Fic: Blaze Of Glory (4/?)
Title: Blaze of Glory
Authors: luscious_rebel & mpregloveranon
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mpreg, Character Death (no main characters), H/C
Disclaimer: We just own a kinky imagination. The characters belong to CW, Kripke and whoever else is rightfully making money with them. The title and lyrics belong to Bon Jovi.
Summary: Wild, wild West and we find Dean and Sam in the middle of it. Used to a peaceful living on their parents’ farm Dean’s and Sam’s normal lives change drastically, when they return from a day out in the fields to find their home lit up in flames. Having to leave the only home they ever knew behind, they start their journey across the country on the backs of their horses Impala and Ivory to meet up with their great-uncle. The journey is long and troublesome but both brothers have bigger worries to deal with when Sam discloses a secret.
The story’s inspired by an old prompt on the spnkink_meme that can be found here (big thanks to sexytexanjra, who found the prompt again for us).
Previous Chapters: 1 2 3
They had started their actual journey early in the morning six days ago, leaving the Murphy’s house with lots of well-meant suggestions and presents. Mr. Murphy and her daughters had baked fresh bread and some cookies for them and, even with the second set of saddlebags they had gotten from their friends, it had been difficult to pack up everything they had gathered for the trip.
After covering quite an impressive amount of miles, passing several smaller towns in the first three days and spending two nights outside, Dean had decided to try and find a way of making a bit of quick money in the next bigger city they had passed. Unfortunately they hadn’t found anyone who needed their help and was willing to pay them for it, so they had been forced to ration their food carefully and wait for the next opportunity to earn money to come along.
Pulling his hat deeper into his face to shield his eyes from the bright, midday sun, Dean turned sideways to check up on his brother, who had been silent for a bit too long for his liking. “You alright, Sam?” he asked casually, not wanting to call Sam on his pale complexion just, yet, hoping Sam would tell him what was bothering him when he felt ready.
Sam felt the sun blinding his vision although he had dragged his hat deeper already. The sun was a pain in the ass during that time of the day. The burning sunrays felt so hot that he thought the imagination of his skin getting fiery holes wasn’t exaggerated. Sam pulled his arm up and rubbed some sweat away from his forehead while he held Ivory’s rein securely in the other hand. “I’m ok,” he answered Dean’s question although he felt anything but fine. During the last days he had started to feel weaker and he wondered if it was just the unusual long journey or the pregnancy which got to him.
“Okay, stop pretending, Sam,” Dean finally lost his patience, when his brother once more claimed he was fine. The older Winchester knew his younger sibling better than anyone else and knew that he wasn’t okay. They were both exhausted from spending hours on end on horseback, sleeping outdoors on the hard, dusty ground and washing in cold rivers but he could tell that Sam was much more worn out than him and that Sam was hiding something from him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m fine, Dean. I’m just tired,” Sam shouted back at him. His own patience was wearing thin thanks to his physical exhaustion.
Dean stopped his horse and pulled Ivory’s reign out of Sam’s hands when they were next to each other. It took him a second to extinguish the anger flaring up inside him but the shocked look in Sam’s eyes made him calm down a little. “You’re not fine. I can tell you’re not, so don’t lie to me, Sammy. I know you’re tired, that the heat really sucks and all that but you look like you’re about to faint any second. I’m worried about you but I can’t do anything as long as you don’t tell me what is wrong or what I can do for you. Do you understand that?”
“Dean…” Sam felt touched and worried the same time about Dean’s words. He was happy that his brother cared so much, yet he didn’t mean to give him trouble. “You pretty much summed it up, Dean… I’m just tired and exhausted due to everything you mentioned. That’s all… Do I really look that bad?”
Trying to avoid the last question, Dean shrugged his shoulders. “I just want you to tell me, when you need to rest for a while, okay?” He wasn’t really convinced that Sam was just tired but he would let it go for now because he didn’t want to annoy his brother too much.
“I would like to rest but even more I want to arrive somewhere we can work and earn some money…” Sam admitted slowly. He seemed to calm down and his gaze turned into a loving one.
“Yeah, I want that, too, but there’s no point in overdoing it, you know? If we are all worn out when we arrive in the next town, we won’t get any work either.” The older brother explained patiently, returning the affectionate glance. “We still have some food and water left, so we should be okay for another day or two.”
