Birth Story...aka the failed homebirth.

[moondrunk]

First, thank you for all the congratulations and well wishes. I wish I could reply to them all but I decided most of you were probably more interested in what's below.

I've cut this into sections. A lot of it is angsty; I did not get the birth I wanted, or anything close, and that hurts.

Comments

[sewawkward]

You daughter is adorable!

Your birth story made me cry...I am so sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to. You did your best and hopefully if you choose to have another things will go even better.
*hugs*

[moondrunk]

Thank you!

And thank you, Kat. I'm sorry it made you cry - I just really, really needed to write it out to process it. I guess I made a lot of people cry though!

[norwegian_wood]

I am so sorry to read about your experience. I wish you did not feel like a failure, but how else are you supposed to feel? So much of what happens in these scenarios is due to malpractice fears alone.
What was it that the midwives were seeing/feeling that made them decide to transport? I wonder too, had you been eating during your labor? Your midwives should have been requiring you to eat frequently to fuel your contractions after going for so long. I would have had you on your hands and knees or knee/chest until things normalized...to me your labor sounds like the baby had something going on positionally that may have resolved with an extended hands/knees position.
The book, "Rebounding From Childbirth Toward Emotional Recovery" is a great one for anyone who has experienced the type of birth you did.
You have a very sweet baby :) And vbac is very healing :)

[moondrunk]

I honestly haven't even gotten to ask what they saw that made them panic like that. I will at my post-partum visit though - I'm curious, too. At the time I was just panicked and didn't think to question what was going on. I really trust them, which was why we just flew out the door when they said we needed to. From the time they told us they needed to transfer to us out the door was less than 15m - impressive since we had nothing packed, lol (silly in retrospect!).

I had been doing my best to eat, but I was hyperemetic during pregnancy and we had no reason to expect the labor to be much difference, so we focused on nutritional fluids. I did try to eat, but did end up throwing up a lot too. I'm sure that didn't help.

Can I ask about the hands and knees thing? They had me labor like that for quite a bit of the time, and I really didn't like it, but except for the very end when they let me lie back against my husband, I spent a good deal of labor like that. What does that do that helps?

[moondrunk]

Oh, and thank you for the book recommendation. I will definitely check that out!

[norwegian_wood]

it gives the baby as much room as possible to reposition if she needs to (and if she can), and lets gravity help....oftentimes contractions that feel like they are never ending are caused by a baby being in a posterior position at that time. let me know what they say the reason for transport was!

[pancakes_house]

I came over from naturalbirth. Congratulations on your baby! I'm so sorry that the birth turned out the way it did--it'll take some time to get through it and to process it all. My first was born by c-section and my second was an HBAC, and I hope you'll go on to do the same.

[moondrunk]

Thank you. I appreciate hearing that - it sounds silly, but it does help to know that this was not a "good" thing and that it okay to grieve. Congratulations on your HBAC - I hope it was as healing as it sounds :)