Gone Away Awhile 3/?
Title: Gone Away Awhile 3/?
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word Count: ~9000
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 for sexual situations, MPREG, and medical/health problems
A/N: This story is based off a prompt by the amazing imogen_lily . Thank you so much for the gorgeous banner and for letting me play with this idea! I appreciate all the help and nudging sweetie!!! You are an amazing person to work with!
Summary: Jensen has it all…great job, lots of money, the love of his life…and NO kids, just the way he wants it. Everything seems perfect, until one night following a big fight Jensen comes home to find Jared has left, turning his world upside down. Four years down the line, he might finally find the answers to all his questions…in the form of two little boys who look a lot like him and Jared…
Jared’s face drained of all color and his mouth ran dry. This couldn’t be happening…it just couldn’t! Jensen could not be standing on the other side of his desk. Jensen was in Texas, hundreds and hundreds of miles away…away from Jared. Jared closed his eyes, as if that would magically make everything disappear. It didn’t…Jensen was still there, looking just as shocked and confused. Jared couldn’t breath…
“J-Jensen? I…”
“Jared…what…I don’t understand.”
Jared’s hands shook. “I…”
“What the hell are you doing here? Have you…you’ve been here the whole damn time? You left me for this?!?”
The door to the office behind Jared’s desk started to open and he quickly put his foot up to shut it behind his back. He couldn’t have the twins stepping out right now. Things were already spiraling into a disaster as it was.
“I just-“
“Just what? Thought working at a hotel was better than living with me?”
“Jensen-“
“Can I help you, sir?” Matt said as he walked over. He could feel the tension building between the patron and Jared from across the room. He just couldn’t figure out what was going on. Jared rarely had issues with guests like this. Matt sent Jared a questioning look but he just barely shook his head. Matt decided it would have to wait and turned back to Jensen. “Why don’t we get a bellhop to take you upstairs…ok?”
Jensen still stared at Jared and was about to tell the guy to shove off when Matt intervened yet again.
“Hey Rob! Why don’t you take this gentleman up to his room? Let’s see…” Matt paused to lean over Jared’s desk to check the registration list. “I’m guessing we have…Mr. Ackles here.”
“Yes,” Jared whispered.
“Great!” Matt said with a little too much enthusiasm. “Rob…take him to room 423.” He handed Rob the keycard. The bellhop looked confused, but accepted the key anyway and grabbed Jensen’s bag. “Thanks Rob…I’ve gotta have a bit of a chat with Jared here.” Matt turned away from Rob as he started off towards the elevator with Jensen. “What the hell was that about, Jay?”
“It’s a long story,” Jared said with a sigh. He ran his hand over his pale face. God he was so screwed. He looked towards the elevator just as the doors were about to shut. His eyes locked with Jensen’s. He could see the anger building in the green orbs, and his heart sank even lower.
Jensen kept his gaze until the elevator closed. He blinked and looked down at the floor, still trying to put everything together. He couldn’t figure out what the hell Jared was doing in some damn hotel! He had a good life with Jensen…one where he’d never have to work if he didn’t want to. He didn’t understand. What was Jared doing?
“So,” Rob started beside him, drawing him out of his thoughts. “How long you staying for?”
“Just a few days…have business here,” Jensen said very clipped.
“Oh…well you should make sure to enjoy the many…benefits…of our hotel.”
“No offense, but I’ve seen enough hotel pools and hot tubs to last me a life time…think I’ll pass. I’m just here for business.” The elevator pinged as it reached their floor. Jensen stepped out, leaving Rob to follow along behind him.
“Well,” Rob said as he approached Jensen’s door, “I seriously doubt you’ve ever been in a hotel quite like ours, sir. Let’s just say we give a whole new meaning to room service.”
“Excuse me?” Jensen said, pulling a face as he opened his door. Rob followed him in and gently placed his bags on the floor. “I’m not sure I get what you mean…”
“Our room service will…service you…in any way you see fit.”
Jensen finally started to understand the implications. “Are you saying what I think you are saying?”
“You’re a smart man, sir. So I would assume that you have figured it out.”
“So…you’re boss lets you all just…” Jensen waved his hands around in the air to finish the statement.”
“He’s aware of what goes on behind closed doors, yes. But if it brings in the business, then he just kinda turns the other way.”
“I see,” Jensen sighed with an odd sense of dread. “Do all the employees here participate in this…service?”
“For the right price,” Rob smirked.
Anger flared up in Jensen, but he quickly tried to tap it back down. Instead of continuing on with the conversation, he quickly dug out a few bills to hand over as a tip. He then all but shoved Rob out of the room before slamming the door shut. His hands shook as he took a seat on the bed and his mind went over everything Rob had just said.
Did Jared take part in this? Jensen’s heart sank at the idea and anger coiled in his stomach. He felt sick at the idea of Jared servicing anyone. He’d never really put much thought into Jared being with someone else in the time that they were separated. He never wanted to consider it, even when he himself had been with others in the last four years. Could Jared have done that?
Jensen quickly grabbed the phone on the nightstand and hit the button for room service. After a few rings, someone finally greeted Jensen with a quick hello.
“This is Ackles up in room 423. I was wondering if you could send someone up for…service.” He wasn’t sure what else to call it.
“Oh,” the guy on the other line responded. “Did you have someone in mind, sir?” He sounded mildly uncomfortable to Jensen’s hears.
“Um…there was this cute desk clerk with chestnut hair.”
“Of course! Will be right up for you, sir.”
