I'm not sure how I feel, I mean I can be happy or sad, laugh or cry but that feels more like a reaction then an emotion, I am or do these things, I don't feel them. I don't know, I can cut myself over and over again and it still dosn't hurt, its not like don't feel anything, I do but its like I don't experence it. Thats the best I know how to say ( Read more... )

studying stones ( Read more... )

I'm almost surprised at how easily I can cry tears now. Up until recently I was never able to, no matter how much I cried not one tear. And today they ran down my face like they had never been in short supply. I was almost taken aback by the wet on my face, I wasn't expecting it. When I was little I would even practice crying in front of my mother' ( Read more... )

Where this comes from, I don't know. After days where I was so happy too. I don't know totally what it is but I can't even talk about it. I mean I'm so fucked up that I can't even talk. I can't even say hi to my friends. Even when they say "come see me" "call me" etc... I can't even call people. I'm too afrade that I'm going to say something wrong ( Read more... )

I don't think I can go. Sometimes im amazed at how much I can hate myself. I don't think I can move away either. I wonder if that is why I like the winter so much, because I can cover myself up and stay inside.

So I got invited to the prom, and freaked. Starting college at sixteen I just always assumed that I wouldn't have one. And I said yes because I felt bad for the guy that was asking me and he was an old friend. And then the more and more I thought about it, the more I freaked out because of it. I'm way too fat and ugly, I would look horrid in a ( Read more... )

FUCK YOU! damnit, What do I do? Somebody tell me what to do. I can't stay and I can't leave. And you know what pisses me off most, is I can't blame you. I can't blame anyone, there is nobody that I can hold responsable. And really it could be so much worse that I don't even have the right to cry. But I feel stuck, I could stay where I can't predict ( Read more... )

Because now I know how hard your going to make my life. Before I wasn't sure but now I am. And now I know what my choices are, and how I am limited I am. And thankyou, because now I know what I have to do.

With a thousand reasons to stay, I can't convence myself of any of them ( Read more... )

I try to anchor my mind into scilence ( Read more... )