I wonder if that ability to be fully present and love the air, sky, molecules around me has ended. The time where everything feels rich and magical. Do adults lose that? Is that a superpower of adolescence?

I would like to stop living in a fuzz in my head. I would like to be more selfish. and figure out how I can exist more.

more walking, please.

sick of medication that makes me drowsy and not able to do work. and of my body not wanting to work on Sundays (dear body, we are going to celebrate the Lord's day on Saturday now, okay?) And sick of not necessarily having all the nutrients I need so that I can do work (Iron, get in me.)

I don't know, maybe I could do this all again. Maybe I can go out into the world and live beautifully. I just need the headphones and a bike.

I'm not totally sure all the details of what happened and I don't necessarily need to. I think that you wanted to connect with me - make sure I got to know all the parts of you, something we would have normally had more time to do. I've loved getting to know the younger you ( Read more... )

I've been talking to other people on okcupid, but honestly, the thought of pursuing anyone but you is terrifying. Just so you know.

I'm realizing that a lot of the things I miss it so its good then I'm going on this but I'm also missing the way that music makes me feel like I'm exploding inside good way. I think I've also forgotten to realize that I'm not having any fun. I've been so focused on getting my needs met. not necessarily good ways. but I've been so focused on trying ( Read more... )

Taking steps towards filling out the rest of myself. I have to trust that I'm still a beautiful person. I still have complexities. Maybe each day I'm cutting back on the things that let me zone out a little more ( Read more... )

 

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Driving home tonight I was composing an email to you in my head but I've decided it's not fair to send to you. And I don't know how to say it. And I don't understand any of it either. What I do know is that... I'm still really sad and angry that all the pieces didn't fit together because I really want them to. I don't feel like trusting that I'll ( Read more... )

Fill me with peacefulness, love, trust, and belief that there is more.

getting excited about winter. the cold that feels really honest and new. the empty trees and grey sky (or sometimes blue and bright). the gloves and snuggling and cars that take a little too long to warm up. cold cheeks and scarves that get moist from being breathed on. trying to tickle people through layers.