Friday the 12 of September I went up to Woodleaf in Chalange, Ca. I went up to do sound and had every intention of injoying the Real Life Church womans retreat while "working."  I paid for my self but Tyler said that I did not need to so I told him to transfer those funds to someone who wants to go but coulnd not afford it. Tyler sujested Miss Amy ( Read more... )

To drink or not to drink is the question.  To cut or not to cut?  To eat or not to eat?  To talk or not to talk? These are all great questions.  And I don't have answers to.  I am in a dark place again.  I feel defeated again. Unworthy to be loved.  I need help.  But to where do I go. I have asked a few and get nothing back.  Where do I go.  Idont ( Read more... )

Im sitting at cafe 4 At neiborhood church aka 3 crosses in Castro Valley waiting to meet up with Tab and I cant help but to think sould I be contimune this friend ship with her. I do love her to pecies and miss hanging out and visiting her and her family.  But it has become awkward texting her and visiting.  The last time I saw her she was prego ( Read more... )

Sitting here thinking if I die would I be missed ( Read more... )

So I have finally decided to be a vet tech. Now I have to decide where to go. I hve narrowed it down to two colages Western Carear Collage or UC Davis. With Davis is more prostegis it is a four year collage. I would get a BA. Looks better on a resamae. Better experiance socialy, I have regretted not going of to collage after high school. But i ( Read more... )

Last Monday mom asked me to clean out the vac b/c there was dirt and dust cought. So I was sittling in front of the room next to the office door, with the vac upsidedown. I unscrewed the plastic thing on the bottom to get to the dirt. While I was doing this my brother Mike was on the phone looking into switching to cable or faster internet. I ( Read more... )

Last night I prayed to God to deliver me from my depression and my pain and during that nights service I felt so relaxed. Before the service I was depressed and broken. I did not feel anything really which is abnormal for me. I'm usally in a depression or in pain that I can't get past that and worship God. After Aiesha prayed with me she ( Read more... )

Last night we had worship and I felt that I could not get to a place of worship. I have to ask myself why? What is hindering me? Part of me thinks I can't as if I'm not worthy. Or is it I'm to in barrest but then I have to ask of what? I get so frustrated and depresed like everyone has this relationship with God but I can't connect. Why? Why ( Read more... )