Replace one addiction with another, thats how we were raised. lexapro, zoloft, cigarettes, I'm a human shaped test tube, no ability to feel...I'd prefer to feel, even if all I felt was despair.

( being creative )

I'm contemplating it. I am no longer injuring myself, it does me no good. but worse things are popping into my mind. windows on thirty story buildings seem appealing, I want to fly, I want to escape, but once I do, I have to face the bitter landing.

you sure make me feel special. just another girl, just another whore. the cold mechanical drilling in between my thighs. no emotion, nothing. but I can pretend. I can pretend the repulsive stench of your sweat is sweet and warm and part of me. I can pretend that the cold heartless thumping is intimate, romantic, something more. But no, it never ( Read more... )

Is she merely a figment of my imagination? a creature of my own creation? she is like a siren, her voice drawing me in, turning me to a glob of melted wax. Is she real? can a being so perfect, so devine truely exist? she dances in the streets to unheard music, her body forming the physical entity of pure, unfiltrated ecstasy. Oh sweet mistress, ( Read more... )

Something strange is brewing. I can taste/sense/hear/feel/smell it on the air. A mist shrouded my road this evening. I was reluctant to go on it, but I am protected.

I hate it, I hate relationships. I thought I wanted one, hah! I was proven wrong. whenever relationships get involved everything goes to shit, complete and utter shit. I hate it. damn teenage sex drive.

holy fucking-A, that was creepy. it was either a vision or skitzophrenia kicking in. I almost fainted. I saw stuff, almost fainted, fell over as if I got pushed or something, then almost fainted then got up, ran downstairs, ran back upstairs and fell down again, and no this was not drug induced. ee gawds brain, I'm still jittery, that was weird as

my self-isolation from the opposite gender is really getting to me. I am actually starting to feel lonely. I need human touch, someone else's energy around me, someone to feel comfortable around, but noooooooo its highschool, everyone just wants to fuck, and I'm damaged goods! no one wants a scarred freak and the few that do are moving away from me ( Read more... )

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