The call was disconnected and Jensen tried to calm himself. He had no idea what he was going to say to Jared, but he knew it wouldn’t be a pretty encounter. He didn’t have much time to mull it over though. There was suddenly a knock at his door, signaling the arrival of his “room service.” Jensen quickly got off the bed and flung the door open. But it wasn’t Jared on the other side…
A young woman with long chestnut hair strode towards him, shutting the door behind her. She looked him up and down as she continued to back him up towards the bed. His legs connected with mattress, sending him down onto it. She placed a smile on her lips and slid down onto his legs. Her tight dress rode up in the process to reveal her slender thighs. She brushed her hands along his dress pant clad legs until she reached his waistband. Jensen sat there in shock for a few moments until her hands slipped under.
“Woah,” he gasped. He reached up and pushed her carefully off of himself. His fingers brushed her nametag, which told him the young lady was named Lauren Cohan. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Lauren looked put out as she plopped down onto the bed. She started to move towards Jensen again, but he stood up and glared daggers at her.
“Excuse me…but what is your problem?” she snapped. “You requested my services after all!”
“Shit!” Jensen ran a hand through his short hair. There must have been a shift change at the desk, and Lauren did have chestnut hair. “I just-“
“Look,” Lauren continued, “if you don’t want to do this, that’s fine. I wasn’t supposed to even still be on shift! But no…that son of a bitch Jared had to go and get himself chewed out by Matt and now…” She threw her arms up and started to rearrange her clothes.
“It’s just that I wanted-“
“Well I wanted to be able to go out to dinner with my fiancé; not have to deal with perverted clients like yourself!”
“If it helps I wanted Jared! Not you…he was at the front desk when I came in.”
Lauren huffed. “Great…of course you did! Everyone always prefers him.”
“What’s that mean?” Jensen asked as dread pooled in his gut.
“All the guests always want Jared. Men...women...doesn’t matter.”
“So Jared he…”
“Whenever he can get out from Matt or Misha’s thumbs…I guess.” She shrugged nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t just given Jensen awful news.
Jensen felt his face start to flush with anger and his hands ball into fists. Before Lauren could get another word in, Jensen burst out of the room and headed down towards the lobby in search of Jared. He couldn’t believe his Jared could do such things for extra cash. It wasn’t possible!
Within a few minutes he was frantically bounding into the lobby. The front desk was empty, as was the room itself. The door to the office behind the desk was cracked open with light spilling out. Jensen walked over towards it, hearing voices from inside.
“Jared just do your damn job!” one voice shouted. Jensen vaguely remembered it belonging to the manager from earlier…Matt something.
“I am!” Jared replied. “Being a whore for our clients isn’t part of my job description last time I checked!”
“It’s one damn guest! One very big client! Do you have any idea who Jensen Ackles is, Jay? Come on! Get over yourself and just do it! It isn’t like he’ll even remember you this time next week…well…unless you make it memorable I guess…UMPH!” It sounded like Matt must have been pushed backwards into something. “Jared! What the hell?!?”
“I know Jensen, alright?”
“Good for you…I should’ve known. You read all those magazines right? That tabloid bullshit? So you already know all this. It isn’t like it will matter in the long run. Just do it, make him happy, and move on with it. What’s the big deal? It isn’t like he won’t pay you! Damn…with the way your life is, I would think you’d want the extra cash. Isn’t like Ackles can’t spare some. I mean, have you seen the stuff he’s been up to? He’s making a killing on that new shit he just came out with. From what I can tell, he isn’t above spending it. Hell, saw him in the papers with some hotty-”
“Shut up, Matt! I know the real Jensen! Ok? I’ve been married to him for going on seven years!”
“Excuse me?”
“Well…we’ve been s-separated for the last four…”
“Then this won’t be a problem Jay! Hell, you can get paid for doing something you’ve probably done a hundred times! Isn’t like you won’t enjoy it yourself then!”
Jensen didn’t hear Jared say anything in response. Instead he saw Jared emerge from the office and run straight into him. They both stumbled under the unexpected weight and fell against the wall. Jensen recovered quickly and carefully penned Jared against it.
“J-Jensen? Wh-what are you doing?”
“Oh…well I thought I’d come see how my room service was coming…”
“Shit…Jensen…I don’t do that. I-“
“Is this really what you left me for? For some shit hole of a hotel where you go down on the guests for some spare cash? Was I really that awful?!?”
“I didn’t leave because of that! I just-“
“What? I mean, obviously you left me for something? Is this better Jared?” Jensen was in Jared face, leaving the younger man no real escape.
“Jensen, let me go.”
“Not until I have answers! I’ve been waiting four damn years! You owe me that much!” Suddenly, something soft and squishy bounced off the back of Jensen’s thigh. He kept his hand on Jared’s shoulder, but turned so that he could see what had hit him. He found a furry stuffed dog staring up at him. “What the hell?”
“Leave Daddy alone!” Remy and Dimitri shouted almost in unison. “STOP hurting him!”
Jensen’s eyes locked on the set of identical emerald eyes that glared daggers at him and were rushing towards him. He felt a swift kick to his shins nearly send him to the ground, but he didn’t pay it much mind. Nor did he notice the commotion behind the boys. His focus was on what they had called Jared. “Daddy? Jared-“
A hand was at his shoulder, trying to pull him off Jared. Jensen whipped around until he faced another man, just a little shorter than him. He recognized him as the man at the park yesterday. And now that he thought about it, those boys were the ones from the park yesterday. And Jared…
“Misha,” Jared warned as he reached down to pull his sons off of Jensen’s legs. They clung to him for a moment before Jared could actually get a hold of the squirming children. It was difficult considering Jensen still had a grip on him.
“Just calm down,” Misha stated. “Let go of Jared. You have no right to come here and do this to him. You haven’t been around. You don’t want to start crap so…”
Jensen’s anger went up a notch and he turned to grab Misha. But Jared anticipated his actions and grabbed onto him. “Misha,” Jared said, “take the boys and get them outta here. They don’t need to see this.”
“But Jare-“
“Just do it,” Jared such much more calmly than what he was really feeling.