“You’re right… Maybe we should try to find some shadowy place to stay at for a couple of minutes…” Sam suggested. Honestly spoken he really felt too done to go on riding Ivory much longer.
Upon hearing his brother’s request, Dean immediately started looking out for a place where they could hide from the scorching sun for a while and he indeed spotted some bushes and trees ahead of their road. Amidst all the sand and gravel around them the trees stood out like a sore thumb and that gave Dean some hope. “Can you see the trees over there?” He pointed the direction out to Sam. “Maybe there’s some kind of lake or creek, let’s check it out, Sammy.”
Hope arose in Sam as his gaze followed the movement of Dean’s arm. “You’re right…” Smiling, he led Ivory into the pointed out direction. Although it took them nearly 20 minutes to eventually find the source of the growing plants and trees Sam sounded hyper when he yelled out. “Dean! A lake!” His throat instantly felt better just at the sight of the refreshment promising water. Illusion did the trick and his thirst, which had bugged him so much died down a little.
Dean stopped Impala at the river bank and jumped off his stallion’s back eagerly. His body felt stiff from riding for so long, he was sweaty and incredibly thirsty. Remembering what their dad had always told them, he kneeled down onto the slightly muddy ground and cupped his hands to first sniff at the water and then take a tentative gulp. The tepid liquid tasted clean enough, so he went back to his horse to retrieve his canteen. “We should refill the bottles first before disturbing the water too much.” He told Sam, who was still sitting on Ivory’s back and watching him.
“Yeah and we should use one of our pots to heat it up before we do.” Sam got off Ivory’s back, too, and felt how his body ached as he straightened up. “My ass hurts like hell,” he commented and got the two pots Mrs. Murphy had given them to fill them with water.
Taking out his knife, Dean started to cut some of the lower branches off the bush next to him, ripping most of its leaves out, to make sure it would catch fire more easily. “You’re right, Sam. I’ll get a fire going if you give me second.” He collected a few twigs and pilled them onto the sand a few more feet away from the water before taking his matches out to light the fire. It took him two tries but he managed to build a small fire and helped Sam to place the pots right onto the burning wood. “Okay, this might need a moment… How about taking a swim to cool down a little?” Dean fixed his gaze on his brother, giving him a quick, suggestive smirk.
“I’m thinking the same,” Sam hinted and moved a bit closer to wrap his arms around Dean’s neck. He closed his eyes and tenderly kissed his brother’s full lips. “We should wait until the water boils though… Otherwise we may end up forgetting it and it’ll turn into vapor…”
Reluctantly Dean nodded because Sam was right, as usual, but that didn’t keep the older Winchester from taking his shirt off already to tease his little brother a bit. He dropped the shirt carelessly onto the ground and sat down on it. “It’s so damn hot that we can wash our clothes and let them dry on our backs.” He suggested, closing his eyes against the glaring sunlight and sighing. “I can’t wait to take a leap into the water…”
“Yeah or we’ll just hang them over some branches to dry…” Sam chuckled. It was frightening how his usual carefree laughter had died for most of the time since their parent’s death and that was exactly the reason why the happy look on the younger brother’s face looked even better now. The younger Winchester moved to sit down next to Dean and leaned into the tree behind him while his gaze went locked with the heating pots. “Do you remember it…?” He suddenly spoke up with a facial expression that suggested that Sam seemed to be dwelling in memories.
Dean leaned over to tug at Sam’s shirt, flashing him a genuine smile. “Whatever you want, Sammy…”
“Are you even listening to me? Just tryin’ to make some conversation, dude.” Sam chuckled again.
The sound felt like music to Dean’s ears and he was tempted to start tickling his brother just to coax more happy noises out of him. “I am… Listening, I mean… Yeah,” he shot back, clearly not half as involved in the conversation as he was pretending to be. “What do you wanna talk about then?”
“Nothing, really… I just remembered… I mean… back then… you and me…” Dwelling in his memories was an easy thing to do but Sam never had been good in talking about sex, so he blushed a little.
