Fic: It's Always What You Didn't Say (7/8)
Part 6
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They didn't go back to the tent after that. Instead, Eduardo took Mark's hand and led him further down the field. They sat against a rock, and talked. Eduardo told him about his life. About all the business problems he was facing recently, and about how lonely he felt, and about the pressure he felt from his father. He told him everything, occasionally releasing another match up into the darkening sky, and watching it disappear.
Mark listened to everything. Even the trivial, non-important stuff. He wanted to know. He wanted to hear every word and make sure he understood every meaning. He had to get this right.
"I miss who I used to be," Eduardo said. "Before everything went to crap. I think I liked things. And people."
Mark looked down at their intertwined hands. He examined the way their fingers fit together, twisting his hand to look at every angle. He ran a thumb gently down one of the scars on Wardo's wrist. The skin was slightly raised, and it felt dry, and weird to touch.
Eduardo's breath hitched next to him, and he watch Mark's thumb dancing down his arm.
It felt intimate. Mark knew how much Eduardo trusted him. So wholeheartedly, giving it everything he had. He wouldn't let anybody else do this, but he let Mark. And that meant everything.
Eduardo gulped. "Mark," He breathed out, pleadingly.
Mark turned their hands over again and stopped. He looked up at Eduardo's broken face.
"You're fine," Mark said. "You're exactly who you used to be."
Eduardo relaxed sightly, and kissed Mark, wrapping an arm around his waste, and pressing him tightly to the rock they were sitting against. Mark wasn't an idiot. He knew what that kiss was saying. He slipped his tongue into Wardo's mouth, saying it right back.
Wardo pulled away breathlessly, and tilted his head at Mark.
"You know, you're the only person who can make the no smiling rule work for you."
"Is that a compliment?" Mark asked.
Eduardo leaned his head in the crook of Mark's shoulder, and nuzzled his jaw. "Yes," He whispered, then pulled back again.
He pulled his hand away from Mark, rolling up his sleeves and buttoning them up, self-consciously. Then he placed both hands on Mark's cheeks and leaned in again.
This kiss was everything. It was hard and soft. Passionate, and gentle. Lustful and satisfied. And filled with all of Eduardo's love, and all of Mark's.
His hands ran from Mark's face to his waste, and he pushed himself closer, like he couldn't stand the thought of there being any space between them. Mark gripped Eduardo's shirt collar, as Eduardo trailed kisses down his neck.
"I love you," Eduardo mouthed into his skin, and Mark pulled even more tightly onto the fabric. "I love you," Eduardo mouthed again, before licking at Mark's collarbone.
Mark wanted to say it back, but the words choked him so he just pulled Wardo closer, and closed his eyes letting Eduardo mouth the same three words into every inch of his body.
---
Mark woke up as the sun was rising. He and Eduardo were both, lying in the field of golden grass. Eduardo was clinging to him, resting his head on Mark's shoulder. He finally looked like he wasn't having nightmares, which lifted a weight Mark didn't know he felt, off of his shoulders. He stared down at Eduardo, running a hand gently down the Brazilian's arm.
He watched Eduardo silently until the sun was up, and he saw the silhouette of people moving around in the campsite. He shook Eduardo carefully. He blinked awake, eyes grinning at Mark.
"Morning," He said.
"We should get back to camp," Mark told him. "I'm sure Stella's dying to say 'I told you so.'"
Eduardo nodded, and sat up, yawning.
They dressed themselves quickly enough, and Eduardo kept looking over at Mark affectionately, his eyes warm, and fond, just like they used to be. He slipped his hand into Mark's as they walked back, and bumped shoulders with him playfully, visibly more happy than he'd been since Mark had first ran into him in the Other World.
When they arrived back at the tent, Stella was sitting outside, on Harrison's lawn chair, eating some of Genevieve's infamous sausages. Her eyes lit up when she saw them coming, and she jumped up from the chair, gulping down a mouthful of breakfast.
"Well look at you," She exclaimed. "Got lucky, huh?" She asked Mark.
Eduardo flushed beside him, glancing at Mark from the corner of his eye. Mark stared back. He never wanted to stop staring, if he was being honest.