Misha shrugged off Jensen and went to grab the boys. They both struggled, wanting to stay and help their dad. “Don’t touch him like that again,” Misha warned before he finally managed to drag them off towards the kitchen. The whole time, Jared kept a death grip on Jensen’s arm. Once he was sure that the boys were out of earshot, he loosened his hold. “Jen-“
“So who was that? That who you shacked up with after you left? You left me to be with that son of a bitch and have kids with him?”
“Misha isn’t the boys’ father. They-“
“So what then…you whore yourself out to one of the guests here and let yourself get knocked up? Is that what happened?”
“They belong to YOU!” Jared shouted, letting his temper get the better of him. He immediately paled once he realized what he said. Jensen looked pale himself and wasn’t speaking. He was too busy remember the little faces that had been sending him the stink eye earlier. They were definitely Jared’s children; one look at the two made that obvious. But there was something else about them...they had those eyes…and…
“Jensen?” Jared called. But Jensen was still contemplating everything. They didn’t look too old…no older than four or five. It fit…and… “Jensen?”
“Oh God,” Jensen gasped. His hands were now shaking as he let go of Jared. He looked away for a moment, noticing a small group of employees had gathered to watch. He couldn’t take it. Seeing Jared had shaken him enough, but this? He felt too closed in and let his hands completely fall away from Jared. He heard the other man call his name one last time, but he couldn’t take it. Jensen fled from the hotel lobby, only stopping when he realized he had made it outside. His hands were still shaking as he dug into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. They didn’t even stop when he took in his first couple of drags.
His mind drifted back to the lobby and everything that had just happened. He was so caught up in it he didn’t even realize another person was beside him until his cigarette was taken out of his hand. He squeaked out a protest before looking up to see Jared snuffing it out against the ground. Once he was done, Jared sat down next to him on the concrete. “Thought you quit years ago…”
“I had,” Jensen replied, letting the implications hang in the air.
After that, the two lapsed into silence with their shoulder occasionally brushing up against each other. Jared finally broke the silence. “I’m sorry…for everything. I never wanted you to find out this way.” He scrubbed a hand over his tired face. “But can we please find a way to deal with this better than…well…better than what we did in there?”
Jensen sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that stuff…but you do owe me an explanation, especially now.”
“I know. I want-“
“JARED!” Matt yelled from the main door of the hotel. He pressed his fingers to his watch, gesturing that Jared needed to hurry up and get back to work.
Jared nodded to Matt before turning back to Jensen. “I want to talk about this, but I have a feeling Matt is already about to fire me.”
“When you get off?” Jensen asked in a clipped tone.
“Late…by then I’ll be dead on my feet. How about tomorrow?”
“I just have meetings in the morning.”
“That’s fine,” Jared said as he started to stand up. “I’m off all day. Um…can we just not do this here.” Jared nodded his head towards the door where a couple of employees had gathered. “And I really don’t want to have the boys have to hear it either.”
“Sure…just give me your address.” Jensen handed Jared his phone so that he could put in the information. “I’ll pick you up around 6…go out to eat somewhere. That way we don’t have to deal with that.”
“Thanks,” Jared smiled as he handed the phone back to Jensen. And damn if that smile didn’t bring back a wave of memories. “Sorry, but I guess I better head back. You coming?”
“Going to stay here for awhile.”
Jared nodded and allowed Jensen to stay in peace. He hurried back to the hotel door. He shoved roughly past Matt and headed towards his desk, hoping for a reprieve from the eyes of all his coworkers. However there didn’t seem to be any in sight.
“So,” Rob started, sidling up to Jared’s desk, “you’re married?”
“Yep,” Jared replied, not bothering to look up from his computer.
“And to the hottness that is Jensen Ackles?”
“Looks that way Benedict. You have a point in all this?”
“Dude,” Rob continued, ignoring Jared’s glares. “You should totally hook me up with some stories of you two. They would definitely help with that steamy novel I’ve been trying to finish. You two could inspire…”
Jared stopped listening and started banging his head softly against the countertop. It was definitely going to be a long night.
***********
Jensen double-checked his phone as he pulled up in front of a rather grungy looking building. He had given the driver the night off, wanting to be able to talk with Jared as much as possible without any others around. He’d even put in a reservation for a more private area in a local restaurant. He needed this with Jared and didn’t want any distractions. Now…if only he could find the damn building.
Jensen parked off to the side of the place, even though it didn’t look like somewhere Jared would be living. The bricks were old and dingy, but not as dilapidated as Jensen had first guess. He locked the care and quickly bounded up the front steps. A young couple was coming out as he approached the door, and he grabbed a hold of it before it shut. He slid into the main hall with ease that did not show the nerves he was currently feeling.
The elevator worked, surprisingly, and Jensen easily found Jared’s apartment. He knocked and slumped against the wall, trying to calm himself before Jared answered.
“Ooh, look at the fine specimen on Jared’s doorstep,” someone off to the side said.
“Hmm…what would you rate him, Seb?” another asked.
“With that ass…gotta go with a 9.9. What about you Dick?”
“Hmm...I’d say that’s good. Especially once you factor in the points his chest would probably contribute. Did you see the way that shirt cut across him? Dude has gotta be pretty ripped. Not Jared ripped but still…”
Jensen looked up to see two guys standing across the hall in another apartment’s doorway. One was wearing a tight tracksuit while the other was simply donning a tattered bathrobe that didn’t exactly cover much…
“Jensen?” a female voice said in front of him.
“Sandy,” he gasped as he turned back to Jared’s now open door. “You look…you haven’t changed.”
“Been awhile, Jen.”
“Since you and Jay graduated. I thought you moved to California for school?”
“Mom wanted me back home, so moved here at the last minute instead. Ya know you can come inside. I won’t bite.”