His brother still had an innocent little boy look to him, which made women go crazy over him and want to cuddle him, but with that faint blush high on his cheeks, he looked even more adorable to Dean’s appreciative eyes. “Oh… You’re talking about that first time we…” Dean trailed off, suddenly feeling tongue-tied himself which was uncharacteristic for him. He still remembered that day in late summer to which his brother was referring. The day they had first gotten away from the farm and been together in a more than brotherly way. Dean could still see the self-conscious blush on 14-year-old Sammy’s face, when he had slowly stripped him out of his clothes and asked if he could touch him.
“Yeah… I do…,” Sam admitted. He smiled timidly before he moved to take the pots from the fireplace. “Ok… the water will cool down without us…” He went back to Dean and held his hand out for him in order to help him up. Some nice cool water surely would do good to both of them.
Dean let Sam help him up and this time started working on the buttons of Sam’s shirt without further warning, popping them one by one with swift fingers. “I’ve always loved to get skinny dipping with you…” he whispered longingly, smoothing a hand down Sam’s exposed neck and collarbone.
Sam chuckled. “Sounds dirty, coming from your lips” He leaned into Dean’s touches and reached out to strip him out of his pants and underwear. “C’mon, let’s get cleaned first… I’m too sweaty to… You know?” The blush on his cheeks increased while his voice trailed off suggestively.
It was almost funny to see Sam squirm around the word ‘sex’ but Dean, chose not to make any rude comment about it. He was too hot, sweaty and horny to start a discussion and he surely could use his energy for better things than arguing with Sam. After quickly discarding Sam’s pants, he trailed his calloused fingers down the smooth skin of his brother’s sides, knowing fully well how much those simple touches aroused Sam. He certainly didn’t want to force his brother and lover to do anything but he was all of a sudden starved for intimacy. “I don’t care about it… We can clean up later.”
Little noises of delight escaped Sam’s lips and he cuddled up closer to Dean, reaching out to let his fingertips trail down Dean’s spine until they came to rest on Dean’s firm buttocks. The younger brother was about to drag Dean into a passionate kiss when suddenly the feeling of his belly pressed against Dean’s bare and heated up skin let his mind become invaded by a thought that hit him like lightning. “Dean…” Sam carefully pushed him away and turned his back at him.
“What?” Dean asked, clearly preoccupied and forgetting about his sexual needs for a moment.
“Dean… The baby…” What if they’d hurt it?
He didn’t really know all that much about pregnancy and he didn’t want to risk their unborn child’s health in any way but Dean was fairly sure that in this early stage, where he couldn’t even see any physical evidence of the baby, they wouldn’t hurt it with some kissing and groping which would eventually turn into sex. “I guess it’ll be okay, if we aren’t too rough,” he answered as best as he could and tried to lean in for a kiss.
“Dean…” Sam looked down before he turned to face his brother again. “Do you really think this will be ok?”
The skeptic frown on Sam’s face was enough to let Dean sober up again. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t feel up to, Sammy,” he told his brother in a gentle voice and curled his arms around his waist. “We can just go and take a swim like we said, okay?”
“I want you, Dean…. God knows I do…” Sam’s shoulders slumped down. He felt frustrated about the whole situation and once again the pregnancy proved him to be helpless and clueless about what to do.
“Hey…” Tilting his brother’s head up with two fingers under his chin, Dean locked eyes with sad hazel ones. “It’s okay. Let’s freshen up in the water first and then you can tell me if you’re maybe up for more than just swimming. How does that sound?” He gave Sam a quick peck on the lips and leaned down to get a better view of his face.
“Sounds good…” Maybe the cool water really would help Sam to cool down both - his heated up body and his fears. “I’m glad you’re with me…”
The older brother smiled fondly. “Where else would I be?” He gave Sam an almost playful wink and kicked off his boots, waiting for Sam to do the same before he grabbed his baby brother’s wrist to lead him into the refreshing water.
“I love you, Dean.” A hesitant smile crept onto Sam’s lips and he quickly moved along with Dean. The cold water around his feet was making him feel better in an instant. “Uhhh… that’s good….”
“Love you, too,“ Dean replied lovingly and stepped deeper into the river, enjoying the cooling water caressing his heated skin. He wanted to say more but he had never been someone who talked about his feelings, so he didn’t know how to phrase his thoughts and therefore captured Sam’s lips in a long, passionate kiss instead.
