Talking to other men about "rape culture"

[morbid_curious]

Another one coming out of messageboard conversations on a local tragic online dating site. Trying to get the tone right for having that conversation with less socially progressive men in a constructive way.

Comments

[kest]

I think a lot of men miss, women are in rape culture too. I have had more than one conversation with a man where they are completely confused about how to tell when a woman says 'no' and means 'try harder', because some do! vs when she says 'no' and he should stop immediately. And I'm like, just stop, and then look for signs she wants to continue, and if she said no and didn't mean it, that's on her not on you, whereas if she says no and means it and you keep going, that's on you. Like, there's only one right way to err here. And in some ways the whole idea of 'rape culture' is us actually giving the benefit of the doubt that maybe some men *don't know* they are being rapey. That culture says 'boys will be boys' and to be aggressive and to push boundaries and just take what you want. But I just do not understand, would y'all not rather being having sex with women who you know are totally into you rather than pushing you back all the time? Dismantling rape culture is good for EVERYone.

[emo_snal]

I think it's an important part of getting on the same page about this to make sure the conversational participants realize the overwhelming majority of rapes isn't by strangers in dark alleys, but by men known to the women; and not through naked aggression (no pun intended) but usually via getting them intoxicated and then ratcheting up the pressure. Yeah 99.99% of men wouldn't attack a random female in an alley and won't relate at all to how that's even a "culture" they have anything to do with, but if you focus on situations where men intentionally got women drunk enough to have sex I'm sure if men were being honest a lot would admit to pushing some dodgy lines there and that's where real rape culture is.

I think. I'm by no means an expert in this area.