“Not you I’m worried about,” he mumbled to himself. He stepped inside anyway. The twins were sitting on the couch in the middle of the room, staring at him intently. Jared wasn’t anywhere in sight, which made Jensen’s nerves ratchet up another notch. “So…”
“Heard about yesterday,” Sandy said, leaning against the hall wall and giving Jensen a look.
“Yeah…not one of my better moments I guess,” he replied sheepishly. “But-“
“Just don’t, Jen. I get it…it’s a shock and all that. But the things you said to Jay…”
“I let my temper get the better of me and it was out of line. But finding out everything at once…”
A crash echoed from one of the other rooms, causing Sandy to sigh and giving Jensen a moment of reprieve from Sandy’s interrogation. “Should take a seat Jen. I’m going to go help him before he tears him room apart looking for a flipping shirt.”
“But,” Jensen started. It was too late though. She was already shuffling off towards the back of the apartment, leaving Jensen alone with the boys…with his sons. He took a deep breath and heading over to the couch. While dealing with Sandy wasn’t exactly the most pleasant thing for him, dealing with these twins scared him to death. Nonetheless, he took a seat on the armchair across from the boys. “So,” he rubbed his hands against his thighs, “you two have some names?”
One of the boys furrowed his eyebrows at Jensen. But the other thankfully answered. “I’m Dimitri…he’s Remy.”
“I see.” Jensen really didn’t know what to do or say around little kids. Sure, he’d been around his niece a lot, but this somehow felt different.
“You’re the meany who hurt Daddy yesterday,” Remy bluntly stated.
“I guess I was.”
“You shouldn’t do that.”
“Yeah,” Dimitri added.
“Well, I’ll try not to.”
“You better not,” Remy continued. “No one is allowed to hurt our daddy like that.”
Jensen couldn’t help but smile at the protectiveness in their little voices or the way their small shoulders set in determination. “Well, I promise I won’t do that again. I just let my temper get the better of me. You see…I used to know your d-daddy a long time ago. It was a shock to see him.”
“Just don’t hurt him,” Dimitri said, more quietly.
“D-does your daddy go out with a lot of guys who hurt him?” Jensen sat forward farther into the seat.
“Daddy doesn’t go out that much,” Dimitri supplied. “He just works and then plays with us. But he gets sad sometimes.”
“Dimi,” Remy scolded, elbowing his brother in the shoulder.
“Ow! He does! I’ve seen him cry in his room when he thinks we’re already sleepin’.” Dimitri looked down at his feet sheepishly.
That took the anger out of Remy, and he squeezed his brother’s hand in reassurance. “Just…don’t hurt him,” he warned Jensen one last time.
Before Jensen could respond, Jared came into the room. He had a pair of grey slacks on and a simple white button down. It was far from the dressy, high end attire Jensen used to buy for him, but he still looked just as good as he had all those years ago, despite the bags under his eyes.
“Hey,” Jensen breathed out.
“H-hey you-yourself,” Jared replied shakily. His eyes settled on Jensen and he found it hard to taken his gaze off the man. He probably never would if it hadn’t been for the twins pulling on his pants legs. “Hey guys.” He leaned down to their level. “You two being good with my…friend Jensen here?” The two nodded meekly. “Ok…be good for your Aunt Sandy while I’m gone.” He pulled them in for a hug and gave them a kiss on their foreheads. “Love you.”
“Love you too, Daddy,” the twins called out together. They shuffled back to the couch eying Jensen cautiously.
Jensen couldn’t take their looks any longer. “You about ready?” He stood from the chair and approached Jared. He started to take Jared’s hand in his, just as he always used to do, but paused half way through the motion. He let his hand run through his hair instead before walking out towards the door. Jared followed, after saying a quick goodbye to Sandy.
Jensen showed Jared to the car and they were soon on their way to the restaurant. Jensen’s hands nervously beat out the rhythm of the song playing from the radio while Jared sat waiting for Jensen to break the silence. After a couple of blocks of the unsettling quiet, Jared worked up the nerve to turn towards Jensen. “So…I guess you have a bunch of questions, huh?”
“You guess?” Jensen snorted. His hands tightened around the steering wheel and his jaw worked as he refrained from saying something he would later regret. “Jay…you left me with nothing but a damn note and then didn’t bother talking to me for nearly five years during which time you had twins? Of course I have questions! What do you expect?!?”
Jared nodded his head and looked down to his lap. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Why’d you leave?” Jensen asked equally as soft. “I just…I need to know. I don’t understand why…how it was so easy to-”
“It wasn’t,” Jared inserted, his voice raspy with emotions. “I…I was just scared, Jen.”
Jensen stopped at a red light and glanced over at Jared. “Since when do I scare you? What could I have done to ever make you think that?”
“I…I was pregnant, Jen.”
“Wh-what?” Jensen gasped out. A car behind him honked the horn. Jensen looked up to see that the light had changed without him even realizing it. He continued on down the road while Jared explained.
“Remember how I was sick?” Jensen nodded. “Danni did an ultrasound to figure out what was going on with me. Turned out I was experiencing pretty bad morning sickness. I was already three months along. I never knew til then.”
“Danni knew why you left this whole time and never said a word to me…I can’t believe she-“
“She didn’t have a choice Jensen and you know it. She would’ve been breaking doctor-patient confidentiality and lost all accountability as a doctor.”
Jensen stared out the front window and didn’t really say much. He knew Jared was right, but it still stung to know one of his best friends had known all along.
“I was just so scared…wasn’t like my pregnancies ever made it past three months. I swear I was going to tell you. But then you called and talked about how much you hated kids again and I kept thinking about that damn argument from the night before. I know I should’ve stayed and talked…but I just panicked.”
