I was stupid for hoping anything would change.

Here's another stupid hope: I hope it's over soon.

I can't control how I feel, but I control this venue, so... I think now's a good time to end it.

When the gods communicate with you, they will do so through fortune cookies.

I qualified with a .38 today. I'll take a picture of my target later (I saved it). I scored 230/250 on the test, and man, was it fun.

Gun range day today. I'm going to test with a .38. I'm looking forward to it.

Tomorrow I go to switch my merchant guard license around. Then... more training... get uniforms... and two days off. Then I start on Monday. Start more training, that is. :P

I'm really enjoying this work.

From your bed I gained a day and lost a bloody year

I had a terrible anxiety attack today. Because my life is falling apart. I can't keep my shit together. Don't know what the fuck to do.

I went clothes shopping today! it was a lot of fun. I took my little brother, Jack, and we went around the Southlands mall. I got some new jeans, new shirts, socks, undershirts, belt, et cetera. I also ordered this shirt from SGR:


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I had my physical this morning. It was a lot different than I expected... first they had me ride a bike for five minutes, then lift a fifty pound box up to a high shelf five times... had to push and pull various carts... then they made me carry a thirty pound box around for a couple minutes. Pretty amusing ( Read more... )

Part of being depressed, for me, is having to deal with it myself. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and even if anyone was willing, I would feel a lot like I was impressing upon them... I end up bottling a lot of things up. It's difficult and I pretty much always feel lonely. But this is... my life, I suppose. I must follow. We will, as ( Read more... )

So, now that I've alienated that last person...

Something I'm coming to realize is... sometimes terrible things happen and the best you can do is accept it. Hoping and praying don't really do anything. Sometimes you can't take any action that would make things any better, and in fact, doing anything to affect the situation would only make it worse. So, I'm going to retreat and... do what I do ( Read more... )