Wow...

[moonshadow3561]

So, two weekends ago, I was supposed to sing in a chorus concert. I had a cough, and I also had to finish my honors thesis and that friday and saturday were gonna be lost if I did the concert. So I e-mailed the girl in charge of attendence, didn't do the concert. I thought this was a really good thing, because I was actually doing something good

Comments

[m_misfit]

I couldn't read this and not say anything.

God, I'm sorry this was your first experience in really taking care of yourself. Please, as hard as this experience has been, don't minimize the HUGE step you took.

In order to be really living life, you need to take a chance every now and then. Just because the outcome might not be what we had hoped, that doesn't mean we should forget the step forward we just made.

[slenderstar]

I have to agree with Misfit. The thing is, that even in recovery, its hard to accept that not everyone will be sensitive to your struggles or progress, and as hard as it is, try to see it as a test of your recovery. Not everyone can deal with the fact that you put your own health and sanity before other things, but it was a good decision. Its always easier to be proud of our decisions when they are always supported and not questions, but so much more amazing when we can make our decisions, even risking/recieving criticism for them, and still a small part of us saying, but I still did it, I won. I put recovery first.
As for the anxiety attack, I can't tell you the extent to which I can relate. Its humiliating, and very, very scary. but its over now, and maybe you can work on trying to read the signs that one might happen soon, so you can put yourself in a safe, secure environment. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to ad me to msn. I'm online often.
-Shez

[mmmisfit_toy]

Agree with both above. I had a similar experience this weekend where I finally said "no" to a request (my mom wanted me to come down and do a ton of shopping one morning, and I really, really didn't want to that morning) and the outcome was very negative, and I ended up doing it anyway the next day. It can feel quite crushing to finally get brave and then get squished down for it. My T is telling me to focus on the fact that even for a moment, I stood up for what I wanted. Like Misfit said even if the outcome was awful, that doesn't mean it was fruitless, and that doesn't mean you can't try again.

I'm sorry it caused you to have a panic/anxiety attack, been there and they are awful. Take good care of yourself.

[eternitye]

everyone above me has articulated things well.. it's amazing how much you have done and how far you have come with recovery, and it sucks when it feels so invalidating, because someone wasn't supportive. the shitty thing is, that that will happen in life, and the true test of recovery and true proof of how hard you have worked is that you can deal with the non-understanding of other people and still look out for yourself as number one, regardless.

i'm really proud of you that you could look out for yourself and say 'no'.. i had to turn down some obligations this weekend because i was sick and it literally ripped me up inside, and i ended up in the health centre crying at the receptionist cause i was in such utter anxiety mode and could not function.. all because i took some time for my own health... heh.

So I feel you.. and am proud of you and miss you and hope you continue standing up for yourself cause you are amazing, and all those sweet things you said to me in my journal comment-- right back at ya. seriously.

so take care :*

[_fierceflawless]

word to everything said above. maybe other people don't get it, but that was what you needed to do for yourself, and the reason is....you deserve to take care of yourself and because you're a kick-ass, powerful woman, you actually WILL do it now.
so your director has no idea what you've been through and how vital your newfound balance is. you do, and you know you did exactly what you needed to.
xoxo