I use humor to cope with a painfully normal childhood.

[mmmrorschach]

It happens every time my dad buys a foosball table. My dad, brother, and I shove the dining room table aside and carry the foosball table in by its rods, like we're pallbearers, and reverently set it in its place. Sometimes you hear excitement described as "electricity in the air", but in this case it actually produces Magneto-type human levitation

Comments

[grrgoyl]

Having never played foosball, I can't comment meaningfully on this except to say, your posts are among the few I look forward to anymore. Give me quality over quantity any day.

That center B&W print is stunning. Very Tim Burtonesque. I'll be over here coveting it madly.

[mmmrorschach]

No foosball? *eyes you suspiciously* But I remember you mentioning that you've played Crokinole, so you get pass. This time. But if you ever find yourself locked in a room with a foosball table, they're really heavy and you can probably use it to ram the door down.

Covet away.

[grrgoyl]

Hey! I remember visiting a friend of my parents once with a bumper pool table. Does that count? And there was a foosball table set up in the last Parade of Homes tour that I wanted to play with desperately, but no ball. I am a victim of my circumstances. I deserve compassion, not suspicion.

Good advice. I assume also good for blocking doors in the event of the zombiepocalypse? I love how in almost every zombie movie, when they're trying to blockade a door, someone always throws stuff like lamps and pillow cushions on top of the pile. Really? Will that really do anything?

[mmmrorschach]

Ah, but suspicion takes so many fewer muscles. You don't even have to bother with the heart.

"Look at how much almost helping I'm doing!" Some people just want to be helpful, but don't know how.

[mmmrorschach]

I got them from right over here. They also sell each print individually.

I imagined you following him the their lodge and spying on them through the skylight like Homer does with the Stonecutters. It might have been dangerous, though. By the time you got home there would probably already be a bloody handprint on your pillow and a note that says, "We know." I mean, have you seen Eyes Wide Shut? But yeah, I would have gotten a little excited, too.

[mmmrorschach]

Those Illuminati must know how to throw a party.

[linkaesthetic]

Unrelated: I'd be first in line to buy any book you write.

[mmmrorschach]

You know how when you're reading a book and it seems to really hate staying open? That's what it feels like when I try to write anything longer than three or four paragraphs. So I'm afraid I'll never be able to hold you to that promise. Thank you, though.

In the mean time, this journal is useful for anything I do feel like writing. I mean, my boring adulthood isn't going to cope with itself.

[missmamawolf]

I used to sneak into game rooms at hotel / motel / fancy campgrounds just to play foosball. If I would have had cats, I probably would have made them play me so I didn't have to attempt defeat on myself under intimidating fluorescent lights. The only ones ever watching were moldy couches.

They are all ful of wonder, but the last three are places I'd like to visit and linger in.

[mmmrorschach]

Haha, I laughed at the image of someone trying to play foosball stealthily. All the little men blindfolded and their feet swaddled in cotton.

Those three especially look like you could step right into them, into the swamp, up the mountain, through the forest, and disappear into the fog. The island feels like you're in a helicopter and the plains like someone has pointed toward the horizon, looked at you, and said, "Run."

[waitingonsunday]

True fact: I have never played foosball, but I bet I'd suck at it. The closest I've come is when I go out to a meal with a friend of mine and we bunch the paper wrapper from one of our straws into a ball and play some kind of restaurant table soccer with it as we wait for our food. This normally ends when I get tired of him insisting I'm cheating when I'm doing the exact same thing he's doing, so the next time he scores and the ball falls off my side of the table, I pretend I've lost sight of it so we can't play anymore

[mmmrorschach]

Generally, the more improvised the sport, the less tactful it is to accuse someone of cheating. So unless you were incurring some sort of hands-to-the-face football-style penalty, then your friend needs to stop whining and order a Good Humor Bar.

Paranoid stories are the best kind of stories! I bet this particular sect of Freemasons have now included you in the sprawling conspiracy theorist's yarn-map they have in the basement of their building. They have a picture of you tacked to their board surrounded by questions marks and loosely connected to both The Union of Dentists and The Taco Bell Conspiracy. Although, although, I wouldn't be surprised if this is some amateur branch of Freemasons you're dealing with. You know how you can give a little kid an officer's cap and a baton and smile at what a cute little police officer he makes? I bet that's how the real Freemasons feel about his subordinate branch that can have their meetings disrupted by any yahoo who wants test their headlights.