Sam nearly gasped, a bit surprised by the pace but quickly settled for it. He wrapped his arms around Dean and moved closer again. Brother or not he loved that man way too much to withstand the temptation of some nice making out. Molly hadn’t mentioned anything about sex being forbidden and he hoped that Dean would be right and they really wouldn’t do any harm to the baby if they’d give it a tender try. “Ok…” he whispered and took Dean’s hand to place it on his chest.
“Really?” Dean queried to make sure he wasn’t pushing Sam too far too fast, after all they were still grieving and had enough problems to deal with as it was.
“Yeah, but… I’d like to take it slow and… gentle.” Sam paused a bit before he added the latter for he felt like a virgin again at his request. Yet it was for the baby and he told himself that Dean would know that too.
Dean sensed his brother’s embarrassment and stroked his fingertips across Sam’s cheekbone. “I would never hurt you, Sammy. We can take our time and you tell me if I’m going too fast or if something doesn’t feel good, okay?” He leaned up for a sweet kiss.
Sam decided to grant Dean the little kiss before he calmly spoke up again. “It’s not myself I’m worried about, Dean…” He locked his eyes with his brother’s and gave him an all saying gaze.
“I know, Sammy,” the older brother acknowledged. “We’ll be careful.” He laid his hands on his brother’s shoulders, rubbing his palms down Sam’s collarbone and chest. Feeling the goose bumps on the younger boy’s skin, he smiled encouragingly and stopped the downward movement of his hands, waiting for Sam to set the pace.
Sam pressed his eyelids shut for a short moment. He tried to follow the movements of Dean’s hands on his body, for the real bad thing was that he had started to feel like he had lost his body conscious ever since he had gotten sure of being pregnant. Although a voice deep inside of his mind kept on telling him that he carried a child he just couldn’t feel like he did. He couldn’t feel the baby inside of himself nor could he understand the changes his body would go through. Everything was everything. It seemed like nothing had ever changed and the knowledge of this certainly not being the truth gave him pressure. To Sam it felt like he was a stranger in his own body. If Sam would have to describe his feeling, he’d say that it almost felt like his body was a vessel for his soul, which he couldn’t control nor recognize anymore. Hesitatingly Sam stepped a little closer to his brother and concentrated on Dean’s hand on his shoulders, which added some pressure to his skin in the progress of closing their distance. His hand moved to rest on Dean’s lower back and he held him close enough to feel his skin on his own.
Moaning blissfully at the sensation of skin on skin, Dean rested his head on the crook between his tall, baby brother’s neck and shoulder. He pressed a feather soft kiss to the smooth skin. “I kind of missed being so close to you,” he murmured almost inaudibly. Since that terrible day, that had changed their whole lives for the worse, they hadn’t been able to touch each other intimately. First they had been at the Murphys’ house and then they had been too exhausted to do anything else than just fall asleep next to each other as soon as their heads touched the ground when they set up camp at night. Dean had been too worried about Sam, the baby and their whole future to think about it but now that he had his lover in his arms, he realized how much he had been craving to be this close to him.
“Kind of missed me?” Sam smirked. “I missed you a lot… I want you to touch me, Dean…” No, actually Sam needed Dean to touch him. Maybe he would be able to feel something while having sex with his brother. This time Sam was the one who tricked Dean into a sweet kiss while he rubbed his palm over Dean’s lower back. A moment later he loosened the touch and only moved his fingertips over the hot skin which had started to cool down thanks to the water around them. “Look at me, Dean…”
Dean lifted his gaze, locking eyes with his brother. He didn’t know if he was supposed to say something or to listen to what Sam wanted to tell him, because it certainly had sounded like his brother still had more to say.
Instead of further words Sam’s gave Dean a little smirk. “I love you…” he whispered and placed his hands on Dean’s hips to hold him in place. The next thing Sam did was to quickly move down and dive under water and he didn’t even blink as he did. Instead he pressed his cheek onto Dean’s thigh and licked over the exclusive bits of his older brother. Suddenly it just had felt too wrong to make out and he blamed his messed mind for that. Usually he’d be all over Dean in no second after such a long period of sexual longing but this time it was different. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to give in, but why shouldn’t he give Dean some pleasure at least?
