[reaction]callmelegionAugust 30 2009, 16:26:46 UTC
[ Nagato has not been watching the dreams as often lately. He has not wanted to see, so he has turned away. He has been preoccupied. And he has never known this man, Hakkai, as well as he has known certain others.
Yet this dream strikes a personal chord -- a chord that cannot help but be struck.
Is this himself?
Because he and Konan were alone. They were all they had in one another's worlds. And then they came to Konoha. Befriended Konoha. Before that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Naruto, and there have been many others, and Nagato wonders: am I abandoning her? Neglecting her? Violating our union?But they are still together, and Konan shares these people, and yet
( ... )
[Yukari is normally a heavy sleeper but even she isn't able to miss the way Hakkai tears away. The way he pushes himself out of her embrace like her touch burns him.]
Hakkai?
[But her voice is low and quiet and he is already in the other room. Perhaps he doesn't hear her. Or perhaps he does.
He's had a dream, clearly. Her expression is grim as she picks up the Hitomi.]
* * *
[Ah.
So that's how it is.
Bitch, she thinks, somewhat irrationally. But how irritating, for her husband to still be tormented by this woman. That her corpse should still be warm to him, those bloody hands pulling him into her world. Whatever she once was, now she's dead, and she has nothing to offer but the misery of her circumstance. A ravenous thing that tears out hearts, takes and takes and gives nothing. Eats his life, his happiness, and leaves him hollow with nothing but a forest of dead things
( ... )
[Hakkai has thrown on one of his yukata from a basket of folded laundry near the door. He shuffles into the main room of the house like he's sleepwalking, but doesn't stay there. Many times when the nightmares come he'll make himself a little tea, but tonight he throws open the shoji door that opens into the garden and sits out on the porch, cross-legged.]
You watched it.
[Not a question. He knows the answer, after all.]
She's right you know. I haven't been keeping in her in my heart like I once did. I've been selfish.
[The word is carefully neutral. She walks over to where he sits and kneels behind him, resting against the curve of his spine until she is snug against his back. He is very warm, and she presses into that warmth almost unconsciously. Her arms wrap around him, linking together. Secure. And not letting go.]
For denying her the love you once gave?
Hm.
Do you imagine she is terribly troubled by this?
[It's cruel, she knows. To say it that way. She doubts the kiss she places on the nape of his neck will soften the blow at all.
But Yukari is not kind and gentle. Not like Kanan at all.]
I so rarely speak to dead people when I'm awake, I'm afraid I've no idea how she'd feel. You're the one who keeps such company, what do you think?
[She's being cruel but Hakkai's good at deflecting, good at burrowing into himself with hollow little jokes such as that one. He smiles, but it's not a smile at all. She knows and he knows she knows but he can't help it. He just can't show her that hurt openly.]
[ He'd thought those dreams were gone. Thought that Yukari's love (and demanding and violent streak and indestructible nature) had driven them away.
But he still dreams of mom, and Hakkai still dreams of Kanan. At least he was Hakkai in his mind. At least Gonou was gone. ]
So I figured it out.
[ Casual, friendly, and just the slightest bit proud. Like the dream never happened, and he instead just decided to call Hakkai at the spur of the moment, childlike, to share a idea he'd had. ]
[It is later when Hakkai replies, but he doesn't look very rested. Just quietly curious with a very familiar 'what ridiculous thing have you thought up that I'm immediately going to shoot down' sort of expression.]
[ Familiar ground, all the way through, yup. That's the plan! A bit of back-and-forth like they've done a thousand times, and by the time you're done laughing at him, you'll have forgotten to hate yourself for the sake of a dead woman. ]
Comments 35
Yet this dream strikes a personal chord -- a chord that cannot help but be struck.
Is this himself?
Because he and Konan were alone. They were all they had in one another's worlds. And then they came to Konoha. Befriended Konoha. Before that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Madara, and after that, there was Naruto, and there have been many others, and Nagato wonders: am I abandoning her? Neglecting her? Violating our union?But they are still together, and Konan shares these people, and yet ( ... )
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Hakkai?
[But her voice is low and quiet and he is already in the other room. Perhaps he doesn't hear her. Or perhaps he does.
He's had a dream, clearly. Her expression is grim as she picks up the Hitomi.]
* * *
[Ah.
So that's how it is.
Bitch, she thinks, somewhat irrationally. But how irritating, for her husband to still be tormented by this woman. That her corpse should still be warm to him, those bloody hands pulling him into her world. Whatever she once was, now she's dead, and she has nothing to offer but the misery of her circumstance. A ravenous thing that tears out hearts, takes and takes and gives nothing. Eats his life, his happiness, and leaves him hollow with nothing but a forest of dead things ( ... )
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You watched it.
[Not a question. He knows the answer, after all.]
She's right you know. I haven't been keeping in her in my heart like I once did. I've been selfish.
Reply
[The word is carefully neutral. She walks over to where he sits and kneels behind him, resting against the curve of his spine until she is snug against his back. He is very warm, and she presses into that warmth almost unconsciously. Her arms wrap around him, linking together. Secure. And not letting go.]
For denying her the love you once gave?
Hm.
Do you imagine she is terribly troubled by this?
[It's cruel, she knows. To say it that way. She doubts the kiss she places on the nape of his neck will soften the blow at all.
But Yukari is not kind and gentle. Not like Kanan at all.]
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[She's being cruel but Hakkai's good at deflecting, good at burrowing into himself with hollow little jokes such as that one. He smiles, but it's not a smile at all. She knows and he knows she knows but he can't help it. He just can't show her that hurt openly.]
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But he still dreams of mom, and Hakkai still dreams of Kanan. At least he was Hakkai in his mind. At least Gonou was gone. ]
So I figured it out.
[ Casual, friendly, and just the slightest bit proud. Like the dream never happened, and he instead just decided to call Hakkai at the spur of the moment, childlike, to share a idea he'd had. ]
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[It is later when Hakkai replies, but he doesn't look very rested. Just quietly curious with a very familiar 'what ridiculous thing have you thought up that I'm immediately going to shoot down' sort of expression.]
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[ Familiar ground, all the way through, yup. That's the plan! A bit of back-and-forth like they've done a thousand times, and by the time you're done laughing at him, you'll have forgotten to hate yourself for the sake of a dead woman. ]
There's no bar.
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[This light little laugh means you drink too much. It's bad for you. You finally quit smoking but you still drink? Tsk tsk.]
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