"Oh my God, this is so cute and a little gross," Stella said to herself.
Over her shoulder, Mark saw Divya walking over to them, and his stomach dropped. He'd forgotten about Divya. He'd completely forgotten that he wasn't supposed to be here, and that he was supposed to leave tonight. He gave Stella a panicked look, hoping maybe she would stop Divya somehow, but she just looked confused.
"No," Mark said, his hand tightening around Eduardo's.
"What is it?" Eduardo asked, just as Divya joined them. His face went pale, as realization stuck him.
"Mark," Divya said coldly. "I just came to check if you're coming tonight, or if there's been a change of plan," He said, staring at Mark and Eduardo's joined hands.
"I'm not," Mark answered, at the same time Eduardo said, "He is."
They looked at each other in confusion, and Divya raised his eyebrows.
"Look, just come by my caravan when you decide, alright?" Without another word, he turned and left, not wanting to spend another second watching Mark and Eduardo's drama.
"I'm not going," Mark told Eduardo, quickly.
"You have to go," Eduardo replied.
"Oh look, an interesting distraction!" Stella said, and walked away quickly.
"I'm not," Mark insisted.
"You can't stay here," Eduardo told him.
"Why not?"
"Because you have your life to live, Mark. I'm not gonna let you give that up just for me."
"But my life's better with you in it. This place is better with you in it. I can stay, I can!"
"Mark," Eduardo said. "Be realistic about this. You can't code for Facebook anymore."
"That doesn't matter."
"Yes it does! Mark, I know you. You love Facebook more than anything. You have to go back."
He was wrong. Mark didn't love Facebook more than anything. He loved Wardo more than anything. He just got him back, just came to terms with the way he felt and now he had to lose him again.
He shook his head wildly. "No. Wardo, it's not fair. No."
"Mark," Eduardo said brokenly. He took Mark's hands, and stepped closer so that their faces were merely inches apart. "It's okay. I've made my choice, I'm supposed to be here, but you can live again, and love again. Don't give that up. Go back, for Dustin, and Chris, and your family, and even Sean Parker." He kissed Mark lightly on the cheek. "Go back for me."
Mark swallowed. "I- "
"I know," Eduardo interrupted.
"I don't have to leave yet," Mark said. "I can stay for a few hours."
Eduardo nodded, and kissed him sadly. He pressed his forehead to Mark's, breathing lightly and unevenly on his face. "What do you want to do with the last hours of your afterlife?"
Mark pulled him away, back to the field where they had just come from.
All he wanted to do was be near Wardo. It was always Wardo.
---
They walked around aimlessly, never once letting go of each other's hands. Eduardo talked to fill the dreaded silence, but it did nothing to help the heaviness both of them felt. This was the end, and as much as they tried to enjoy it, they felt it ache down to the deepest corners of their hearts.
"So what are you gonna do with your life now?" Eduardo asked.
"Am I supposed to do something?"
"You've died. You've seen what comes next, that doesn't make you want to change something about your life?"
"Are you saying I should start a cult?"
Eduardo rolled his eyes. "I'm saying, maybe you shouldn't spend your days coding for so long you die."
"I was only doing that so I wouldn't think about you."
Eduardo stopped walking and cocked his head at Mark. "Why would you- " Understanding flashed across his face, and he nodded sadly. "My- my suicide."
Mark shrugged.
Eduardo wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. He looked carefully over every inch of Mark's face, like he was afraid of forgetting. Mark understood, he was afraid too.
"It's weird. I haven't felt this alive in almost a year, and I'm only feeling it in my afterlife," Eduardo noted quietly.
Mark nodded. "The universe has a funny way of pulling crap like that on us."
Eduardo gave him a heartbroken look. "If you ever end up here again, come find me, okay?"
"Of course."
"Although, just letting you know, if I ever see your face around here again, I'll be pretty pissed off at you," Eduardo looked like he wanted to cry. How Mark felt, basically.