Flinching in surprised at the sudden move his brother had just pulled on him, Dean’s eyes grew big as saucers. It took him a moment to understand that the hot, velvety feeling around his cock was his brother’s mouth and tried to catch Sam’s shoulders to drag him up again. Refusing the offered blowjob cost him a lot of effort and willpower but he knew that neither of them was really in the right state of mind for quick meaningless sex. After Sam’s earlier reluctance, Dean was even more worried about his brother’s unexpected change of heart and behavior, so he had to draw a line. “No, Sammy…”
“Dean…” Sam stared at him. “Please…”
“I thought you wanted to take it slow,“ Dean really didn’t know what to think about the whole display. “First you ask me for slow and gentle and then you suddenly jump me… Why did you change your mind, Sammy? I’m just surprised, really.” He carded his finger through his baby brother’s wet hair, holding eye contact and hoping to be able to read Sam’s thoughts if he stared into his beautiful hazel eyes long enough.
The problem was that this plan wouldn’t work out because Sam turned his head away. His chest slumped as he blew out a breath. “I’ve been craving to do this, Dean… During all the nights I just have spent laying next to you I wanted to touch you… wanted to suck you off…” Sam shook his head a little while he was hoping that Dean would buy his lies. “I want to be gentle because of that thing… yes, but…” Sam’s shoulders moved into a helpless little shrug while he still looked away from Dean.
“Look at me, Sammy,” the older brother turned the tables on Sam, using the same words as he had only minutes before. He waited patiently because his brother’s behavior was still unusual. Sam had never been able to look him in the eye and lie to him and seeing his lover avoiding his gaze, like he was doing right now, felt like being stabbed in the chest to Dean. Why was Sammy telling him that he wanted him if he in reality didn’t? What could possibly have led his brother to think that he had to do make a move on Dean?
For a short moment Sam bit his lower lip before he let go of it and turned to face his brother again. His eyes seemed to burn but it was just his anger about the situation and his own stupid self, who wasn’t able to relax and let go of the thoughts, which were constantly keeping him busy ever since the day he had felt afraid of being pregnant for the first time. The struggle he have had to go through while he had pondered, whether he should tell Dean about his foreboding or not, had been terrible and in the end the truth had gotten revealed in a way he never would have thought of. Sam found himself torn between wanting to get away from his destiny and the sad attempt of welcoming it to make the best out of it. All he wanted to do was to love the child they’d soon have to take care of but he felt like he just wasn’t able to. Yet the fact, that he made such a fuss, alone kept Sam in an ongoing anger which was directed against himself. It made him do things he never thought he’d be able to do and he hated himself for being such a looser, that he wasn’t able to tame his emotions. “I just want this, Dean. I want to suck you. I want you to fuck me real bad until I won’t be able to walk!” Oh yes, he was desperate, but he wouldn’t stop his attempt to sell it as feverish sexual longing.
“You have tears in your eyes, Sammy. Please, don’t lie to me,” Dean pleaded softly, caressing his brother’s cheek and wiping his thumb under Sam’s eye. “I think this was a bad idea. Let’s get out of the water and sit down for a bit.”
The only thing Sam could do was to give a tiny nod in response. He felt like his throat had tightened so much that he couldn’t breathe anymore. Without looking at Dean he got out of the water at a snail's pace. Once his feet touched the solid surface of the stony ground he picked up his shorts and slipped into them just to slump down under the trees. The anger inside of him was turning into sadness and the further the progress advanced the more desperate he felt.
Following his brother’s every move with observing eyes, Dean picked up his own underwear and slipped it on, not caring for the fact that he was still wet and the clothes were soaked through the moment they touched his skin. He walked over to the shade where Sam was sitting and lowered himself onto the ground next to his depressed brother. He was torn between pulling Sam into a protective hug to shield him from the world itself and leaving him alone to give him some semblance of privacy, waiting for Sam to come to terms with whatever was bothering him on his own. Dean settled on a compromise and gently laid an arm around his brother’s shoulders, showing him his support without smothering him. He waited another moment before he dared to speak again. “I’m not going anywhere…”
“Then I will…” Sam suppressed a little sob and pushed Dean’s arm away before he rose up from his sitting position. “I need a moment to myself… I’ll be back,” he promised before he headed off. His feet carried him down the plateau they had conquered as their private place to rest on. Not long and his raging emotions took over. If anyone was to blame for this mess it surely was the baby! Why did it have to pick such a bad time to announce its appearance to the world? Without thinking, Sam raised his arms and punched his belly with his fists. He only did this once but the impact was so hard he gasped for air and doubled over in pain. Sinking down his knees hit the sand beneath him and he pressed his arms onto his aching belly while he tried to keep down his sobs, but he couldn’t. The moment he realized what he had done he already regretted his actions.
