Forgiveness isn't easy. What I did was to accept that my father was a deeply flawed alcoholic genius who had his own demons. It didn't make anything okay, but it did make it easier for me to deal with him as a *human being* and not as *My Father*- which he had ceased to be so very long ago. Now even as just another human being wandering through my life he was difficult most of the time, and sometimes downright amusing with his insistance that he had a right to his bad behavior. In the end, and this took a very long time, we were friends. And so I miss my friend who left us last August and I hope that the Celestial Clue By Four that was waiting for him wasn't too drastic when he got to the other side.
Ah, I wish I knew what to say to you here... Alcoholism cut a wide swath through my family, wiped out a generation of brothers prematurely..... But my dad struggled valiantly and desperately wanted to parent his children. (And did) And while I credit my mother with virtually everything, I know that my dad was my kindred spirit.
I think we are more than the circumstances of our birth, and I think in truth you owe him not a thing..... But I think of who you are, and the strength of who you are (and the certainty therein) and knowing your mother a bit I see (ahem) more than an echo.... And I think that the weak are balanced and propped up by the strong.
I think that, simply, while there may be a time in the future (or not) I think this must not be the time right now. You have multitudinous obligatigations (a child, a husband, a mother).
I am Scots-Irish, I have to know hwere kith and kin are, but beyond that, it ebbs and flows. Mayhaps you should let it do so too..
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I think we are more than the circumstances of our birth, and I think in truth you owe him not a thing..... But I think of who you are, and the strength of who you are (and the certainty therein) and knowing your mother a bit I see (ahem) more than an echo.... And I think that the weak are balanced and propped up by the strong.
I think that, simply, while there may be a time in the future (or not) I think this must not be the time right now. You have multitudinous obligatigations (a child, a husband, a mother).
I am Scots-Irish, I have to know hwere kith and kin are, but beyond that, it ebbs and flows. Mayhaps you should let it do so too..
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