Putting it all back together...

[monkee5150]

Trying to put back the pieces has proven slow and tedious. I'll cry all night at work or not at all. I sleep but only in few hour increments. I'm hurting and lack the time to process this. Yeah crying is therapeutic but damn does it have to happen in the middle of a shift or while driving home? I'm stupid busy packing to leave the state . No room

Comments

[darkgods]

I know all about endings. It's painful but I'm leaving my wife. I don't want to return to the East coast but for the time being it is what's best for me. I hope Mandy and I can reconcile, but my hope is a faint ephemeral thing compared to what it once was.

What happened? Was it your intensity?

[monkee5150]

He said he knew what he was taking on in the beginning. He tried so hard to be patient. I just wore him down I guess. He was done almost 4 years in. I initiated a conversation asking if he was done and how I needed to hear he was. He didn't want to say it. I asked of there was way to salvage the damage done he said no that while I had changed so much for the better he felt it wasn't enough to salvage the relationship,and that change had to be for me not him. He also said I did nothing wrong that I was just me and that I was toxic for him and vice versa. We parted amicably enough. I get to be too much for a lot of people. I'm headed to Colorado to live with my brother. I'm afraid I will be too weird for their very pedestrian suburban life as well. Going on the 19th of Aug to iron out details.

[darkgods]

Lame.

I get that it's hard to be with women like us, but where the fuck did the real men go who could handle that their woman was intense? We aren't all milksop hothouse pansies, dammit. Some of us are downright deadly, but a man that is a man can redirect that passion and fire, hone our edges to diamond perfection. They don't need to use our flaws against us.

[darkgods]

PS

I hope your suburbanite neighbors have apoplectic seizures and drop dead of horror when you descend among them.

Suburbia BLOWS.

[monkee5150]

Indeed. I have learned some great lessons from all of this. Suburbia has another thing coming. I have a rather large animal bone collection that's going to he displayed come hell or high water. I'm done playing nice.