Every time I see you I scream and want to throw punches. But as soon as Im gone I cant stop crying. I feel like Im putting up this wall against you to protect myself. But in some ways I know Im pushing you away. I miss the good times...but they seem so long ago. I want you to grow into a man so I can love you again. I don't want to loose you..ever ( Read more... )

I will forever be awkward. I think Ive forgotten how to be normal around people. I sink into the music and try to block out the fact Im surrounded. I feel as though Im friendly and sweet…but I say a joke or jump into a conversation and all I get are strange looks. I think Im more myself when Im alone. I have Beau…Mikey..and Brit. Im alone in my own ( Read more... )

So don’t really know where to start. Just feel the need to update, rant, something. I really want to start making money. I don’t know how, but I’m tired of feeling broke and unable to do anything I want. I don’t consider myself superficial or vain, but for the first time in my life I want to be all I’m capable of. I want nice clothes, pretty ( Read more... )

So..It’s the day before Christmas Eve, woot I guess. I’m not very festive as I have been in the past. I don’t have anyone a gift; I’m probably not getting one from anyone, so yeah, what’s there to look forward to? I’m sure it will just be another day. Only fun thing is I’m off X-mas Eve and X-mas day. So I have tomorrow, Fri. and the rest of the ( Read more... )

So..I’ve just realized, I don’t think I ever want to get old. It’s so depressing when you have to walk by a daughter informing the nurse that “he’s been having bad accidents”, referring to her father. I don’t really mind taking care of others, I just don’t know if I ever want to get to the point I can’t change my own diapers. I know it’s a part of ( Read more... )

So…not really sure what to write about. Trying to be sneaky updating ha-ha. I’ve been having really strange dreams lately. That’s one thing to write about I guess. Unfortunately they’re not all that wonderful. The past few nights Beaus' been passing out in the living room (yet again) because Mikey's been staying over all hours of the night. Sure I ( Read more... )

So I just felt like Alice falling through the looking glass. I just took a wrong turn around a wrong corridor and ended up somewhere completely scary. I was going to check on a bill at the clinic I got surgery a while back, since I received a notice of being turned over to a collection agency. And since I now work near the same building, I thought ( Read more... )

So I spent my first great time with Ellie. We’ve hung out once before, but my house isn’t the most fun place to experience. Last weekend was a really strange and beautiful experience for me. The trees became spider webs and the stars moved in layers. Out in the country, in nature, you feel one with your universe. I really wish I could remember the ( Read more... )

So I’ve noticed today after spending many a minute looking through Liselotte Eriksson’s photos, I haven’t lost my passion for photography. Its just hidden somewhere deep within me, buried under the visions of fluorescent lighting and sounds of banging stamps. I still want to make magic with my camera. Its just become so far fetched considering my ( Read more... )

So I guess Ill start to try updating at least a week or something. I just started my new job at G. I. Associates. It’s basically the same thing I was doing at the bank, just scanning medical documents now instead of loans, haha. I just couldn’t take the bank anymore. I was so distressed and stressed and depressed (hah) that I had to see a doctor. I ( Read more... )