Jensen pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot and cut the engine before turning his gaze back to Jared. “You should’ve stayed. I would’ve helped you”
“Jensen, you had basically just told me the night before that you’d probably grow to hate me if we had kids and that I would turn into my parents.”
Jensen shut his eyes at the memory. “I should never have said that. No…I don’t really like kids…never have. I’ve gotten more used to them being around since Mack had her daughter…but still not a big fan of them. But I should never have insinuated you’d turn into your parents. You’re nothing like them, and it was a low blow.”
“It really was.”
“But you still shouldn’t have left, Jare.”
“I know,” Jared whispered in reply. He meant it. He never regretted having a life with his sons yet he often found himself regretting leaving Jensen.
“What do ya say we go get something to eat? Maybe you can tell me some about the twins and your life now.”
“Sure,” Jared said with a smile. They both climbed out of the car and headed towards the front door. Jared’s heart sank as the restaurant came into view. Venice Risorante…it was supposed to be one of the nicest places in town and one of the most expensive. Jared had been wanting to go at some point, but his budget definitely didn’t allow for such things. He felt dread pool in his stomach and he prayed that something on the menu would be in his price range.
The hostess greeted Jensen by name and took them off towards a more secluded private area of the hotel. The table was set for just the two of them and already had a rather expensive looking bottle of wine set out for them.
“Would you gentlemen like for our violinist to be sent over during your date tonight?” their hostess questioned.
“Um…I think we’ll pass tonight,” Jensen replied. He dug out his money clip and pulled a few bills out to hand over to the hostess. “Thank you.”
“Thank you sir,” she said with a smile. “Your waiter will be out in just a moment.”
They each took their seats. Jensen snagged the wine list from the table and skimmed over it. Jared pulled the menu towards himself with trepidation. As he perused the choices, he became more and more worried. There wasn’t much on the menu in the cheaper price range, except maybe a salad. He knew Jensen would grow suspicious if he just ordered that. He was definitely screwed.
“Good evening gentleman,” their waiter greeted. “Can I interest you in anything different to drink.”
“Yeah, I’ll actually have a bottle of your pinot noir instead.”
“Any preference to the year?”
“1980 if you have it.”
“Of course…and for you sir?” he asked, turning to Jared.
“I-I’ll just have a glass of water please.”
“I’ll be back to take your order.” The waiter headed back towards the kitchen, leaving the two to decide on their meals.
Jared’s panic went up another notch. There was no way he could afford his dinner if he wanted to be able to pay all his bills. It just wouldn’t work. “H-hey Jen, maybe we should head back.”
“Why? We just got here.”
“I…I know…but I’m worried about the boys. They’re not used to me going out like this. What if…”
“They seemed fine, Jay. And you said you didn’t want to have this conversation with them nearby. That’s why I brought you here. So what’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Jared lied. “Just worried about them. They’ve really perceptive and probably know something’s up. I just-“
“Do you two need a few more minutes?” the waiter asked.
Jensen furrowed his brow at Jared but didn’t continue with their conversation with the waiter there. “You want a few more minutes Jare?”
“I…I really haven’t chosen anything,” he said sheepishly.
Jensen could tell something was going on. “Why don’t you give us a little longer? I’ll wave you over when we’re ready if you don’t mind.” The waiter nodded and scurried off. “Jared, what’s really going on? You were fine when we left your place and I know you trust Sandy. So what’s going on with you?”
“I…I can’t eat here,” Jared quietly admitted.
“But…I thought you loved Italian food?”
“I do…but I can’t eat here, Jen.”
“Did I do something? I thought you wanted to talk. I can-“
“I can’t afford it Jensen,” Jared said, casting his eyes to the table.
“Jared I-“
“I’m sorry. But with my tuition, the rent, the boys’ preschool, and everything…I just can’t do it. I’m sorry Jensen.” Jared’s face was red with embarrassment and his fingers played with the edges of the menu. “I’ll…I can just order a salad or something. I want to talk with you. Don’t think that I don’t.”
Jensen thought it over for a moment and then waved the waiter over. “Hi…sorry about that. We’ll both have the filet mignon please. I’ll have the roasted potatoes with mine. He’ll have the fettuccini Alfredo with his.” Jensen handed the waiter both the menus, and ignored Jared’s distress. After the waiter left, Jensen took a sip from his glass and decided he couldn’t let Jared continue to sit in shock and panic. “Tonight’s on me…it was my idea to come here. Besides, I’d say you could use a night like this.”
“Jensen…you shouldn’t have. I mean, I’m the one who-“
“I know…so we should talk about that.”
“I really am sorry for leaving. I just-“
“So the boys are four right? And you said they are in preschool?”
Jared’s eyes widened in surprise, but he tried to quickly recover. “Y-yeah. They go to preschool at the prep school I work for.”
“Prep school?” Jensen gasped.
“Yeah,” Jared laughed, “they’re pretty damn smart for their age. Remy’s really into all things mechanical and science. I swear he’s going to be an engineer or something like you one of these days.” Jensen was more than a little surprised by the pang of pride that ran through him at that. “And Dimitri is a genius when it comes to animals. I swear, the kid can tell you just as many facts as some of the zookeepers. He’s even corrected a few of them when I’ve taken him. And he loves Sadie and Harley.”
“You still have those mutts?” Jensen asked with fondness in his voice.
“You bet. They adore the twins too.”
“God…we have twins.” Jensen leaned back in his seat for a moment. “How? They don’t run in my family.”
“I guess they must somewhere on my side. Isn’t like I really know much about my parent’s families. They were never really that forthcoming. And I never asked them once I was pregnant. Was a little too preoccupied to deal with them.”
“So...how was that? Your pregnancy. I mean, you always had so much trouble before…”
Jared averted his eyes from Jensen. “Um…well…wasn’t great but could’ve been worse.”