Mark sighed, letting Eduardo pull him in to a tight hug. He held on to the back of Wardo's neck, pulling at the ends of his fluffy hair. He breathed in the smell of Eduardo, for the road. Felt Eduardo's dead heartbeat beneath his ridiculous shirt. Eduardo squeezed Mark's shoulders as tightly as he could. He pulled back slightly only to kiss the top of Mark's curls.
"Have a good life, Mark," He whispered.
Mark nodded. He finally peeled himself from Eduardo, knowing that if he didn't now, he probably never would.
"Have a good afterlife, Wardo."
Eduardo swallowed a sob, and waved awkwardly at Mark.
Mark took a deep breath. Took in the image of Eduardo Saverin standing in front of him one last time, and then turned around and walked back to the campsite, towards Divya's caravan. He didn't look back until he'd finally made it, and only saw a small figure, with a dejected posture, in the distance, watching him leave.
---
"Saverin's more persuasive than I thought," Divya said when he opened his door, with impressed eyes. "I honestly thought you'd stick around a little longer."
Mark shrugged. He wasn't gonna talk about this with Divya, of all people. Divya didn't seem to care. He stepped out and started walking up the campsite, not looking back to see if Mark was following.
"Alright, Zuckerberg. Have it your way."
No one payed much attention to them as they walked through. Everyone seemed to be too busy with their own little miracles. Harrison did give Mark respectful nod, and Genevieve, the sausage-maker, waved happily at him.
"Thank you," Mark called out to her, seeing as he'd never get to again. It was odd how going back to life felt like he was walking to his death.
Watching everyone going about their day; Their life. It felt odd.
Stella was standing at the entrance of the campsite, waiting for him.
"I didn't think you'd go," She said, sadly.
"It's what Eduardo wants," Mark told her. Divya hung around a little ahead, waiting for them to finish their goodbyes.
"Eduardo doesn't have a clue what he wants," She said honestly.
"Still." Mark shrugged.
She placed a hand on his shoulder, considering him like she was about to send him to war. "Good luck out there in the real world, Zuck."
Mark nodded at her. It was a shame, he probably could have learned to like the nickname. "Take care of Wardo."
She pulled him in for a hug, and ruffled his hair in a half-hearted nuggie. "He'll come back to you, Mark. I promise," She whispered in his ear, before letting him go. She had the faintest hint of mischief in her eyes, and if she could smile she'd probably be smirking right now.
Mark had no idea what she meant. He was about to ask when Divya cleared his throat, loudly. Mark nodded one last time to Stella and followed Divya.
They walked along the side of the road for a good half hour before they ended up on a skinny stone pathway. The path winded and turned through a bunch of high rocks for a while. It eventually brought them to a cliff. Mark could see a small beach, underneath, with violent waves crashing against it.
"I didn't know they had beaches in the Other World."
"That's because it's more like a back alley to a brothel, than a beach. The only thing you'll find down there is condoms and needles," Divya told him, sharply.
"You're not, like, gonna kill me and pretend you brought me back, are you?"
"Still got that dry sense of humour, I see," Divya said.
"One of us has to," Mark shot at him, just as they reached the top of the cliff.
Near the very edge stood a lighthouse. It looked like it hadn't been used in years, and the paint was chipping off the sides, like most paint in the Other World. Divya stopped at the door and stood in front of Mark squaring his shoulders.
"The agent's name is Yvette. Just tell her your story, and she'll give you a visa back to reality," He instructed. Mark nodded in understanding. He tried to walk by but Divya pushed him back.
"Oh, and Zuckerberg. If there's one thing I've learned down here it's that the expression it can't get worse doesn't apply to the real world, because this will always be worse."
"Okay," Mark said trying to push past again, but Divya wouldn't budge.
"Hey. Listen to me, asshole!" Divya said. "Don't waste your life, 'cause you've got a pretty good one."
Mark guessed it was probably his way of trying to be nice or something. "Thank you, Divya," He said dryly. Chris would be proud.
Divya finally moved aside to let Mark through.
Mark looked from Divya and back to the door. It was made from some crappy type of wood that had mold growing on the edges. The red paint was fading and under it Mark couldd see remains of chipped blue paint. He took a deep breath, placed his hand on the cold, brass doorknob and stepped inside.
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Part 8