so i decided to call David @ La Cafe downtown this evening and he said "That's pretty crazy, I was just about to call you...", and i'm supposed to go tomorrow @ 10AM for training. maybe, my job hunt is turning around after all. i know He takes care of me, i know it.meanwhile, roomie is off in tijuana somewhere i'm assuming trying to fix either 1. ( Read more... )

I picked him up from school and brought up the subject of him and a job, he got defensive and said I wouldn't let him finish, etc. I apologized, he opened up a little talking about how he did have a job in Enid, and how it was their fault since he had to live here and was pretty upset how Dad was talking about doing the next semester in Enid in ( Read more... )

so they've linked the intial stages of being in love to something similar of a high ( Read more... )

so i didnt withdraw from hector and now he's withdrawing from me. i couldnt help, but see him i was so starved for something to make me happy, that i came on too strong in all the wrong ways i think. i dont want to really fall in love with him, or anybody else. i just wanted something physical, to feel good, because i was so down. all i have is my ( Read more... )

i'm going to withdraw from hector. i have nothing else that's making me feel euphoric in life right now, so i'm giving him too much of my time. it's scaring me, and probably him too idk. i need to find a hobby.

i need routine. i need to come up with some routines. sequences. procedures. i used to despise routines, but now i think i'm going to the other extreme. and turn into an OCD neat freak or something. i don't think i'll be sleeping in past 8:30 at the latest, anymore. i'm thinking of lots of things, like budgeting and going on an egg diet and ( Read more... )

i went to get my car registered and felt like an idiot, although the clerk WAS a complete a-hole. i feel so lost about this 'adult' stuff. i never have been one to take responsibility i'm told. i can't blame my mom for that, but i think it's because whenever i made mistakes i felt like it was a big deal. like it was always a bad thing, but how else ( Read more... )

i'm going to church for the first time in... years, tomorrow.

and i've started listening to david gray, the fray, and that "bad day" song.

p.s. rice milk is really good

i've decided to stop taking such hot showers. it seems like the hotter they become, the hotter i need them to be, and i don't think they'll ever be hot enough, or if they are hot enough it'll burn my f'ing skin off before i'm satisfied.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1473238416857803675

seeing junior high white boys thrash is like seeing kiddie porn, it's just not natural, looks really awkward. so much fury in an undeveloped body.