on circumstance or rash decision-making. I usually try to rationalize to myself that I shouldn't regret any choices I make by saying that, at the time, knowing everything I knew, it was the right thing to do. Who am I to fault my own decisions

[waitingonsunday]

I feel like I could have written some of this. Though not so eloquently. And I don't have an imported copy of Durch die Wüste. But I do find myself cringing, literally cringing, at stupid things I've done, years ago, even decades ago. I try to take comfort in the thought that I'm probably the only one who remembers the things that I find so embarrassing, but then again, maybe I'm not. My immediate family's ability to recollect and zero in on some of the most humiliating things is uncanny, and I think it's one of the reasons I'm so self-conscious about these things.

[mmmrorschach]

Exactly, you think people have forgotten about it, and that maybe even you had forgotten about it, until that cringe-inducing moment brings it all back. I think I cringe from having remembered it and realizing it hasn't gone away as much as from the actual event.

And haha, my family's collective recollection is just as uncanny. If even one of them brings up an embarrassing memory, then the rest jump in and I'll be subjected to a thorough retelling from each person's point-of-view and their account of how it really happened. When my family does that I don't mind it so much, but it's mortifying if even one non-family member brings up something that is a tenth as embarrassing.

[grrgoyl]

Ugh, I am totally with you on the cringe-inducing moments. I have two crystal clear memories in particular that still make me blush ferociously whenever they pop up. Why do they pop up? Why can't they just stay buried? They happened years and years ago. I can't remember what I did last week, but these two memories are so vivid they might have just happened today.

I think it's very nice what you're doing for the dolphins.

[mmmrorschach]

I used to have a problem where I wouldn't be able to forget license plates I saw. I couldn't get them out of my head no matter how hard I tried. Then months later I'd think to myself, "Man, I haven't thought about 9PXY37 in weeks...aw dammit." But yeah, yours sounds worse though. I don't think I have any chronic bad memories like that. Well, maybe someday something heavy will land on your head and you won't even notice that you've forgotten them.