“How so?” Jensen asked, the concern leaking into his voice.
“Well, my morning sickness lasted longer than the first trimester. I pretty much had it throughout the first six months. Had a lot of issues with my back. Just stuff like that.” Jared wasn’t lying. He just decided it was best to leave omit some things instead.
The food arrived and the two of them tucked in. Jared hadn’t had anything that good in ages. He took slow bites, savoring the juicy meet and tender noodles. Jensen didn’t comment on the food, but he kept up a conversation, asking about the boys and Jared’s new life. They talked all throughout their meals and well into dessert. By the end, they were both stuffed with food and had actually talked like they should have all along.
“Jared,” Jensen started as they climbed into the car, “I…I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. But I can’t promise I can be a dad or anything like that.”
“Jensen-“
“Let me finish…I want to meet them and get to know them. But I’m still not sure I’m cut out for fatherhood. I can’t promise I ever will be. But I promise I’ll help out however I can…whether that is money or if you just want to talk. Ok?”
Jared smiled and nodded. It was more than he had expected…hell tonight was better than he had expected. He leaned back into the leather of the car seat and relaxed for the first time in awhile. Jensen turned the radio on and hummed along to the melody. It was enough to lull Jared’s already overtaxed body into a light slumber.
When Jensen finally pulled out in front of the apartment building, he cast a glance over at Jared. The younger man’s face was a pale, save for a little red tint to his cheeks and some dark smudge under his eyes. It was obvious Jared was exhausted. Jensen could only image how hard it was…raising the twins, working two jobs, and going to school. Jensen hated to wake him, but he knew they had to get back upstairs. Jensen leaned over and brushed his hand through Jared’s hair. “Jare? Wake up.”
Jared blinked awake, rubbing a hand over his face. “I fell asleep? God…I’m sorry, Jen,” he apologized around a yawn.
“It’s ok…looked like you needed it.”
“Yeah…I worked this morning for a while.” Jared pushed himself up from the seat and opened his door. “You wanna come up?”
Jensen hesitated for a moment, but soon shut off the engine so that he could follow Jared up. Jensen was relieved to see Jared dig out a key for the front of the building. He’d been worried that the place wasn’t that safe and secure. When they reached Jared’s apartment, the same neighbors were standing in the hallway.
“Well…looks like the lucky couples returns for the night,” Richard smirked. “Wonder how the boy faired against, Jare.”
“Hmm…again with that ass…I swear you could bounce a quarter off those cheeks,” Sebastien added, making a cupping motion with his hands. “I mean, he’s definitely a 9.”
“True…and look at him there with our Jared. Damn…a 9 and a 10 in the same couple? Holy shit, Seb!”
“Yeah…but when you put him next to Jared…doesn’t he look more like an eight? Or even a seven?”
“Hmm…now that you mention it…”
Jensen bristled next to Jared, and Jared had to bite his tongue not to laugh. He was used to his neighbors by now. They were just two bachelors with way too much time on their hands and no filter.
“Definitely more like a eight. His ass is quite spectacular. But figure in his abs next to Jared’s…no contest my friend.”
“You know we can hear you over here?!?” Jensen finally snapped. Jared couldn’t hold his laughter in any long.
“Of course…you think we are that dense?” Sebastian replied.
“We aren’t you know,” Richard continued. “You’re only a few feet away.”
“Night you two,” Jared called over, dragging Jensen inside before they could continue with their little game.
“Are they always like that?” Jensen asked once inside.
“Pretty much…but they’re good guys.” Jared shrugged out of his coat and set it on the rack. He then noticed Sandy asleep on the couch. He crept over and gently shook her. “Hey San.”
“Hey…how was everything?” she asked sleepily.
“Was good…I promise to tell your more about it tomorrow. Go home and get some sleep.” Sandy waved at Jensen and took leave to her own place. Jared plopped down onto her place on the couch. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Would you like any coffee or tea? I don’t really have any beer in the fridge or I’d offer that.”
“I’m good,” Jensen answered, taking a seat on the couch beside Jared. Their shoulders brushed against each other as they sank further into the cushions.
“They’re wrong you know,” Jared said.
“Who?”
“Richard and Sebastian. You’re a ten…always have been.”
Jensen huffed out a laugh and twisted to face Jared. Their eyes locked and they had matching smiles. Jensen hadn’t expected things to go this well…to be this comfortable around Jared. Sure things had changed, but it wasn’t as bad. It was nice to see Jared again and not fight. He had missed it. No matter how much he had tried to hate Jared for leaving, he could never stop loving him. He just couldn’t.
Jensen suddenly started to lean in for a quick kiss. It looked as if Jared was going to allow it, but he suddenly sighed and pulled away.
“I know you two are back there so you might as well come out now.”
Jensen gave Jared a confused look. Then two little feet started shuffling into view and it all made sense.
“What are you two doing up?” Jared asked. He pulled them both onto the couch with him and Jensen. They each eyed Jensen for a moment then snuggled close to Jared. Jensen did have to admit they were pretty adorable…for kids of course…
“Daddy?” Remy asked.
“What is it buddy?”
“Is…is he our other daddy?”
Jensen’s eyes widened in shock and his gaze shot up to meet Jared’s. They had decided to wait on telling the boys everything so that they would have a chance to get used to Jared. But it didn’t look like things were going to work that way now.
“What makes you ask that?” Jared said a little shakily.
“We found this,” Dimitri whispered, holding out a slightly crumpled photo. It was Jared and Jensen nearly kissing while snuggled close on their old couch. Mack had taken it years ago when they weren’t looking. It had always been Jared’s favorite.
“Boys,” Jared scolded. “You both know you aren’t supposed to go through my things like this. What have I told you about going in my room?”
“Don’t go in there unless you are inside,” they both echoed softly.