Dean could understand his brother’s request but Sam had looked so emotional and fragile that he had silently followed him, just to keep an eye on the kid. He watched his lover hurry down the small hill, standing back to not be seen but then he witnessed how Sam had raised his fists and started to punch himself in the stomach and Dean saw red. He ran toward his brother, almost stumbling over his own feet in his hurry. Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, he threw his arms around his petrified baby brother and pulled him against his chest breathing erratically from the short run and nerves. A sob escaped his parted lips as noticed Sam’s tension inside his embrace and he collapsed onto his knees, pulling the younger man down with him and onto his lap. “No, Sammy. Please, don’t do that… don’t hurt…” He choked up, burying his face in his brother’s neck and he rocked both of them back and forth.
“Dean…” Despite his former wish to be alone Sam was more than relieved to find his big brother appearing out of nowhere. He felt his protective arms around his body and sobbed. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry…” he tried to excuse his cruel actions while he still kept his arms pressed onto his belly. It hurt like hell.
Pulling back to allow them both to breathe, Dean stared at his brother with huge, teary eyes and noticed how Sam was holding his stomach protectively. “Turn around,” he mumbled and carefully manhandled his brother, so that he was sitting in his lap with his back resting against Dean’s chest. Still shaken by what he had witnessed, Dean removed Sam’s hands from his midsection and placed his own palms on the still damp, naked skin, gently rubbing soothing circles into the aching flesh. “I’ve got you, babe. Let me help you, Sammy,” he wasn’t beyond begging at this point and his voice was still unsteady. He was scared to death for Sam, for their unborn child and for himself because he suddenly wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep it all together that much longer. Nonetheless he kept whispering loving promises into Sam’s ear and went on softly caressing his stomach for what felt like hours.
The younger Winchester still sounded somewhat breathless due to his tears but he was more than glad that Dean took care of him like he did. Being alone in this situation would have freaked Sam out even more. He was afraid that his actions already had caused major harm to their child and the pain in his belly made him fear to possibly lose it any moment. Little did Sam know that the diving and the lack of oxygen already had scared the tiny being in his womb. The punch however made him feel like he was the worst father to be ever. “Dean.” He rested his head on the older brother’s shoulder because he suddenly felt weak and shaky. “The baby…” Sam’s voice sounded teary and scared, yet the soothing caresses slowly helped him to calm down a little. The pain was still burning in his body and he felt sick to his bones.
“It’ll be okay… You just have to calm down and breathe,” Dean assured him, praying to God that he wasn’t giving Sam false hope. Helping his brother to get up he carefully led him back to the place they had settled down at. His arm still around Sam’s back Dean stretched out his arm to pick up one of their discarded shirts on their way back. “You’re getting goose bumps… I’ll help you put your clothes back on before you catch a cold,” Dean whispered and started dressing his brother, who didn’t show any resistance. After taking care of Sam, he wiggled into his own clothing, all the while not letting go of his brother for one second. “I think we should stay here for the night.” It was still afternoon and there were certainly a few more hours of sunshine, that would allow them to cover a lot more miles for the day, but Dean didn’t want to put more stress on Sam. He needed to take it easy on his brother and getting to the next town could definitely wait for now.
Sam gave a tiny nod to Dean’s words and moved along to help his older brother during the dressing up process. As soon as they were through, he moved to stretch out on the ground to get some rest. The short walk had made him feel even more nauseated but he hoped that he would manage to not throw up if he closed his eyes and tried to breath in a steadier rhythm. He inhaled deeply so that his belly moved with every bit of fresh air he took in and he carefully listened to any possible signs of his body - signs he was afraid of…
Chapter 5