im not okay

if i fail the bar im jumping off this balcony it wont be enough to kill me but its what i deserve

I think she would be happy. I think she would be proud. And, although there's no longing for children in my breast or in my arms, I want them just so I can whisper the stories she's told me and complete the unending chain into the future.

I don't write anymore. I don't write anymore because language isn't beautiful anymore. Life isn't some mystery where you shake off the cobwebs and then everything is pure and sparkling and has this depth and meaning like fucking fathoms of thousand year old red wine. You shake off the cobwebs and it's shit everything is shit there's nothing but ( Read more... )

Pros of living in the new apartment ( Read more... )

Today was a very nice day. I felt accomplished from starting my first legal internship yesterday. I drafted a cease and desist letter and double checked whether the fees of our office building were compliant with our lease ( Read more... )

I am going down in a streak of flame, smoke and fire.

This deep, deep ache.

this disconstructedation

I want to flash bang disappear, press the blade across my palms, this seedy, sweet and sickly discontent.

I want to dirty kiss another woman, fuck a stranger in a bar, twist my tongue in their vodka slick mouths

People say independence is sexy. Confidence is sexy! A woman should be strong, self-reliant and a force unto her own.

You know what, having someone there to lift you up on those days you don't feel particularly beautiful or smart or valued is the pinnacle of sexiness to me.

Too bad that's not the world I live in.

I've been wanting to tell this story for a while now. To at least have it written down before it disappears from the pages of my mind. And today, staring at my muted reflection in the high-gloss of our tables, I thought I would finally sit down and begin it ( Read more... )

Sigh...being dragged kicking and screaming into the adult world. Well, here's to the bittersweet taste of independence!