“So…”
“But we wanted to know who he was!” Remy piped up.
“He was mean to you yesterday,” Dimitri added. “We wanted to know.”
Jared sent Jensen a questioning look to which he simply nodded. Wasn’t much point in lying to them. Jared then took the photo from Dimitri’s fingers. “I’ve known Jensen a really long time. Yes, he was mean to me yesterday, but I did something pretty mean to him awhile back.”
“Did you take away his toy cars?” Remy asked. “Because Andy did that to me today.”
“A little worse than that kiddo.” Jared hugged them tighter.
“But that doesn’t matter right now,” Jensen interrupted.
Jared sent him a smile of thanks before clearing his throat. “Yes, Jensen is your other daddy. And he’s very sorry he hasn’t been around, but it isn’t completely his fault.”
“But I’m here now and we’ll see what happens,” Jensen added. He didn’t know if he could handle being a dad or even what would happen with Jared. But he had to give it a try.
***********
The hotel was rather packed as Jensen waded his way through the crowds to get back up to his room. He’d been down to the fitness room for a quick workout and was now ready to relax. It was his off day…tomorrow would be filled with meetings and trying to seal the deal with McLann. He rounded the corner and saw Jared working frantically at his desk. The younger man looked absolutely exhausted. He coughed a couple of times into his arm then turned back to his work. He had textbooks of various types sprawled out and was busy typing furiously at his work computer.
“Hey,” Jensen said once he finally made it to the desk.
Jared looked up with bloodshot eyes. “Oh, hey Jen.”
“You look like hell,” Jensen said bluntly.
“Yeah,” Jared huffed. “Just one of those days. We have this dinner party booked and a couple of the guests are staying over for the night. None of them informed us beforehand so I’m trying to get that taken care of. I have a giant research paper due in my class. I need to finish typing up some letters for my parents in my own classroom. Then I have to somehow find a way to get back to campus tonight for a meeting with my advisor. I have no idea how the hell I’m going to manage it. I’m going to be here working til about six. Then Sandy’s mom fell down the stairs last night. So she’s at the hospital with her and can’t watch the twins. Misha’s stuck working this damn party. Richard and Seb are going on some double date with these girls they met online and I don’t know how I’m going to-“
“Jared, take a breath,” Jensen interrupted. “I can come over and watch the twins while you go to your meeting.”
“You…you w-will?” Jared asked skeptically. “You do realize that would mean that you have to spend a couple hours with kids right? Alone…without help?”
“Sure…I mean, you need the help and I said I was here for any help needed.”
Jared thought it over for a second then launched himself and Jensen. He hugged him tightly over the counter of the desk. “Thanks Jen!” He continued to hug him tight. “My meeting’s at 7:30. So just come by around 7 if you can?”
“Of course,” Jensen smiled before walking off. He really hadn’t planned on spending time alone with the boys just yet…but how hard could it be…
***********
It was pretty damn hard…
Jared had rushed out the door moments after Jensen had arrived. He quickly had let Jensen know the boys had eaten and the rules. He wouldn’t be home until probably nine if everything went as planned and promised to call if it didn’t. With that, he left Jensen alone with the boys.
Jensen stared over at the twins, both already in their pajama pants and t-shirts. Harley and Sadie were lying lazily on the floor next to them while the boys played. Remy had a set of his Hot Wheels out and was rolling them across the floor. Dimitri was beside him with an animal book opened in front of him, but he was also rolling one of the cars around as well.
“Those are some pretty sweet cars you got there, Remy,” Jensen said, hoping to break the ice.
“I’m not Remy…I’m Dimitri,” the little boy replied with a slight glare.
“I’m so-“ Jensen paused midsentence to take a better look at the boy. He may not have spent much time around the twins, but he had picked up on some small differences between the two of them. He’d always been good at details after all. “No…you are Remy.”
“Nuh huh! I’m Dimitri! He’s Remy!” Remy argued back. “You just can’t tell us apart!”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah!”
“Well…I happen to know for a fact that you are Remy.” Jensen smirked at his son, and damned if he wasn’t given a matching one right back. The more he was around these two, he definitely couldn’t deny that they were his kids. “You have your daddy’s eyes. They are slanted just like his, a little more than Dimitri’s. His are like mine.”
“You…you’re wrong!” Remy tried to continue the prank, but was slowly losing his ground. He knew Jensen was right, but it didn’t mean he liked it. “You don’t know anything,” he pouted.
Jensen grimaced. He never did well with pouting, especially when it was from little kids. “Well…I know you’ve got yourself a Chevy Impala here just like the one I have back home.” Jensen picked up the model toy and held it out to his son.
Remy took the toy from Jensen. “Y-you do?”
“You bet. It belonged to my dad a long time ago. He passed it down to me when I was sixteen.”
“Wow,” Remy gasped with astonishment. “Is it black?”
“Of course! Nothing beats a black Impala.”
“Cool!” Remy looked down at his toy cars for a moment before scooting over the Impala and a couple of others towards Jensen. “You can play with those.” Remy then went back to playing with his own.
Dimitri suddenly stood from his place and ran off to his bedroom. Remy started to go after him, but Jensen beat him to it. He found the little boy curled up on his bed with his back to Jensen.
“Um,” Jensen started unsurely. “What’s wrong kid?” He winced at the tone that his voice had, knowing it probably wasn’t the best to use with a four year old.
“Go away!”
“Can’t do that. Your daddy asked me to watch over you two. So I’m still on the clock.”
“I don’t want you here.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You’re not like Daddy said,” Dimitri sniffled.
“Your daddy told you about me?” Jensen asked with shock. He hadn’t expected that.
Dimitri nodded. “Told me stories when I couldn’t sleep.”
“What kind?”
“Lots…about how nice you were. But you don’t seem nice. You made Daddy cry and all ner…ner…
“Nervous?”
“Yeah! You made him all nervous.”
“Dimitri, I promised you I wouldn’t hurt your daddy again. I want to be nice to him and you too.” Jensen reached his hand out, still unsure of how to handle things. He rubbed the boys back. Dimitri seemed to calm down and eventually rolled over to face Jensen. He didn’t really say anything though. “Come on…let’s go pick up your toys out there so you two can go to bed.”
“Why? Bedtime isn’t for hours!”
“Nice try munchkin. Your Daddy said it was at eight and that’s now, buddy.”
Dimitri wined but climbed down from his bed anyway and headed out to the living room. He plopped down next to his brother, but didn’t start picking up anything yet. “Come on you two…it’s time for bed.”
“That isn’t for hours!” Remy said, just as his brother had earlier.
“I told you!” Dimitri added. “We can stay up! Daddy would let us!”
“Nice try you two. But Jared told me the bedtime so move it.”
“But we wanna stay up til Daddy is home,” Dimitri continued. His eyes widened into Jared’s patented puppy dog eyes, melting Jensen’s heart. “I don’t like going to bed when he’s gone.”
Jensen knelt down on the floor next to them. “He gone a lot at night?”
“He works,” Remy said softly. “Sandy normally puts us to bed.”
“But Daddy’s better at it,” Dimitri added.
“I’m sure he is,” Jensen said, not sure what else to say. He knew Jared had to be working a lot, but he didn’t realize it was quite that much.
“You’re gonna help him though, right?” Dimitri suddenly asked.
“Your dad? Yeah, I told him I would.”
“So maybe he won’t have to work at night?” Remy questioned.
“I’ll see what I can do. But seriously…work with me here boys. Pick up this stuff so we can get to bed.”
“Read to us?” they asked almost in unison.
And damned if it wasn’t cute.
Jensen agreed, still not sure how he could find two little children cute. Cute and kids were rarely ever used in the same sentence for Jensen. Oh he was definitely screwed…
He eventually got the two herded into their bedroom and into their bunk beds. The twins cajoled Jensen into reading If you Give a Mouse a Cookie. Half way through, they both asked if Jensen would go get the chunky chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen for them because their daddy always let them have cookies at bedtime. Jensen had to bite his tongue to not laugh. He knew Jared better than they realized.
But by the end of the book, they were both fast asleep and curled into their pillows. Jensen turned off the night, leaving only their nightlight on. He pulled the door shut and went into the living room again. The dogs settled beside him on the couch and he turned on the TV. He found a marathon of Psych on and left it. He laughed through the first couple of episodes, until he realized the time. It was already going on ten and Jared had said he would be home closer to nine. After that, Jensen began to ignore Shawn and Gus’s antics.
The clock crept closer to eleven and Jensen’s worry went up a couple notches. Jared had said he’d call if he were kept longer than nine. What if something went wrong? What if he wrecked? The weatherman had been calling for some icy conditions over the next couple of days. Or what if he didn’t wreck…what if he just didn’t want to come back? It wasn’t like Jared had never left Jensen alone before…
A couple minutes after eleven, the door finally creaked open. Jared slid inside, shrugging off his jacket. “Hey,” he smiled at Jensen.
Jensen whirled around and looked Jared up and down. “Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“Sorry, my phone died.”
“And you couldn’t have borrowed your advisor’s? God Jay! I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back at all!”
“I would never do that. I’d-“
“But you have in the past,” Jensen reminded him bitterly.
“I’d never leave my children, Jen!”
“No…you’ll just leave me.”
Jared’s eyes widened and he bit at his lip. His entire body tensed at those words. “Get out.”
Jensen knew he shouldn’t have said those words. “Shit…I’m so-“
“Just get the hell out…now!” Jared gently pushed Jensen out the door and shut it behind him. He slid down the wood of the door and fell to the ground. Only once he heard Jensen’s footsteps echoing down the hall did he let the tears fall.
***********
Jensen didn’t sleep that night, and it showed the next morning in his meeting with McLann. He’d still managed to seal the deal, but it had taken nearly half the day to do it. He had been so focused on Jared’s crestfallen face. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. He shouldn’t have said that last night…but he’d just been so damn panicked.
He waved a quick thanks to his driver as he climbed out of the car in front of the hotel. A few snowflakes fell and stuck to his coat. The air had grown colder during the time he’d been at the meeting. He wanted nothing more than to go up to his room and soak in the bathtub. But he couldn’t do that just yet. He had to find Jared first…he had to apologize. He’d let his mouth get the better of him in the past and it had made Jared run from him. He couldn’t do that again. Not now that he’d found him.
The front desk was empty and had a sign up showing that Jared had stepped out for a few moments. Jensen looked around, but didn’t see many people in the lobby. A lot of guests had decided to head home early when the promise of snow threatened their vacations.
Jensen heard a muffled cough from over to his right. He looked up to see Jared leaning against the wall near the restroom. Jensen jogged over towards him. “Jay!” But Jared didn’t answer. His body was wracked with another round of coughs. His face paled even more than it already was, which said something considering it was already blended into the cream tone of the paint.
“Jared?” he called again. Jared finally looked up at Jensen. He had a drop of blood hanging on the edge of his lips. Jensen was about to point it out when another coughing fit hit Jared. He lurched forward at the force, practically falling into Jensen. Jensen grabbed at his shoulders to help him back up, but he suddenly went limp and collapsed into Jensen arms. His breath was ragged and his eyes were closed yet all Jensen could see was the blood on his hands and mouth from coughing.
“I need some help!!”
Next Chapter -->
Masterpost
A/N: I apologize for the wait! This chapter was freakishly difficult at first and then took on a life of its own...which is why it is so long. Hope you enjoyed it! And Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate too!